“What’s good? You look nice tonight, ma,” he said loudly over the music.
“Thank you,” she responded as she nursed her drink.
“You dance?”
“Oh, no ... I don’t dance. I used to, but I haven’t in a long time. I was in an accident and it seems like after that I lost my rhythm,” she said with a light smile.
“Aww, shit ... now I’ma have to teach you,” he said jokingly. Nikki froze when she heard him say that phrase. Something about it was too familiar.
Now I’ma have to teach you a lesson.
Now I’ma have to teach you a lesson.
Her body tightened instinctively as she replayed the phrase in her head again and again. They the last words she had heard before she had been shot, and as Rich spoke in her ear she realized it was the same voice who had taunted her so many years ago. Her breath caught in her throat. It’s him, she thought in panic as her eyes watered. Her drink slipped out of her hand and spilled all over her dress. She could never forget the voice. She had replayed it over and over again in her mind for years.
Bitch ... Now I’ma have to teach you a lesson.
Bitch ... Now I’ma have to teach you a lesson.
Nikki stood up, upset and near tears as fear choked her. “Excuse me. I need to go to the ladiesroom. I have to go.” She put her hands out for balance. The liquor had her head spinning. “Rae!” she cried out. Raven immediately went to her side.
“Yo , you a’ight?” Rich asked.
“I’m fine,” she said as she pulled away from him and grabbed onto Raven. “Get me out of here.”
“Okay ... okay, sweetie, hold on.” Raven turned toward Mizan. “She’s not feeling well. I’m gonna take a cab back to her place to make sure she makes it home safe. I’ll just pick up Morgan and head home after that.”
Mizan barely acknowledged her. His attention was on the waitress he had been hitting on all night.
“Mizan! We’re leaving!” she yelled.
He threw up two fingers and dismissed her. Pissed beyond belief, Raven helped Nikki out of the club.
Nikki was silent as tears rolled down her face.
“Tell me what’s wrong, Nik. What did he say to you that has you so upset?” Raven asked after they’d gotten into the car.
“It was him, Rae. He’s the one who shot me. She looked out the window, her thoughts distant.
“What? Rich? Nik, you might just be confused. That doesn’t make sense,” Raven protested.
“Raven! It was him! I know his voice. I know I don’t remember much but I remember that! He shot me,” Nikki said with certainty.
Raven knew that Nikki was not the type of girl to make false accusations. For her to say something like that meant that she was a 100 percent positive.
“Why would he do that? I have to tell Mizan,” Raven gasped in disbelief as she tried to figure things out in her head. He could be trying to set Mizan up.
Nikki looked at Raven with contempt. “Raven, when have you ever known anyone to outsmart Mizan? I’ll put money on it that Mizan was behind the entire thing.”
“No.” Raven denied the accusation vehemently. “He wouldn’t do that to me.”
“He would do that to you, Raven! He fucks you up on a daily basis. Stop being so naïve. I know for sure that Rich and Mizan were behind what happened to us that night. I know it.”
Raven’s silence filled the car as she argued with herself in her mind. She wanted to take up for him. She wished that she had the confidence in her man to tell Nikki that she was wrong, but their jilted relationship gave her doubt. She wanted to be mad at Nikki for even accusing Mizan of the sinister act, but she could not. His track record and his treatment of her spoke volumes. The truth was, he was capable of anything. Insecurities began to creep into the back of her mind regarding his whereabouts on that night. The cab finally pulled up to Nikki’s house and they walked inside.
Raven woke up her sister and prepared to leave. She stepped out onto the porch.
“Rae, be careful. I know you don’t want it to be true, but I don’t trust Mizan. I could have died, Raven,” Nikki said.
“I know,” Raven whispered as she lowered her head. She was ashamed. If she had not invited Mizan into her life, Nikki would have never been hurt.
“I don’t want to sit around and watch something happen to you. He’s grimy, Rae. He doesn’t love you. Get away from him,” she warned.
