by Anne Stone
“It’s just…”
“There’s more isn’t there? What aren’t you saying?”
“Dad, I can’t be sure. I want to see what this latest round of test results show. Then, I’ll know for sure.”
Alejandro waited for what seemed like an eternity for the test results, but in all actuality it was only three hours. Angelina’s parents came by with Colleen and they watched the parade with their daughter. James, Wyatt and Kelly would check in on Angelina after dinner so her visitors would be spread out, allowing Angelina to nap when needed.
Angelina’s spirits seemed better when her family was around. Colleen started to tire, so they decided to depart.
“Are you sure you’re okay with us leaving?”
“Absolutely. You take Colleen home so she can rest. I’ll have my own Thanksgiving here. Don’t worry. I’ll call if I need anything.”
“Darling...”
“Mom, just go. I’m fine. Please.”
Her family left mid-afternoon. Alejandro had sequestered himself to his office. He went through all of Angelina’s test results. Rubbing his hand across his forehead, he reread the test results. How can this be he asked himself. “This can’t be happening to her,” he muttered. How would he tell her? How? When should he do it? Today being Thanksgiving, he didn’t want her to start associating this news with this festive day. But he couldn’t keep the news from her any longer—he needed to tell her.
Alejandro grabbed her file and walked to her room. “What should I say? How should I tell her?” He spoke aloud to himself, hoping that someone would answer him. But of course, the voice he was looking for was silent. No one answered his plea. He took a detour to the hospital chapel and said a brief prayer. He asked the powers that be to give him the strength he needed to share this news with her. He needed guidance to help him tell her the news that would devastate her and shatter her dreams… Dreams that would never come true.
Chapter Seven
Angelina was sitting alone in her room when she’d felt a sudden sadness overcome her. It occurred shortly after her family left, but she didn’t think it stemmed from their departure. It was something else. She sat in bed studying the cards she’d received from her students. Her children, she thought. She loved to experience their firsts. First time being able to read, first time learning a math fact… So many firsts occur in school. She just loved it. She couldn’t wait to experience that with her own children. Someday that would happen.
Angelina hadn’t dated much while she was in school. She studied hard, making excellent grades. After graduation, she’d focused her efforts on being the best teacher possible. She wanted each child’s experience to be unforgettable so they’d remember her as the teacher that taught them something special. She wanted to be that influence with her own children and wanted to be that mom that everyone looked up to.
Angelina was fingering one of the cards when Alejandro entered her room. She thought that by reading them, she’d lose that overwhelming feeling of sadness. She was thinking about Lauren, whom she tutored after school. She’d gladly do anything to see her succeed.
“Angelina,” Alejandro spoke “What are you doing?”
“Looking at some of the cards Gabriella brought by. You should see how creative some of these kids are.” She looked up at him and he seemed troubled. “What’s up?”
“We need to talk.”
She began to get worried.
Alejandro sat down in the chair beside her bed. He clasped his hands together and hung them between his legs. He stared at his hands. He didn’t know what to say or how to begin. He knew this conversation would change her life forever. He didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news. It would crush her, and he knew she would never forgive him. This was Thanksgiving, but today she would have absolutely nothing to be thankful for.
He looked into her eyes and said, “Angelina, I got the rest of your test results back.” Clearing his throat, he looked away from her, then back again. Taking a deep breath, he looked away from her a second time.
By the way Alejandro was behaving, she knew something was terribly wrong. “Alejandro, just spit it out. Tell me what’s wrong.”
He looked at her with a pained expression and she watched the color drain from his face. “I don’t know how to tell you this.” Pausing, he continued, “Angelina, the infection is a lot worse than I thought.”
“And?”
“Well, it’s settled in your pelvic area.”
“What does that mean?”
“You have severe scarring that’s affected your fallopian tubes.” Alejandro let out the breath that he’d been holding. He looked down and then back up into her eyes.
A myriad of expressions ranging from surprise to dread crossed her face. Angelina gasped in understanding, her hand immediately dropping to her stomach.
Alejandro saw the gesture as she tightly closed her eyes to keep the tears at bay. He confirmed her worst nightmare. “I’m afraid you won’t be able to have children,” he said as she stared at him in horror.
Angelina was in shock. She didn’t know what to say or how to react. Gasping, she turned away from him. He reached for her hand, but she pulled back, clutching the sheet against her. When she looked back towards him, her eyes were welling with tears. Slowly, a tear escaped her eyes and trickled down her cheek.
“Angelina, I’m sorry.” Alejandro could feel her pain emanating from her stiffened body.
She brushed the tear away. “How? Why? It’s my fault. I should have gotten here sooner.”
“That may not have prevented this. I can’t say for sure. I just know the Peritonitis is the leading cause. The infection travelled to your pelvis and caused severe scarring of your fallopian tubes.”
