She was also certain Russ wouldn’t respect her wishes if she became his wife. She would be part of his crew, expected to follow his orders. She’d be in the same position her mother had been in, tied to a man and forced to endure the life he chose to make for them.
She wouldn’t do that. She’d already survived half a year on her own. She didn’t want to do it again, but she could.
“I’ve decided we won’t suit,” Tanzy told Russ. “I’m sorry to have put you to the expense of bringing me out here, but I can’t marry you.”
She had expected anger, even a refusal to allow her to change her mind, but Russ didn’t answer. From his expression, it was difficult to tell whether he didn’t know how to respond to her decision or his thoughts were entirely of the pain in his head.
“Did you hear what I said?” she asked when she couldn’t wait any longer for a response.
“My head hurts like the devil, but there’s nothing wrong with my hearing.”
“Do you agree with me?”
“No. You’re strong, intelligent, and able to make decisions on your own. That’s exactly the kind of woman a rancher needs for a wife.”
She was disappointed he didn’t say a word about liking her or finding her attractive. If she’d come straight to Colorado from Kentucky, she’d never have thought about being attractive. In Kentucky a wife was valued by how much work she could do and how many sons she could produce. It wasn’t until she worked in the gambling hall that she discovered men were strongly affected by a woman’s physical appearance.
“That may be,” she said, “but you‘re not the kind of husband l want.”
“What’s wrong? I own my own ranch. I’m not exactly ugly, and I’ll take good care of you.”
“You can’t do any of that if you’re dead or in prison.”
“I’m not going to get killed, and I’m certainly not going back to prison.”
“You will if you keep up this feud with Stocker.”
“I’m not feuding with Stocker.”
“He’s feuding with you.”
“That’s his problem.”
“Will you fight back if he tries to take your cattle or run you out of your valley?”
“Of course.”
“If he burns your house or barns, will you burn his?”
“Probably.”
“If his men kill some of your men, will you retaliate?”
“Without hesitation.”
“Then you’ll end up dead or in prison. And what’s more, if we have sons, future generations will be drawn into the fight.”
“Not if I kill Stocker. He doesn’t have any future generations.”
“I’m sure he has uncles, cousins, other relatives who’d want to avenge his death.”
“This is all nonsense.”
“It’s not nonsense. I grew up in the middle of a feud that killed my whole family. I know how feuds start and what keeps them going.”
His look was penetrating. “Are you sure you’re not making this up to keep from telling me you don’t like me and don’t want to marry me?”
“It’s not that at all,” Tanzy hastened to assure him. “I find you very attractive and nice. I was especially impressed you would come to meet the stage to make sure I arrived safely. Your pursuit of the thieves shows you have courage and a high sense of moral responsibility. I know you work hard because you couldn’t have built up your ranch if you didn’t. I also know you take good care of your men, or they wouldn’t have remained faithful to you. Everybody knows you’re unafraid of danger and willing to stand up for yourself against any odds. You’ve exactly the kind of man every woman dreams of having for a husband.”
“If I’m so perfect, why won’t you marry me?”
“Because of the feud.”
There is no feud.”
“I disagree.”
“I live here. I know what’s going on.”
“You’re so bound up in your anger at Stocker, you don’t see what both of you are doing.”
“And you don’t understand that a man has to defend his property. If he doesn’t, he won’t have it long.”
“You haven’t forgotten your sister’s death, and Stocker hasn’t forgotten his brother’s. That’s more than enough to keep the two of you at each other’s throats.”
“Good Lord, woman, I can’t believe you’re foolish enough to build an argument into a war.”
His words were like a slap in the face. “That’s something else I find unacceptable.”
“What?” Russ asked. “I didn’t say anything.”
“The fact that you don’t realize what you said makes it even worse.”
“I don’t like guessing games. Tell me what you’re talking about.”
“You clearly don’t respect my opinions.”
“That’s because they’re wrong.”
“It’s also clear you don’t expect your wife to have any say in how you run the ranch.”
“I’m not going to tell her what to cook. I don’t care—”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“Then say what you mean. Say something a man can understand instead of all this nonsense.”
“You did it again.”
“Did what again?” He was getting increasingly impatient.
“You dismissed my opinion as nonsense.”
“Because it is.”
“It’s not nonsense to me.”
“That’s because you don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
“You expect me to accept your opinions without question, without your taking the time to explain to me why they aren’t nonsense, without your taking the time to listen to my concerns and give them the same amount of consideration as your own.”
“No self-respecting rancher is going to let his wife make all the decisions, any more than he would expect to run the household.”
“Of course you’d tell me how to run the household,” Tanzy replied. “You’d tell me what you wanted to eat and when, you’d decide how much money I had to spend, and you’d tell me when I could go into town. And if my doing the wash on any given day got in the way of your plans, you’d tell me that, too.”
“You didn’t put any of this in your letters,” Russ said.
