Anger surged like a wildfire inside of her now, and she barely looked at him as she tried to get control. “What?”
“I wanted to come and tell you that I’m sorry about your loss. I never told you and, well, I’m sorry.”
She glared at him. His words only added fuel to the anger roaring inside of her. “Sorry? Those are empty words, sir. What if you’re behind that wheel some night and it’s your vehicle that comes across the line and wipes out a family like mine? Sorry doesn’t exactly hit the mark coming from you.”
Their gazes locked, then Abby slammed the door and drove away, leaving him standing in her rearview.
Hands and insides shaking, she drove very carefully all the way to Bo’s.
Pebble drove to Rand’s home and calmed the quaking in her heart as she walked to his front door. She said a prayer for guidance, then knocked. She’d been praying all through the day knowing that she was going to make this visit after Rand came home from the office.
When the door opened, she smiled with trepidation.
“Pebble,” he said, his expression and tone telling her just how startled he was to find her standing on his front steps.
“Hello, Rand. May I come in?”
“Yes, sure,” he said, stepping back so she could enter.
She fought to ignore the way her heart thundered as she stepped across his threshold. “I came to talk. Can we do that?”
“Yes, of course.” He led the way down the hall into a nice room with a caramel-toned sofa set and wide bookshelves lined with books.
It was a lovely room, and Pebble couldn’t help but walk over and look at the book bindings. There were books from all genres. Hardbacks and paperbacks—he wasn’t particular. There were travel books and cookbooks from all over the world.
“You love to read.”
He came to stand beside her, his arms folded across his chest. “I do.”
Pebble moved away from him, putting space between them as she took a seat on one of the cushioned chairs. He took his cue and sat down in the chair beside hers. “How are you feeling?”
“Much better. I’m coughing less every day. How are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m making it. I’ve hired a reporter, an old friend who is going to come in and take over the paper for a few months for me.”
“Take over?”
He nodded. “I check into a rehab tomorrow. It took me a few days to pull something together that wouldn’t leave the town stranded without a paper.”
Pebble was confused now. “You’re going to rehab?”
He smiled and she felt it all the way through her. “I knew you were right the other morning at the hospital. I’ve been very unfair to you, Pebble. I’ve been essentially placing my problem in your lap by allowing our relationship to be responsible for my moments of weakness. That is not your fault. And you were right to point it out to me. I’m going to fix that. And when I’m out of my program—ninety days or longer if they decide I need longer—then maybe for once in my life I may have a chance with you.”
“Oh, Rand, I can’t guarantee that.”
“I know, and that’s a risk I’m willing to take. One I have to take.”
Pebble held her hand out across the small space between the chairs. Rand looked at her hand and then gently took it into his. Pebble’s pulse stuttered, then kicked into gear. It had always been that way when they held hands. Even from that first moment when he held her hand after fixing her tire. “I came by because I need to apologize to you and ask you to forgive me.”
He recoiled. “You don’t have anything to apologize for and you’ve certainly done nothing that needs forgiveness.”
“Yes, I do. You see, I’ve known you had a problem. And it made me mad, and sad, that you would do such a thing and then that you would expect me to be okay with it. That you would expect me to sign on for a life with you that would most likely just bring me a front-row seat to you self-destructing. That’s selfish on your part. And for a man who has claimed to love me all of your life, it shows me only that you are thinking of yourself. And that’s angered me as much as the drinking. I’m sorry I haven’t explained myself better. Yet if you understand why I’m withdrawn, then maybe it will help you to overcome.”
His eyes filled with sorrow. He hung his head. “You’re right. How could I have ever expected you to love a man like me?”
Pebble wanted to stomp her foot and yell. How could she get through to this man? She had to be strong. “And that right there is part of the problem. Look at me, Rand. That isn’t the man I knew once, the young, strong man, the kind man that I fell in love with that year in high school. That’s the alcohol speaking. The manipulator who has lied to me, to everyone, to himself, who’s hiding behind a façade. I can’t and I won’t enable you, Rand. Letting you get away with those kinds of words isn’t okay. It would be the worst thing I could do. After you came to see me at the hospital, I realized that I was a liar too. I care about you, but I’ve been so busy pushing you away that I forgot to offer you my support. And that’s why I’ve come. I came to tell you that if you would commit to getting help and enter a rehab that I would be there for you—as a friend. Only a friend. No promises.”
Rand’s Adam’s apple bobbed and his shoulders squared as he straightened, still holding her hand, his fingers gripping hers as if she were the lifeline to heaven. “I want you to place your faith in God, Rand. Not in man. Not in me. I want you to go into this rehab for you. And I want you to succeed for you. And when it gets hard, and it will, I want you to be strong and to hold onto God’s hand like you’re holding onto mine. Do you promise me that?”
A hint of a smile stole across his dear face. Pebble thanked God for giving her strength in that moment. “Do you need me to take you to the rehab?”
“No, Doonie and Doobie are driving me down there. And they’re going to come cheer me on in their own special way as soon as I can have visitors.”
