“She’s beautiful,” Raven complimented as she watched Ethic lean over the bed and kiss her.
“Thank you,” he responded as they exited the room.
Raven followed him back into the kitchen and watched as he began to pull out food to cook.
“Where is her mother?” Raven asked.
“Melanie died. I met her when she was dating this dude named Guy. He used to beat her up, degrade her,” Ethic said. “When I was a little nigga moving ounces I met her. I used to cop my weight from Guy. One day he beat her up when we were all out at a night club. He asked me to take her home.”
“And you stole his girl,” Raven added with a smile.
Ethic laughed as he began to prepare a meal and nodded his head. “I wouldn’t say that. More like borrowing his chick. I was only sixteen. Guy was older than me. He was in his twenties. I was a young’un in the game. He was already a boss. I couldn’t compete with his pockets. I could only give her me, you know?”
“So how did she die?”
“I got her pregnant and all of a sudden I wasn’t enough for her. She got scared because I wasn’t established. We were in love but we were living poor out of a room where I paid rent weekly. She wanted to live lavish, and she wasn’t patient enough to wait for me to come into my own. So she went back to dude. Right after she gave birth to my baby girl, they got into a fight ... Shit went bad and he killed her,” Ethic revealed, a distant look of agony taking over his face.
“What happened to Guy?” Raven asked.
“I killed him. I took all the bricks out of his house and I took my daughter,” Ethic stated bluntly, without remorse.
“I’m so sorry,” Raven said.
“It was a long time ago. I had left all that behind until I met you. Melanie’s story sounds familiar, don’t it?” he asked.
Raven nodded, knowing that she had been going down the same path as the mother of his child had. “Is that why you were never interested in me? Because I remind you of her?” Raven asked.
Ethic pondered the question for a long time as he continued to move around the kitchen like a professional chef. “You are different then she was. You were smart enough to leave,” he said.
Hearing Ethic’s story took some of the mystery away from him. He had always been such a big puzzle to Raven, but now that she knew what he had come from, she understood how he ticked. The five years that had gone by had given her time to experience life. She had matured and so had he. Now she knew why he acted the way he did, why it was so hard to get him to open up. She knew that the worry lines around his eyes had come from the heartache of losing his child’s mother. She understood that he was so focused because he had to raise his daughter alone.
“So why don’t you have Dolce living here with you? To help you take care of Bella?” she asked. She felt like she was interrogating him, but she was eager to learn all there was to know about him. She had never had such an honest discussion with Ethic before. In the past, he had never seen her as worthy enough to even hold a decent conversation with, and now that he was spilling so many details of his life, she was intrigued and eager for him to open up to her. She didn’t want to miss one thing that he said. He was such a mysterious man, and she wanted to learn all there was to know about him. She felt special just from him giving her access to his personal life.
“Set the table,” he said. He told her what to do, not in a demeaning way, but in a way that a man was supposed to, with authority and kindness all in the same breath. Raven hopped up without thought. She went through his cabinets until she located the dishes.
“Don’t avoid the question,” she teased. “Why won’t you let Dolce stay the night?”
“Because she doesn’t need to get used to staying here. She is not the type of person I want raising my little girl. Bella is the only lady in my life. She’s selfish with my heart and I don’t have time to deal with a woman who wants to compete with my daughter. Women aren’t built like they used to be. They see a child as a threat. I will never put Bella in a situation where she feels like my attention is somewhere else,” Ethic explained.
“So Dolce’s good enough to fuck, but not to be around your daughter,” Raven concluded bluntly.
Ethic laughed and shook his head. “You still got that foul mouth on you,” he commented with a smile. “We spend time together when I’m free, but no, she is not good enough to raise my daughter. Her mother is not here, but if I’m going to replace her, I owe it to her to at least find Bella someone who can compare. My standards have to be high for the sake of my daughter.”
