by Lily Foster
Cassie smiled at me, sugar-sweet. “Yes, come, Anna! Just give us until ten or so. The committee has to take care of business first. There is so much to do,” she said, rolling her eyes wearily, as if she didn’t love every single minute of it.
I ignored her and looked right at Declan and smiled. “I’ll pass. Fiona, Colin, Terrence and I are going to watch Lauren’s Dance Ensemble thing tonight.”
“Oh no, no, no!” General Cassie decreed. “Colin is on the committee. He’s an ambassador too. Declan, he has to come!”
“I think Colin would rather watch his girlfriend dance around in a leotard than strategize about decorations, Cassie,” Avery chimed in.
“You’re probably right, Avery,” Declan said. “And why exactly do I have to come tonight? If I say pink hearts and you girls say red hearts, I’m thinking it will be red, right?”
“Tonight,” Charlotte said, grinning mischievously, “we’re measuring you guys for your costumes.”
“My costume? I was planning on jeans and a tie-dye tee shirt.”
“That is not happening, Declan. We’ll take care of everything, don’t worry. You just have to be there tonight,” Cassie said in an end-of-discussion kind of way.
He looked back up to me, to gauge my reaction. I had to rein in the bitchy smirk that I was tempted to flash as best I could. Yeah, Declan, I thought, Cassie and Paige will take care of everything. They’ll measure you, dress you, blow you…whatever.
The subject matter in this class was bo-ring, so after the dumb chatter died down in front of me, I busied myself answering text messages. I asked Victoria if she wanted to come with us to watch Lauren and then go out for apps and drinks after. She said yes and said she’d ask Brandon. Wonder what Victoria’s reaction would be when he told her where he was going instead. Then I responded to Dylan, who was making plans to come up on Saturday to watch the hockey game with his friends, Tom and Ben.
Dylan, I assumed was trying to fill every minute. Keep his mind off his misery. He was a hockey fan and all, but I knew him. Dylan had an insane work schedule, traveling on a near constant basis but ever since his breakup with Kasia, he was taking it to a new level. Every time I’d called him lately, he was either working or partying. I knew he was miserable but he’d never express that outright. It was like Dylan Cole had a switch he could turn on and off. When I’d ask about Kasia, he’d say she was in the past. That was that. I’d found out about the breakup when I saw a picture of him on some gossip site, his arm wrapped around CeeCee Tate with the caption: Cole’s New Love Interest? How could he be happy with someone like her? She was a far cry from Kasia in beauty, brains and balls.
“Who are you in such deep conversation with?” Declan asked, tapping on my desk. I hadn’t even noticed that class had ended and everyone was packing up.
“My cousin, Dylan. He’s coming up this weekend to watch the game with his friends.” I deadpanned, “So I guess I have no choice, I have to go too.”
“Ouch,” Declan said as he clasped his heart. “That hurts.” He added, “I’ll have to be on my A game, get in that guy’s good graces.”
“Oh my gosh, Anna,” Avery gushed. “You’re cousin is, like, so freaking gorgeous. Is it true that he and his girlfriend are broken up?”
“How do you even know that?” I asked, scrunching up my face. I asked but I already knew. Since my mini-nervous breakdown before Christmas, the entire campus was now aware that I was related to Vince and Dylan Cole, a fact I’d hoped to keep under wraps. Sometimes I had to remind myself that their lives played out on the big screen. Dylan Cole wasn’t a movie star or anything, but as a good-looking, young, soon-to-be CEO of a major corporation, he was a celebrity in his own way. Dylan was in the newspaper, he was on gossip sites and random people took his picture when he was out in public. It was disturbing.
“He’s news, Anna,” Avery said, innocently.
“Have you spoken to Kasia?” Declan asked, concerned. He knew how I felt about her.
When the girls moved out of the row I said, “Once, right after it happened a few weeks ago. And she just sent me a package, a few things from her spring line. It just feels all wrong, though, you know?”
“Like a divorce? Like you have to side with someone?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I mean, I’m pretty certain Dylan was the one who screwed things up. Even though Kasia swore it was mutual, that she was as much at fault as he was. But he’s my blood. At the end of the day, I support him in any way I can.”
“It’s hard to feel like you’ve lost a friend, though,” Declan said as he squeezed my shoulder before releasing me. “I’ve got practice now. So I’ll definitely see you Saturday?”
“Yeah but I’m going out with Dylan and his friends afterwards.”
“Oh,” he looked disappointed. He brightened up then. “You’re coming to that Valentine’s Day thing, right?”
“Definitely. If only to see what costume you’re wearing.”