Pebble chuckled. “I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”
Rand’s thumb made small, gentle circles on the back of her hand. Pebble let the feeling seep through her knowing this could very well be the last time she allowed herself to let her guard down with him. “Rand, I’m not promising you anything but my friendship and support. You understand this . . . right?”
“I do,” he said.
She laid her free hand against his cheek. “You can do this. And it may take longer than three months and one visit.”
He stood and pulled her to stand also. “I know. But I’m going to do this, Pebble. I promise.”
Pebble started walking back toward the front door and paused. “Promise yourself.”
He nodded. “I promise I will do this. I’m stronger than I’ve been acting. And, seeing the pain in Abby Knightley’s eyes slammed that into me as if that truck had hit me instead of her family’s car. Pebble, I’ve only been lucky so far that I haven’t killed anyone. I don’t drink responsibly. I know that. I’m not kidding myself anymore. It very well could have been me who ran my car across the road on that night two years ago. And when Abby looks at me, that’s what she sees.”
Pebble nodded. She squeezed his hands and pulled hers away and walked out into the evening. “I’ll be praying for you.”
She walked away then, with hope in her heart.
Bo was signing off on a delivery when Abby drove into the yard. Even with the distance between his shop and the main house, he could tell she was upset. “Thanks,” he told the delivery man, handing him his pad. Then he strode toward the house.
He found Abby in the baby’s room putting a sleeping Levi under the covers. “Hey, you okay?”
“No. I’m not, Bo. I’m not at all,” she said, anguish in her voice, her expression crushed.
Bo automatically opened his arms when she came his way, and to his surprise, she walked into them, wrapped her arms around him, and held on tight.
“I feel so lost.” She trembled and her shoulders shook. She was cry
ing.
Bo tightened his arm around her and held on, wishing he had both arms to hold her with. She smelled of flowers and sunlight. “How can I help you, Abby? How?”
She shook her head, lifted her face from his chest, and sniffed. “I’m just so angry inside. I’ve tried and I think I’ve made progress and then I see Rand and he represents everything that I’m furious about. He actually told me he was sorry about my family.”
“That’s a good thing. Right?”
“I guess, but I can’t get past it.”
“Come here.” He led the way to the couch in the living room. Pops came into the room and seeing the tears on Abby’s face, immediately came over to her.
He patted her knee. “You’ll do better tomorrow,” he said, smiled, then walked out of the room looking for Solomon.
Abby sighed. “Wouldn’t it be nice if it were that simple?”
“It can be. You’re going to have to forgive him, Abby.”
“Who?”
“The driver of the truck. I know he died, too, but you’re still going to have to forgive him. And you’re going to have to let this go. It’s eating you up.”
Her face was puffy from tears and she swiped at them. Her eyes flashed. “I won’t do that.”
“That’s not healthy for you. You’ll just get angrier and angrier and that’s not going to do anyone any good. You’ll never let yourself love again.”
“I don’t want to love again. Bo—”
“Abby, you do and you know it.”
“I don’t.”
“I don’t believe you. You’ve fallen in love with Levi.”
She crossed her arms and looked away. “So, yes I have and it terrifies me.”
Bo felt warmth seeping back in around him. For a minute there he’d worried that he’d been wrong. “I was going to say you’d turned into the ice queen if you hadn’t fallen in love with that little cowboy. And I know you aren’t the ice queen.”
“How do you know that?”
He shook his head. “Because,” he growled. Then throwing caution to the wind he bent his head and kissed her. It was a soft gentle brush of his lips across hers first and he felt her freeze, as if afraid if she moved something would break. If Bo had his way something would, it being the chains locking her emotions away. Not satisfied with her reaction, he brushed his lips across hers a second time, as every cell in his being joined into this kiss. Clarity came as her warmth began to enfold him and he decided that this might be the last kiss he ever had the chance to share with Abby. With that in mind he tightened his arm around her and tried to kiss her all the way to her stubborn, guarded heart.
Abby reacted to the touch of Bo’s kiss like she’d been lost in the desert for years. Her arms went around his neck as he deepened the kiss, and every emotion she’d been fighting, denying, came to life with scorching cheers. And the kiss went on.
It was as if Bo set out to make her fully and undeniably aware that she was a woman. A warm-blooded woman with God-given longings and desires. And that no amount of denying was going to change that fact.
When he finally pulled back, he looked like he’d given everything he had to the cause. Abby felt dazed, amazed. And angry.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
Bo wasn’t looking at her like he regretted the kiss one bit. He grinned, that slow grin that spread across that handsome face of his then lifted into a full-blown smile that had the wattage to blow the lights out of every house all the way to Houston. And then his eyes twinkled like Christmas. “Well, Abby Knightley, I’m giving you fair warning that I love you. And I don’t care how long it takes to wake you up, I’m not giving up. Because you know, and I know, that Levi isn’t the only one you love.”
Abby’s heart ached and longing so sharp and sweet throbbed through her. “That’s unfair.”
“Abby Knightley, when it comes to you I’ll do whatever it takes to bring you to life.”
