When Max came back, he brought a Coca-Cola loaded with ice. “Here you go,” he said. “That ought to fix you up.”
Caleb accepted the cold drink and dutifully took a sip, trying his best to hide his shaken reaction. Had Big Max concluded that coffee was too much trouble? Or had he simply forgotten why he’d gone into the kitchen in the first place?
6
Amanda rarely set foot in Caleb’s office, mostly because there were so many other opportunities to see him. Unfortunately, ever since that Saturday when he’d been so obviously upset, he’d been avoiding her and the kids. Afraid that she’d inadvertently said or done something to offend him or that he was going through some sort of personal crisis and needed help he’d never ask for, she concluded it was time to take action.
As soon as she left her job at the boutique, she set off for the church. Nadine and George, who’d unexpectedly turned themselves into surrogate grandparents for Susie, Larry and Jimmy, were taking the kids to a movie, so Amanda had the entire evening to wrangle the truth out of Caleb.
On her arrival and drawn by some emotion she couldn’t quite explain, she wandered into the church, rather than going in search of Caleb. Only dim lights near the altar lit the way. She liked it in shadows like this. It felt peaceful and oddly welcoming to someone like her, someone not sure she had any right to be there, given her history and lack of faith.
She slipped into a pew toward the front and let the serenity steal over her. After the past couple of weeks, she needed a few minutes of solitude to gather her thoughts before facing Caleb and whatever secrets he was hiding from her. The kids had been a handful for days now. Even their teachers had called to complain, wondering if there might not be something wrong at home.
The only thing unusual that Amanda could point to was Caleb’s absence. Maybe this was a warning that her children were growing too dependent on him, expecting him to fulfill their need for a father. That was a burden he shouldn’t have to shoulder. Perhaps he’d sensed that himself and that was why he’d pulled back. It was something they needed to discuss.
As she wrestled with that, a side door opened softly, letting in a shaft of brighter light.
“Amanda!” Caleb said, obviously startled to find her there.
She jumped up guiltily. “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t be in here.”
He frowned at her reaction. “Why on earth shouldn’t you be here? The church is open to everyone. Sit back down. I can leave you alone, if you’d prefer.”
There it was, she thought, that compassionate tone that made her long for things she hadn’t had in a long time. She’d missed having someone to share her day with. She and Bobby had talked about everything after the kids were in bed, or at least she had assumed they had. It turned out she’d been wrong, but at the time, those talks had been the best part of her day.
More and more lately she’d looked to Caleb for that kind of sharing. Maybe she’d been leaning on him too much. That was something else they should discuss.
She looked into his worried eyes. “No, stay, please,” she said. “Actually I came to see you. I walked in here on impulse and it was so peaceful, I stayed.”
Caleb crossed to sit beside her. “What brought you here to see me? You don’t usually stop by the church.”
She gave him a wry smile. “Because you’re usually underfoot at the house. You haven’t been by for a while now.”
“I should be flattered that you’ve noticed,” he said, though he sounded anything but pleased. In fact, he looked uneasy. “I’ve been busy.”
“You’re always busy,” she noted. “That’s never kept you away before.”
He sighed, then looked directly into her eyes. “It’s not my absence that’s on your mind, is it? It’s something more specific.”
She thought about the question before answering. “The kids do miss you,” she said honestly. “They’ve been acting up in school this week. I think it’s because they’re feeling abandoned. Frankly, so am I.”
His expression troubled, he murmured, “I’m sorry. I should have thought of that and explained to them.”
Amanda regarded him with frustration. “Don’t you dare apologize, Caleb. You don’t owe us anything. You’ve already been more than generous with your time and everything else.” She studied him intently, then forced herself to ask him directly, “Are you afraid we’re all getting too attached to you, Caleb? Is that it? Because if it is, I understand. I’ll make the kids understand, too. We can’t rely on you to fill the void Bobby left in our lives. You’ve already done more than we have any right to expect.”
He frowned at her. “You and the kids haven’t expected anything from me that I haven’t been more than willing to give,” he said with unmistakable sincerity. “I’m not sure I can explain this so you’ll understand, but there have been some things going on that I needed to deal with.”
“Personal things?” she asked, watching him closely.
He never once met her eyes, but he nodded. “At least some of it. The rest has to do with other people.”
“And you couldn’t share with me whatever it is that relates just to you?” she asked. “I thought friends were supposed to be there for each other, the way you’ve been there for us. I told you that at my house before you ran off the other day. I guess you still don’t get it.”
“If this were just about me, you’d have a point,” he said. “But it’s not. Can you try to accept that? There are going to be times when I simply can’t talk to you about what’s on my mind.”
She studied him closely, saw the conflict in his eyes. “If these are things you’re supposed to keep confidential, then of course I can accept that,” she told him. “But you’ve just admitted that you’re hiding something else from me, something that’s more personal. I have to tell you that hurts, especially after all the things Bobby kept from me.”
