by Croix, J. H.
“Thanks for inviting me in. I know it sounds crazy that I just hopped on a plane and came here. You could have freaked out that I asked the guy at the airport where you lived. I’m realizing that the fact you even let me in the door is really nice of you, all things considered,” Emma said.
Hannah pulled at a slice of bread and shrugged. “I don’t think it’s crazy. I can see why somebody would. But…people looking for people do stuff like that. I mean, I think they do sometimes. You have a little more nerve than me. As for asking the guy at the airport where I lived—Diamond Creek is tiny and friendly,” she said with a shrug.
A smile flickered again before Emma spoke. “I don’t know if it’s nerve. I don’t know what to say about your parents. I have all these questions, and I realize it’s probably not easy for you to have them gone.” She paused and twisted at her ring again. “I think you might be right about your gut. Mine says that you’re probably my sister too. I don’t know what to do. I read all this stuff about people giving people space and some people needing DNA tests done before trying to get to know each other.” Emma’s voice trailed off, and she looked to Hannah.
Hannah spoke without thinking. “I’m sure we both have a ton of questions. I don’t need a DNA test to talk. I’d be curious to do one, but…I don’t know. Seems weird to not get to know each other until that happens. I’m not sure what to say about my parents. Do you want to see pictures or something?” she asked.
As soon as those words traveled out, Hannah wished she hadn’t spoken. She had rarely looked at pictures of her parents in the years since they died. Every so often she did, but it wasn’t easy. She wondered if sharing them with Emma would help in ways she hadn’t expected. She stood to go get some from her mother’s desk and looked to Emma before she stepped away from the table.
Emma gave a steady look back. “If that’s okay, I’d love to see them.” Again, she twisted the ring on her finger. “You know, this is just weird. When you said there was no map, that about sums it up.”
Hannah nodded. “I’ll get some pictures.” She caught sight of the clear sky and the waves in the bay as she moved toward the stairs. Her chest tightened as she thought of how much her mother had loved the view here. When she reached the landing, she looked across the familiar room. The time she had been here had eased the feeling of her parents in every room. When she let herself, it was odd to forget they were gone. This room held so many memories, most of them of her mother puttering at her desk or sewing machine. The feeling of her mother’s presence washed through her, a stroke to her soul. She pulled out some photos she’d tucked away in her mother’s old desk, along with the legal papers about Emma.
Hannah brought the pictures to where Emma sat with Jessie lounging under the table nearby. They were all still in frames. One had sat on her parents’ dresser for years. It was of her mother leaning against a dock piling after a morning out on the bay. Her dark hair was windblown, her blue eyes matching the sky. She wore jeans, rubber boots, and a red T-shirt. She looked as if she’d just been laughing. The moment captured her mother’s careless beauty and joy. The photo of her father had been on her mother’s desk for as long as Hannah could remember. It had been taken in the first year after they moved to Alaska. Her father was taking a break from unloading firewood from the back of a red truck. He was leaning against the tailgate, in jeans and a faded red flannel shirt with battered leather gloves held in hand. The corner of their house was to one side with the fireweed field in bloom on the other. His black hair was already salted with gray, his hazel eyes clear and direct. He looked tired, but happy, a wry smile on his face. The last photo she had brought down was of her and her parents, the summer before she left for graduate school. It had been taken at a dinner party at Faye’s house. The three of them were posed on Faye’s back deck, Hannah standing between her parents, their arms curved around her. Looking at the photo, she realized that was how she’d usually felt in her childhood, protected, held in the circle of the world her parents created for her.
Hannah laid the photos on the kitchen table. Rather than stumbling over words, she just let herself be quiet. She sat down and laid the envelope with the legal documents in it on the table. She watched while Emma looked, just looked, at the photos. The call of a raven filtered through the open windows, magpies following with their sharp chatter. A soft breeze came in through the kitchen. Jessie had wandered over to her dog bed and fallen asleep; she snorted in her sleep and kicked her legs. The fireweed was close to blooming in the side field. Small mauve buds were visible along the tips of the fireweed. In a week or so, the field would be awash in color. Hannah turned when Emma spoke.