“Bo, I-I’ll admit that I’ve come to care for you despite not wanting to. Living here, being around you and Pops and Levi, how could I not? But I don’t love you that way. I won’t—”
“You’re a liar.”
“How dare you.” She was actually glad to be mad again. She shot to her feet. “You stay away from me. You hear? Keep your distance.” She didn’t waste any time standing there arguing. She was too scared to. Instead she hightailed it to her room and shut the door behind her.
31
Abby was so mad she would have slammed the door to her bedroom, but that would have wakened the baby in the room next door and she couldn’t do that.
Still she wanted to slam it.
And later, lying in her bed, arms crossed as she stared up at the ceiling, steam shot from her ears every time she recalled Bo’s arrogant attitude. How dare the man think that he could just pull her into his arms, kiss the daylights out of her, and she would automatically fall madly, deeply in love with him.
Of course the problem was that she’d already admitted to herself that she did love him, but he wasn’t going to know it. Especially now.
She flopped over and buried her face in her pillow. No luck, so she raised up and punched it hard a few times to fluff it up, then flopped to her back, trying to get in a comfortable position that would allow her to fall asleep and not think about this for a few blissful hours.
Not happening.
In the end she lay there, continuing to stare up at the ceiling, counting the moments till morning . . . somewhere during that time she fell into a restless sleep and instead of thoughts of Bo . . . she dreamed of Landon.
He stood on the edge of the horizon looking so handsome, so dear to her heart that tears welled inside of her. She wanted to touch him and she reached for him, but he was just out of her reach.
He smiled. “Not me, Abbs. It’s time for you to be happy again.”
Abby cried and tried to say no but the words wouldn’t come.
Landon’s beautiful, kind brown eyes softened and his lips lifted into the sweetest smile . . . it dug into her heart until it ached. “I’ll love you forever and always . . . but let me go. Let it go.”
Let it go . . . let me go . . .
“No,” Abby cried, yanking herself awake. Disoriented for a moment she sat up, her heart thundering. Landon.
She blinked the blurry dredges of her restless sleep away and tried to still her clamoring heart. It was a dream. Just a dream. And yet . . . she could almost feel Landon in the room.
She dropped her forehead into her palm and sat there as the soft fingers of moonlight filtering in through the curtains washed over her. It was just a dream. But it wasn’t a nightmare.
Abby looked up. It wasn’t a nightmare.
Let it go. Let me go.
She scrambled out of bed, thrusting the thoughts away. Levi!
She needed to see Levi. Pulling her housecoat on over her pajama bottoms and T-shirt she padded quietly into Levi’s room. In the shadows of the night she gathered the sleeping baby into her arms and carried him over to the rocking chair. Sinking into it Abby cuddled the precious baby close, buried her nose in his tousled hair, and just rocked gently.
The turmoil inside her calmed . . . but the question echoed in stillness, “How can I walk away from this child?”
Because one thing she knew was the emotions passing between her and Bo were no longer containable. If she wasn’t going to let their relationship progress then she couldn’t keep this job. She had to let them go.
She just couldn’t do it anymore.
Abby wasn’t acting like herself. Bo was working in the shop doing what he could with one arm, straightening and organizing. He’d gotten out of the house as soon as breakfast was done and she’d taken Levi into the living room to play.
He had messed up. He’d been awake most of the night and gone to check on Levi only to find Abby cuddled with him asleep in the rocking chair. Her beautiful face rested peacefully on Levi’s little head. Dear Lord, how he loved them.
He’d been rooted to the spot unable to look away.
After a moment, he backed away and went out to sit on the porch where he’d waited on the sunrise. And prayed.
Now he was keeping busy, giving Abby room. He could only hope he hadn’t run her off.
A scream broke the morning, shrill and startling. He dropped his branding iron and ran.
As he rounded the corner of the barn he could see Abby running toward him, carrying Levi. Pops was trailing behind her, but what Bo focused on was the blood that seemed to be pouring from Levi’s forehead.
“He, he was trying to climb the bar stool and hit—” Abby screamed almost incoherently. She was pale as watered-down milk. Blood was all over her.
And she was still standing.
Just as Bo reached them, her knees seemed to give way and she sank to the dirt clutching a wailing baby to her as the gash on his forehead pumped blood out like a high-powered sprinkler system.
“Help him,” Abby gasped, looking up at Bo.
Bo grabbed the hem of his shirt and ripped the tail off. Wadded it up and pressed it to the bleeder. “Come on, Abby, we need to get this stopped and get him to the clinic.”
She nodded, and let him take Levi into his arms. Pops was frantic, but all Bo could think about was his boy. “Y’all come on, climb into the truck.” He hurried to the truck and Abby, who still had managed not to pass out over all the blood, helped Pops get to the truck. Tru was gone today of all days.
Abby got Pops in the backseat then jumped into the passenger’s seat and Bo handed over Levi, realizing they had a problem with maneuvering the car seat and keeping pressure on the wound. “Hold that tight,” he said, studying her white face and knowing he had to get Levi and Abby both to the clinic. Her eyes were hollow and he could only imagine what was going on inside her head.
Counting on a Cowboy Page 24