“You didn’t say anything about the feud,”
“There is no feud!”
“You don’t need to shout,” Tanzy said. “I’ve tried my best to make you understand why I made my decision, but you aren’t listening. There’s nothing more to say except that I’m not going to marry you.”
Russ’s look turned hard. “What are you going to do about the money you owe me?”
Chapter Six
Russ was angry. He hadn’t liked this mail-order bride business from the beginning, but Welt had kept saying it was the only way Russ was going to find a wife as long as everybody within a hundred miles thought he was a cold-blooded killer. Russ hadn’t wanted a wife. His mother and sister had given him no reason to want another woman in his life He had his work, and his cowhands provided plenty of companionship. There was no reason to complicate his life.
Welt hadn’t let up. He had dwelt on the advantages to the ranch, had said Russ needed a wife so he could have children to inherit his land. Russ hadn’t paid attention to half of what Welt said until Welt told him he’d sent the money for Tanzy to come to Boulder Gap. Despite being furious that Welt would practically ask a woman to marry Russ without Russ even knowing about it, he had gone to meet the stagecoach to tell her he’d changed his mind because bandits had already attacked it twice. Much to his surprise, a strong physical attraction had sprung up between them from the very beginning. Tanzy was a very pretty woman. She was also very nice. He liked her and enjoyed her company. He still hadn’t believed getting married was a good idea, but he was willing to give it serious thought. No man could look at Tanzy and not think of what it would be like to cuddle up with her on a cold Colorado winter night.
It was probably best that she didn’t
want to marry him, but he was still angry. She had made her decision for all the wrong reasons.
“If I had lied to you,” Russ said, “you’d have every right to walk away without any debts, but I’m an honest rancher, reliable, willing and able to support a wife and family, everything you said in your letters you wanted. Since you’re turning me down for no good reason, you owe me the cost of bringing you out here, putting you up in a hotel, and for that dress you’re wearing.”
“I didn’t want the money. You practically forced me to take it.”
“You didn’t have to spend it.”
“What was I supposed to do, hold it until we decided if we wanted to many?”
That would have been the logical thing to do.”
Russ was aware he was being unfair. He was also aware he was being anything but a gentleman, but he was too mad to care. She hadn’t based her refusal on anything important, just this stupid argument with Stocker. What did she expect him to do, sit there and let that drunk brandish the gun about until he shot someone?
He’d made a fool of himself to protect her, and now she thought he was feuding with Stocker and would get himself and any future sons killed. How could a sensible woman turn a simple fight into something like that? Not only that, she’d hit him on the head instead of Stocker! She looked good on the outside, but she must be a little crazy. It was a good thing they’d decided to give themselves a week before making a commitment to this marriage.
“I don’t have any money,” Tanzy said.
“I’ll wait until you find a job before I expect you to pay me back.”
“What kind of job can I find in this town?”
“What are you qualified to do?”
She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. He was certain she had almost said she was qualified to be a wife. He expected she would be efficient, would manage things well, but she’d also made it clear she wanted to make a lot of the decisions. She’d soon learn western men wouldn’t put up with that.
He certainly wouldn’t. His mother and sister had cured him of any belief that a woman could sufficiently separate her intelligence from her emotions. Their behavior had been the cause of all the trouble he’d had in Boulder Gap.
“You agreed to give me a full week to decide whether to marry you,” Tanzy said. “Will you give me the rest of the week to find a way to repay you?”
“How will you do that?”
“I don’t know. I’ll have to find out what jobs are available.”
“You might ask at Fort Lookout. I hear the woman who runs the store there prefers to hire women. You could always be a laundress.”
“How far away is the fort? Where would I live?”
Russ thought better of the idea as soon as it came out of his mouth. A pretty, single woman would have the soldiers beating down her door to ask her to marry them.
“I’m not sure the fort is such a good idea. Talk to Ethel Peters. She knows everything about Boulder Gap.” He stood. “Now I’m going to bed and hope my head stops feeling like I got kicked by a mule. If you have a message for me, give it to Archie. He’ll see that I get it.”
Russ didn’t go straight to the boardinghouse. He was angry and frustrated. Irritated, annoyed, and just plain mad at being rejected yet again for something he hadn’t done. Also, he hadn’t realized how much he’d come to like the idea of getting married.
He didn’t like the idea of never seeing Tanzy again. He didn’t know what it was about her that had gotten to him, but he liked being around her. It wasn’t just that she was pretty and spirited. There was something about her that made him feel different, that enabled him to put aside his worries about Stocker and the rustling, helped him forget that everyone in Boulder Gap seemed to hate him. It was almost as though hers was the only opinion that mattered.
That was stupid, of course. No woman’s attention could make up for all the inequities of his life. He guessed he was more susceptible to feminine wiles than he realized. It was good she didn’t want to marry him. He could have found himself stuck with a bossy, opinionated woman who’d make the rest of his life miserable. It was definitely better to end it now.
