by Meg Xuemei X
“You have no idea how much I want you.” A low, hoarse laugh escaped him. “I want to make you belong to me and only me forever, but I’ll hate myself for taking you like this. Not like this.” He jerked up and sat straight, so she fell on his lap.
She pulled him toward her again, but he grabbed her wrist. “Don’t do this, Lucia,” he said with a ragged breath. “I love you. I can’t leave a chance for you to despise me. I want this to feel right, so that we’ll have no regrets.”
The muscles along his jaw twisted. Agony spread in his light gray eyes. The Lure’s penalty had descended on him.
“Stop resisting it and the pain will go away,” she said. When he didn’t abide, she cast him a withering look, bracing for the same pain to run through her. It didn’t come this time. But the pleasure it had bestowed deserted her, as did the heat between her thighs.
He held her bitter gaze, heartache brimming in his eyes. It was the same ache she saw in Kian, her nanny, her guard, even her jolly friend Ziyi. She wanted to escape it. She brought Ash here to escape it, and yet he brought it right back to her.
Lucienne felt drained.
When Ashburn picked her up and put the tattered shirt and red robe back on her, she didn’t fight him. When he carried her toward Spike in staggered steps and placed her on it, she remained passive. He mounted the machine behind her.
“Thank you for sending me back to my prison, guarded by the Czech prince and the sentinels assigned by Chief McQuillen,” she said when Spike banked away from the ring of snowy mountains.
He didn’t say a word but fastened an arm around her waist.
While the taste of bile and the humiliation of his rejection lingered on her tongue, the world suddenly shifted.
A veil of mist lifted from her.
Where was she? And why was she with Ash, traveling above the ocean at such tremendous speed?
She looked down. She wore a red robe, with a wrinkled, torn white shirt inside.
As she cringed close her eyes, everything that had happened since she’d woken up this morning flooded back to her. It was like watching the reflection of another person act inside her body. She remembered it all this time. However, being able to recall the day’s events added only misery.
She untied the red robe, shrugged it off, and tossed it down to the endless water beneath. It twirled downwards in the wind and fell onto the sea like a splatter of blood.
CHAPTER 3
DUEL
The first thing Lucienne looked at was what she wore when she awoke the next morning. The white gown clinging to her body didn’t improve her mood. Yesterday’s shame stuck with her like a bad hangover.
She’d been cruel to Vladimir. She’d called Aida her servant. And she’d chased Ash like a feline in heat. If he hadn’t fended off her advance, they’d have—
The worst part was not knowing what she’d do to hurt others and shame herself when she sank into her next bout of insanity.
She didn’t want to get up. She made up her mind to skip breakfast. There was no way she could face Vladimir or Ashburn today. Not today. Maybe not ever, though that day would come.
Aida sat on the edge of the bed. “None of them are in the house. They didn’t even show up for breakfast. We have a quiet morning for a change.”
“Where did they go?” Lucienne asked sheepishly.
“They’re boys. They can’t stay in the house forever.”
Lucienne sighed. “They’ve been restless.”
“The boys are caged cubs in puberty.”
“What does that mean?”Lucienne let out a low laugh. The next second, deep sorrow arrived like the cold rain. Neither of them could have a future with her.
After Lucienne had a quick shower, her nanny combed her hair. “Anything you want to do today, my sweet girl?” Aida asked.
“Good question,” she said.
Although every day had become a test for her and everyone around her, Sphinxes’ post-war operations needed to be smoothed out. Weakened defenses needed to be shored up and allies kept in place. Lucienne had to face a day of project reviews, stacks of documents waiting to be signed, and meetings. Endless meetings ….
She batted those thorny issues aside, but one of them pricked at her, demanding her immediate attention—she needed to stop the fighting between Vladimir and her men.
After Aida brushed her hair, Lucienne stepped into the adjoining sitting room. Her chief had the crew turn a small portion of her former bedroom into this waiting area. She could still have some of her privacy while the on-the-clock guards watched out for her here.