“So these are your parents and perhaps mine. They look kind, lovely actually. You have your mother’s eyes.”
Hannah responded without thinking. “So do you. It’s the first thing I noticed about you.”
Emma nodded. “You know, my adoptive parents are wonderful. I had a great childhood. I just wanted to say that. They’ve been supportive of me trying to find my biological family. It’s weird, though…part of me feels like I might be disloyal to them for wanting to know. But…” She shrugged and continued, “I just reached a point where I thought the possibility of regret outweighed anything else.”
Hannah took in Emma’s words and looked at the photos. “As strange as it was to find out I probably had a sister out in the world somewhere, I can sort of imagine what it was like to know you had other family somewhere.” She reached for the envelope of papers and pulled them out. “I brought these down. This is what I found that led me to look for you. I didn’t know about you before my parents died. My mom’s friend told me she’d been trying to figure out how to tell me about it. But…they died before they did.” Her throat felt tight again and she swallowed. “Anyway, I thought you might want to see these.” She slid them across the table to Emma.
Emma carefully lifted the papers and read through them. Silence pooled in the room, broken by another raven call that was followed by more aggrieved chattering of magpies. After a few moments, Emma set the papers down.
“So you found these then?” she asked.
Hannah nodded. “Yeah, they were in a file box my mother had stored with a friend during some remodeling they had done here. To say the least, it was startling. Part of me was angry about it, mostly because I guess I thought they would have told me sooner. But…if I’ve learned anything, I guess it’s that we all have complicated lives.”
The sound of a car interrupted her. Looking out the window, she saw Susie’s blue Subaru come to a stop behind her truck. Susie climbed out and looked toward Emma’s rental car. Turning back to the house, Susie caught Hannah’s gaze through the window. She waved and walked to the deck.
“Company?” Susie asked as she opened the door.
“It’s Emma,” Hannah said quietly, meeting her at the door.
Susie looked at her sharply and quirked an eyebrow. Her eyes were concerned and questioning.
“I’m okay,” Hannah said, voice still low. “It’s a surprise, but it’s okay.” Susie followed her to the kitchen. Hannah made introductions quickly. “Susie and her mom helped me look for you.”
Susie added, “Mostly my mom.”
Hannah chuckled. “Mostly her mom. She’s the one that found your post on the forum.” She looked between Susie and Emma.
Susie, who knew her so well, seemed to sense that Hannah was floundering and jumped in. “Wow, so you just hopped on a plane to Alaska?”
Emma nodded. “Pretty much. I wondered if it was a mistake for a bit, but now it seems okay. Just…weird…and kind of awkward.”
Susie, being Susie, didn’t hesitate. “Awkward is one way to put it. Long lost family, sister kind of thing. Yup, that’s awkward. Not to barge in, but do you want to have dinner at my mom’s tonight?” She looked to Hannah. “My mom just called about it, and I was over this way and thought I’d just stop by. We coul
d go over together.”
Hannah looked toward Emma and couldn’t get a read on what she thought. “Sounds good to me. I need to walk Jessie soon, though. What do you think?” she asked, directing her question to Emma.
Emma looked up. “Okay. I don’t want to impose, though. I know you didn’t exactly expect to have company.”
Hannah and Susie spoke at once.
“Don’t worry about that,” Hannah said.
Part of Susie’s words crossed over hers. “Oh don’t worry. My mom loves to smooth things over. She’ll be ecstatic that you actually just showed up here.”
Emma appeared to find Susie amusing, as a small smile tilted one corner of her mouth up. She looked to Hannah again and asked, “Are you sure it’s okay if I go? I meant it when I said I didn’t want to impose. I have to figure out where my hotel is and everything.”
“You don’t need to stay in a hotel. You can stay here,” Hannah said and then paused when she realized what had come out. “I mean, it’s fine if you want to stay in a hotel. But there’s definitely room here. It’s just me and Jessie.”
