by Paige Notaro
Maria and I were the only ones in the women’s lockup and we huddled together through the night. They had pieced together that she had crossed illegally anyway, but Dennis was already out there fighting for her status on account of the threat to our lives.
We didn’t hear a peep from Andre.
They had nothing to hold me on other than lack of ID, so once they got a confirmation on my thumbprints, I was good to go. I didn’t even have to talk to my parents, which was fine. They weren’t my family anymore.
My new family, though, was struggling. Dennis picked me up outside, looking more beat than any of us. Maria and I had slept on metal benches, but he had been up all night winning our freedom.
I gave him a hug as I got out and climbed into the funny smelling little car he had. “Will they send Maria back?” I asked.
“It’s touchy, but I think no,” Dennis said. “Just gotta file some more paperwork. Immigration law is a bitch – immigrant and non-immigrant categories and all that. I think I can transfer her after she gets asylum.”
“Was she really in danger if she stayed there?” I asked.
“If she stayed hidden, no, but does that sound like Maria to you?”
I smiled and settled into the seat. It was just cloth – nothing like the leather trim on Andre’s Escalade, but it might as well have been a goose down comforter.
“What about Andre?” I asked, wishing I had the energy to be angrier for him.
“They won’t tell me anything other than they’re still processing him.”
I sighed, feeling a sinking feeling even on top of my exhaustion.
Dennis put a hand on mine. “We’ll find him, don’t worry. You hungry?”
“No.”
He took me back to a motel and I passed out on one of the twin beds. Dark sleep and darker thoughts blurred through my brain and I woke up in the evening feeling only vaguely less tired. Dennis was out, but he’d left a still-warm bag of burgers and fries on the motel table. I’d had a couple down in my time in Juarez, but the smell of the cheeses and spices seemed so different, so American – not bad or good. I scarfed down the burger and went out to the balcony to watch the sinking light. The motel must have been on the edge of El Paso cause other than a few small buildings lining the street, most of my view was desert. The red land and the battered down shrubs looked pretty much the same as the other side of the border. Odd to think that one side was a war zone, and, on the other, we were trouble enough to get police attention.
The land ran off north to the horizon. The whole of the US was open to us now. The only question was how long it would be before it could truly be “us” again.
So Andre was caught. He’d be charged. He hadn’t killed anyone on purpose. There couldn’t be much of a charge for that. What, 3 years in prison? 5? Or maybe 10 – Dennis had mentioned something once about Andre being punished harder for being black.
It didn’t matter. I could move near where they kept him, visit even. He had saved me from a life of slavery. What was a few years of discomfort compared to that?
I loved him, and we would be together. One day or another.
I went back in and flipped through the TV. The English flowed out as comfortable as a lullaby. I got over the initial burst of pleasure though and found that there was nothing I really wanted to watch. Everything seemed less colorful, less passionate. Maybe it was the danger that brought that out in people – the ability to live for each moment. I ended up tuning into a soap on Telemundo, warmed by the energy in their voices.
A couple hours later, footsteps stomped up to the room door. The handle jiggled and I got up to greet Dennis. Instead, Maria stepped inside. I shrieked and ran into her with a hug. She cried into my shoulder and I was the one whispering comfort to her: “You’re here. It’s ok. It’s all over.”
She finally pulled away, and I asked. “How did you get out so fast?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. It was all Dennis. I think he cried and begged an officer.”
“I didn’t cry,” Dennis said as he came in and kicked his shoes off. “I made an emotional appeal. I told them she was in mortal danger. I professed my many forms of love for her. Mainly I paid bail and promised to bring her back for a trial. It shouldn’t be an issue assuming the provisional visa comes through by then.”
Maria tiptoed up to Dennis for a kiss. “It’ll be fine, papi. We’ll go cry at the immigration office together.”
Maria went off to take a shower and Dennis eyed her slightly more than lovingly before settling on the other bed. My body still felt warm from Maria’s embrace, but I felt a sudden flare of jealousy for them. They had each other now.
“What about Andre?” I asked Dennis.
He shook his head. “They told me to come back in the morning.”
“I’ll go with you,” I said. “They’ll at least let me talk to him right?”
“I don’t see why they wouldn’t. But then again, logic and law don’t always go together.”
Maria’s voice sang out over the muffled squeal of the shower. Dennis stared at the bathroom wall as if the water might make it see-through.
“I’m going to go take a walk,” I said.
“Oh, ok,” Dennis said. “Yeah there’s some sort of cactus garden about a mile down the road.”
I.e., Don’t be back soon.
I smiled, slipped into my sneakers and set out.
I took the road leading away from the city. Only a few street lamps stood out against the road – all the storefronts were closed and dark for the day. If I blurred my vision it looked not far apart from the busted streets at the edges of Juarez – the dark empty ones that I’d been taken through that night I’d been bought.
When I looked up though, there was an endless field of stars, the same night sky I’d seen so many times out the window as I lay with Andre. I wondered if any one of them looked down on me now, and saw that I was alone. I doubted it. The universe had dropped him into my life, and it had just as casually taken him away.
The auto repair and paint shops gave way to the desert and I kept going. No one was going to stop me. No one would hunt me down or hurt me. No one would try to take my freedom.
