by Tess MacKall
“Show me the soul of Indulala’s girl-child,” Lucia whispered. She trod quietly, taking up a position behind White Owl. A face stared back at her from the fire, a face charred by heat, the whites of its eyes stark in so much blackness. Ebony hair writhed, snakelike, and an evil smile showed bright white teeth. The image vanished, replaced by a woman’s face.
My face!
Lucia’s knees buckled and she gasped painfully. She fought to remain upright but staggered backward, landing hard on her butt beside White Owl.
“I will remember,” White Owl said. “Tell me when the soul of Indulala’s girl-child will return.”
Lucia closed her eyes and White Owl’s gasp rent the air.
“No! The boy-child will suffer too long. His black cat spirit will roam the mountains in darkness and he will walk alone in the light.” The flames leapt and hissed. White Owl nodded, appearing to accept whatever had been decreed. “And what of her? Will she bear the same punishment, know what she is?”
No, this can’t be happening. All this talk of souls and me being promised to Sam, all because of a curse made years ago. And a black cat spirit? What… Oh God. The cougar? Sam is the cougar? No, it isn’t possible. I won’t believe it. It’s ridiculous to even contemplate such a thing.
Still, she asked White Owl, “What punishment? What am I?”
He turned to look at her. “You have the soul of Indulala’s girl-child. You have traveled through the years in the bodies of various women, destined not to find true love until the curse saw fit to let you come to Sam.” He sighed. “Now is that time. You have been brought together through the workings of another…” Placing his hand upon hers, he whispered, “Manohar has also returned. You will only be allowed peace in your joining once he has been killed.”
Manohar, the guy who started all this, has come back?
Lucia struggled with the concept of people living multiple lives, the same soul being born over and over. “Who have I been?”
White Owl waved a hand in front of the fire and showed her the many lonely incarnations of herself through the years. Lucia wiped tears from her cheeks, understanding now why she had found it so difficult in this life to open up to men. Her relationship with Jacob was proof that he wasn’t the man for her, that she had needed to meet Sam, the one destiny had chosen for her.
“So you see,” White Owl said. “Now you know the truth of who you are.”
Lucia nodded. It was over, all those years of searching. But if Manohar was reincarnated in this time… What the hell have we got to face? Will he try to stop me and Sam being together?
She shuddered and looked at White Owl, the wrinkles beside his eyes deepening with the closing of his eyes. “What am I?” she asked, not entirely certain she understood what she had been shown.
White Owl lifted his eyelids halfway, as if too weary to open them fully. “Face the fire once more and you will see.”
Lucia stared at him for a beat then did as he’d asked. A black cougar prowled through the forest, its sleek figure absolutely beautiful.
That’s me? Who I really am? It isn’t possible, is it? A human also being a cat?
Her mouth widened and she inhaled a deep breath, ready to scream.
Abruptly, quiet surrounded them and a gentle autumn breeze replaced the howling wind. The flames receded, dwindling to nothing more than glowing embers, the smoke dissipating, yielding to the milky moonlight. Sam reached for Lucia. She flinched and kept her gaze focused on the dying fire.
It had all been too much for her, then. Free will did have a say after all. Knowledge had not sealed their destiny as Sam thought it would. But why had she been promised to him if she couldn’t handle the truth of who they were?
“Her soul will always be tied to yours, Black Cougar. But it is her choice to stay or go. Or yours to follow.”
White Owl’s words struck a chord of fear inside Sam. “You mean leave the mountains? My home?” Sam was not prepared to abandon everything he’d ever known.
“Your heart will show you the way.” White Owl stared up at the sky and blew out a long breath. “We will see each other no more, Black Cougar. I go to my rest now.”
Sam helped the ancient one to his feet. White Owl looked frailer and older than he ever had, though relief shone in his eyes. His own curse had been lifted. And his lonely existence had come to an end.
Watching White Owl’s tired form shuffle away into the shadows, Sam breathed deeply to hold back the tears that welled in his eyes. He would miss him. When Silver Hawk had died, White Owl was all he’d had left. And even though it was White Owl’s curse that had burdened Sam all these years, he forgave him. Everything in this life existed for a reason, and if being able to love the woman standing next to him was the reason for Sam’s life, then it had all been worth it.
“Rest well, my friend,” Sam whispered into the night.
Lucia still sat next to the fire. Sam couldn’t imagine the questions running through her mind. She knew the truth about him. The truth about the cougar. And herself. Could she ever accept him for what he was? Accept herself? The visions had not revealed an end to his dual existence, no hint of losing his immortality.
There was more to come, but what?
“Lucia. We should go. You need to get some rest.”
“Do you expect me to sleep in your bed, Sam?”
“Only if that’s what you want.” He crouched next to her, hoping she’d look at him.
“What happens when you…when you change?”
“I know when the change is supposed to happen. And I prepare for it. When we met and I was naked it was because I had been the cougar.”
Her hands trembled as she brought them up to rub her eyes. “Am I in danger?”
“From the cougar?”
She nodded.
“No. The cougar would never hurt you. The cougar saved you.”
Her head whipped upward, meeting his gaze for the first time since the visions came. “What are you talking about?”