Emma waited a beat before speaking. “Well…I don’t know. I feel like a broken record, but I don’t want to impose. You just met me. Are you sure it’s okay to stay here?”
Before Hannah could respond, Susie spoke, gesturing toward Hannah. “If she says it’s okay, then it’s okay. I’ve known Hannah for years. I can see why this is weird for both of you. But…this is a small town—it’s not unheard of to invite someone to stay, even acquaintances. We don’t stand on ceremony around here.”
“Susie’s right. I wouldn’t invite you if it weren’t okay,” Hannah said. “I won’t pretend it isn’t strange to be trying to figure this out, but you’re welcome to stay here. The house is spacious. It won’t be like we’re on top of each other. That way, we can have time to get to know each other. I haven’t even asked how long you plan to stay—if you planned that is.”
Emma looked between Hannah and Susie, the barest of smiles passing across her face. “I hadn’t planned much. My ticket is round-trip, but it’s one of those where you can pick your return date later. I just have to pick it a week before I plan to leave.” She shrugged. “Coming here…I didn’t really think it through. I’d love to stay here if that’s okay.”
Hannah nodded affirmatively. “It’s okay. Do you want to get your things from the car? You can do that while I get ready to take Jessie for a walk.” She turned to Susie. “You think it’s okay if I bring Jessie to your mom’s? That way, I can take Emma to the beach with me and then we can meet you at your mom’s.”
“Of course you can bring Jessie to Mom’s,” Susie said. “That’ll give Dante someone to play with for a bit. You two walk Jessie and do whatever else you need to, then we’ll meet at my mom’s. Say about six?”
Within a half hour, Hannah was driving to the beach with Emma. Jessie sat happily between them on the bench seat of the truck. Hannah provided brief commentary on the view for Emma, pointing out Mount Augustine and a few of the peaks across the bay. When she brought the truck to a stop in the harbor parking lot, Luke came to mind and she pushed the thought away. She had enough to think about without worrying about what to do about him.
The sky remained mostly clear with a few wispy clouds as the sun slowly made its way down the horizon. Jessie ran out ahead of them and circled back, again and again, joy radiating from her. The walk gave time for Hannah’s emotions to settle. The experience of Emma’s appearance was so astonishing, Hannah didn’t know how to sort out her feelings. The sights and sounds of the shoreline were grounding, tugging her focus away from the confusion she felt about Luke, along with Emma’s sudden presence in her life.
She and Emma exchanged questions as they moved down the beach. Jessie offered breaks of comedy, once fruitlessly swimming after a raft of birds floating close to the shoreline. Emma found the seals that occasionally surfaced amusing, their sleek heads and round eyes curious and watchful. An eagle flew by and swooped down to the water, coming up with a salmon clutched in its talons. The shoreline was giving Emma a show of Alaska—a typical series of events on any given day on the beach here, but more likely seen only in the pages of National Geographic by most people.
Jessie eventually tired enough to stay by their sides, at which point they turned back toward the parking lot. Looking toward the harbor and out into the bay, Hannah could see a line of boats stretching into the distance, following the rising tide into the harbor. She caught herself trying to catch sight of Luke’s boat and consciously looked away.
In their short walk, she’d learned that Emma was a social worker who worked with adolescents. Emma had gone to college and graduate school at the University of North Carolina, near her hometown of Raleigh. Emma had also shared that she’d recently separated from her husband of two years and started the process of a divorce. She openly acknowledged that the life-shifting process of making those changes had prompted her to finally look for her biological parents. Hannah sensed pain and shame from Emma around her divorce, but she didn’t probe.
Emma had a steady stream of questions as Hannah drove toward Faye’s house, mostly about Diamond Creek and what it was like to live in Alaska. Once they arrived at Faye’s, Faye quickly got them settled at the kitchen table where she’d already laid out a plate of crackers, smoked salmon, and cheeses.
