Wait, this is…
***
Ben sat up. It was still dark, but not as dark as the pit. He was back in his bed, back in his room, back to being who he remembered.
His sheets were soaked in sweat, which, along with the cold air, made him feel chilled to the bone. He sat up and climbed to his feet, glancing out the window and still seeing stars in the sky.
Just a dream…
Unlike most dreams, Ben could still remember every vivid detail of it. The face of the woman in white was burned into into his mind, or rather it had been burned into it a long, long time ago.
He walked out into the living room, not bothering to pull on a t-shirt or sweatpants to supplement the thin pair of boxers he was wearing. His heart was still racing, and with it was a sense of deep unease, as though something bad was about to happen, but he couldn’t put his finger on exactly what.
“Ben? What’s wrong?” Rachel’s voice echoed down the hallway. He heard her soft footsteps approaching and turned to see her walking towards him, clad only in the tiny, insubstantial nightgown that he’d seen her in so many times before.
“Nothing,” he said. “I just… had a bad dream.”
He sat down on the couch and Rachel walked over and sat down next to him. He felt better, just having her there, but he felt something strange and a little exciting along with it.
Last night, the two of us took things to a new level.
Their relationship could never go back to the way it had been. Ben knew this and so did she, and the heat that simmered in the air between them was proof of it. Rachel set one of her hand’s on Ben’s leg, and he immediately felt his body begin to react and respond to her touch.
“Was it a dream, or a memory?” asked Rachel. Her voice was soft and understanding, and it both put him at ease and made him ache with desire.
“It was both,” said Ben. “It was… definitely both.”
Neither of them said anything for a moment. Rachel leaned in closer to him, cupping his cheek in one hand and rubbing his leg with the other. Ben was acutely aware of the way her big, soft breasts pushed out against the thin fabric of her gown.
More than anything he wanted to take them into his hands, to take her, and enjoy her as a woman. The thought felt so wrong and so right in his mind, a conflict of emotion.
Rachel, just what are you to me? A friend? A guardian? A… lover?
She kissed him softly on the lips and then pulled back, leaving Ben feeling strangely disappointed.
“I’ll make us some coffee and breakfast,” she said. “It’s only another hour or so until it will be time for you to leave for school, anyway.”
“Okay… thanks.” Ben’s chest felt warm as he watched her stand up and walk into the kitchen. He was confused, and not just because of the dream. The past couple of days had spun his life onto a new course, and he wasn’t sure how to navigate it.
“What was it about?” asked Rachel. “The dream.”
Ben could hear her pulling plates off the drying rack and setting them down on the table. He shivered involuntarily as his mind drifted back to the moment in the pit, the empty darkness and the woman in white.
I can’t tell her. Not this, not yet.
“I… don’t remember.” It was a lie, and Ben was horrible at lying. It was hard for him to see the look Rachel gave him over her shoulder in the dark of the kitchen, but he knew what it was without having to.
“Oh,” she said. “Okay then.”
Ben could tell from her voice that he was hurting her by keeping her at arm’s length. Unfortunately, it didn’t feel as though he had a choice. Rachel was threatened by what his memories represented, another life before her, one that could potentially take over and pull Ben away from her.
Maybe her fear is justified…
The woman in white’s hand had been so soft. In Ben’s mind she was representative of something almost holy and angelic. Whoever she had been to him, he knew that she had been very close and very dear.
“Ben… Here.” Rachel was standing next to him with a mug in her hand, and it took him a second to come back to reality.
“Oh, thanks.” He accepted the coffee and took a slow sip, feeling his senses coming to full alert as the hot, caffeinated liquid worked its magic.
“I have to leave early,” said Rachel. “But I should be back on time tonight. Let’s have a relaxing night, together.”
She caught his eye for a moment, and Ben felt a thrill of anticipation course through his body. It was impossible to tell just what Rachel meant by that or where a night together would lead. Not after what had happened, not with the way they saw each other now.
“Okay,” said Ben. “I’d like that.”
There was a brief, silent moment where the two of them just stared at each other. Ben took in her body, the outline of her beautiful assets so clearly visible through her thin nightgown, and felt his instincts react the same way that any man’s would. Rachel stood there like some kind of beautiful prize, daring him to push things further.
“You should head upstairs and get dressed,” said Rachel.
“Oh, right.” Ben smiled as he glanced down at his mostly naked body, his boxers covering so little. “I’ll… see you later.”
Rachel stepped a little closer to him as he walked by on his way to the stairs, just close enough for him to pick up the scent of her sweet, flowery perfume.
“I’ll leave breakfast on the table for you,” she said. “I have to get ready, too.”
It only took Ben a couple of minutes to grab everything he needed. It was still early, but he was too anxious to wait around the house any longer. He needed to face the day ahead of him and put the past aside.
Rachel had left a bagel with some bacon next to it on a plate for him. Ben wolfed both of them down as he headed out the door, the sound of the shower running coming from the bathroom and putting strange ideas in his mind.
I can’t think about Rachel that way,,, can I?