Raven looked at Ethic in amazement. He was only twenty-seven, but he had the wisdom of a man twice his age. She smiled in admiration. He put his child first and no one above her. He possessed qualities that would endear any woman to him. She averted his gaze so that he would not see how taken aback she was by him.
“What?” he asked.
She shrugged and smiled. “Nothing. I just respect how you raise your daughter. It reminds me of my daddy,” she admitted as she fanned her eyes with both hands to avoid becoming emotional.
“He was a great man. He loved you and Morgan as much as I love my daughter,” Ethic said. “That’s why when I heard that your mother had passed, I felt responsible for making sure you and your sister were straight.”
“What makes you so loyal to my father? If he worked for you, why do you feel like it’s your duty to keep his loose ends tied?” Raven asked seriously. She could not understand Ethic. He seemed to be so perfect. She had never met a man with as much character as he possessed. He was absolutely marvelous and admirable. A true gentleman in every sense of the word.
“I have a daughter, and if something happened to me I would want the niggas I fucked with to look out for her. Loyalty transcends life and death. Just because your father is not here does not mean that I don’t still admire him. And, trust me, just because he copped his work from me doesn’t mean he was beneath me. I looked up to him. He had a lot of years in this game and had a lot of wisdom to share,” Ethic stated.
Hearing him speak so respectfully about her father weakened her, and Raven had to turn away again. She walked back over to the cabinet to grab two wine glasses, and she broke down. She felt responsible for everything that had led her to this point. If she had never invited Mizan into her heart, then her father would have never died and her mother would not have gone to jail. Mizan set off a sequence of events that had left her deserted. She gripped the countertop and tried to gain composure over herself, but the tears would not stop. Ethic turned to her and stepped close.
“This is all my fault,” she sobbed into his chest. “I was so stupid.”
Ethic rubbed her back soothingly. “Let it out, ma. I knew you were going to crack sooner or later.”
She cried harder than she ever had in her entire life and Ethic never moved from her side. When she finally stopped, her face was flushed from embarrassment.
“It ’s okay,” Ethic assured. “You needed that. You’ve been through a lot.”
Her eyes were red as she excused herself to go to the bathroom. When she looked in the mirror she realized she looked a hot mess. “Great,” she mumbled as she touched her blackened eye. “I look like shit.”
She bent over the sink to splash water on her face. When she stood back up, she saw Ethic behind her and she jumped in fear. She didn’t like to have men behind her. Mizan had snuck up behind her plenty of times and attacked her when she was unable to fight back. She wanted to be able to see her opposition coming at all times, and with Ethic looming over her, she immediately tensed up.
“Oh my God ... you scared the shit out of me. Don’t do that! Don’t sneak up on me,” she exclaimed in exasperation as she put her hand near her breast, inhaling deeply. She suddenly felt as if she couldn’t breathe as the fear of Mizan coming after her settled into her shaken bones. She closed her eyes, but quickly popped them back open when she saw Mizan behind her lids. The more she thought about what he would do if he foun
d her, the harder it was to breathe. She began to hyperventilate as she leaned over the sink.
“I can’t breathe, Ethic. What if he comes after me. He’s going to kill me,” she whispered as she reached out and gripped his wrist. Her hand was so ice cold that she caused goose bumps to rise on Ethic’s forearm. He grew angry as he finally realized why Raven had not called him to come to her aid. She was deathly afraid of Mizan. He had her head so twisted and detached that the only way she knew to survive was to do as Mizan said.
“Relax, ma. No one is going to hurt you here,” he said genuinely, the tone of his voice assuring her of her safety. He stood behind her, rubbing her back and massaging her shoulders tenderly, caringly.
“I’ve been through a lot, Ethic. He hurt me. Every day he found a new way to break my spirit. Fear has been all I’ve known for so long. Just please don’t sneak up on me. My mind knows you are nothing like him, but I have to get used to being treated like a human being again. You have to handle me with kid gloves, otherwise, I might break. It’s been so long since a man has been genuine with me that I don’t remember what it feels like. I haven’t had that since my father,” she said.
