by K. J. Nessly
“Too young to remember your anger and hatred? Too young to remember every beating you gave me? Too young to remember torn and bleeding hands and knees when the floor wasn’t clean enough to suit your needs?” Kathryn felt resentment building and quickly quashed it. If she gave in to her urge to scream at her past tormentors they would win. She had to remain in control. “Too young to remember every story you told me about the outcasts? Too young to remember your fury when you discovered I had the gift of water?
“Too young to remember how you and your husband laughed and joked that you had the perfect slave? Too young to remember the beatings you gave me when I refused to talk or cry?” Kathryn stepped back, eyes narrowed. “How can I forget these things when I still carry the scars on my back and shoulders? How can I forget when my dreams are plagued by memories?”
The entire room had gone silent. Lord and Lady Blackwood stood, cowering before the young woman as the rest of the Dragons watched in complete shock and horror—shock and horror not directed at Kathryn, but at their hosts. Hosts who had spun silky tales of misunderstanding and prejudice against them only to have everything revealed as lies. Kathryn could feel disgust and anger roiling off the Dragons like the whitecaps of an ocean tormented by a winter storm. Matt actually looked ready to start in on his hosts with his fists. Even gentle Jenna had taken on a fighting stance.
Finally David broke the silence, disbelief lacing his words. “You’re gifted, Lady Caterina?”
For a moment Kathryn didn’t understand, and then she realized that she’d made a grave error. She’d mentioned her gift in front of everyone in the manor—an error that could result in her expulsion from the Guardians. Thinking quickly she shot a murderous glare at the Blackwoods. “I was, but thanks to these two I was unable to be admitted to the school for the gifted…I was too old,” she bit out the last word as if it was a curse. “I was forced to learn to control my power on my own, in the end …” she paused as if remembering a difficult decision, “…in the end I gave it away.”
“Gave it away?” Lord Blackwood yelped in disbelief.
Kathryn clenched her jaw. “I was unable to become a Guardian and people avoided my presence because they feared my untrained power. So in a special ceremony I gave it away to a member of the Council. The power you feared,” she spat at her old tormentors, “is gone. However I still possess the power of being the Dowager Princess’ ward.”
She took a step forward, her hand falling to rest on the ornamental dagger that sat at her waist. “If I ever receive word that you have been spinning tales and telling lies about the truth of this whole matter, trust me when I say, you’ll live to regret it. You will regret it for every miserable day left of your lives. The judge who handled your case should be removed from office. For what you did to me you should not have just been banished from court. You deserved to have every rank and title pulled out from beneath you. This manor should have been placed into the care of others and you,” she spat the word, “should be wallowing in your own dungeon. Lie about this whole affair again and I promise you that’s what will happen.”
Lord and Lady Blackwood could only nod numbly and watch the Dragons depart from their home. In the courtyard, Kathryn stopped to say goodbye to Claude.
“Thank you for remembering, old friend,” she whispered as she gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“Did she just kiss him?” Natalie whispered to Tyler who elbowed her in the side. “Oww,” she complained petulantly.
Claude chuckled. “I will always remember, little one.” He handed her a basket, “These are for the road.”
Kathryn took the basket smiling. “I may have to come back, just to have some.”
Claude shook his head. “Don’t come back here little one, you’re done with this place. Don’t look back.”
She looked at him a long moment before nodding.
“I do however attend markets on Lumbar in the nearby towns.” He winked as she laughed.
“Goodbye, Claude.”
“Goodbye, Caterina.”
When Blackwood Manor was no longer visible the Dragons, who had initially ridden off in different directions to keep their secret safe, reunited. David turned to Kathryn. She hadn’t spoken a word since she said goodbye to the baker and neither he nor Jenna had been keen to interrupt her thoughts. They were all in shock of what they had just learned. When the others had rejoined, he’d seen several of them glance toward Kathryn, questions in their eyes. He’d waved them off with a warning look and a quiet shake of his head.
Fortunately the others were smart enough to heed his silent advice.
But now, David decided it was probably safe to bring up the last encounter. As they rode alongside a river at a comfortable pace he said with some humor, “When I said you needed to tell the rest of the family soon, I didn’t mean it had to be the next morning.”
“I hadn’t planned on it,” she said quietly. “But I guess in the end it worked out best. Now I don’t have to repeat it again. Thanks for the save, by the way.”
“That’s what family does,” he replied easily. “I was impressed with the way you handled yourself and the Blackwood’s—I do believe they were actually afraid of you.”
“Cold, restrained anger is often more intimidating, and deadly, than a loud, violent outburst.”
He nodded slowly. “I think it depends on the type of personality you’re dealing with, but in the general sense I agree with that assessment.”
She slanted him a sideways glance. “Trust me. Calmness is more frightening than aggressiveness.”
“Why?”
“If you know how, you can manipulate someone who’s angry into making mistakes. It’s much harder to do that to someone who’s in control of their emotions.”
“But anger can fuel an attack so vicious no technique in the kingdom can save you,” he argued.
