Drew grabbed my bag and in no time, we were pulling up to the hospital. After getting checked in and getting changed, the nurses got me all set up with an IV and catheter. I would have an epidural whether I wanted one or not in case they had to do an emergency c-section. I was assured that this was standard when having twins. Luckily, the babies were both head down, so that should make the delivery easier.
The nurse checked me and assured me I had awhile to go before the babies would arrive. However, two hours later I was feeling pressure down south. I rang for the nurse and told her what I was feeling. After checking me again, she called the doctor.
“She’s at nine centimeters. It’s time.” Then she turned back to me. “Are you ready to have some babies?” I nodded shakily and gripped Drew’s hand tighter. “Okay, the OR is being prepped and when they’re ready, we’ll head over there. Dad, would you like to be in the room?”
“I’m not the dad.”
“The father is no longer with us. Drew can be in the room. I mean, if he wants.”
The nurse and I both looked at Drew who nodded once. The nurse came back a few minutes later with a suit for Drew to put over his clothes. When he pulled them on, I laughed at how ridiculous he looked. It was a good foot short for his bulky frame, but it would do.
Drew held my hand the whole time they were prepping me, but I told him he wasn’t allowed to watch the babies being born. We hadn’t even been intimate and if there was any chance of that happening, this would not be how he saw me for the first time.
My baby girl was born first with no problems and was a healthy six pounds. Three minutes later, my son was born at six pounds fourteen ounces. Both of them were absolutely beautiful. When they were all cleaned up and passed all their tests, we all headed back to my room. A nurse came in to help me tandem nurse and I was glad she was there because not only was this my first time breastfeeding, but there were two of them. After much repositioning, we finally got the hang of it. Drew watched in fascination and I had thought that it would be weird, but it wasn’t. I guess since he had been in the room with me there was no point in holding back now.
When the babies were done, Drew held my daughter while I held my son. He looked at them with such adoration that it almost felt like he was their father. Just as those thoughts entered my head, I remembered that there was one very important person that was missing out on all this.
“Don’t be sad. They’re beautiful, Sarah. I’m still here with you.”
I couldn’t decide anymore if Todd was actually with me and I was hearing his voice or if I was just hearing what I wanted to. Like my brain had somehow tricked me into thinking that he was here as a way of coping. His voice was so strong though. He had been helping me though over the months, urging me to keep moving when I didn’t want to. I had to believe that he was here with me today. Otherwise, this was all just a little too depressing.
“So, what are you going to call this beautiful little girl?”
I looked over at her and decided that her name fit her quite well. Then I looked down at my son and started laughing.
“Well, she’ll be Charlotte Leigh and he will be Henry Jones.”
“Please tell me he’s not a Jr.”
“No, he’s not,” I said laughing.
“Someday, I would love to hear the story behind those names.”
I smiled up at him. “Maybe someday.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Drew
JONATHAN AND OLIVIA stopped by the hospital Monday morning on their way home and declared Charlotte and Henry the most adorable babies they had ever seen. When they were ready to leave, I desperately wanted to go with them and spend a few more hours with them, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave Sarah. Iris’ parents had insisted that I was where I belonged and Sarah insisted that I should spend some more time with Iris’ parents. In the end, I stayed with Sarah and the babies. As much as I wanted a little more time with my wife’s parents, they were right. I had a new place now and it was next to Sarah.
Sarah and the babies were released the next day and to say I was nervous was an understatement. I had installed the car seats in my truck since Sarah’s car was a death trap. She kept telling me she was going to get a new car, but had yet to do it because she was so busy at work. Until then I would be taking them wherever they needed to go.
As we pulled out of the hospital parking lot, I drove extra cautiously and probably a little slow, but I had precious cargo with me. I had put mirrors on the headrests of the backseat so that I could see their little faces in the mirror. As we went over a speed bump leaving the hospital, Charlotte’s little head wobbled. Panicked, I reached back with my right hand and rested it on her head to stabilize it.
“Drew, what are you doing?”
“Her head was wobbling around. I’m holding it steady. Maybe you should sit back there so you can hold Henry’s head.”
She laughed at me. “Well, your head moves too.”
“It’s not the same. Didn’t you listen to the nurse about how delicate their heads are right now? What if her head rolls too hard and snaps her neck?”
“Um, I don’t think that could actually happen while she is tucked in her car seat and we’re driving..” She leaned over and looked at the speedometer, rolling her eyes. “Seven miles an hour. I’m pretty sure they’re safe back there.”
“Laugh all you want, but I saw the video. I could kill them by barely shaking them. If we got hit by a car, there would be nothing protecting their little heads.”
“Except the car seats.”
“You’re not taking this seriously.”
“No, Drew. You’re taking this way too seriously. Trust me. They’ll be fine.”
“How can you be so sure? I mean, no offense, but you’re a first time mother.”
She shrugged, thankfully not insulted my by remarks. “Call it mother’s intuition.”
“And you somehow gained this intuition in the span of a couple of days?”