But no one would bring me back home either.
Eventually I turned around and returned to the motel. Dennis and Maria lay cuddled in a warm glow.
“Good walk?” Maria asked.
“I’ve had worse.”
We settled into our separate beds for a little TV before shutting off the lights. Apparently, I hadn’t been out long enough to give them enough time together, but their sounds were soft and my mind went blank quickly.
I woke up just after dawn. They were still asleep but I brushed and took a shower. The water fell to the tub grey, taking just a bit more of the dye off. I looked in the mirror as I dried and wondered whether I would let my hair turn blonde again. I kind of liked the darker girl looking back. She was the one who had grown a voice. She was the girl who had learned to fight and dance and handle herself. She was not the girl Andre had saved, but she was the one he had fallen in love with.
I grabbed every one breakfast from the only fast food place in walking distance. They were still sleeping when I got back, but the smell of coffee and fried potatoes did their work.
“What time is it?” Dennis grumbled.
“Time to see your brother.”
He nodded and rubbed his eyes. They got ready slower than I wanted, so I took the sacks of food out to the car to speed them up. We ate on the way, though I could barely stomach more than an edge of my egg sandwich. It had been just a day since I’d seen Andre, but it felt like a week. He had been in the cell the whole time with his wounds untreated and who knew who was in there with him? The most I could hope for was to see him safe.
We pulled up to the sheriff’s office, which looked like just a little ranch house in the daylight. A couple officers smoking outside nodded to Dennis as we walked in. That cheered me up a bit. Apparently Dennis’s charms weren
’t limited to south of the border.
Maria and I sat on the metal and plastic seating while Dennis went up to the counter to work his magic. The officer on duty called over Officer Dixon and Dennis told us to wait while he was taken to the cells. I switched positions over and over but couldn’t find one where my feet stopped jiggling. Maria laid a hand gently on my leg and told me kindly to stop rattling her brain loose, but that didn’t work for long either.
“You really miss him?’ she asked.
I nodded, afraid of what else would come up other than words if I spoke. Besides, what sort of question was that?
“Sometimes, seeing a little is worse than nothing,” she said. “My brother was in prison once. It is tough to cry hello and goodbye in such a short time.”
“What does that mean?” I said. “Are you saying I shouldn’t see him?”
“No, you should. I just…ay, niña, I want to prepare you.”
“I’ll be ok,” I said. “Besides, it’s not about me. It’s about him.”
She patted my leg.
It took only a few minutes for Dennis to come back. He glanced at me, then wouldn’t meet my eyes again.
“What?” I asked.
He sat next to Maria and wrapped a hand around her. “They won’t let you go in.”
He said this with no expression, no anger, no fury. I felt enough for both us roaring up like an explosion, and I almost let loose on him.
“So what? Did you see him at least?”
“Yeah.”
“How is he?”
“You tell me,” a voice answered from the hallway.
It ran down me like warm chocolate. Even as I turned to look, I couldn’t believe my ears.
“Andre.”
He stepped out into the waiting area. His shirt lay wrinkled, his arms were bandaged and a little underbrush of beard covered his face, but he looked stunning. The exhaustion in his eyes just made them look sexier than ever. He looked like we had just woken up together.
“Well?” he asked.
I reached him in two steps. He staggered back as I wrapped around him tight and smothered him with kisses.
He pulled me in for a second then pushed me back. “Easy,” he said. “I smell pretty awful.”
“You smell like you,” I said, breathing in his chest. I set my head on it and felt his heart beat, calm and strong. “How are you free?” I asked. “Did Dennis pay bail for you too?”
“Girl, you think I’m made of money?” Dennis called out. “I just used my silver tongue.”
“Yeah well maybe you should have used that tongue a long time ago to figure out that Atlanta PD wasn’t really after me.”
I peeked up at him. “What?”
“There’s no charges against me,” Andre said. “There never was. The police wanted me for questioning but I was never an official suspect. Mario just saw a chance to scare talent into crossing the border and I was fool enough to believe it.”
“But your fight…”
Andre hushed me. “It’s not on my police record. No one pressed charges.”
He had relief on his face though. The guilt of killing someone by accident had been mixed in with the thought of being chased from his own country. He looked freer than ever.
I thought this over some more. “So the Cartel tricked you into coming to Juarez.”
Andre chuckled. “I guess we’re a perfect match.”
“Dumb and dumber.”
“I’m ok with that.” He scooped me back up for a tender kiss.
The officer at the counter cleared his throat.
“He’s right,” Andre said. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”
The four of us stepped out of the station. Morning was rising all along the sky. The roads were filling up and the heat was starting to build.
In truth, I had almost nothing. Not much money. No job prospects. Not even a place to live. Just the promise of Andre and the rest of these people in my future.
It was more than enough.
We piled into the beat up little car.
“So where do you wanna go?” Dennis called back to Andre and me.
“First, a shower,” Andre said. “Then, someplace with decent food. After that…”
He looked over.
“Anywhere,” I said, rolling onto his shoulder. “Anywhere at all.”
Thanks for Reading!
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Love you all,
Paige
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