She faltered for just a second, then chuckled. “You know, for a minister, you certainly know how to play dirty.”
“It would be wise, Amanda, if you’d remember that when it gets right down to it, I’m a minister, not a saint. Trust me, there’s a difference.”
“Yes, I’m beginning to get that.”
Oddly enough, it didn’t seem to scare her half as much as he’d expected it to.
And that gave him unexpected hope for the future.
3
Mary Louise had worked a double shift at the Stop and Shop and her feet were killing her. She was determined, though, to show Danny that she was willing to make good on her word to earn all the money they would need to get by once they were married.
“Is Danny coming home again this weekend?” Willie Ron asked as she closed out for the evening and he prepared to take over.
Willie Ron Dupree was only twenty-six, but he had been working the graveyard shift for ten years to help support his disabled mother. He never talked about whatever hopes and dreams he’d had before his mother’s illness had made her unable to work. If he’d had to give up college or anything, Mary Louise had never heard him complain about it.
Willie Ron was one of the nicest guys she’d ever known, always willing to come in early if she needed to take off, always ready to listen when she had a problem. And he always asked about Danny. She wondered what he’d have to say if he knew about her pregnancy, if it would make him think less of her, or of Danny, for that matter.
“Hey,” Willie Ron said, concern in his voice. “You okay? I asked about Danny and for once you didn’t launch into a full-scale recitation of all the guy’s good points.”
Mary Louise shrugged. “Guess my mind wandered,” she said. “He should be here any minute. He was driving over from Clemson after his last class today. He promised he’d be here in time to pick me up after my shift.”
“Girl, you got that boy wrapped around your finger,” Willie Ron teased, his smile showing off a row of glistening white teeth. “No woman’s ever going to tie me up in knots like that.”
“Just wait till the right one comes along,” she goaded him. “You’ll treat her like a queen, the same way you do your mama.”
“My mama’s raised eight of us, and done a good job of it,” Willie Ron said, his expression turning serious. “She deserves being spoiled. Haven’t met anyone yet who’s her equal. Even when she was laid low by a bad heart, my mama kept her spirits up. She raised all of us to count our blessings and not be crying over things we can’t fix.”
“You’ll find someone just like her someday,” Mary Louise told him. “I know for a fact that Li’l Bit Gaines comes in here just to see you.”
If it was possible for a black man to blush, Willie Ron’s cheeks would have been flaming. “Li’l Bit just likes her nightly candy fix. She comes in here for a Snickers bar. Got nothin’ to do with me.”
“Yeah, right,” Mary Louise responded. “I know better. How many people rush out to indulge a chocolate craving after eleven o’clock at night?”
Willie Ron frowned. “Maybe instead of messin’ in my love life, you ought to be checking your lipstick before that boyfriend of yours gets here,” he said. “Though I don’t know why you’d bother since he’s likely to kiss it right off. I haven’t seen you two make it to the car yet before that man’s sneakin’ himself some sugar.”
Ignoring the taunt, Mary Louise hurried to the back of the convenience store to put on another coat of Sugarplum lip gloss. But even as she locked the door to the restroom she kept spotless, she wondered just how much kissing she and Danny were likely to do. He’d gone into a hands-off mode the minute he’d heard about the baby. Kinda like shutting the barn door after the horse has gone, in her opinion. Seemed like they ought to be taking advantage of this time, since any fooling around they did couldn’t lead to another pregnancy. They were already in as much trouble as it was possible to get.
When she emerged from the back, Danny was standing at the counter talking to Willie Ron. She took a moment to admire the way Danny looked in his carefully pressed chinos and dark green polo shirt. It was her favorite because it made his eyes look even greener than usual. He looked like the fancy college boy he was, and she was amazed that she’d been lucky enough to be the girl he’d fallen for.
“Hey, handsome,” she called out. “Did you come straight from the fraternity house?”
“You know I’m no frat boy,” he chided, then gave her an appreciative once-over. “But you could put most of those sorority girls to shame, Mary Louise.”
It was a sweet thing to say, especially since he knew she sometimes felt inadequate because college had been beyond her family’s reach. Until she’d gotten pregnant, she’d been hoping to put enough money aside to take some classes here in town so Danny wouldn’t be ashamed of her lack of education.
“You two have big plans for tonight?” Willie Ron asked, regarding them like an indulgent big brother.
“Actually we have some talking to do,” Danny said, his gaze locked with Mary Louise’s. “I thought we could take a drive or something.”
Willie Ron didn’t look as if he believed for a second that they’d be driving around all evening, but he kept his comments to himself for once as he shooed them out the door. “I’ll see you on Monday, Mary Louise. You say a prayer for Mama in church on Sunday, you hear.”
“I always do,” she said, then grinned. “And I ask God to find you a girl worthy of you.”
“You go on now,” he said with a roll of his eyes.
Mary Louise turned to find Danny grinning at her. “You like embarrassing that man, don’t you?” he asked as she slipped her hand into his and headed for the car.
“Embarrassing him how?” she asked. “He needs a girlfriend and a life. All he does is work and look out for his mama.”
“I think he’s old enough to find his own woman.”