The sky was overcast and it made the morning look much darker than it would have otherwise. Ben walked toward Danny’s house, figuring that he could try to catch his friend and walk to school with him if he was still around.
Standing at the end of his street, wearing a long hanging blouse over tight black leggings, was Emma. Ben slowed his pace as he neared her, wishing that there was a way for him to get out of having the encounter.
“Ben,” she said softly. “Ben, please, just listen to me.”
Ben shook his head.
“I’ve already listened to you Emma.” He stopped in front of her and stared at her blankly. “I’ve listened to you, and I’m not sure if any of what you’ve told me has been the honest truth.”
“Ben, I love you!” Emma’s voice was full of emotion. She moved forward and took one of Ben’s hands into hers. He took a step back and pulled away, feeling his own inner conflict intensify.
“What…” He took a deep breath and shook his head more vigorously, as though it was a ward against her words. “Emma, I don’t know you. I don’t remember you. And at this point, I’m not even sure if I can trust you to fill in the blanks about what I’ve lost.”
“You have to trust me, Ben,” said Emma. “I came here to find you. You can’t just wave your hand and make me go away.”
I can’t make any of this go away, but that doesn’t mean I have to go along with it.
Ben stopped talking and started walking, continuing towards Danny’s house. He glanced back at her one more time and saw that she was still standing where she was, her body slowly shaking as silent sobs began to wrack her chest.
“I’m not giving up, Ben,” cried Emma. “I can’t give up. Ben, you don’t understand!”
Her words were from the heart. Ben didn’t trust her, but somehow he knew, at that moment, that she was telling the truth. Part of him wanted to stop, to go back, to console her and do whatever it took to make her stop crying.
But his feet continued carrying him forward, away from h
er.
None of this makes any sense. I need to remember who this girl was, and fast.
Danny was waiting outside his house. Ben’s face was still a mask of conflict and despair, even after several minutes of walking.
“Jeez, did somebody run over a dog in front of you?” Danny clapped his hand on Ben’s shoulder and shook him playfully. It took all of Ben’s strength to manage a smile, but somehow he did it.
“Sorry, I just had… a bit of drama on the way here,” said Ben.
“Let me guess, it’s over that new girl?” Danny started pulling Ben forward down the street at a slightly quicker pace. “I’ll let you in on a little secret, man. All women are crazy!”
In my life right now, I’m not sure what it means to be crazy… and what it means to be sane.
CHAPTER 12
“We’re early,” said Danny. “That is really, really good. Especially considering how pissed Cliff still is at you and the new girl. Uh… speaking of which…”
Danny gestured over his shoulder. Ben turned around and saw Emma walking about a hundred feet behind them, staring at him with a mixture of desperation and despair in her eyes.
“Come on,” said Ben. “Let’s get inside. I missed the last half of my classes yesterday. I can’t afford to be late.”
After the two of them walked into school, Ben split off from Danny and headed upstairs to his locker. He was half expecting Cliff to be already there, waiting for him, but the coast was clear.
Emma did break his finger, after all. Maybe he learned his lesson?
He sighed and began pulling his books out of his locker. He could feel somebody’s gaze on his back, and knew without even needing to turn that it was her.
“Emma, look, this is getting creepy,” said Ben. “Just drop it already.”
“Eat lunch with me today.” Emma’s face was serious and determined. “I can’t explain everything, but if you just give me a chance, I can at least show you that you can trust me.”
Ben shut his locker and gave her a long look. Her outfit looked amazing on her, and it was a little hard for him to imagine her as anything other than a cute, fun loving teenage girl.
A teenage girl with a shrine devoted to me and more firepower than the police department.
“I’m not making any promises, but I’ll let you sit next to me during lunch. That’s it.” Ben turned away from her and started walking down the hall. He heard her clap her hands together in excitement and then quickly step after him to keep pace.
“That’s good enough!” she said. “Ben, when you start to remember… I mean, if you remember, you’re going to feel a little silly about all of this.”
Will I? Or will I wonder why I ever let her get this close to begin with?
“I have to get to class,” said Ben. “I’ll see you later.”
He turned away from her at the hallway’s intersection without waiting for her to respond and hurried off to his first period class. It was a Friday, which meant that he was actually in study hall. Unfortunately, with the classes he’d missed over the past few days, he’d have more than enough work to keep him busy during it.
Ben was the first person to get to his study hall, excluding the teacher, a quiet, unassuming man named Mr. Jenkins. He marked Ben off on attendance and turned back to grading papers. Ben took his books out and began doing work.
Other students began to file in, most of them bringing raucous energy with them that Ben couldn’t have matched in his current state if he tried. He focused on catching up with the classes that he’d missed as Mr. Jenkins took roll and quieted things down.
“Good morning, Mr. Jenkins.” A tall, casually dressed and confident woman stood at the door of the classroom. Though he didn’t see her often, Ben immediately recognized her as Principal Anders, the relatively young and open-minded head of administration at Emerald High.
“Oh, good morning, Principal Anders,” said Mr. Jenkins. “What can I do for you?”