“So what did you think of the beach here?” Susie asked Emma.
“Beautiful. But of course you know that,” she said with a smile. “Quite different from the beaches I’m used to in North Carolina. Do you ever get used to seeing eagles and seals?”
After a few moments of talk about the other wildlife Emma might encounter while she was here, Faye jumped right in, staring down the elephant in the room, in this case the fact that Emma had just shown up in Diamond Creek and then had to learn her possible biological parents were no longer alive. Faye turned that elephant into a less intimidating reality. She comfortably shared what she knew from Hannah’s mother and drew Emma’s story from her. While Hannah had learned some about Emma, she had avoided asking about her adoptive parents. Faye showed where Susie got her directness, although she presented a softer version of it. She simply asked what Emma’s childhood had been like. Hannah was relieved to have Faye as a backup. While Faye cared about Hannah and had been close to her parents, she wasn’t embroiled in the complicated feelings Hannah was experiencing.
The sun had fallen just above the horizon, becoming a deep red as daylight faded. Dinner passed in a leisurely manner. Hannah found that Emma was someone she’d like as a friend, regardless of the possible biological connection. She came across as reserved, but hints of a brash side showed here and there. Just the fact that she’d come to Alaska unannounced said something about her. She was guarded when discussing her pending divorce, and Hannah again sensed that the story behind it held a lot of power. The presence of Faye and Susie seemed to ease Emma’s reserve on questions about Hannah’s parents. Between the three of them, they offered as much as they could. To Hannah’s surprise, Faye had even looked up the process for DNA testing if Emma and Hannah chose to do it. Hannah’s feelings about the DNA testing were complicated. Part of her wanted to do it, just so she would know. With Emma now sitting in front of her, there was also a small fear about how they would handle it if the testing ended up showing that they weren’t the sisters that they both had a feeling they were.
With Faye bringing the testing idea up, Hannah learned that she and Emma shared the conflicted feelings. They were able to laugh about it and ended up agreeing to go to the place Faye had located in Anchorage that would do the testing on-site. With Hannah and Susie having already planned a trip to Anchorage the following week, Emma would go with them and be able to see more of Alaska along the way.
The night ended with Hannah driving them home through the soft dusk, realizing that the days were getting shorter. Summer in Alaska had a timeles
s quality for a period, when the days felt endless and the sun barely set. Energy was high in those days, the light fueling a whirlwind of activity. That feeling shifted when the days began to shorten, and the sense that fall was on its way quickened. The high energy of summer—the long days and short nights—were a stark contrast to the winter, which inevitably came with its truncated days and much longer nights.
The ride back home was quiet. Emma watched the landscape roll by, commenting only on the moon rising over the bay. After Emma went to bed, Hannah sat on the deck while Jessie explored the yard. The air was cool with a sharp bite to it. The moon and stars were bright in the sky. Ripples on the surface of the bay were visible with the moon casting a soft beam on the water. She wished she could talk to her parents now to ask them about what happened. In some ways, she understood their choice to give Emma up for adoption. She still struggled with not having known sooner that she’d had a sister somewhere and wished they could have met Emma.
Wind ruffled through the spruce trees while the moon rose higher in the sky. It was close to full tonight. Jessie eventually came to her side, jumping lightly onto the bench and turning to face the yard, apparently satisfied with her sniffing for the night. Hannah rested a hand on Jessie’s back and stroked her. She wondered about calling Luke tomorrow to ask if he could take them out on the bay for a short trip. She didn’t mean to turn Emma’s visit into a tourist fiesta, but she did want to show Emma what had mattered to her parents. They had spent as much time as possible out in the bay.
A raven flew by the deck, its flight path low. The sound of wings softly beating the air passed by. Its shadowed form lifted up to land in a tree nearby. Jessie watched intently. Hannah gave her a last stroke and then rose. As she stepped into the house, quiet enveloped her. She walked upstairs, Jessie’s furred paws clicking softly behind her.