“That night, the cougar should have roamed until dawn. It was his feeding time. But he shifted because somehow I asked him to. I had seen you camped at the base of that ridge through his eyes and knew you were in danger. The cougar yielded to me, put aside its own needs for me—for you, Lucia.”
She seemed puzzled by his answer. “And last night? Did you change? Did you leave me?”
“Yes. I left you. The cougar needed—”
She turned away from him, her shoulders rising and falling as she seemingly struggled for air. A soft whine left her mouth as she pushed from the ground and stood. Shaky, she staggered. Sam reached out and steadied her but she brushed his hands away.
“Don’t touch me. I don’t know what you are. I don’t understand any of this.”
He held his hands up. “I know. And I’m sorry. This happened so quickly. If we’d only had the time to get to know—”
“Get to know one another?” She shook her head, mumbling to herself.
“Lucia, I’m still Sam.”
“And just who the hell is that?” she shouted, eyes blazing with anger.
“I understand your anger. But please, give us a chance.”
Lucia circled the campfire, heading for the trail. Sam fell in step behind her. The darkness of the forest would stop her. She needed him to guide her. And Sam needed his cougar’s eyes. So much of him relied on the cougar. For the first time, he wondered if the cougar had ever relied on him.
Once they were among the trees, pitch black descended. Through his cougar’s eyes he saw her hands stretched out in front of her in search of obstacles. Sam stayed close but remained quiet.
He heard her crying and his heart lurched. Why was she so afraid of him? They’d made love and she should know he’d never hurt her. She fell to her knees, her sobs echoing in the night. Sam wanted to take her in his arms and hold her, tell her everything was going to be all right. But how could he tell her that when he didn’t know himself?
Where were the sp
irits in his darkest hour? They had been a constant in his life. But now they had abandoned him. He could no longer feel their presence. It was just him and Lucia. A man and a woman who needed to find their way to each other.
“Lucia, let me hold you.”
Her voice cracked. “Oh Sam. I’m so scared.”
“I’d never hurt you.”
She shook her head. “It’s not just you and what you are. It’s me. What am I? Am I really that baby in Indulala’s womb? A soul that has moved from body to body? My God, Sam, there’s no such thing as a soul, yet I felt it and know it’s true.”
Relief poured through Sam. Her acceptance would come eventually. He sat beside her on the soggy ground and dragged her into his arms. She didn’t push him away this time, only cried louder, harder. Not knowing what to say, he kissed her forehead and gently rocked her back and forth.
“We’ll find our way together, Lucia. I promise.”
Chapter Eight
Lucia walked back to the cabin ahead of Sam, trusting him to keep her safe but wanting to be alone to digest what she had seen and how she felt about it. If she took a wrong turn, he called out and she went the other way. The forest seemed to close around her in protection, giving her the sense that even if Sam wasn’t here she’d be okay. She looked about, pushing the images from the fire out of her mind, her gaze picking up things she shouldn’t have in the gloom. Bark stood out on tree trunks as though the sun still shone and footprints from their earlier walk remained. A night bird flew below the lowest branches, swooping close to her head, and she made out its feathers and a darting, beady eye. How is that possible?
She brought back the memories of what she’d seen. It must have broken Lavani’s heart knowing she would never see her baby grow into the beautiful man he had become. Lucia couldn’t imagine the pain Sam’s mother had gone through. Falling in love with Sam’s father then having him ripped from her by death…
If it were Sam, I couldn’t bear it.
Lucia thought of him now, how his life was in jeopardy, all because of a damn curse. As a child, had he ever questioned Silver Hawk as to the whereabouts of his mother and father, or had he just accepted they weren’t there? How was Sam educated? And if the visions were true, Sam had been alive for many years—too many for a human. Did the fact he was a cougar change that, or had the curse kept him alive until he’d met his mate?
And am I really his mate in the true sense?
She ousted that thought from her mind. No way could she be a damn cougar. No way! It wasn’t possible.
But Sam is one.
Yet she hadn’t seen him change and probably wouldn’t believe it until she witnessed it for herself. There was so much she didn’t know about him, about curses and Cherokee customs. They needed to talk—Sam needed to explain everything so she could understand. It wasn’t in her to believe anything that didn’t have a rational explanation, but the way she felt about Sam meant she’d have to try.
Okay, I’ve admitted it. I want to be with him, can’t imagine not being with him now, and if that means believing he’s the black cougar and I’m that cougar’s mate…
“Shit. It sounds nuts. I don’t buy it.”
“What was that?” Sam asked, coming up beside her and holding her elbow to steer her across the open expanse in front of the cabin. He jerked his head left and right then glanced over his shoulder to the forest behind.
Lucia did the same, narrowing her eyes to peer between the tree trunks, seeing nothing untoward. “Oh, just talking to myself.” She stared at the brown of the trunks and the green of the leaves, highly apparent in the darkness, albeit a darker hue.
Why can I see like this? What the hell is going on?
“He isn’t around.” Sam urged her faster. “But I still want to get you inside where it’s safe. Who knows when he’ll return?”