Thaddeus raised his head at her approach. He was eating the pancakes that her nanny had brought into the sitting room for her. “How do you feel, cousin?” he asked good-naturedly.
Aida hissed, “That breakfast isn’t for you!” She scurried to his side, gave him a bang on the forehead, and snatched away the plate. Only two pancakes remained.
“Ouch, Aida,” Thaddeus said.
“None of the guards dare eat Lucienne’s food—unlike you!” Aida said.
“I’m not just her guard,” Thaddeus said. “I’m family.”
“Then you should care for her health rather than steal her food,” Aida said.
“C’mon, Lucia can’t finish all those pancakes,” said Thaddeus. “She’s to be a queen. A queen must be on a diet to keep her good looks. That’s the part of her welfare I’m looking after.”
“You have a slick tongue, like the Czech!” Aida said.
Thaddeus spit out his half-eaten pancake. “You do not put me and him in the same sentence!”
Like the others, her cousin also blamed Vladimir for Lucienne’s fall. Her men lost reason after she’d been poisoned. If she couldn’t kick some sense back into them, then she must make them see the consequences of their violent actions against her boyfriend.
“Stop,” Lucienne cut in. “Will you two let me have a few moments of peace?”
They quieted.
“Sorry, cousin,” Thaddeus said. “I won’t eat your pancakes again.”
“Eat my food all you want,” Lucienne said, “just don’t fight. You are all my family.”
“But families usually fight,” said Thaddeus.
Right. Her charming family—the Lams—didn’t just fight. Two-thirds of them had once wanted her dead, and one-third of them had acted on it.
“Where’s Kian?” she asked. He hadn’t visited her today, which was uncharacteristic of him, in particular given her performance yesterday.
“He’s having a meeting with the generals in the castle,” Thaddeus said. “They don’t ask for your presence anymore. You should pay attention to what they chat about. If they conspire against you—”
“They don’t conspire,” Lucienne snapped. “They’re my loyal officers.”
“That was before,” Thaddeus said. “You were a powerful Siren; now, you—”
Lucienne gave him a chilly look, and Aida sent him a death glare.
“You always like it when I speak my mind,” Thaddeus said. “I’m not going to look the other way like everyone else. You need to see the truth before it turns around and bites your butt. The damned poison is still in you. Half the time, you can’t function. Your body is weakening, as is your mind. Everything but your will. But no matter what becomes of you, you never need to worry about my loyalty. You’re my Siren. My queen. I’ve sworn a blood oath to you, and I love you as a worthy warrior and my true family. Claude and Kian are on your side too, but you can’t trust everyone like before. We must act first and take out whoever tries to undermine you. You trusted the Czech with your heart, and all he’s brought you are pain and disasters.”
No more than I brought him. “It’s not Vladimir’s fault that the Sealers got me,” Lucienne said. “You need to get this straight, Thaddeus. If I find that you had a hand in beating him up, I’ll throw you out.”
“I knew that!” Thaddeus said. “I have a big mouth, but I’m not an idiot. I pissed you off in the Red Mansion,
and I lost two teeth!” He pointed at his face. “See the scars? I’m no longer handsome, thanks to the marks you left!” There was no bitterness, but pride in his voice, as if he regarded the scars as a trophy.
“You were never the nice-looking one before the scars,” Aida said. “Do not blame Lucia for your ugliness.”
Lucienne slid onto the couch across from her cousin and picked up a pancake. “I behaved badly yesterday, so Ash and Vlad refused to share a meal with me today. Do you know where they are?”
“They argued outside the house early this morning,” Thaddeus said. “I gave them a piece of advice: take it out like men. Stop quarreling and squirming like chicks.”
Lucienne gave him another hard stare.
Thaddeus shrugged. “The house is peaceful without them in the same room. Isn’t that what you want?”
“The house is peaceful without all of you,” said Aida.