Then why did he feel as if he was losing something important, something he’d never find again?
Tanzy couldn’t decide whether she was more relieved or upset that she’d decided not to marry Russ. She liked him and admired many things about him. He was handsome and she enjoyed being with him, but none of that could compensate for the fact that he was involved in a feud. Neither did she want to tie herself to a man who clearly had no respect for women, their opinions, or their rights to share in decisions that affected them. She had no doubt that he would be fair as he saw things, but he would discount any opinions that diverged from his own. No, she was well out of that situation.
But that left her with more problems than when she’d started.
Where could she find a job that would enable her to earn enough money to pay Russ back? Should she stay in Boulder Gap or move to another town? Would she ever find a husband who would give her the respect she demanded?
She wandered over to the window, looked at her reflection in the windowpane. Her calm expression gave no hint of the conflicting emotions swirling within her, any more than the quiet streets reflected the rough and sometimes brutal nature of the town. How could she look so normal when absolutely nothing was normal? Every decision she had made since she’d left home had made her situation worse. It would have been easier to marry her disgusting cousin.
Easier, but not better.
She turned away from the window and began to undress. There was nothing she could do to solve her problems tonight. Her first priority tomorrow would be to find a respectable job. The respectable part was important. She would clean houses, cook, do laundry, almost anything before she worked in a gambling hall ever again.
She didn’t know what she would do or where she would go if she couldn’t find work in Boulder Gap. She had no way of knowing if things would be better in the next town. Or the town after that. She shrugged off a flash of anger at Russ. She didn’t think it was fair of him to require her to pay him back, but she had been the one to turn him down. And if it came to a choice of paying him back or marrying him, she’d find a way to pay him.
Which brought her to the question of what she was going to do with her life. She’d always assumed she would get married. Would she be willing to forego marriage if she couldn’t find a man who’d give her the respect she wanted? Odd that she’d never considered that option before. She’d always been certain that once she escaped the feud, everything would be all right, but things hadn’t worked out that way. St. Louis had been a disaster. Now she’d turned down an opportunity to get married. Where did that leave her?
Tanzy laid her dress out carefully. She doubted she’d be able to afford another for a long time. She climbed into bed but was too keyed up to sleep just yet. She had too many questions that still needed answers.
She wasn’t willing to compromise about the feud or about respect, so she had to accept that her requirements greatly reduced the number of men who were available as potential husbands. In order to attract the kind of husband she wanted, she had to protect her reputation. That meant not taking a job that automatically compromised her. No saloons or gambling establishments. That didn’t leave much besides housework. From what she’d seen, she doubted there were more than half a dozen women in Boulder Gap who could afford to pay someone to clean their houses and cook their meals. So where did that leave her?
She’d have to talk to Ethel Peters. Maybe she would help her now that she wasn’t going to marry Russ.
Tanzy felt a tinge of regret at turning her back on Russ. Aside from the fact that she liked him and found him very attractive, she sympathized with his dilemma. Maybe she should be more critical of a man who’d killed another man in a gunfight, but she was convinced he was basically a good person. There was no nonsense about him. He didn’t shower her with flowery compliment
s or try to seduce her with extravagant praise. Nor did he pretend to any emotions he didn’t feel. He was a man of courage and integrity, exactly the kind of man a sensible woman would want for a husband.
But he couldn’t be her husband. It was pointless to remind herself of all the points in his favor. He had two flaws she couldn’t accept. No point in feeling a pang of disappointment. So it was time for her to put all thoughts of Russ out of her mind and go to sleep. Tomorrow held plenty of challenges of its own.
Tanzy slid down into the bed and settled under the covers. She just hoped she didn’t dream of him.
“I don’t want you to kill him,” Stocker said to Chick Hoffman. “I want to be able to pin the rustling on him. I intend to watch him hang.”
“It’s not easy to get inside that valley,” Chick said. “He’s got the pass guarded day and night.”
The two men met regularly after midnight in Stocker’s office in the back of his saloon. The noise of music and laughter, as well as the smell of whiskey and cigars, had penetrated the very walls of the building.
“That’s what you’re supposed to do, but he’s been in town twice this week.”
“He can go in and out because he knows the mountains better than we do.”
“You’ve got nothing to do all day but sit around,” Stocker said. “Learn them better.”
Chick would have liked to tell Stocker to go to hell, but it would be foolish to turn on a man who was paying him to rustle cows and protecting him at the same time. This sweet deal couldn’t last long, but he intended to milk it as long as he could.
“Where are you keeping the rustled cows?”
“You don’t have to worry about anybody finding them,” Chick said. “They’re perfectly safe.”
“You putting Russ’s brand on them?”
“Just like you said.”
“How long will it take you to put together a herd of about two hundred cows?”
“Maybe another month if we keep going slow.”
“Then that’s how long I’ll wait.”
The Reluctant Bride Page 7
