mad maddie:
but don’t give up on her completely. sometimes ol’ zo can pull one out of her butt at the last minute!
Tues, Apr 18, 9:19 AM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
our graduation gowns are in! come to the main office if you want to see!
SnowAngel:
omg. and those square hats? w/ tassles?
zoegirl:
mortar boards, that’s what they’re called.
SnowAngel:
can we try them on?
zoegirl:
that’s what everybody’s doing. get over here!!!
Wed, Apr 19, 10:45 PM E.D.T.
mad maddie:
yr not gonna believe this.
SnowAngel:
what?
mad maddie:
my laptop got stolen! ian and i were at starbucks, and when ian got up to get some sugar, this guy came over and grabbed my laptop right off the table. and then he ran out the door!
SnowAngel:
noooooo!
mad maddie:
yesssss!
SnowAngel:
that’s awful! what did you do?
mad maddie:
i just sat there, flabbergasted. ian, on the other hand, went all noble and tried to rescue it. it totally cracked me up.
SnowAngel:
did he get it back?
mad maddie:
he chased the guy into the parking lot, but the guy made it to his car and started the engine. so ian flung himself onto the guy’s hood!!! the guy starts swerving, and ian’s spread-eagled on the hood, and i’m like, “omfg!!!”
SnowAngel:
jesus, maddie!
mad maddie:
finally the guy turned on his windshield wipers, and ian bounced onto the pavement. all that for my crappy laptop which doesn’t even turn on half the time!
SnowAngel:
i can’t BELIEVE ian jumped onto the car. i’m so glad he’s ok!
mad maddie:
he’s more than ok. he’s wonderful. after we stopped laughing, he took my hands and looked at me with his sweet brown eyes. and you know what he said? he said, “yr the one, maddie.”
SnowAngel:
ohhhhh! *melts into warm gooey puddle*
mad maddie:
i knew you’d get mushy
mad maddie:
it made me pretty mushy, 2
SnowAngel:
ian is wonderful, maddie. yaaaaaaay!
Thu, Apr 20, 7:12 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
hey, angela. i just wanted you to know that i haven’t forgotten about you.
SnowAngel:
as if! how could u ever possibly forget about ME?
zoegirl:
the jana thing, i mean. i saw how she was throwing her arm over logan’s shoulder on the senior patio. she was totally doing it to taunt you.
SnowAngel:
logan texted me in 6th period to tell me they’re no longer going out, on the off chance that i cared. but megan heard from carrie that they still hook up, so whatever.
zoegirl:
i *do* feel bad for logan. i can’t help it.
zoegirl:
do you see yourself ever being buds with him again?
SnowAngel:
no, i really don’t
zoegirl:
so sad. but i understand.
SnowAngel:
maybe i’ll feel differently one day in the very distant future.
SnowAngel:
but i’m not there yet. not even close.
zoegirl:
well if it helps, i’m almost there in terms of my plot against jana. i met with vincent about it this afternoon, although it didn’t exactly go as planned.
SnowAngel:
i’m so intrigued! explain!
zoegirl:
i wanted him to hotwire jana’s car for me, so that i could drive it onto the school’s front lawn. i had this great idea of strewing it with beer cans and condoms. well, maybe condoms. wouldn’t that have been awesome?
zoegirl:
but vincent wouldn’t do it
SnowAngel:
aw, man! why not?
zoegirl:
first he acted indignant that i assumed he knew how to hotwire a car. except then he admitted he *does* know how, so it’s not like he had a leg to stand on.
SnowAngel:
busted!
zoegirl:
huh? who’s busted?
SnowAngel:
both of you! you for assuming that cuz he’s puerto rican he’d be a car thief, and him for being able to steal a car if he had to.
zoegirl:
i never called him a car thief!
SnowAngel:
racist! racist! zoe’s a closet racist!
zoegirl:
oh god, now i feel terrible. i didn’t mean it like that i swear! you know i’m not racist!
SnowAngel:
so why wouldn’t he do it? is it cuz he’s friends with jana?
zoegirl:
i didn’t see him as the type to get hung up on morals since all along he’s been amused by the jana war. and he’s never taken sides one way or another. but when i brought that up, he gave me this pointed stare and was like, “yeah, that’s right. i never took sides.”
zoegirl:
then he put his hand on my knee and said, “you guys are funny and all that … but, amiga, eventually you’ve got to let it go.”