An uneasy feeling settled over Lucienne. “I hope they didn’t take your lousy advice.” She sighed and strolled toward the door. “I’m going to see Kian.”
Thaddeus rose to his feet and collected the other guards.
“Lucia,” Aida called. “At least finish your milk.”
“Later,” Lucienne said, exiting the room.
Thaddeus voice commanded a jeep to start at the driveway. When Lucienne hopped in the passenger seat, he told her, “Kian almost bit off Ashburn’s head yesterday.”
Lucienne raised an eyebrow, wanting to know more.
“I don’t know the details,” Thaddeus said, “but I’d rather deal with that jackass Blazek than be near Ashburn. That guy can read people’s thoughts like reading his own dear diary. I, for sure, don’t want him in my head.”
“One, Ash doesn’t write a diary,” Lucienne said. “Two, Ash can not only read all of your embarrassing memories, he stores all of them in his permanent databank. One of these days, we can review them together while you eat my pancakes.”
Her cousin gave her a sour look.
Kian McQuillen’s office was across from the underground Defense Room. If the Sphinxes’ compound was ever compromised, the Defense Room would back up operations. Pressing her palm on the scanner, she waited outside Kian’s office. The computer immediately informed Kian’s aides of her arrival.
As the door clicked open, Lucienne gestured for Thaddeus and the guards to wait outside. She then stormed into the office that smelled of strong espresso and cigars.
Admiral Enberg, General Fairchild, and Director Pyon, wearing Sphinxes’ gray and blue uniforms, stood up and saluted her. Lucienne nodded but gave them a stern stare. The gentlemen tried to look nonplussed at her sudden appearance, but Lucienne caught their first glances at her outfit. Yes, she was wearing white. That should calm their nerves.
She knew they were talking about her, her illness, and Sphinxes’ future. They’d been watching her every move, especially after she’d taken the ancient poison home. Her recent flight with Ashburn only gave them more reasons to doubt her leadership.
There was no need to pretend they didn’t know about her condition. She’d had two episodes in the castle—the first while she’d been studying the ancient scroll with her decoding team; the second while having tea with Ziyi in the French café in the ward. As a rule, bad news travelled fast.
“How are you holding up, Siren?” Admiral Enberg asked softly.
“I’m doing just fine,” she said. “Thanks for asking. Excuse us, gentlemen.”
Silently, the officers filed out. General Fairchild picked up his cigar box on a vintage whiskey-barrel table and gave her a solemn glance before heading out with the rest.
Lucienne stood in the center of the room, staring at Kian, her arms folded across her chest.
“Can I get you anything?” Kian asked. “Almond milk?”
Now everyone was offering her milk. What was she to them? A baby? An invalid?
Kian remained in his seat, regarding her wearily.
She’d given him the scare of his life taking off like that yesterday, but he hadn’t yelled at her. She couldn’t be held responsible for her actions whenever her insanity kicked in, so everyone raced to blame themselves. Even Director Pyon had cursed himself for his intelligence errors and inability to discover the true nature of Nexus Tear in time. She’d explained to them that no one could predict and stop a revenge set in ancient times, but they didn’t want to listen. They wanted a scapegoat, and they found one—her Czech boyfriend.
“Your men ganged up on Vladimir again.” She went straight for Kian’s throat.
“You came all the way here to talk about him?” Kian asked, his voice dismissive.
“He’s no less important to me than you are.” Her voice also dropped a few degrees in temperature.
“Blazek also isn’t that innocent. You know how provocative he can be.”
“He has a foul mouth now and then, but that doesn’t give your men the rights to maul his face.”
“Then ask him to restrain himself.”
Kian was unusually angry. He was like this when he felt he couldn’t protect her or failed her. So instead of solacing her, the alpha male in him lashed out at everyone, including her.
“If you do not stop this, I will,” she said. He knew she’d never made an empty threat. “And it won’t be pretty.”
“Lucia,” he sighed, “the men, including your guards, won’t forgive him for what happened to you.”
“You know it isn’t his fault.”