“I need to take Ben down to the office,” she said. All of the heads in the room pivoted to look at Ben. He raised his eyebrow as he thought carefully about his activities for the past few days.
They usually don’t send the principal down to handle someone skipping class, do they?
“Uh, okay,” said Ben. “Is there something wrong?”
Principal Anders shook her head.
“We just need to talk to you about a couple of things,” she said. “You aren’t in any trouble.”
The students in the study hall began to whisper to each other. Her reassuring words no more convinced Ben than anyone else.
If I’m not in trouble, then what is this about?
Mr. Jenkins coughed into his hand and waited to see if the principal was going to give him anything else to go on. She wasn’t. Ben followed her out of the room and down the hall.
“Ben, I remember hearing about your unique situation when you first enrolled in Emerald High.” Principal Anders walked at a deliberately slow pace, and it made Ben feel weirdly self-conscious as other students passed them by, shooting them curious glances. “I was only the assistant principal back then, but we discussed how to accommodate you at great length.”
“Well, uh, I appreciate that.” Ben scratched his head, feeling more than a little confused.
“There is a woman here to ask you a few questions about what you can remember. I know it isn’t much.” Principal Anders put a hand on his shoulder as the two of them turned and stepped into the main office. “Just do your best to answer what you can, Ben. The only reason we’re bothering you with this is because it could potentially help with a very serious investigation.”
She led him into the room that was reserved for sectioning troublesome students off with the disciplinarian. It was empty and relatively clear of furniture, save for a basic looking desk with two chairs on either side of it. Sitting in one of them was a woman with long black hair, wearing a strangely masculine looking suit jacket and jeans.
“Hello, Ben,” said the woman. “My name is Kate Connors. I’m a private investigator looking for someone who can help me with my current case.”
Ben sat down in the free chair and then looked back at the principal. She smiled at him and then stepped back.
“I’ll give the two of you a minute to talk alone.” Principal Anders closed the door as she left, giving Ben one more of her signature reassuring looks.
“What’s this about, Mrs…” Ben trailed off as he saw her shake her head.
“Ms. Connors,” she said with a smile. “I’m not as old as I look, you know.”
Ben felt a little foolish at his mistake, even though he knew it was a harmless one.
Is this part of her strategy, to make me feel as uncomfortable as possible?
“Relax, Ben,” said Kate. “Look, I’ve already talked to your principal about who you are and how you ended up here. I was led here by only the barest scraps of information in the first place, so I’m not expecting much. Have you ever heard of a group called The Syndicate?”
Ben shook his head, but somewhere deep within the depths of his mind, something was stirring. It made him feel uneasy all over, his stomach twisting inside his abdomen, and his toes clenching ever so slightly.
“I know you probably don’t remember much, or anything…” Kate reached into her pocket. “But have you ever seen this woman before?”
She set a photo down in front of him. Ben’s eyes widened as they locked onto it.
It’s her.
The woman from his dreams was turned away in the photo, but wearing the same angelic white gown, her long blonde hair, and eye catching body exactly as he remembered. The photo looked like it was taken from a hidden vantage point, at a distance.
“This…” said Ben, his heart beginning to race in his chest. “Who is this?”
“Lenka Ivanov.” Kate slid another photo across to him. “She was once like a mother to you, though I’m not sure if you can remember.”
Ben took a look at the new ph
oto and felt his breath catch in his throat. Lenka was in it, still wearing her white gown, but with a wolf on either side. Ben’s head began to throb painfully, and as he tried to calm himself down, the dream from the night before was suddenly pulled into focus.
***
The pit was dark. Ben had fallen onto his stomach after landing, his face pushing into the ground and tasting the dirt and sand. He spat and coughed, and slowly lifted himself into a sitting position.
“Lenka!” Ben cried. “Please, Lenka! I can’t!”
He ran to the curved sidewall and tried desperately to climb up it. The wall was high enough to prove challenging for his tiny body and without any light, it was impossible to know if there were even any handholds in the rock for him to work his fingers into.
A noise came from the other side of the pit, from behind him. Ben instantly went silent as he sensed the killer instinct of whatever was with him in the pit. He slowly turned, shivering with fear as he stared into the darkness.
“Please,” he whispered. “Lenka…”
Ben heard the creature growl, and moved just in time to avoid it as it leaped forward into the place where he had been standing a fraction of a second earlier. It was a wolf, a juvenile, not yet fully grown. From the way it bared its fangs at him and slowly approached, lacking even the slightest trace of uncertainty or fear, it did not appear to make much of a difference.
Walking on the sandy floor of the pit was wonky and Ben tripped after taking a couple of backward steps away from the wolf. The beast was on top of him before he had a chance to roll over. All Ben could do was hold his arms up over his face and head, feeling the wolf’s sharp teeth sink unremorsefully into his arm.
“Ahhhhh!” His cry echoed throughout the pit, up to the ceiling and back. Drops of blood, his own, splashed onto his chest and face. The growling of the wolf shook him to the core and made the pain feel almost mild in comparison.
Lost Memories (Forbidden Romance) Page 8