“You know today is Thanksgiving. There are so many things that we should be thankful for. I am thankful for Colleen’s health… I am thankful for my job and reconnecting with Gabriella and your family, but today will always live in my heart and be on my mind. I will always connect this moment to what should have been a day of thanks, but instead it turned into my worst nightmare. I will never be able to say I am thankful for my own family because it will never happen. Right now, I don’t know that there’s anything left to say. Just please leave me alone. And please, don’t tell anyone else about this—this is between me and my doctor.”
Alejandro wasn’t surprised by her reaction, so he did as she wished. Slowly, he stood and left her room. This diagnosis had also brought a reality to him. As a doctor, he’d become immune to so many things. He placed all emotions aside when dealing with a diagnosis such as this. But for some reason, this situation had removed that barrier. He was feeling her sadness, too.
He called Gabriella and told her not to visit Angelina. “Why?” she asked.
“Just because I think she needs some time to herself. Her parents visited earlier and she just wants to be alone. She’s suffering the after-effects from her fever and infection. She needs time to rest and recuperate.”
Gabriella started to question him, but he told her to leave it alone and do as he asked.
Gabriella did the direct opposite of what her brother requested and decided to phone Angelina herself. She wasn’t going to listen to her brother—she’d determine if what he said was true. “Hey, Angelina, how are you? I thought—”
Angelina cut her off and told her she just wanted to be left alone. “No, I’m fine. You enjoy the day. My family has already been by, and I’m fine. Really, have a happy Thanksgiving.”
“Angelina?”
“Really, Gabriella. I’m fine. I’m just a little tired and would like to take a nap. I’ll see you maybe tomorrow.” With that, Angelina hung up the phone.
Gabriella had heard the sadness and even tears in her voice, but didn’t want to press her. She knew she wasn’t feeling well and guessed that was why she seemed so emotional.
*****
Alejandro joined his family for Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone was in attendance. Gabriella had arrived la
te morning to help her mother with the preparations while Joe and Alec didn’t show up until dinner was ready to be served. Both of them had rotated in and out at the hospital, checking in on their pediatric patients that were hospitalized. It wasn’t unusual for them to have several children in the hospital during the holidays.
His father questioned Alejandro about Angelina’s test results, but Alejandro didn’t disclose them. His father knew that he’d diagnosed something in addition to the Peritonitis, but didn’t want to press him.
Alejandro’s mother outdid herself with the sumptuous feast. He realized as he sat at the table how much he was thankful for. He’d missed too many of these meals and he was just happy to be home with his family. Family was important to him and he knew they’d help him from slipping back into the memories that had almost consumed him.
Alejandro somehow got through the meal with his family, his thoughts never leaving Angelina. His mother knew something was amiss, but didn’t press him. She’d learned through his tragedy not to bother him about certain things. When he wanted to share his thoughts and feelings with her, he would. Apparently now was not the time.
Alejandro soon decided he’d had enough of his family and needed to leave. He approached his mother and thanked her for a fabulous meal.
“Alejandro, please stay.”
“I’ve gotta go,” he said. Kissing her goodbye, he shook hands with his father and brothers, then hugged Gabriella goodbye. She knew something was wrong with him when he hugged her, so she decided to follow him from the house.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“Nothing. Why?”
“You’ve been kind of withdrawn all evening. I’d like to help.”
“There’s nothing you can do, Gabby. Just leave me alone and I’ll handle it myself.” Alejandro had been awfully quiet during the meal. They’d all expressed what they’d been thankful for, but Alejandro just sat there staring at his plate. All he could think about was Angelina and her earlier comments. He, in some regard, felt the same way. That was one of the reasons why he’d left Wisconsin. He’d never have his family either. When it was his turn to express what he was thankful for, he spoke of his decision to return to St. Louis.
Gabriella didn’t want him to leave under these circumstances. “Alejandro, please?”
“Gabby, stop! I’ll be alright. I just want to go home.”
She nodded. She knew he was beyond listening to her. Giving him one last hug, she watched him get into his car and drive away. He drove in the opposite direction of his home, though. She wondered where he was going, but decided not to worry. He was a grown man with issues that only he could resolve. She’d be there for him when he was ready to talk. They’d all be there for him.
Alejandro left his parents’ not knowing exactly where he was going. He drove around until he found himself pulling into his parking place at the hospital. Why am I here, he wondered. Deep down, he knew why he was there. Slowly, he emerged from his car. He didn’t bother with his lab coat—he was there as a visitor, not a physician. As he entered the hospital, he nodded to several nurses who greeted him with a “Happy Thanksgiving, Doctor.” As he saw it, today was not a happy day. It was not a day of thanksgiving. It was a day filled with sadness and broken dreams. A young woman’s fantasies had been shattered in one brief conversation. He wanted to make things right. But how could he?
He sought the chapel again for some insight. He always believed that prayers helped—that’s how he had gotten through his tragedy. He prayed often. At times, he found solace; other times, he succumbed to his grief. He had a difficult time dealing with his past. He carried it with him every day. He only hoped that he could give comfort to Angelina during the trying days ahead.