“That’s when you manipulate the anger. Get them to react to what you’re saying or doing. Make the violence predictable. Uncontrollable rage is exactly that. Uncontrollable. It’s almost entirely offensive. They can’t think on the defensive side of the spectrum because they’re only thinking about hacking you into tiny pieces. The ability to reason flies out the front gate. If you can get ahead of them, mentally, you can beat it. Once you know the secret, it’s not that difficult.”
“Oh, not difficult at all,” he said dryly. “Where did you learn this?”
“The same place you should have, school.”
He stopped talking, trying to recollect a lesson that even vaguely resembled what she had just lectured him on. Unfortunately, he came up empty. Shaking his head in disgust at himself, he vowed to go back over all of the material they’d been taught back at school. His second-in-command was making him feel extraordinarily inadequate as a leader.
They rode for another eight days before finally arriving home. After everything that had happened, Kathryn had decided she had no desire to visit Jasmine and would return to the glade with the rest of the Dragons. David was suddenly relieved that he hadn’t mentioned the possibility of Kathryn’s visit to his aunt, only to have it cancelled at the last moment. His aunt would have never forgiven him. Destiny let out a joyful call as the meadow came into view.
“Someone’s happy to be home,” Luke commented as he dismounted and then rubbed his legs. “Remind me again why we had to spend the last three days at a steady trot?”
“So that we could get home in time for Matt and Cass to cook us a marvelous dinner,” Natalie laughed as she brushed her horse.
Luke looked at the two cooks who were just beginning to unsaddle their horses. “Tell you what,” he called over to them. “We’ll finish the horses, if you run straight to the house and start cooking.”
Laughing, Matt and Cass handed their horses over to the rest of the family and returned to the house.
Kathryn remained quiet as she rubbed down Lerina, she may have felt more at peace with herself and her past but she still wasn’t in the mood to join in the gaiety.
Destiny flew in and landed on the rafters overhead, a dead rat clutched in her talons.
“Kathryn if your bird drops that thing on me, you’re picking it up!” Natalie called from two stalls over.
“Come on, Nat!” Luke called. “It’s just a dead mouse.”
“It’s not a mouse it’s a rat!” Natalie argued. “And it’s huge!”
“Probably diseased,” Tyler added.
“Tyler!” Leia called from across the stable.
“Well it probably is,” he protested.
“Lighten up!” Several voices expressed the opinion at the same time, leading into laughter that filled the entire building.
Why did Destiny settle for just a rat?” Daniel’s voice asked suddenly from the stall next to Kathryn’s. “She took down an entire wild boar, and tried to drag it away. Surely she could do better for herself than a rat?”
“Must be just a snack,” David’s voice laughed.
Kathryn smiled, but didn’t join in. She finished rubbing down Lerina, exited the stable and headed toward the house. Destiny followed, her dinner still clutched in her talons.
Dinner was a delicious meal of roast pheasant, warm biscuits, cold water, and fresh fruit.
Several of the Dragons took turns tossing Destiny scraps of meat which she eagerly devoured while still refusing to release the dead rodent from her talons.
Natalie squirmed in her seat. “Does she have to bring that thing in with her?”
Ignoring Natalie, Daniel quipped, “that bird can really pack it away,” to which Luke agreed, “I’ll second that.” Responding to his voice, Destiny turned toward him, spread her wings, opened her mouth wide, and made cooing sounds.
“She’s begging for more?” Amy said in disbelief.
All at once Matt, Tyler, Luke, and Elizabeth made a grab for the remaining scraps on the serving platters. Giggling and laughing they showered Destiny with the leftover fragments. After swallowing several chunks, she made a huffing sound.
Daniel leaned over and nudged Kathryn, “I didn’t know that birds belched.”
Kathryn smiled briefly. “This one definitely belches.”
Afterwards the group split up into their own preferred activities. Natalie picked up a sewing project she had left behind. Lindsey brought out her pencils and paper and began to draw. Rachel and Leia managed to convince Cass to play the harp for them. The boys brought out knives and began to whittle. Matt was joyfully reunited with Lacey who sat contentedly on his shoulder and watched him carve a miniature of her.
Luke came in with a smile and said triumphantly, “It worked!” He held up two full pails of milk.
“Looking up from her latest creation Lindsey asked, “What worked?”
“Just before we left Leia did something to the cows, for that matter all of the livestock, and now they look as though we were just gone for a day. It’s like they were dormant or something.”
Leia smiled. “I asked all the animals to retreat and sleep, like a hibernation of sorts, till I woke them.”
“That’s amazing,” Natalie gasped. She thought for a moment. “Can you do that with people?
Shaking her head as she responded, Leia said, “no, just animals--at least so far.”
Kathryn watched as the rest of the family settled into a night routine that would have anyone believe they did it every night. But despite the events at Blackwood Manor, Kathryn still didn’t feel like she belonged, she almost felt like she was still intruding on someone else’s happy family. Climbing the stairs to her room, she couldn’t wait for the morning patrols. She desperately needed something to take her mind off everything and working seemed like a good option.
It was Lumbar, four days since the Dragons had returned home and Kathryn desperately needed a break. Ever since the rest of the family had learned about her past it had been nothing but problems. It was as if the entire family had decided to check up on her at every waking moment.