“Don’t worry, Drew. You’re father’s intuition will kick in soon enough.” She blushed and started fumbling over her words. “Not that..I’m not.. You’re not..their father. I just mean that, you know, you’ll get used to all this and…instincts will kick in.”
I grinned at her obvious attempts to correct her previous statement. “So, even though I’m not their father, I’ll still develop fatherly instincts? I guess that means I’ll be helping out with the babies quite a bit,” I said, sighing dramatically.
Her face blushed red and her eyes went wide. “No, I never implied that you would have to take care of the babies. I just meant that as you were around them, you would feel more in tune with their needs.”
“So, I don’t have to take care of them, but I need to spend time with them? Hmm.” I moved my head back and forth as if trying to decide if I could do that.
“Oh forget it. I wasn’t implying anything.”
I laughed at her frustration with me and drove us home. The normal twenty minute drive was closer to forty minutes because I was driving so slowly. Sarah kept craning her neck to look at the speedometer and then huffing, but I didn’t care. This was my first time with the twins in the truck and if I wanted to drive slowly, I would.
✯✯✯✯✯
Taking care of twins was hell. There were three adults to take care of two little human beings and we were being run ragged. The babies went down for the night around six-thirty, but still woke up every two and a half hours to eat. Sarah had stopped tandem nursing because they screamed for about twenty minutes after waking. Something I learned very quickly about babies is that they poop a lot. Every time they woke up at night, they pooped. They had to be changed before they nursed because they would fall asleep nursing and you didn’t want to wake them up after they went back to sleep.
So, both of them would wake up crying and need to be changed, but they would scream the longer it took for them to get their food. Cara and I took turns helping Sarah get the babies changed when they woke a
nd we found that if we got to the first one that started crying and calmed that one down, the other one wouldn’t wake up. Then, when the first was fed, we woke the second with a clean diaper and then fed that one.
By the third day, the babies were eating every two hours, which actually meant two hours from the time they started. I didn’t know how Sarah was doing it. She had to be exhausted and her boobs had to be killing her from having babies constantly sucking on her tits. Sarah said that her milk was coming in and that’s why they were nursing more frequently. Cara and I actually fell asleep on the floor of the babies room because we were too tired to move from there.
Two nights ago, Charlotte started waking at ten o’clock screaming her little head off. Sarah would wrap her in a swaddling blanket really tight and then put Charlotte’s stomach over her shoulder. She was guessing that she was getting gassy and couldn’t go to sleep. How could you be gassy when you shit that much?
Then, Henry started crying too, but nothing soothed him except me walking him up and down the stairs over and over again. He finally calmed down after about five minutes the first time, but I had to keep it up for a half hour before I could put him down. Now whenever he started fussing, I took him over to the stairs for a little walk. My legs were killing me by the end, but I’d rather be tired than hear him scream for one more fucking minute.
At the end of the week I was very tempted to call Ryan and tell him I was coming back to work. I didn’t know how much more of this I could take. Cara and Sarah were tired, but still stared at the babies like they hadn’t just had their asses kicked by a newborn. Sarah must have sensed my need to get back to work because after a week at home she had a “talk” with me.
“I think it’s time for you to get back to work.”
I did my best to hide my excitement. “Really? Why’s that?”
She rolled her eyes at me. “Don’t play dumb with me, Drew. I know that you’re itching to get out of here. You’re great with the babies, but you don’t have the patience to stay home with them. Call Ryan and tell him you’re ready to go back.”
I quickly grabbed my phone off the counter and started to dial, but when I looked up and saw her laughing at me, I shrugged. “Only if you think you’re ready. Really, I don’t mind hanging around another week.”
“Oh, thank God. I can’t do this anymore. You may have to take a third week off.” She threw her head down on the counter and pretended to cry.
“No take backs. You already told me I could go back!”
Her head popped up, her eyes twinkling with mirth. “We’re fine. Go back to your manly work.”
This time I dialed and told Ryan that I was coming back Monday. There was no way I could stay here all day anymore. It was torture.
✯✯✯✯✯
“We’re almost done with construction on Sarah’s house.” Ryan had called me into his office at the end of the day to update me on Sarah’s house. It had been a little over a month since the babies were born and Thanksgiving was next week. I wanted to have a nice Thanksgiving for Sarah, but I didn’t really know how to cook a large meal and I didn’t think that she would be up to it.
“That’s great. I’m sure she’ll be glad to get back to her own place.” I tried to sound happy, but I wasn’t. I had grown used to having a house full of people. When I got home, there were people to greet me. It had become my nightly ritual to rock with the babies after dinner. On especially long days, I dozed with them in my arms. I never thought I would be that happy again, that I would feel so much love for another human. These babies had worked their way into my frozen heart and melted it little by little.
“Yeah, I would say they should be done before Thanksgiving and then she just needs to make some decisions on the finishing touches. I think she should be able to move in at the latest by the second week in December.”
“That’s good. I’ll be sure to let her know.”
Ryan’s cringe told me that the fake smile I tried to plaster on my face was an epic fail.