“I got you,” he said. No other words needed to be spoken for Raven to believe him. He took her hand and led her back out to the dining room, where he had grilled chicken, vegetables, and wine set up on the table.
As they ate dinner they talked, and this time Ethic wasn’t short or rude to her, but open and honest. She loved every minute of it, but she could not help but sneak peeks at his scarred face. Everything else about him was the same. The way he walked and talked were exactly as she remembered, but his face did not match her perfect memory of him. As her eyes roamed his face she felt tears building in her eyes. Inadvertently, she had done this to him. Ethic noticed her watching.
“You can look. I won’t get offended,” Ethic said.
Raven dropped her eyes to her plate and shook her head in shame. “I’m sorry, Ethic. That was rude. I don’t mean to stare. You just ... Your face, it’s ...”
Ethic put down his wine glass and sat back in his chair. “Come here,” he said. She placed her dinner napkin on the table and walked toward him. She was slightly tipsy. They both were on the second bottle of wine and she could feel herself becoming intoxicated. The antsy feeling that Ethic usually gave her was masked by the liquid courage, making her comfortable around him, and him more trusting of her.
He pulled her down onto his lap and took her hands in his. A shiver went up her spine as she felt his hands on hers. It felt reassuring, and she instantly felt a sense of security that had been lacking in her life. Nervous butterflies filled her stomach. She had never felt so close to Ethic, and she hoped that the moment could last forever, but time doesn’t stand still for anyone. When Ethic spoke she came back down to reality.
“Go ahead,” he said as he placed her hands on his face. “Touch me. Look at me. Do whatever you have to do to get used to it. I know how I look now, Raven. This is who I am, but when I talk to you I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. I want you to be able to look me in the eyes. So go ahead.”
Raven’s hands roamed his face tenderly. Her left hand touched nothing but baby soft skin, while her right one felt rough, sandpaper, like scars. He stared her in the eyes to see what her reaction would be. He knew Raven well and thought that her shallow attraction to him was nothing more than a childhood crush that had followed her into adulthood. He was expecting her to be disgusted by his appearance. He suspected that her infatuation with him was purely superficial, but as they stared unflinchingly at one another, all he saw was sincerity in her eyes. He kept waiting for her emotions to change to contempt, but to his surprise they never strayed. She was stuck and lost in his stare. All that dwelled in her eyes was the love she had always harbored for him. Her eyes turned as dark as onyx as a look of sadness crossed her face.
“You’re perfect,” she whispered in awe.
Ethic felt the emotion pouring from her. He could not deny that she had grown up beautifully as he placed his hand on her chest. He could feel her apprehensive heart pounding furiously as she breathed in and out. His hand traveled up her neck as he pulled her face to his. He kissed the spots on her face that were battered, and kissed away each tear that fell gracefully from her eyes.
She had wanted this moment to happen for so long. She had dreamt of it and imagined it in her mind so many times, but nothing compared to the real thing. To have Ethic, the man she had loved from the first moment she saw him, kissing her softly, was simply amazing. It was rare like a full moon, a beautiful sunset, and she cherished it like an exquisite diamond. The memory that they were making in this moment was more valuable to her than gold. This is what love is supposed to feel like, she thought as she realized she had never in her life felt that way. She waited in anticipation for his lips to cover hers as her love box thumped wildly, soaking her satin panties. She wanted to grind on him. She wanted him to make love to her on his living room floor. At humanity’s most complex level she loved him, and at its simplest level she wanted him to ravage her. She closed her eyes and waited for him to take it to the next step, but when she felt his body tense up she knew that their moment had passed. The look of uncertainty in his eyes spoke volumes.
He doesn’t trust me, Raven thought desolately.
“Wait, this isn’t right, ma. You’re my man’s daughter. This can’t happen,” he whispered as he rested his forehead against hers.
“Is this really about my father, Ethic? Or is it about something else?” she asked with hurt feelings.
“It don’t matter what it’s about, ma. This just can’t happen,” he stated firmly.