Raven nodded, took Morgan’s hand, and reluctantly caught a cab back home, despite the protests going off in her head.
Raven rushed into the house, practically dragging Morgan behind her.
“What’s wrong, Rae? Why are you acting weird?” Morgan inquired.
“I’m just thinking ... Go and get in bed. It’s late. I’ll see you in the morning,” she signed, then kissed her cheek and pushed her gently toward her bedroom.
Raven retired to her own room, burning holes in her hardwood floor as she paced back and forth in contemplation. All the people who mattered most to her had wanted her to leave Mizan, but still she stayed. It just doesn’t make sense, she reasoned. How could he do something like that and then look me in my face?
Her suspicions arose as she thought back to that night. It was so long ago, but she remembered everything like it had occurred yesterday. He said they ran in his house because he owed them some money. A hundred thousand, she thought, trying to piece the puzzle together. She began to search around the room, opening drawers and pulling out old shoe boxes, to see if she could find anything that could give her answers. This is stupid ... Nikki is wrong. She showered, but she could not shake the chill that had taken over her body. But what if she isn’t wrong?
“Oh my God!” she whispered to herself. “What if she’s right?” she asked herself. She hopped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body, then tapped on the wall that separated the master bedroom from Morgan’s room. She knocked hard and frantically, knowing that Morgan would feel the vibration, and then raced to her bed and pulled out a suitcase from underneath it. She suddenly felt as if she was in danger and she did not know who to trust. She heard her bedroom door open and saw Morgan step into the room, wiping her sleepy eyes.
“What?” Morgan signed, frowning.
“Go and pack some clothes. We’re going to stay with Aunt Gena and Nikki for a couple of days,” Raven signed back. Raven’s body language was panicked and urgent, so Morgan immediately knew that something was wrong. Morgan watched Raven’s hands shake as she piled her clothes inside the bag. “Go pack!” Raven yelled. She threw on a pair of sweatpants and put her wet hair up into a ponytail, then headed for the door with her sister trailing behind her.
“Why are we leaving?” Morgan signed once they were in the car and pulling out of the driveway.
“We’re just going to keep Nik company. She’s not feeling too good,” Raven said, not wanting to let Morgan know what was really happening. She looked at the clock on the dashboard. It was already 2:00 A.M. The club had just let out. She did not have much time.
When Raven arrived on Nikki’s doorstep she was trembling at the thought of what she had just done. I left him, she thought in disbelief. I finally found the courage to leave.
Chapter Thirteen
“Where the fuck you at?” Mizan yelled through the phone.
“I’m leaving, Mizan ... I can’t do this anymore,” she said, her courage diminishing as each second passed. Mizan was silent. He did not have to say a word to intimidate her. Just hearing his erratic breathing let her know that his temper was through the roof.
“Raven, you’ve got thirty minutes to carry your yellow ass back through this door, or I’ma come drag you up out of that house. Fuck you think? I wouldn’t know where you went?” he asked.
“I have to ask you a question, Mizan,” Raven said as her palms began to sweat. “Did you have anything to do with Nikki getting shot?”
Mizan thought back to that night and lied with ease. “Fuck is you talking about? I would not
do no shit like that. Is that why you picked up and left? That stupid-ass bitch putting shit in your head?” he yelled.
“I just needed to know,” Raven replied.
“Bitch, bring your stupid ass home!”
Click!
Raven stared at her cell phone and then slowly eased out of bed. Morgan lay asleep beside her. Raven shook her out of her dreams. Morgan sat up in confusion. “Morgan, wake up. It’s time to go back home,” Raven signed. She did not even bother waking Nikki because she would only try to convince her to stay.
Before those thirty minutes had passed, Raven was pulling back into her driveway. She could feel Mizan’s eyes burning a hole through her as she stepped out of the car.
Morgan waved and smiled as she looked up at the house.
Raven followed her gaze, and sure enough Mizan was looking out of the master bedroom window. His facial expression showed his displeasure.
