"Hard as we both have it," she said, "I don't think either of us has anything on Emma-O. Did you know that he'd been demoted for a time?"
Jin just shook her head, staring with a mixture of horror and fascination out of Madame Meng's window, and the old woman went on. "It's true. To the Fifth Hell. Too lenient, it was said. That is his instinct, bless him. He's really a gentle sort. Yet he was not performing his function. We all serve in our fashion."
"It's horrible," Jin said.
Madame Meng shook her head. "Necessary."
Jin tore her gaze from the window. "Could you do this? Condemn a person to something this horrible?"
"No," Madame Meng said. "I could not. That's one reason I'm here and not King of the First Hell."
Jin glared. "I'm not sure I'd call that a failing."
Madame Meng smiled. "Suppose someone you loved was sick, and you knew a way to cure them. Would you do it? Whatever it was? Whatever it took? I know for a fact that you would."
Jin looked out the window. "Why doesn't this window show you the Ninth Hell?" Jin asked. "And for heaven's sake, why don't you keep those curtains shut?"
"Because I have everything I need," Madame Meng said, "Remember? And one thing I do need, and often, is a reminder that my burden, no matter how onerous, may not be so great after all. It's the sort of thing we can all do with, now and again. So. Drink your tea before it gets cold."
Jin wasn't really interested in tea now, but she stirred in a spoonful of sugar and took a sip. It tasted faintly of jasmine, and the aroma was heady. For a moment she closed her eyes and tried to forget about the horror outside Madame Meng's big bay window. She couldn't do it for long, despite the splendid tea.
"Is that the Avici Hell?"
Madame Meng just shrugged. "Possibly. The view changes now and again. I'm never really sure....ah, there it goes."
The scene did change, almost like someone had flipped a channel on an infernal remote. Now Jin and Madame Meng looked out on rolling hills that were covered in wicked looking black spikes. Men and women were impaled on those spikes but did not die. They twitched feebly but were unable to move.
"The Hell of Needles," Madame Meng said. "That one's easy to spot... Well, this has been a lovely visit and I appreciate your patience, Jin. So. Let's get down to business."
Jin blinked. "I don't understand. You said there was nothing you could tell me."
"Not a bit. I said that I didn't know your original plan, and that's true -- I don't. But I do know what you were running from."
"So do I," Jin said, "though I don't think I was supposed to. His name is Shiro. He's taken physical form in Medias and he's found me."
"Naturally," Madame Meng said.
Jin just stared at her for a moment. "What do you mean, 'naturally'?"
"I mean it was inevitable. Once Emma-O found you, it stood to reason that Shiro would, too."
"You know about Shiro? And Teacher... I mean Emma-O betraying me?"
Madame Meng had to put down her teacup, she was laughing so hard. Jin just stared at her with her brow furrowing in annoyance until the old woman regained control of herself. "Oh, child...is that what you think? That Emma-O betrayed you?"
Jin stiffened. "Of course. Shiro said that Emma-O told him where I was!"
"So first you believed he meant that literally, and then you jumped to conclusions. Did it not occur to you that he may just have meant the obvious? That he knew Emma-O was looking for you and if he'd chosen to incarnate in a particular hell, it could only mean that he'd found you?"
Jin started to argue, but stopped before she'd gotten the first word out. "Oh," she finally said. I didn't think of that."
"You haven't thought of a lot of things, Jin. You don't really know what's at stake here, do you?"
Jin nodded, looking glum. "It seems odd saying it, but I seem to have covered my tracks very carefully...at least so far as keeping the incarnate me in the dark. Every other aspect of my vaunted 'plan' seems to be a massive screw-up. If the idea was to keep me away from Shiro, then it didn't work. If there's more to it I haven't a clue as to what it might be."
"Still," Madame Meng said, and Jin reddened.
"I'm doing my best! Ok, so I'm not the brightest -- "
Madame Meng was laughing again. "Oh, Jin, you are priceless. You actually believe what you're saying... Jin, whatever you have been or will be, 'dim' is not one of them. Read your own legend sometimes."