Lucia followed him inside the cabin, taking off her boots beside the doorway. She blew out a breath through pursed lips, her body aching, her mind foggy from too much thinking. She took her coat into the bedroom and reemerged, pajamas in one hand. Sam kneeled in front of the fire, stacking kindling in the grate. He turned at her entrance.
Lucia smiled. “I need a shower. The smoke. It’s in my hair.”
“Go ahead. Leave it running, would you? I’ll jump in when you’re done.”
She hesitated, wanting to ask him to join her, but refrained. Though she’d love to free her mind of the evening so far, sex would give only momentary respite. Best she shower and get her head around understanding everything Sam would tell her. The quicker she accepted it, the quicker she could move on. The quicker she could embrace her new life.
In the shower, she shuddered despite the warm water. That man was hunting Sam and therefore hunting her, maybe thinking she’d known all along what Sam was. Did that mean the man would want her out of the picture? Was Manohar’s soul in that man? Frightened at the thought of Sam being captured, she stepped out of the shower, dried and dressed, the need to be close to him lending her speed. He was where she’d left him, though the fire blazed now, the room comfortably warm. Staring at the flames, he didn’t appear to have heard her come in. Could he see things in them without White Owl present? Did that demonlike image belonging to the spirits show itself to Sam? She padded up behind him and eyed the fire, seeing nothing but jostling flames.
Hand on his shoulder, she said, “Shower’s free.”
Sam looked up at her then rose, studying her face, his head tilted, eyes misty.
“Did you see something? In the fire?” she asked.
“I did. The future.”
He closed his eyes, leaned forward and kissed her, the touch of his lips so soft, so…sad Lucia wondered if the future was bleak.
Sam pulled away and cupped her face. “We will never be apart. You know that, don’t you?”
Lucia nodded. “I feel it inside. Can’t explain how I know, but I feel myself changing with every moment I spend with you. I’ve never been one for the outdoors, the open spaces and forests, yet…the thought of staying here is growing on me. The city doesn’t seem so appealing since we visited White Owl. As though…as though seeing that my soul has traveled this earth through many people until I came here… God, I sound so stupid!”
“Not stupid. Just accepting of the truth. I knew it would come. Acceptance is sometimes difficult and we naturally resist what we don’t understand. How do you feel?” He smoothed his hands down her neck, settling them on her shoulders.
Lucia shrugged. “I…God, this is going to sound dumb but…” She took in a deep breath. “I can see better in the damn dark!”
Sam threw his head back and laughed. “Good.” He kissed her nose tip. “I’ll shower and explain a few things afterward. It will make sense when you know what you are, what you will become. I can help you through this transition, tell you what to expect and when.”
She frowned, heartbeat picking up and butterflies swirling in her belly. Was he implying she…? No, she wasn’t ready to face this. He’d had time to accept what he was, yet she had too much to take in at one time—Sam being a cougar, curses, being spied on, and now he was saying she was a cat?
“Transition?” She bit her lip.
“Yes. Transition. You saw what was in that fire. You’re my mate and I’m—”
“The black cougar.” She stared into his eyes, the words she’d spoken ridiculous, unbelievable, yet they made perfect sense.
Perfect sense that the man I’m falling in love with is a cat. Perfect sense, my ass!
Sam nodded, lightly massaging her shoulders. “I know how it sounds. I know it must be frightening, but everything will work out.”
He walked away and she watched him go, her mind swimming with what he had said. It will make sense when you know what you are, what you will become.
* * * * *
Over dinner he explained how he saw snippets of the future from time to time and how he sensed things more than the average human. Lucia watched him as she ate, awed by
his words and entranced by the way his lips moved.
“It will be the same for you.” He popped a forkful of mashed potatoes into his mouth and swallowed, staring at the ceiling for a few seconds before returning his gaze to her. “Like you’ve already said, you can see better in the dark. Your sense of smell will also get better. You’ll hear much clearer. Sounds made from far away will come to you, alerting you of any danger to come. I don’t know how that would work in the city, how it would feel. I imagine if it’s anything like when I go into town, it’s too much. Too many senses working at once to bring me an overload of information.” He scooped up another forkful of potatoes.
“There’s no way I can change this, is there? I’ve always been a cougar, right?” Do I even want to? If I’m meant to be with Sam, isn’t it better we’re both cougars?
“Yes, you have. And no, you can’t change it.” Sam laid his knife and fork down on his plate. “It will be difficult to grasp at first. The shift, I mean. It begins in your belly, like a tightening, and your limbs loosen, almost like your bones are liquefying in readiness to transform into different shapes.”
“Does it hurt?” Please, don’t tell me it hurts.
“Only pinpricks of pain here and there to begin with. Maybe when your teeth change, when your nails turn into claws.” He covered her hand with his. “You know, an amazing thing happens. Your spirit rises, lifts out of your body, and if you’re lucky you’ll see a sparkling mist—if you change slowly enough. It’s almost as though by your spirit leaving when the transition takes place…it’s like it does this so you don’t feel pain. When your body has shifted from human to cougar and vice versa, your spirit descends. It might startle you, but at least you have some information now. You know what to expect. Shifting without this knowledge is hard, believe me.”