SnowAngel:
oh god help me. maturity lessons? from vincent???
zoegirl:
he said, “you want to know what the best revenge is? happiness. *that’s* the best revenge.”
SnowAngel:
easy for HIM to say
zoegirl:
i know, i know. i mean, he’s got a point … but you’re *not* happy. and how can i be happy if my angela’s not happy?
SnowAngel:
yeah!
zoegirl:
he invited us to come over saturday, by the way. he’s having a party.
SnowAngel:
r jana and her minions gonna be there?
zoegirl:
terri and margaret: yes. jana: no. apparently terri and jana are in a snit again, and jana refuses to be in the same room as her until terri grovels at her feet.
SnowAngel:
that is so pathetic
zoegirl:
truly
zoegirl:
wanna go? could be fun.
SnowAngel:
not with terri and margaret there, it wouldn’t. not for me.
zoegirl:
oh
zoegirl:
i was hoping you’d, you know, not let that get in the way of your good time.
SnowAngel:
wouldn’t that be nice *tilts head and considers alternate-reality version of enlightened and transcendent self*
SnowAngel:
but, nope
zoegirl:
well, then i won’t go either. you and maddie and i can rent a movie instead, whatever you want.
SnowAngel:
no, no, you go on. just cuz i’m a big huge loser doesn’t mean y’all have to be too.
zoegirl:
like we’d really wanna go to a party without you. give me a break.
SnowAngel:
god, i’m pathetic
zoegirl:
oh, angela
zoegirl:
just … hold on, k? i’m *this* close to the absolute perfect plan, better than all the others combined. because finally i thought to myself, “what does jana care about? what would hurt her the most?”
SnowAngel:
and …?
zoegirl:
i just have to work out one last kink. i can’t do it in the school parking lot, because the only time she parks there is in broad daylight. and i can’t do it at her house, because if her car’s there, then obviously she’d be there too.
SnowAngel:
can’t do WHAT?
Sno
wAngel:
no, nvm, i know yr not going to tell me. i believe you when you say yr trying, but i’ll believe it MORE when i actually see results!
Fri, Apr 21, 6:30 PM E.D.T.
mad maddie:
why did my coffee drink fizz all over when i opened it? WHY?
SnowAngel:
???
mad maddie:
it’s a starbucks double shot in a can. but espresso really shouldn’t fizz.
SnowAngel:
*le shrug*
mad maddie:
it’s scary how much money i spend at starbucks.
mad maddie:
omg, they should buy me a new computer! with all the money i’ve given them, they totally should.
SnowAngel:
yeah, good luck with that
mad maddie:
so wanna come hang with ian and me tonight?
SnowAngel:
what r u doing?
mad maddie:
er …
SnowAngel:
lemme guess. *starts cracking up* going to starbucks!
mad maddie:
fine, make fun. wanna come or not?
SnowAngel:
nah, i’d just be the sad tag-along. i’m already making y’all miss vincent’s party to babysit me tomorrow night—i refuse to burden you twice in a row.
mad maddie:
oh, plz
SnowAngel:
one day i need to get up off my butt and take MYSELF out. no one but me. only it always seems easier to just stay put.
mad maddie:
if you change your mind, you know where to find us!
Sat, Apr 22, 6:30 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
i just played a trick on aunt sadie, tee hee. remember that sex toy party her friend wanted to have?
zoegirl:
vaguely. i remember the pole-dancing party.
SnowAngel:
well, the sex toy party is part of that whole lineup, and aunt sadie finally agreed to host it, and it’s set for next thursday!
SnowAngel:
anyway, emma, she’s the sex toy woman, has been calling endlessly to pester aunt sadie about details. would aunt sadie be willing to pose in lingerie? how many pairs of handcuffs should she bring? what about s&m, is that going too far?
zoegirl:
good god. are they actually going to try the stuff out at the party?
SnowAngel:
the idea is to “normalize” the sex toys so that the women wanna take them home to spice up their sex lives. but aunt sadie’s insisting that emma only bring the catalogue. she can do a pole dance for her innocent niece, but she’s too embarrassed to pass around a vibrator!
zoegirl:
oh, wow. this is *so* not my mother’s pampered chef party!
SnowAngel:
so a few minutes ago aunt sadie was in the shower, and her celly beeped. i picked it up and it was a text message from someone named “dilemma.” dilEMMA, get it? and the msg was “sadie, 5pm good?”