"I have been!" Jin protested, but Madame Meng wasn't impressed.
"Well do it again, and pay attention this time. Take a good long look at your reputation: you're wise, powerful, compassionate... and I can personally swear to the truth of all of them."
Jin frowned. "But... didn't Guan Yin make a mistake? She married a mortal! And why? Did... do I, love him?"
"Of course. What do you think this has all been about? You're trying to help him."
"I mean as a woman loves a man," Jin said, and she realized she was blushing.
Madame Meng looked thoughtful for a moment. "At first glance, no. You're an Enlightened Being, remember? You've seen through the delusions of the world, including desire. That's what an Enlightened Being is."
"But I -- "
Madame Meng held up a finger for silence. "I wasn't finished, Jin Hannigan. Remember what I said above? 'Whatever it was. Whatever it took'?"
"You were talking about Emma-O."
"I was talking about you, too. If Guan Yin decided that the only way she could help Minamoto no Shiro was to fall in love with him, she would do it. I'm not saying you did; I don't know. But don't say it's not possible."
"But... even if that was the plan, it didn't work! That was thousands of years ago and he's still obsessed with me!"
"No, he's still in love with you. You really don't know what's at stake now, do you?"
Jin didn't know what to say. As infuriating as it had been to be kept in the dark, she had taken some comfort in hoping that, perhaps, the Guan Yin That Was knew what she was doing and that everything would work out. Yet after her discovery by Shiro and the little bombshell he'd dropped on her, Jin was having a harder and harder time hold on to this notion. With Madame Meng's help, that slim lifeline was unraveling completely.
"Does... does that mean you do know what's at stake?"
"Not entirely," Madame Meng admitted, "but I may have a better grasp than you do at the moment. As you may have guessed, I have a great deal of time on my hands and at my leisure I've given the situation some thought. Would you like to hear what I think?"
Jin just looked at her, and when she spoke her voice was barely above a whisper. "Please," she said.
Madame Meng nodded. "Fine, then. We'll start with Shiro, but you first. Tell me everything you think you know." She took a sip of tea and settled down to listen.
(())
Chapter 15
"It's worse than I thought," Madame Meng said, and that was all she said for a long time.
Jin didn't mind the silence; her throat was sore from talking and she was content to sip her tea and rest. She still felt tired and worn, but talking to Madame Meng came as a great relief; speaking to Teacher always felt like a confrontation regardless of whether it actually was. Jin, by contrast, felt no fight or flight stress from the Queen of the Ninth Hell. She felt almost like an old friend which, by what Madame Meng herself said, might even be true.
Still, Jin held onto her caution--it was one of the few things she still trusted. "You were right when you said that I didn't know what was at stake. I thought I did, when Shiro first appeared. He was like some great evil darkness, the way he was trapping that poor little girl in her own hell. Was I wrong about that?"
"About Shiro as a great evil darkness? I accept that his desires are so strong that they might affect others. That doesn't mean he was doing what you say on purpose."
Jin shrugged. "He must be. He seeks out those ready to pass over because he knows I must go to them too."
Madame Meng nodded. "Yes, but
that doesn't explain why he would interfere. Not that the little girl wasn't trapped already, I suspect, but you're saying he was deliberately feeding her delusion."
Jin put down her tea and rubbed her eyes. "I only know what I saw."
"No argument, Jin. And if that's the case, then Shiro's actively interfered with the work of freeing souls for advancement. For that alone he could be condemned to the Avici Hell. Yet that hasn't happened. I don't suppose you've wondered why?"
Jin looked a little sheepish. "Madame Meng, in all honesty I don't understand enough of what's going on to reach that level of suspicion. I barely know that the Avici Hell exists. I barely know what my function in all this is."
Madame Meng looked thoughtful. "Which, I believe, was the whole point of reincarnating without your memories. Now, you're a quick learner and you're doing your best to fulfill your basic duties as Guan Yin, despite the handicap of your mortal form. That essentially satisfies Emma-O's interest in you for the moment and he seems content to leave matters as they are. Yet that leaves you without any greater understanding of the context in which you work or even the true point of it. Yes?"