“But Willie Ron’s shy. He needs a nudge,” she protested as Danny held the car door for her the way he always did. His folks had taught him manners, that’s for sure. It was one of the first things she’d noticed about him.
“Don’t you think your time might be better spent figuring out what we’re going to do, instead of worrying about Willie Ron?” Danny asked, a sudden edge to his voice.
Fortunately before she could respond, he closed the car door, then went around to get behind the wheel. It was just enough time for her quick flash of temper to cool. There was no point getting into some silly argument right off the bat when they had more important things to talk about.
“I have been thinking about our future,” she said calmly. “All week long, in fact. What about you?”
He sighed. “It was the only thing I could think about. Jeez, Mary Louise, this couldn’t have happened at a worse time.”
“Well, I’m sorry as hell about that, but it’s not like I planned it, Danny.” She scowled at him and noted the faint flicker of doubt in his eyes. “You don’t believe me, do you?” she demanded in a shocked tone. “You think I planned this.” Her temper shot right back into high gear. “Well, you can just think again, Danny Marshall. This messes up some things I’d been counting on, too.”
“Such as?”
“Taking college classes right here in Charleston. I never intended to just drift along working at the Stop and Shop for the rest of my life. I might not have had the grades to win a scholarship to Clemson, but I’m smart. I have dreams, too. You should know that. We talked about them enough.”
His hands tightened on the steering wheel. “I do know that,” he said eventually. “I’m sorry. It’s just that everything is such a mess. I flunked an important math test this week because I couldn’t concentrate. I can’t help thinking that’s what it’s going to be like from now on.”
“It’ll get better once we make some decisions,” she consoled him. “It’s the worry that’s distracting you.”
“And you think that’s going to stop just because we get
married?” he scoffed. “That’ll just be the start.”
His words echoed the warning Amanda O’Leary had given her and that scared Mary Louise. Desperate to reassure him—and herself—she reached for his arm, then massaged the tight muscle until it began to relax. “I swear I didn’t mean for this to happen,” she whispered. “I never wanted to ruin things for you.”
He faced her, his expression earnest. “Then let’s think about what Reverend Webb said. Let’s at least consider the possibility of having the baby adopted,” he pleaded. “It’s the only thing that makes sense. Let somebody who desperately wants a baby give ours a good home. We’re not ready to do that, Mary Louise. At least, I’m not.”
Tears welled up in Mary Louise’s eyes. A part of her wanted to go along with him, if only to make his life easier. Heck, it would make her life easier, too. She wasn’t holding out because of stubbornness, either, though she knew that’s what Danny thought. How could they give up their baby and ever have any chance at a future? Every baby that might come later would be a bittersweet reminder of the one they’d given up. Sooner or later that loss would eat away at them. The way she saw it, giving up this baby would be a sure way to end things between them forever.
“Do you love me, Danny?” she asked, her heart in her throat.
He took his eyes off the road and glanced at her. “You know I do,” he said with unmistakable sincerity.
“Then how can you not love our baby?”
He didn’t answer for the longest time, but when he did, he said, “Because it’s not real to me, I guess. And I’m scared, Mary Louise. Really scared.”
“Of the baby ruining your life?”
“There’s some of that,” he admitted. “And I know it’s selfish, but there’s more, too. I’m afraid it will come between us, that I’ll resent you, just the way Reverend Webb said, and even worse that I’ll resent the baby and won’t be able to love it the way a baby deserves to be loved.”
He gave her a sad smile. “I used to think about what it would be like when we finally had our first baby. I could imagine holding that little guy or girl in my arms, teaching it stuff, reading stories. Now all I can think about is how exhausting it would be to cope with middle-of-the-night feedings and all the crying and stuff when I’ve got exams coming up and studying to do.”
Maybe because Amanda had helped open her heart to it, Mary Louise heard the depth of his emotional struggle in his voice. In that instant she knew that she really did have to consider Danny’s point of view and not just her own blind optimism that everything would be fine.
“Will you take me home?” she said, her voice tight.
“Don’t be mad at me, Mary Louise,” he begged. “I’m just trying to be honest.”
“I know, and I’m not mad, really I’m not,” she said sadly. “That’s why I want to go home. I need to think about what you said before we meet with Reverend Webb again on Sunday.”
“Do you want to get together tomorrow and talk some more?” Danny asked.
She shook her head. “No, you’ve given me some more to think about and I need to wrestle with it on my own. I’ll call you if I change my mind. Otherwise I’ll see you when you pick me up for church on Sunday.” She lifted her gaze to his. “Have you talked to your folks at all?”
He shook his head. “Not yet. You?”
“No.”
“Do you think we should tell them before Sunday?” he asked. “If Reverend Webb wants to see them, too, we should probably give them time to absorb all this.”
“I want this to be our decision,” Mary Louise argued. “You know they’ll get all weird, and the next thing we know, they’ll be making all the decisions.”
“I suppose you’re right,” he admitted. “But it’s not really fair for them to be blindsided.”
“Maybe we can just meet with Reverend Webb and decide what we’re going to do, then go tell them together,” she suggested. “First yours, then mine.”
“Why mine first?” he asked.