SnowAngel:
so i typed back, “5pm great, but changed mind about dildos. bring lots—all sizes!”
zoegirl:
angela!
SnowAngel:
so now emma’s gonna show up next thursday with a humongous box of dildos! i love it!
zoegirl:
i don’t understand the point of a dildo. doesn’t it just sound gross, a fake penis that flops around in your hand?
SnowAngel:
i don’t get it either. altho i don’t think it “flops.”
SnowAngel:
do you think they make fake vaginas for men to use?
zoegirl:
ewwwww!
zoegirl:
i don’t like the thought of any of that stuff. can you imagine what doug would say if i whipped out a pair of handcuffs the next time we were fooling around?
SnowAngel:
THAT would prove yr not submissive! zoe the dominatrix, yeah!
SnowAngel:
*cracks whip* sshwing!
zoegirl:
nice whip noise
SnowAngel:
thanks!
SnowAngel:
are you and maddie still coming over to watch “pride & prejudice”?
zoegirl:
you bet
SnowAngel:
i DO appreciate it, even if i don’t always show it.
zoegirl:
angela, it’s our pleasure. i’ll be over in about an hour!
Sat, Apr 22, 6:58 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
uh oh *giggles uncontrollably*
zoegirl:
what?
SnowAngel:
that woman who called? turns out it wasn’t emma-the-sex-toy-guru. it was emma, aunt sadie’s personal banker!
zoegirl:
oh no!
SnowAngel:
they’ve got a late meeting tomorrow. THAT’S what she was referring to!
zoegirl:
and you told her to bring dildos! lots—all sizes!
SnowAngel:
why would a personal banker be entered into my aunt sadie’s phone as “dilemma”?! would you trust a banker called “dilemma”?
zoegirl:
maybe the point is that she *solves* dilemmas
zoegirl:
also, this emma person didn’t enter herself into your aunt’s phone as “dilemma.” your aunt sadie did, so you can’t blame the banker lady.
SnowAngel:
i can if i want to!
SnowAngel:
she gave aunt sadie this huge lecture on identity theft after aunt sadie explained the dildo comment. *rolls eyes* like i’m gonna use aunt sadie’s celly to do something evil—yeah right!
zoegirl:
except you did. you used her celly to
zoegirl:
omg … that’s it!
SnowAngel:
i could maybe pretend to be aunt sadie and order a pizza, but i’d still have to come up with the cash to pay for it, you know? i’m thinking emma-dilemma needs to take a chill pill.
zoegirl:
no, about jana! that’s totally how to make it work!
SnowAngel:
by ordering a pizza on aunt sadie’s cell?
zoegirl:
got to go. i have to catch maddie and tell her the movie’s off—she needs to go to vincent’s party instead.
SnowAngel:
the movie’s off? why????
zoegirl:
um, because i’m seizing the moment, and it’s all due to brilliant you!
zoegirl:
i’ll call you after i kidnap Boo Boo Bear!!!
Sat, Apr 22, 10:33 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
are you at vincent’s yet? are you, are you, are you?
mad maddie:
zo! be a little more obvious, will ya?
zoegirl:
well that’s why i’m texting! duh!
zoegirl:
do you have terri’s cell???
mad maddie:
no, but just saw her put it down on pool table. about to make my move.
zoegirl:
remember, keep the message you send short and sweet. something like, “jana, this is your biyatch here. i’m prepared to grovel.”
mad maddie:
ok, uh, zo? on a scale of 1 to not-cool, that is SO not cool. “biyatch”???
zoegirl:
fine, just make it sound like terri
zoegirl:
tell her to go to the buckhead barnes & noble. say that you’ll be INSIDE. inside, got it? so that jana has to physically get out of her car.
mad maddie:
I WILL
zoegirl:
and afterward, be sure to delete jana’s number from terri’s call list. and put her phone back right where you found it!
mad maddie:
i can’t till you quit yer yammering!
zoegirl:
right. very good.
zoegirl:
call me when you have news!!!
Sat, Apr 22, 10:46 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
just talked to maddie—she’s at vincent’s right this very second! she’s setting up the sting!
SnowAngel:
eeek!
zoegirl:
i’m SO nervous … and nothing’s even *happened* yet!
SnowAngel:
except for the fact that you used the word “sting.” you’ve been watching too many episodes of “breaking bad”!
zoegirl:
this is not the time to make fun of me. i’m about to steal her most cherished possession, don’t you get it?
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