Jin nodded. "It's true. Teacher gave me the big picture but he wasn't particularly keen on specifics."
"That's what I mean when I say you don't have a clue what the stakes are now."
"Then what is at stake?"
Madame Meng sipped her tea and Jin was left with another long silence. "Many things, Jin, but I think the most grave may be your ability to function as the Bodhisattva of Mercy."
"Well, it's true that I feel limited, but you said yourself that I was managing -- "
"You don't understand, Jin. I mean your ability to perform these duties, period. In whatever form you may inhabit. I think the cosmos is in danger of losing Guan Shi Yin entirely."
Jin almost dropped her cup. "Because of Shiro? How?"
Madame Meng shrugged. "I don't know. I don't pretend to understand the events that Guan Yin has set in motion. But I'm sure that I'm right. Marrying Shiro was a dangerous act."
Jin felt a chill. "Which I don't understand at all. How could Guan Shi Yin marry in the first place? She renounced the world!"
"That's where you're wrong. A Bodhisattva specifically does not renounce the world. That's what makes them Bodhisattvas."
"Well, ok, they remain active in the world, but all the rest goes away, doesn't it? Love? Physical desire?"
Madame Meng shrugged. "Not being Enlightened, I wouldn't know. Love certainly does not go away. You've always had that, Jin, in abundance. That's why you are who you are."
"It might help me understand if I knew more of Guan Yin's history with Shiro. Are there any details? I'll settle for a broad outline."
"I'd be surprised if the legend is unknown, even in your time."
"I don't want a legend. I want the facts."
Madame Meng smiled and freshened their cups of tea. "I wasn't there, Jin. You were. Since by your own choice you no longer know the facts, then I guess you'll have to settle for the legend."
Jin sighed. She kept hoping there was a way out of the maze of good intentions and hidden agendas that the Guan Yin That Was had laid out for her, but so far she wasn't finding it. Still, hope refused to die. "I'd be grateful," she said, "for anything you can tell me."
"For a start, according to most legends this didn't happen to you at all."
Jin blinked. "Huh?"
"This story is actually told about a Japanese goddess of luck named Kichijoten."
"Kichi...what? Does she really exist?"
Madame Meng sighed. "Kichijoten. And you're having tea with the ruler of the Tibetan Ninth Hell and you're asking me?"
Jin smiled then, despite herself. "Sorry. It was a silly question."
"Anyway, the story is that a worshiper became obsessed with a temple image of Kichijoten, to the point that he fell in love with the goddess herself. So she showed up in person and agreed to marry him, on the condition that he remain as devoted to her as he'd been to her image. Specifically, no fooling around."
"And he fooled around?" Jin asked.
Madame Meng laughed. "You know he did. Found this sweet young thing on a business trip and broke his word. When he got home his wife the goddess was waiting for him with two buckets full of semen. It was, apparently, every ejaculation he'd had with her while they were married. She gave it all back to him before she left forever."
"That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard," Jin said.
"Not even close for me," Madame Meng said, "though I agree it's disgusting enough. Yet that is the story."
"But if this really did happen to this Kichijoten person, what's it got to do with me?"
"Well, for one thing it makes more sense if it did happen to a goddess of luck and not the Bodhisattva of Mercy. Especially since, in some traditions, you weren't female at all."
"You mean Guan Yin started out as male Indian deity named 'Avalokitesvara.' I already knew that...sort of. I've been trying not to think about it."
Madame Meng shrugged. "In some traditions a woman cannot be a Bodhisattva at all, yet mercy is widely believed to be a primarily female trait -- mostly by people who don't understand women that well -- so the perception of the Bodhisattva who became Guan Yin changed. If the world is an illusion it follows that perception and illusion orders the world, Jin. No need to dwell on it."
"I won't," Jin said. "It makes my head hurt."