He winced. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying that,” she chided. “You’re missing my point. Don’t you know there’s nothing you can’t discuss with me? You certainly know all the secrets in my life.”
He hesitated for a very long time before drawing a deep breath. “I know,” he said at last. “And you already know that I value your opinion. I came to you about Mary Louise, didn’t I? And I asked you to consider helping with our young people’s group here at the church.” He met her gaze with a challenging look. “You never did give me an answer to that, by the way. Have you thought about it?”
She grinned at him. “Very smooth, Reverend. Things get a little uncomfortable, and you turn the tables on me. Yes, I’ve thought about helping out, but we’re talking one evening a week, right? What would I do about the kids?”
His lips twitched at the unmistakably flimsy excuse she hoped to latch on to. “Who has them now?”
“Nadine and George,” she said, then chuckled at his stunned expression. “I know. It blows my mind, too, but they all get along and I think George is still feeling guilty that he tried to interfere in having the house built for us. Plus the man is so smitten with Nadine, he’d jump in front of a bus if she asked him to.”
“Then I’m sure they’d be happy to help out if it meant you’d be freed up to do something worthwhile for the church and these kids.”
She shook her head. “I can’t ask them to babysit every week. That’s too much.”
“You’re making excuses, Amanda. I don’t imagine they’d mind,” he countered. “And I think Dinah and Cord might be happy for the experience now that they have a baby on the way. I don’t think finding a baby-sitter would be a problem. You could even bring the kids along, if you had to. It’s mainly a chaperoning thing right here at the church. The young people get together, order in pizza, play a little music, plan some fund-raising activities. Sometimes we have speakers.”
“And you’d be here?” she asked.
“I’d be here,” he said, then grinned. “And on my very best behavior. I guarantee there would be no stolen kisses in the choir room. I
t would set a very bad example.”
“No stolen kisses, huh?” she said, struggling not to show even a hint of disappointment.
His grin spread. “Unless, of course, you wanted them to be a part of the deal,” he said. “Then I might find a way to make it work.”
“Very funny,” she said. “Let me talk to Nadine and Dinah and even Maggie. If they’re willing to take a turn with the kids from time to time, then I’ll consider helping.”
“Fantastic!”
“Hold on,” she cautioned. “What exactly do you want me to do?”
“Like I said, it’s mostly chaperoning and offering some adult supervision when their ideas get a little too ambitious. Every now and again, you’d have to do some informal counseling. The kids may come to you with problems. All they really want is someone who’ll listen.”
“Shouldn’t they be going to their parents?”
“Of course, that’s exactly what I encourage them to do, but sometimes they need an outside perspective, or maybe their parents are the problem. And, let’s face it, not all parents are around these days. A lot of teens have to make too many difficult decisions on their own, and they don’t always make the best ones.”
“And you really think I can help them?” she asked doubtfully.
“I think you have a huge heart and a good head on your shoulders. Of course you can help. And if you’re at a loss, send them to me.”
She nodded. “You’re definitely the better bet.”
“Not always,” he said, that sad, distant expression back in his eyes.
“Caleb?”
“What?” he asked, avoiding her gaze, a sure sign that she was treading back into territory he didn’t want to explore.
“There is something you’re keeping from me. I can see it in your eyes. It’s something that’s really weighing on you.”
“My problem, not yours,” he insisted.
“I could have said the same thing when you pushed your way into my life,” she reminded him.
He chuckled. “You did. Several times, as a matter of fact.”
“And remember what you did?” she asked. “You kept right on pushing.” She smiled at him cheerfully. “Consider this payback time.”
Caleb looked a little shaken by her response. Good, she thought. Maybe he’d open up sooner if he figured out that there was no way around it.
Caleb had known Amanda wasn’t going to let him get away with avoiding her questions forever. Her showing up at the church had proved just how well he understood her. He thought, though, he’d done a halfway-decent job of distracting her this time. He was going to have to get a whole lot better if he was to keep the situation with Max from her.
He had dropped in on Max several times since the night Max had mixed up the days and then brought him Coke instead of coffee. He still wasn’t absolutely certain both things hadn’t been innocent mistakes, but he was worried just the same.
So far, on most of his visits nothing had seemed amiss. In fact, Big Max seemed so perfectly normal that Caleb was beginning to think he’d made too much of the earlier incidents. There could be a dozen different reasons for the old man to be having an off night. None of them had to be dire.
Still, he kept going back.
Tonight he’d barely set foot in the door when Big Max pointed him toward a chair.
“Sit,” he ordered. “Would you mind telling me what the hell you think you’re up to?”
Caleb flinched. He thought he’d done a better job of dreaming up excuses to stop by. Apparently Big Max wasn’t buying any of them. Still, he hedged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Sure you do. You’ve been sniffing around out here like a dog on a scent. If you’ve got a genuine reason for being underfoot every time I turn around, it’s time you told me.”
Caleb debated how straightforward to be, especially in light of there having been no new incidents when Max seemed especially confused. He opted for being candid.
“You worried me a couple of weeks ago,” he admitted. “You seemed a little confused.”