He hung his head. “It’s a charity thing. Coach likes us to do that kind of stuff. You know, right, that I…that I pay no attention to them?”
“You’re free, last I heard. You can do what you want with who you want.”
He looked up at the ceiling and let out a frustrated breath, shaking his head. “It’s whomever, with whomever you want.”
“Thank you, grammar police.”
“And that’s not true, because if I could do whatever I want with whomever I wanted…then I would be with you.” When I lowered my head he said, “And I don’t just mean physically, Anna. But I do want that more than you can imagine.” He waited until I looked up at him. “I miss you as my friend, Anna. These past few weeks, so much has been happening. Confusing things, things I can’t figure out on my own, you know? And I find myself wanting to know what you would think about it, what you would do. You’re one of the few people, Anna. You don’t have an agenda when it comes to me. You may not trust me but I trust you, completely.”
Declan saying the word trust brought all those feelings up again. We’d never really spoken about what had happened. “I am your friend, Declan.”
“But you’re not all the way there yet.”
I shook my head slowly, looking down at the floor. “I don’t know why I can’t shake it, Declan. That morning, what you did? It still hurts so badly. I can’t forget.”
“Anna, that day, the months before it, how things played out with Jeremy even, everything…it’s all my fault. And you have to believe me, I was breaking up with Tess. That morning, though, it was all a mess. I just didn’t want to hurt her in that way. I had to make sure she was all right. Do you understand?”
The tears were coming now and I couldn’t do anything to stop them. I’d been holding back from saying this for so long and hearing him talk about not hurting her made something snap inside of me. “Her feelings, always. Protect her feelings while you could give fuck-all about mine!”
“No, Anna.” He took me into his massive arms, crushing me to his chest and wouldn’t let go. I was shaking with sobs. He was stroking my hair, kissing the top of my head and whispering to me, “I’m not asking you to forget, Anna, but I’m begging you, please, forgive me. Please.”
After what seemed like forever, the two of us just standing there, holding onto one another, I said, “I’m trying to move past it, Declan. It’s hard. I need time. Taking some time isn’t a bad thing.”
“No,” he smiled weakly as he said, “no it’s not.” He kissed the top of my head again. He looked at me cautiously. “But if you meant what you said, if you are my friend, for real, then it’s not weird if we eat lunch or dinner together sometimes, right?”
I took a minute before I responded, “I guess not.”
“Are you doing anything Friday night? I have no ulterior motives, Anna, I swear,” he said as he held his hands up, defenseless. “I do really need your advice about something and I also like to eat Italian food the night before my games. I’ve developed a superstition.”
&n
bsp; I was exhausted from my outburst but I did feel a little better. I’d needed to get that off my chest for a long time. Packing up my bag, I could feel that tenderness for Declan surfacing again. I managed a smile. “And, if I recall, you’re very fond of spaghetti and meatballs.”
“Ah, but I was a mere child then, Anna. I’ve moved onto pasta carbonara.”
“See? That’s what’s annoying about boys. Carbonara is like pure fat on a plate. You can eat that and stay all muscle. If I ate that regularly, I’d have a booty the size of Idaho.”
His dimple was deep when he smiled like this, like he was truly happy. “You think I’m all muscle, huh?”
“Ugh! That’s all you got out of that entire statement?”
“No. I was also thinking your booty is bootylicious as is, but you’d look nice with a big giant booty too.”
“You’re twisted.”
He looked at his watch. “Speaking of food, I have two minutes to shovel something in before practice. So we’re on for Friday. I’ll text you. You’re going to love this place, Anna,” he said as he was walking away, backwards. “It’s a little hole in the wall in the North End. The baked clams are…orgasmic.”
“How could I turn that down?”
“Yeah,” he said as he winked, “I’ll take what I can get in that department these days too.”
Declan
I tried on two different shirts before settling on a dark blue button down that looked pretty similar to the other shirts I’d just put on and thrown off. It was like I had been given a second chance, a gift, and I was nervous that I’d make a misstep, that I’d screw it up again.
When she opened the door, I knew I must have had a giant smile plastered across my face. Damn, she was so beautiful. She had her long hair pulled up into a high ponytail with some pieces out, framing her face. Her hair looked great pulled up. It showcased her face and her smooth, inviting neck—one of my favorite spots on her body. Don’t get me wrong, her ass and her breasts? I worshipped them. But there were a few times during dinner when I was completely distracted, thinking about kissing and nipping that spot she liked, right below her ear.
In the spirit of friendship I extended an invitation to Fiona. Although I truly enjoyed the girl’s company, I was praying that she’d decline.
“No thanks, Declan. I happen to have a date too.”
“Nice. Who’s the lucky guy?”