“It can happen, Ethic. You just won’t let it,” she responded with disappointment as she climbed out of his lap.
Ethic watched her walk out of the room and he rubbed his Caesar haircut in frustration. Fuck, he swore to himself, beating himself up for allowing himself to lead Raven on. He knew that he had messed up, because although having her in his arms had felt so right, he wasn’t sure about her yet. Raven’s past decisions had caused a lot of good people to be hurt and he could not put himself or his daughter at risk, not for her or anyone else. He looked at the bottle of Chardonnay that they had been sipping and poured himself another glass, then retired to his room. Frustrated and full of uncertainty, he forced himself to walk past the guest room that Raven was staying in. Get your head together. That’s not something you need in your life right now. First thing in the morning, I need to find her a crib. I don’t want to get used to having her around. She has been the downfall of plenty of men ... I can’t let her be the downfall of me.
The next morning Raven lay in bed for hours staring at the ceiling. She could hear Ethic, Morgan, and Bella in the living room, but she refused to show her face. She was mortified that Ethic had turned her down once again. How could I have been so stupid? she asked herself. He has never wanted to fuck with me before. So why would I expect him to now? She felt foolish for allowing Ethic to shut her down the way he had. He had humiliated her, and she could not run away or shut him out as she had done in the past because she needed him. She was stuck in an unfamiliar city with him and he was all she had. I should have stayed my ass in Flint, she thought stubbornly.
The door cracked open and she saw Ethic’s little girl peek into the room. Pretty in lilac and plum, she bounced happily into the room. “Are you Raven?” she asked sweetly.
“Yes, I’m Raven,” she replied. “And who might you be?”
“Bella.”
“It’s nice to meet you Bella,” Raven stated.
“My daddy told me to tell you to quit hiding out in here.” She put her hands over her mouth and with big eyes she whispered, “He really wants you to do my hair because he doesn’t know what he’s doing.” She pointed to the curly mess on top of her head.
“I see that. He definitely does not know what he is doing,” she replied with a bright smile and vibrant laugh. She pulled back the c
overs. “Tell your daddy I will be out when I’m dressed,” she said. “Then I’ll hook you up.”
“Thank you, Raven!” Bella said as she raced out of the room.
An hour later, Raven walked into the living room. The BCBG maxi dress she wore and the spiral curls all over her head made her look angelic. She had covered her bruises with M•A•C foundation and highlighted her face with Bronzer to make her skin shine radiantly, as if she had been personally kissed by the sun.
“Ohhh! I want my hair like yours,” Bella said excitedly. “You’re so pretty. I want to look just like you when I grow up.”
“Oh-no. Bella, you’re gorgeous just the way you are. You don’t need to look like me to be a princess. You already are one,” she said. She purposely walked past Ethic without speaking.
“Raven, can we talk?” he asked.
“No,” she replied simply as she sat on the couch with Morgan and Bella. It was evident to her that the two girls had become fast friends.
“How did you sleep?” Raven signed to Morgan as she completely ignored Ethic. She could feel him staring a hole through her, but she refused to look his way.
“Good,” Morgan signed back as she pulled out barrettes and bows for her own hair. “I like it here.”
Raven put spiral curls in both girlshair. She talked and interacted with Bella with such ease that Ethic was dumbfounded. Bella had never taken to anyone as quickly as she had taken to Raven. As he sat back and watched them laugh, his heart swelled with emotion. His daughter did not have a motherly figure in her life. He desperately wanted that for her, but he knew that Raven could not be it. He erased all thoughts of keeping her in his life and cleared his throat.
“We better get going. I made an appointment with a Realtor. We’re going to look at condos for you and Morgan today,” he said. “After we’re done we’ll go to the dealership to get you a whip.”
Raven nodded and rallied up the girls. Bella clung to Raven’s side. Raven was flattered by the little girl’s fascination with her. They all climbed into Ethic’s Escalade and for the first time since she had left home, Raven felt like she had a family.
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