Max regarded him blankly. “Confused how?”
“Not knowing what day of the week it was. Bringing me a soda when you left the room to get me coffee.”
The air seemed to go out of Max. “I knew I’d gotten that wrong,” he said, looking shaken. “But you didn’t say anything, so I thought maybe it was okay.”
“Then you’ve noticed things, too,” Caleb said gently. “Have there been any other incidents of forgetfulness?”
“Nothing I couldn’t explain away,” Max said defensively. “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”
Caleb didn’t intend to let him off the hook that easily. “Have you seen a doctor, Max?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Same reason most people don’t go, I imagine. I don’t want to know the truth. If I’ve got that old-timer’s thing, what good’s it going to do knowing? They can’t cure it.”
“There are things you could do, medicines that might help,” Caleb corrected. “And maybe it’s something else entirely, just a vitamin deficiency or something.”
“You don’t believe that any more than I do,” Big Max scoffed. “Look, I’ve got money so somebody can take care of me, if it comes down to that. In the meantime, I’ll just go along the way I have been.”
“But Amanda–”
“Is not to know a damn thing about any of this,” Max said heatedly. “I mean that, Reverend.” He said the last as if it were a curse, rather than a title of honor. “There’s nothing to tell, anyway.”
“At least see a doctor,” Caleb pleaded. “I’ll go with you. I’ll help you deal with it, whatever the outcome. Don’t just let this disease win, Max. Fight it. Get whatever help is out there.”
“Will it get you out from underfoot if I say yes?” Max asked.
“For tonight,” Caleb responded.
“That’s not much incentive,” Max said. “So I won’t give you much of a promise. I’ll think about what you said. That’s the best I can do.”
Caleb looked into his eyes, detected the fear Max would never admit to having. “Make the appointment, Max. It’s always better to know what you’re dealing with.”
Max gave him a wry look. “Is it really? I wonder if you’d be saying that if you were sitting here in my shoes.”
Caleb gave his shoulder a squeeze. “You’re tough enough to take the truth, Max.” He leveled a look directly into his eyes. “So is Amanda.”
“But she won’t hear the truth, not from you,” Max said to him urgently. “I have your word on that.”
Caleb sighed. He knew that without his commitment, Max wouldn’t see the doctor. He’d view that as the one sure way to make sure there was no truth to tell.
“If you’re sick, she’ll need to know, Max,” he said firmly. “But for now I’ll leave it to you to decide when it’s time to tell her.”
As he left the house, Caleb had the uneasy sense that he’d just made another pact with the devil and that it was one he was going to have plenty of time to regret.
Mary Louise couldn’t seem to quit throwing up. She’d been munching on saltines and sipping ginger ale all day, but the stupid morning sickness was worse than the flu. It just wouldn’t go away.
She knew she must look like a total wreck, because Willie Ron came into the Stop and Shop to get his check, took one look at her and ordered her to get out and go home to bed.
“Come back to work when you’re over this flu bug,” he said. “I can cover your shift and mine till then.”
“I can’t leave. I’m supposed to work a double shift,” she told him.
“And I’m here,” he pointed out. “I’ll fill in.”
“But you just stopped by,” she protested. “It’s not fair to ask you to cover for me on your day off. You’ve probably got plans.”
“Nothing that can’t wait, and you didn’t ask. I offered,” he said. “Besides, somebody’s li
able to come in and rob the place if they know you’re locked in the bathroom every fifteen minutes.”
That possibility had actually crossed her mind, too. She was always careful to lock the register before going into the bathroom, but if anyone hung around and noticed her repeated absence, who knew what they might decide to do? Even if they only stole some beer or candy, she didn’t want it happening on her watch. The manager would eventually catch on that inventory was going missing on her shift and she’d be fired, no questions asked. Even though she wasn’t on some career track here, she didn’t want to lose this job, not now when every penny was going into savings for the baby.
“Okay,” she said at last. “But why don’t I at least stay and keep you company? That way if Mr. Garrison shows up, he won’t think I’m blowing off work.”
“And why don’t I just tell him that we switched shifts?” Willie Ron suggested. “He doesn’t care as long as the place is covered and he doesn’t have to cut us a check for any more money. Besides, what makes you think I want that flu bug you’ve got?”
“I suppose you’re right,” she said at last. If he was going to cover for her, then he had a right to know the whole story. He’d be the first person outside the family and Reverend Webb she’d told. “Willie Ron, there’s something you should know. I’m not going to get better, at least not anytime soon. I can’t keep asking you to sub for me.”
His dark brown eyes widened as understanding dawned. “You telling me this ain’t the flu? You got a baby coming, Mary Louise?”
She gave him a weak smile. “Seems that way.”
“Well, praise the Lord, if that ain’t the best news I’ve heard in a long time.” He shook his head, looking dazed. “A baby. You and Danny, huh? He must be pretty excited.” At her lack of a response, his gaze narrowed. “He is excited, isn’t he?”
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