“Kathryn do you need something?”
“Kathryn are you alright?”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“How are you holding up?”
She was ready to tear her hair out! She just wanted to be alone to sort out her own feelings but the Dragons weren’t giving her the opportunity to do that. This morning she had slipped away to find some peace. Only David, Amy and, surprise of surprise, Matt, weren’t pushing her, they seemed to understand her need to be alone. If only they could convince the rest of the Dragons.
There had to be a way to convince the rest of her mothering family that she was still Kathryn. She was still self-sufficient and didn’t need their help—didn’t want it. Natalie and Lindsey had already crossed the line into pity, something Kathryn resented. Others, like Cass, Daniel, and Rachel, were on the border.
When she reached the waterfall she stopped and listened. It took a moment to realize that the water wasn’t having the soothing effect it normally had. She frowned, was something wrong? Water had always been a source of comfort to her.
She dipped her hand into the cool pond and felt the water respond to her touch, living, breathing water, welcoming her home. Okay, so I haven’t lost my gift, why can’t I respond back?
Gazing into the water she saw her own reflection. Who am I? Am I merely an ex-slave who lived by virtue of a miracle? Am I an abused child who was simply rescued and given another chance at life? She reached up and fingered the scars that covered her shoulders and back. Am I the child of a race who sacrifices infants? She shuddered at the memory of the dream she had experienced here. Am I the deliverer of an oppressed race?
Who am I?
She remembered what Claude had said to her, how her name meant pure. Frustration welled up inside of her and she raced her hand through the pool. She didn’t feel pure. She felt like unclean laundry that had been trampled in a pigsty.
A figure appeared behind her in the pool’s reflection. She recognized him immediately and her loneliness and emptiness boiled into anger.
“Are you satisfied?” she demanded, turning to face Elyon. “I’ve faced my past now and all it’s done is cause me more grief.”
Elyon moved closer until he was standing beside her. “Facing your past is only part of the challenge,” he told her gently. “Now you must embrace it.”
“And just how am I supposed to do that?” she asked bitterly.
Elyon smiled. “By moving past it. Stop dwelling on the memories and move onwards.”
“But I never dwelt on my memories,” she argued. “I never thought back to what my life was like before I became a Guardian.”
Elyon sat down on a rock near the edge of the pool and let his fingertips brush the water, “You ignored your past,” he said quietly. “By ignoring your past in your waking life you gave it leave to torment you at night. Because you refused to face your memories during the light they became monsters that slowly ate away at your soul in the darkness.”
“How poetic,” she replied acerbically.
“But true,” he replied firmly.
“What do you want from me now?” Kathryn demanded.
He smiled at her. “It is not your turn to give, child, but mine. I am here to help you.”
She eyed him skeptically. “Why would you want to help me?”
He moved to stand beside her. “Because I know who you are.”
Shock coursed through her system so fast it made her lightheaded. “What!?” She looked at Elyon in shock. “What do you mean?”
A gentle smile curved his lips upward. “I mean exactly what it sounds like. I know you who are.”
“You…you know who my family was?” The question burned in her chest as she asked it, but she had to know!
“Is,” he corrected softly.
She blinked at him, unable to comprehend.
“I know who your family is.”
The air left her lungs in a rush. “They’re alive?” she whispered.
He nodded slowly.
Cold numbness crawled up her limbs, stea
ling her strength, and she sat down hard on the ground. After a moment, fury replaced the shock. “They’re alive!” she exclaimed heatedly.
“Yes.”
Indignation consumed her. “They’re alive and they, and you, left me to die in that hellhole?!”
“They’ve spent the last sixteen years believing that you were dead,” he responded mildly. “Well, all but one.”
“But they know I’m alive now?”
“Yes, I told them.”
“You told them?!”
“Yes.”
“And why aren’t they here with you? They must be as cold as the Blackwoods if they aren’t trying to reunite with the daughter they thought dead.”
“It is too soon.”
“What’s too soon?”
“You would reject them, just as you’ve done with the Dragons.”
Surprise opened and closed her mouth several times. At first she thought that he was fishing for confirmation of who, and what, she was. But looking into his eyes, she could see marble conviction. He knew. “Who are you?!” she demanded. “Only the King and Guardian Council claim to have the omniscience you appear to be demonstrating.”
“I told you, an advisor of sorts to your King.”
“No mere advisor would have such knowledge,” she countered.
“Very well then, an ally of your King.”
“An ally from where? And for what? We aren’t at war.”
“War comes eventually, it always does. Is it not better to be prepared than to be caught off-guard?”
“If the legends are true, the last war was over two millenia ago. That’s a karcking long time to prepare.”
“Then your people should have no problem winning the next one, should you?”
Kathryn got an unsettling feeling that there was more to this than simple philosophy. “You know something, don’t you?”
“Know what?”
“War is coming to Archaea, isn’t it?”
“It’s possible,” he replied with a shrug. “It depends on certain events.”
“What events?”
He smiled at her. “That knowledge rests between me and your King.”