"I did warn you. Anyway, what I think happened was this--the person you know as Shiro was captivated by an image of the divine, much as most men are captivated by their mortal loves, but it was you, not Kichijoten. His ardor was such that it was the image and physical form itself that enthralled him. In that sense you were an obstacle to his eventual enlightenment. You manifested physically in an attempt to cure him of that error. Needless to say it didn't work at the time, and so now here we are."
"So my incarnation as a mortal was Plan B? I have to slay the monster of love all on my own?"
"I don't know what you have to do. I'm sorry," Madame Meng said, and she looked like she meant it. Jin smiled a little wistfully.
"You may have been more help than you know. Thanks for the tea and conversation. I do appreciate both."
Madame Meng pulled back the sleeves of her robe and Jin noticed that she was wearing one of the strange timepieces that Jin had seen on Teacher.
"What is that?" Jin asked.
"Hmmm? Oh, this thing? It's the closest object I have to a manifestation of time," Madame Meng said. "It tells me when it's time to brew up another batch of the elixir... and it is time. Ah, well. Can you see yourself out?"
"Sure," Jin said. "Good bye, then. I hope I see you again."
"You will, and soon," Madame Meng said. She didn't sound happy.
Jin started to ask what she'd meant by that, but Madame Meng wasn't there. Jin decided not to dwell on that, either. She made her way back down the stairway and out onto the terrace, where thousands of people were forgetting everything they had ever known on the Terrace of Oblivion. Just for a moment, Jin thought of taking another sip herself and just wandering off to a new life via the Tenth Hell.
That didn't work the first time.
Jin just shrugged. Sooner or later Teacher would find her again, or Shiro. There was no escape that way. She wondered if there was any escape at all. Fight love? How the hell was she supposed to do that?
Frank and Ling were waiting right where she'd left them. For all she could tell, they hadn't even moved.
"Was Madame Meng of any assistance to you?" Frank asked.
"Yes," Jin said, not really sure if it was true or not. It had felt good just to talk to someone who understood, even if at the end she'd said no more than Teacher had. "Frank, remind me of something you said earlier. That a Bodhisattva could be killed? Is that true?"
"Of course," Frank said. "I never -- "
"Yes, yes, you always tell the truth as you understand it. I wasn't doubting you, just making sure I un
derstood correctly."
"He's right," Ling said. "A physical form can be destroyed, no matter its power. Even your demon form, if you were injured gravely enough, though there are not many who could do that."
"'Not many' implies someone could. Who?"
Ling looked thoughtful. "Well, I think I could. My true dragon form is quite effective against demons. Also possibly Emma-O; he's very powerful."
"Well, assuming neither of you have any such notions, what about one of Guan Yin's more typical manifestations?"
"Then it would not be so difficult," Frank said. "If someone was really determined."
"Thought so. Never mind, then."
Jin sighed. For awhile she had thought the idea might be to trick or goad Shiro into killing her human incarnation and trap him in the Avici hell but, apparently, that wasn't it. Guan Yin could have managed that without incarnating as Jin Lee Hannigan.
Both Frank and Ling looked as if they wanted to ask the reason for her strange questions, but neither said anything.
"Do either of you know what time it is back in Medias? Feels like I've been visiting various hells for days."
"About 10:30PM of the same night you left," Frank said. "You really haven't been gone that long, in linear time."
"Seems like ages. Take me home, please. I don't feel like walking any more."
"Best to keep your Third Eye shut," Ling said. "You probably don't want to see this."
"I know I don't," Jin said. "I'm tired of looking at anything at all."
Frank and Ling reached up into empty air in front of the ledge and pulled to either side as if they were opening curtains. A rift appeared in the sky that grew into a circle of light. Jin stepped into the rift without thinking about it, since if she had thought about it she'd have probably changed her mind about walking. She walked through another corridor that was much brighter and not nearly so long as the ones between hells, and in seven steps she was back in her own apartment. Frank and Ling appeared behind her as the door of light closed.
All the Gates of Hell Page 15