“Part of it is his fault, and he didn’t deny it. But mostly it’s my failure.”
“Can we end this game of pointing fingers? If you all need to find an outlet, let me be it. I brought this on myself.”
There was a momentary silence between them. “They won’t take his life,” he said. “That I can guarantee you.”
“But it’s okay they maim him?” she asked incredulously. “One day he’ll come to me inside a body bag.”
“It won’t come to that, at least not from my men. But sometimes we need to let them vent their anger.”
“Their anger or yours?” Lucienne’s voice was absolutely cold.
“I can’t help you!” Kian shouted. “I can’t rid the poison in you!”
“So you use my boyfriend as a punching bag for your frustration? Tell your men to suck it up, and you too. If Vladimir comes back to me with bruises again, I’ll avenge him.”
“Are you going to take us all out?”
Lucienne’s eyes burned dark. She knew that the moment she’d been poisoned, Kian’s wrath would have rained down on Vladimir. Her protector refused to see reason when she was harmed, but she wouldn’t allow him to make Vladimir his victim.
“I’ll pick the ringleader next to you,” she said, “and set him as an example. Finley, isn’t it? You have two hours to get him off the island before I hang him.”
Kian stared at her for a long moment, and she held his eyes with an uncompromising glare. She needed to be hard with Kian, or one day they’d truly deliver her a body bag with Vladimir’s corpse inside.
“It’s time to let go of your anger,” she said. “I’m not going to get well soon, and you’ll have to brace for that.” She sighed, her voice turning wistful. “Every day I have to swim across the ocean to get to the shore of normality. I need you to be in the boat to pick me up when I need it.”
“I’ll swim with you. I won’t let you drown, kid.”
“You mustn’t let Sphinxes drown either,” she said. “For Sphinxes to survive, we need a new motivation. Your military needs discipline. We aren’t what we were two years ago. We’re about to form a new nation, for pirates’ sake.”
Kian inhaled sharply, and his eyes sparked. “You’re warming up to the idea of making Sphinxes a nation?”
Forming a nation was a necessary move. The war with the Sealers in the Polynesian Triangle made many nations nervous about Sphinxes’ growing power. Sphinxes wouldn’t want to become a rogue nation.
“Our people need new hope,” she sai
d. “When there is no vision, the people perish.”
She’d have given them Eterne, a future of evolution, but she could no longer keep the promise. Eterne would have to be pushed back years, or decades, if she ever survived.
“You’re right about disciplining the men,” Kian said. “I can be shortsighted sometimes.”
Lucienne agreed. “Sometimes.”
“You lose sight whenever you think she’s not safe, Kian McQuillen,” Jed had once scolded a twenty-four-year-old Kian when an assassination of Lucienne had nearly succeeded. “You need to learn to detach your emotions in order to protect her.”
“I’ll transfer Finley to the Illinois op,” Kian said. “He’ll assist Claude Lam.”
Kian would make it look like an assignment, not an exile. “I don’t care if you promote him,” she said, “as long as he stays away from Vladimir.”
“Blazek doesn’t want you to intervene. He has nothing but pride now.”
“He has more than that, but make sure he knows nothing about it.”
“He likes to dig. He’ll find out.”
“Then he’ll have to suffer me.”
“Ashburn proposed something,” Kian said, handing her a bottle of sparkling water instead of the almond milk he’d originally offered.
Lucienne drank from the bottle. “After you threatened him last night?”
“This world has rules. If he wants to stay close to you, he must learn to follow them. If he hadn’t saved you in Polynesia, I’d have shot him between the eyes yesterday for sweeping you away like that.”
“He’s as fearless as Vladimir, you know.”
Kian shook his head. “The boys you pick are giving me a stomach ulcer.”
“No more than me.” She gave Kian a faint smile that didn’t hide her sadness. She’d once believed that she’d solved the problem by stringing them along. She was now dragging them down with her, but she couldn’t let them go. “What did Ash want?” she asked.