“Morgan, I want you to play outside for a little while. I’m gonna go make you something to eat. I’ll come out and get you when I’m done,” she instructed. It took everything in her to force a smile. Morgan nodded and went running off into the backyard.
Raven entered the house, expecting Mizan to meet her at the front door, but she had to go searching for him. She ascended the staircase wearily. It was too quiet. She had expected yelling and arguing, but the still of the house was killing her. When she got to her bedroom door, she paused and took a deep breath to prepare for the fight she was about to get into.
“Take off your clothes,” Mizan instructed calmly as soon as she opened the door.
“Can we talk?” she asked.
He gave her a stern look and Raven lowered her head.
“You’re only going to make it worse on yourself if I have to say it again,” he warned as he pulled off his leather belt.
Raven’s anxiety grew and her heart ached as she saw him fold the belt in half. She was terrified, but to her own surprise she felt an anger like never before. Who the hell does he think he is? Nigga got the nerve to take a belt out! He’s not my fucking daddy! That’s what he doesn’t understand! Her rage transformed into courage and she wiped her tears away.
“No,” she replied.
“What?” Mizan said. “I know I heard you wrong.”
“No!” she repeated, sternly this time.
Her defiance sent Mizan into action. “Bitch! Who the fuck you telling no?” he asked as he swung the belt, grabbing one of her arms to keep her from running. It was as if he were beating a child. He disciplined her hard, causing large welts to form on her skin wherever the belt struck.
“No!” she screamed as she fought back for the first time. She punched the shit out of him, connecting her free fist to the top of his head, catching him by surprise.
“Oh, you gon’ hit me?!” he raged, as he suddenly gained the strength of ten men.
“I hate you!” she hollered as she continued to punch him. She felt the sting of his belt as he beat her mercilessly, but she was so upset that she could not stop herself from swinging. She was trying to take his head off as she put all of her might behind her punches. Raven was well aware that she was not winning the fight, but she was making a point. Like Ike and Tina Turner, they brawled relentlessly as she desperately tried to prove to him that she was tired of being his punching bag. She was standing up for herself. She was tired of being run over by him. His definition of love was not what it was supposed to be like.
“Bitch, I’ma kill you,” Mizan seethed. Sweat dripped down his forehead as he grabbed her by the neck. He picked her up with one hand and slammed her down so hard on the floor that he knocked the wind out of her chest.
“No! Let me go!” she screamed as she reached up to scratch at his face, aiming for his eyes. The more she fought back, the harder he choked her, until no air could get through her throat.
She kicked and contorted her body until his grip had loosened enough for her to get oxygen. She gulped in the air greedily as she climbed to her feet. Mizan was not used to her fighting back and was kneeled over, out of breath.
“Bitch, I’ma kill you tonight,” he stated.
“Then let’s go because every time you hit me, I’m hitting your bitch ass back! I’m tired of you! I’m tired of this!” she screamed.
“Too fucking bad, bitch, because the only way you’re leaving up out of here is not breathing, he stated as he touched his bleeding face. She had scratched him so deeply that the flesh was showing.
“What happened to you?” she cried as her legs gave out and she flopped down onto the bed. “What happened to the man I fell in love with?”
Mizan approached her and loomed over her. He brought his hand back to smack her.
She stared him in the eye. “You can hit me all you want, but I’m not going to make this shit easy for you anymore. I’m not going to just let you abuse me, Mizan. So every time you ready to box, know that I’m fighting back now. I don’t give a fuck. Your ass gon be sweating and breathing hard every day because I’m done being your victim!”
Mizan lowered his hand and nodded as if she had just insulted him. “Okay. You tough now, bitch? I’ma break you down. I’ma humble your ass one way or another. You just wait and see,” he threatened. He walked out of the room, slamming the door. Raven heard his tires burning rubber as he sped down the street.