“Because mine might kill us,” she said, only partially in jest. “Or you, anyway.”
Danny pulled the car to a stop in front of her house and cut the engine, then rested his head on the steering wheel. Mary Louise sat beside him, fighting tears. When Danny finally turned toward her, his eyes were damp, as well.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I wish I were as excited about this as you are.”
“I wish you were, too,” she said, reaching for him. “But we’re going to figure this out, Danny. I know we will. And when we do, it will be what’s best for all of us.”
Amanda was pretty sure a person could go straight to hell for having the kind of thoughts she was having on Saturday afternoon as she watched Caleb struggle to wrestle the armoire she’d bought at a flea market into her new bedroom. What kind of joke had God been playing when he’d created a minister with broad shoulders and rock-solid abs that belonged on the cover of a fitness magazine?
She’d noticed the man’s muscles far more than she should have during the months they’d worked side by side to build her new home. He had a very dangerous habit of stripping off his shirt when the sultry Charleston temperatures climbed. She wasn’t the only woman working on the house whose mouth had gaped at the vision of male perfection he’d presented. Add in Maggie’s taunting remarks just the other day, and Amanda’s imagination had traveled in a very steamy and unsuitable direction. Just last night she’d had a dream about him—about the two of them—that had left her lying awake, restless and hot.
Amanda figured it was ironic that she felt such stirrings of desire only when she was around the most inappropriate man in all of Charleston. Then, again, maybe this was God’s way of showing her she wasn’t dead, after all, without putting her heart at risk in the process. Being attracted to Caleb was safe, thanks to his profession. He certainly wouldn’t be trying to tempt her into some casual liaison, that was for sure, and a fling was all she could imagine for herself for the foreseeable future.
And when it came down to it, she was the last woman on earth any minister would want. She didn’t really believe in God, at least not a benevolent one, mostly because of the way she’d been brought up. Her father’s bitterness over her mother’s death had instilled the impression that only an uncaring God could have allowed such a thing to happen. Even as she’d grown up and started thinking for herself, Amanda couldn’t disagree. As much as she’d loved her father, she’d missed having a mother. She’d felt cheated out of something important. With no one else she could think of to blame, she’d pointed her anger toward God and kept her distance.
Despite her apathy, Bobby had insisted they make at least perfunctory appearances at church for the sake of the children. She’d gone along with it, using the quiet time to reflect on things. The hymns had been lovely, a few of the prayers meaningful, but she’d made little attempt to absorb the messages in the sermons.
Ministers had come and gone, and she’d paid scant attention—until she’d had to make arrangements for Bobby’s funeral. That was when she’d seen the compassion in Caleb’s eyes and felt a much-needed steadiness in him that had gotten her through those first awful months when everything in her life had unraveled.
It had been his idea that the church come together to build this house for her. And, remarkably, as the weeks had passed and she’d seen her home taking shape, her life had come together, as well. She’d felt stronger, more capable of facing an uncertain future.
And when they’d handed her the keys on that last day, she’d looked around into the faces of her new friends and felt whole again. Despite all the adversities she’d faced, her life truly was blessed. She’d looked across the room and met Caleb’s gaze and knew that he’d understood all along how desperately she needed what she’d found in this house and the building of it. She’d reclaimed her self-respect.
“Thank you,” she’d mouthed.
To her utter shock, he’d winked. That tiny, flirtatious wink had rattled her so badly she�
��d turned and fled. For months she had tucked Caleb into a nice, safe niche in her life. After the turmoil of living with Bobby and the chaos after his death, Caleb epitomized a quiet serenity she craved. That wink, however, had suggested there was another side to him, a human and very male side she wasn’t ready for.
But even though he continued to disconcert her, for some reason she hadn’t been able to insist he stay away. The stakes escalated more every time they saw each other. She knew it and she was pretty sure he did, too. That kiss the other night had been as innocent as a peck on the cheek between friends, but way too much passion had simmered just below the surface. The depth of it had shaken her. Yet when she’d needed help transporting the armoire today, Caleb was the first person she’d thought of. And he’d agreed readily in fact, with an eagerness that told her he’d missed her during the week as much as she’d missed him.
Amanda felt a tug on her sleeve and looked down into the too-serious face of her five-year-old daughter.
“Hey, baby, what’s up?” she asked Susie, relieved by the distraction.
Susie frowned. “I’m not a baby.”
Amanda scooped her up and tickled her. “You’re my baby. You always will be.”
“Even when I’m ten?” Susie asked in a dismayed voice.
“Even when you’re thirty,” Amanda replied.
“How old is thirty?”
“Almost as old as me,” Amanda said.
“But you’re not a baby,” Susie protested.
Amanda knew she was in one man’s eyes, or had been, anyway. Sometimes knowing she’d lost that relationship hurt more than she could bear. Knowing that her once-beloved father had willingly tossed it aside hurt even more.
“No, I suppose not,” she said, biting back a sigh. In fact, she was the only grown-up these children had. Sometimes the pressure of that was overwhelming. It would have meant the world to be able to lean on her father from time to time, to share the joy of her three kids with him. But there was no point in wishing for things that simply couldn’t be.
Waking Up in Charleston Page 4