He glanced at his watch and realized he’d been sitting in the chapel for close to an hour. It was nearing nine o’clock and he didn’t know what to do. Should he check on her, or just leave the hospital? After all, he’d driven all this way in a complete fog of memories. He needed to try and deal with his feelings and also help her get through this. He’d be there for her. He wanted to be the shoulder that she could cry on. He needed to do this because he’d had no one there for him when he was going through his own personal crisis.
Alejandro exited the elevator and headed for her room. Just as he prepared to enter, Monica, Angelina’s nurse, motioned for him to join her at the nurses’ station.
“Doctor, I just wanted you to know that she hasn’t eaten all day. Her temperature is normal, but I’m worried about her. She seems to have withdrawn even more since this morning. I was going to put a call through to you, but thought it could wait until tomorrow.”
“I’ll check on her.” He knew what was bothering her. How was he going to deal with this? His thoughts and feelings kept rushing through his head, one disappearing just as quickly as the next one surfaced. He couldn’t begin to put a sentence together. He knew he needed to do something to help her, but what?
Taking a deep breath, and asking for assistance from above, he entered her room. She sat in bed with her hands folded loosely around her as if she were protecting her unborn child. But he knew differently. She wasn’t protecting anything except her feelings. She didn’t hear or notice him enter—she was in a totally different world. Quietly, he walked to her bedside. He whispered her name, but she didn’t respond. Speaking a little louder, she finally heard his voice.
“Go. Please go,” she whispered.
“No. I want to stay. I want to help you. I need to help you…”
“Please, Alejandro. I just want to be alone.”
“I know you do, but I think you need someone right now… Someone to help you deal with this. You’re grieving, and I want to be here for you. Please. I need to do this.”
“Why?”
“Because I do. I can’t explain it to you right now, but someday I will.” Alejandro sat down on the bed and reached for her hands. Holding them loosely, he looked into her eyes. “Let me be here for you…”
Looking into his eyes, she nodded and closed hers eyes to prevent the tears from falling. They sat alone in silence. When she finally drifted off to sleep, he exchanged the bedside for a chair and held her hand into the early hours of the morning. He’d see her through this. For some unexplained reason, he couldn’t remove himself from this situation. He’d gotten too close to this patient. He now understood why doctors never treated family members, and Angelina was no ifs, ands, or buts. He couldn’t put aside the fear that he caused her illness due to his own lack of follow-up. He knew she’d returned to the classroom and he should have insisted on watching her more closely.
Peritonitis was always a possibility with surgery. Never in a million years would he have thought that she’d contract an infection. Never. And, then, that infection becoming the cause of the scarring to her fallopian tubes and her infertility. Maybe if he’d seen her more often he’d have picked up on something. But “maybe” was also a big word and more than likely he wouldn’t have seen the signs until they’d manifested themselves as they did. He was going to remedy that now. He’d follow her as closely as she allowed.
Shortly after three in the morning, he awoke. Angelina was squeezing his hand. “Alejandro, please go home. I’ll be fine. You’ve spent the last two nights away from your bed. Please go home.”
Alejandro nodded. Rising from the chair, he gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her to get some sleep. He’d return early to check on her.
She knew he wasn’t going home. He would just exchange the chair for the couch in his office.
Rolling onto her side, she tried to sleep. All she could think about was the family she always wanted. She was going to have to get past those dreams. Her students would have to be her family. She’d nurture them and see them grow, hopefully influencing some as they traveled down the path of life.
Angelina fell asleep at dawn. She knew she’d somehow find the strength to persevere. It may take her time, but she’d overcome this. At least she and Alejandro
were the only ones that knew about her condition. That would make things easier—she never wanted to tell her parents about this latest health development. If her mother knew, she’d make her see an endless stream of doctors to arrive at the same conclusion. All she wanted was to heal and move on with her life. To alleviate any questions, she made a commitment to herself: she’d never fall in love and marry. She just wouldn’t. That way, she wouldn’t have to deal with the issue of grandchildren. Her mother dreamed of Angelina providing her with the first grandchild. Often times, she referred to Angelina’s “ticking clock.” Angelina had enough of her mother’s desires. From the time she’d been a little girl, Angelina dreamed of marrying and having children. The infection was causing her to reevaluate her life. And now, she believed having kids and being married was not part of her calling. Everyone else in her family could marry and provide them. She just wouldn’t be one of them.
She decided that when she got up, she’d pretend there was nothing wrong, that the news of yesterday was long forgotten, never to raise its ugly head again. She didn’t want her parents to worry any more than they currently were. Today was another day and the beginning of a new time in her life. She could act when she wanted, and now she was going to be that actress. Her role would evolve over time, but she knew she could do it. She'd just have to fool Alejandro, that’s all. Only time would tell if she succeeded. Soon, she wouldn’t have to deal with him at all. Once she was released from the hospital, their dealings would be over. She would only have to hear of him through Gabriella. She could deal with that. She knew she could.
*****
Angelina was released from the hospital the following week. She was told to take it easy for an additional week. She wanted to return to school before the winter break began—she needed to do it. Not only for herself, but for her students as well.