As soon as she was sure he was gone, she broke down. She felt every spot that he had hit, and stood to examine herself in the mirror. Red marks covered her face and neck. They would undoubtedly bruise over. “Aghhh!” she screamed in frustration as she hit the mirror with both of her fists. Glass shattered everywhere as her reflection cracked. Grabbing her candy box from her dresser, she sat on the floor, sobbing as she rocked back and forth. She poured a small pile of cocaine out onto a magazine. She divided the powder into two equal lines, working meticulously like a chemist, and without thinking twice she devoured them into her nose, sucking them up like a vacuum. She sniffed loudly as she grabbed the tip of her nose to make sure no residue remained. Her cries instantly subsided as the drug entered her system.
She went to her bathroom window and saw that Morgan was outside, jumping on her trampoline. She was glad that Morgan hadn’t been inside the house to see what had gone down. I can’t keep her here. Mizan’s not going to stop and she doesn’t need to be around all of this, she thought. Raven knew that she did not have the strength to leave yet, but in the meantime she would have to think about someone who would take Morgan in.
The house phone rang loudly, interrupting her thoughts. She thought that it was Mizan and she rushed to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hello, this is Warden Christopher Hill at Huron Valley Women’s Correctional Facility. I’m trying to reach the daughter of Justine Atkins ... a Ms. Raven Atkins.”
“Yeah, this is she,” Raven responded. “What’s going on? Is my mother in trouble?”
“No, miss. I regret to inform you that your mother committed suicide last night,” he stated.
Raven dropped the phone, sending it crashing to the floor. I was just there yesterday. Why would she do this?
Overwhelmed with anguish, Raven could not take any more. She heard her sister run into the house.
“Rae, I’m hungry. Is the food done?” she sighed.
Raven’s mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton, and she couldn’t form the words to respond. She gripped the wall to try to stop the room from spinning, but it was too late. She collapsed and the last thing she heard was her sister calling her name before the lights in her head went out.
Somber and in a state of shock, Raven stood in front of her mother’s casket as it was lowered it into the ground. She hid her devastation behind large Chloe sunglasses as she allowed her tears to fall. Mizan stood beside her quietly, checking his watch as if the funeral was a waste of his time. Raven could count on her hand the amount of people who had shown up. She shook her head in disgrace. Where is everyone? When her father was alive, Justine was lo
ved by many. All of the people who had once worshipped the ground beneath her feet had gone on with their lives and forgotten all about the diva who was Justine Atkins. It was a prime example to Raven that the streets loved no one. The people who had watched her parents rise to the top were the same people who enjoyed watching them fall.
Raven put her hands on Morgan’s shoulders and rubbed them gently as she listened to their pastor deliver the Lord’s Prayer. I just saw her ... I can’t believe she did this to herself, she thought as she stepped up to throw her white lily into the grave. When the gravediggers began to shovel dirt on top of the casket, the few people who had attended began to disperse. They all offered their condolences as they left, but Raven could not make her feet move. She knew that when she walked away, her good-bye would be final.
“Come on, ma, let’s get out of here.” Mizan pulled her arm gently.
“No, not yet,” she said. “Just give me a few more minutes. I can’t leave her yet.” As she looked up from the ground, her breath caught in her throat. She hadn’t seen him in years, but she still recognized his stature and mannerisms from a mile away. Ethic? she thought. She quickly tore her eyes away before Mizan noticed that she was staring. She desperately wanted to run up and hug Ethic, but her feet were like roots in the ground. She was stuck, but her heart beat wildly inside of her chest, like a caged animal trying to break free. The feeling of anxiety overwhelmed her, because although he was many yards away, she would have sworn that he was looking directly at her. She could feel his energy. The pastor walked over to them.
“I’m very sorry for your loss,” he said with sadness in his eyes. “You may be too young to remember this, but your parents helped me build my church. They were good people. If there is anything I can do for you and your sister please let me know,” the old black man said as he held out his hand to Raven.
“I will, thank you,” Raven replied as she shook it. She gasped when she felt a piece of paper that he slipped into her palm. She quickly put it in her clutch purse. She had a feeling that the letter was from Ethic.
Moth to a Flame Page 17