“Dude, if you don’t want her to move out, you’re gonna have to say something. If you put that smile on your face, she’s gonna know that something’s wrong.”
“She’s not ready. She wants time alone with the babies. She’s all excited about having her house back. She tells me how great it’s going to be and has me sit and look at paint colors with her. I smile along and pretend I’m totally okay with it. If she doesn’t want to stay with me, I’m not gonna make her feel bad.”
“You don’t have to be a dick about it. Just tell her that you’d like her to stay. What’s the worst that could happen? She’s says no? Big deal. You move on and try again later.”
“It’s not that simple. Sarah’s stubborn. If I push too hard, she’s going to put more space between us so that I don’t get ‘attached’, and I’m already attached to all of them. Even Cara, believe it or not. She does all the laundry and cooks the meals, and she’s a really good cook.”
“Yeah, well, all those years she lived with Sean, that’s all she really had to do. Are you sure that you’re not just attached to the idea of everything?”
“What do you mean? How can I be attached to an idea when they’ve been living with me?”
“Well, they aren’t really yours. You’ve got yourself a ready made family. You haven’t really had to put in any work that a relationship normally requires.”
I bristled at his remarks. I was putting in the work. I had spent months building a friendship with Sarah that I hadn’t even really wanted in the first place. When that loathing turned into interest and then friendship, I really tried to get to know her. It wasn’t my fault that she was a closed book. Still, I wanted her and would be with her right now if she wasn’t so damn stubborn.
“You don’t know shit.”
He held up both hands in surrender. “Look, I’m not trying to offend you, I’m just offering another perspective. How do you know she doesn’t see it that way? A woman on her own with kids? It makes for an easy mark to be walked all over and pushed around.”
“I would never do that to her.”
“I know you wouldn’t, but she’s a single mother and she needs to be sure that you actually want the whole package. I mean, she’s a good looking woman, right? I would be lying if I said that it didn’t make me want what she has.”
“You want her?”
“No.” He rolled his eyes in frustration. “It’s everything that she has and what it represents. What’s missing from my life. It’s not that I want her, I want that whole package though. The wife and a few kids, you know? It’s the next step in life.”
I nodded in acknowledgement. I knew exactly what he meant because I wanted the same thing, only I didn’t need to see Sarah with kids to know it was what I wanted. It’s what I had always wanted. I’d had that chance with Iris too little too late. I thought about what Ryan said the whole way home and tried to steel myself for Sarah’s reaction when I updated her on the progress on her house.
When I walked in my house, Sarah and Cara were relaxing on the couches with what looked like Bloody Mary’s. I raised an eyebrow in question, wondering if it was okay for Sarah to be drinking while breastfeeding.
“It’s virgin, but I really wish it wasn’t.”
“Mine’s not, but since I’m not breastfeeding, I can drink all I want.”
“Bitch. Don’t rub it in.”
I had noticed that Sarah and Cara really came out of their shells around each other. I had never seen either of them act like this with the other girls.
“I talked to Ryan today,” I said as I sat across from them. “He said that your house should be done before Thanksgiving and they can finish the inside and have you moved in by early December.”
“That’s such great news. I’m sure you’re ready to get rid of screaming babies that keep you up at all hours of the night.”
I couldn’t really tell if she was genuinely happy or if she was testing out the waters.
“I don’t mind you being
here. In fact, I think I’ll be quite lonely when you leave.”
“Does that include me too?” Cara asked.
“Yes, even you. Who will cook and clean for me when you’re gone?”
“Aww, I guess you’ll just have to hire a maid.”
“Don’t be silly. He can still come eat dinner with us.”
“Yeah, what’s one more mouth?”
“Gee, don’t sound too excited about having me over.”
The girls chuckled at my pouting and I decided that I should just suck it up and be happy for them. They seemed to be truly happy about being able to move home and it wouldn’t make things any easier on Sarah if I gave her a hard time.
“Well, as long as you bake me a cake every now and then, I suppose it won’t be that bad.”
“We can do a Sunday dinner or something and have a big meal!” Sarah said excitedly. A little too excitedly if you asked me. The idea that I would only get to see them every once in awhile really grated on me.
“Yeah. Sounds great.” I grumbled and then stood, stomping upstairs to sulk.
✯✯✯✯✯
Thanksgiving came way too fast and before I knew it, December was here. Cara and Sarah had been slowly moving things back over to the other house for a few days now and every time I came home, there was less evidence that I had housemates. Today though, today was the day that they officially left my home for good. Sarah had been running around all morning packing up the last of the baby items. I had taken down the babies pack n’ plays after they woke up from their naps and moved them over to the nursery in Sarah’s house.
Cara came downstairs with the babies on each hip while Sarah lugged some bags downstairs. I quickly ran over to her and grabbed them, carrying them over to her house. When I got back, the babies were all bundled up to go outside. Even though the walk would take only a minute, they were bundled in fleece bear suits, as if they were going out into a winter storm. They looked so damn cute.
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