Monty: YES. THAT. This is all your fault!
Me: I’ll gladly take the blame.
Me: You’re more than welcome to come to my place of employment, Monts. You can meet Zach.
Me: Wait, no—you’ll totally fall for him. I lied.
Monty: Darn! That was my plan all along: get you to invite me to your office so I can meet this swoony fella and fall for him instead.
Me: Delia would never let someone steal her main squeeze…most days.
Monty: So you’re saying there’s a chance?
Me: Not even a tiny one. Thank god.
Monty: BOOOO!
Monty: And we can’t meet on your lunch break. I was only teasing. I have too much work to do.
Me: Maybe tonight?
Monty: Can’t. I have plans with Denny.
Me: *cries like Padmé* YOU’RE BREAKING MY HEART!
Monty: Um, who?
Me: …
Monty: KIDDING, KIDDING! I’ve seen Titanic.
Me: That’s it. We’re breaking up.
Monty: I WAS KIDDING.
Monty: Also, can we “break up” if we’re just friends with benefits?
Me: Oh totally. Me denying you dick would be us breaking up.
Me: Actually, I don’t know…I just really like dangling the D in your face.
Monty: Robbie…
Me: *blinks innocently* What?
Monty: You’re making me want a nap.
Me: A naked nap, right?
Monty: No!
Me: *yes
* * *
Me: It’s been days since our last tryst.
Monty: I knew I was just a booty call.
Me: Oh, did you think this was something more? My bad.
Me: Seriously, though, I’m kinda missing you.
Me: And by kinda, I mean I really fucking miss you, and not just for the extra-amazing sex either.
Monty: Extra amazing? Someone’s buttering me up for something.
Monty: I’m not doing any weird positions.
Me: We’ll come back to that later.
Me: But do you want to get together tonight? Just to hang?
Monty: I can’t. I need to prep my schedule for the first week. It’s just days away.
Me: You’re killing me.
Monty: You’ll live.
Me: Not if I’m dead I won’t.
Monty: So dramatic.
Me: *cries a thousand tears*
Monty: If I’d have known you were going to be such a handful…
Me: I am way more than a handful and we both know it.
Can’t Text This Page 16