“A friend of yours.”
“Could you be a little more specific?”
“No. I don’t want to jinx it. If it’s a good date, then I’ll spill.”
Anna smiled at her, then at me. “She won’t even tell me. Can you believe that? I told her she has to text me every hour just so that I know she’s alive.”
When we walked into Giuseppe’s, I could tell Anna liked it. The place was tiny, with red-checkered tablecloths, cheesy plastic flowers on each table, and candles held in those old chianti bottles that had twine twisted around the bottom half. “Oh my God, Declan, it smells incredible in here.”
“I like a girl who likes garlic.”
“You might not think that later when you’re kissing me goodnight.”
She looked embarrassed then, like she regretted mentioning anything about kissing. “If you let me kiss you goodnight, Anna, a little garlic isn’t going to scare me off.”
She blushed. Giuseppe’s wife came to greet me then. “Declan! I was wondering if you were coming. It’s a game tomorrow, so he’s been expecting you.” She looked to Anna and smiled. “And who has taken Brandon’s place?”
“This is my friend, Anna, Mrs. DeMarco.”
“Hello,” Anna said.
She grabbed Anna roughly by the waist and turned her around, a complete rotation. Anna stood there, eyes wide, as Giuseppe’s wife appraised her then from head to toe. “Graziosa, bella…perfetto,” she declared before smiling at Anna warmly and leading us to our table. She turned to me. “The usual tonight?” Anna’s eyes were still wide but Mrs. DeMarco was back to business, completely unaware that she’d just freaked Anna out by manhandling her.
“Yep. Some baked clams first, though. I told Anna she’ll never taste any better.”
“Anna, what about you?” Mrs. DeMarco asked.
“Um, should I look at the menu?”
“No menus,” I said.
“What do you like, Anna?” she asked.
“Tell Giuseppe to surprise me.”
Mrs. DeMarco looked to me. “I knew I liked this one.”
“This one?” Anna teased after Mrs. DeMarco went into the kitchen. “How many girls have you brought here?”
As soon as the words left her mouth, her smile dropped and she looked pained. I knew she was thinking about Tess. “I’ve never brought anyone else here, Anna. I’ve never been here with another girl.”
“Oh,” she said and smiled as she looked out the window.
I took her hands across the table. “I’m glad you said yes tonight, Anna, even if we’re here just as friends. I meant what I said, I’ve really missed talking to you.”
She squeezed my hands back. “Can I guess what’s been on your mind?”
“Go for it.”
“Are you thinking about whether or not you should leave? To play professionally, I mean?” She added, “Fiona mentioned it.”
“Yeah. And I can’t talk to most people about it. Most people think you’re whining about having this great opportunity and it’s not like that. It’s—”
“Impossible. To choose, I mean. How can you know you’re making the right choice?”
“Exactly,” I said, breathing a sigh of relief.
“Are you happy when you’re at school?”
I stroked my thumbs over the backs of her hands. “Very happy.”
“Will hockey be there for you as long as you don’t have some career-ending injury?”
“Most likely.”
“And when you envision your life, can you envision it without hockey? Can you see yourself in a suit and tie, coming home to a family at the end of the day, coaching your kid’s team? Can you see that as fulfilling, or do you see it as boring, suffocating?”
“As long as I’m with the woman I love, I can envision that life as fulfilling, absolutely.” My inner dialogue was going something like this: You, Anna, if I was with you then it would all be good.
“Then you’re set either way, Declan. Being a pro athlete will end when you’re a relatively young man anyway. As long as you know that everyday life, life after the pros or without it, is something you can deal with and something you can look forward to, then it’ll all be ok.”
“I want to stay at school.” It’s like the thought just came to me, clear as day. I felt light, sure, happy.
“Then that’s what you’ll do,” she said, smiling tenderly. “And you’ll take each year as it comes.”
Dropping her off that night, I settled for one kiss, one soft brush across her soft lips. I didn’t want to risk anything by pushing her too far.
I thought of Mrs. DeMarco’s words as I walked back to my dorm: beautiful, graceful, perfect. Yes, that was my Anna.
Chapter Nine
Anna
I wasn’t going to be able to hold off much longer. I wanted to wait, I really did, but every time I caught sight of him, every time his touch grazed me, every time he said something sweet and loving to me, I craved him more.
That night he dropped me off after dinner, he left me outside my door, kissing me chastely before leaving. I cried myself to sleep that night, lonely and aching to feel him again.
Why was I holding back? Because as much as I hate to admit my weakness, it still burned when I thought about that morning—I still felt that burning shame, still felt the sting of betrayal, as if it was yesterday. I couldn’t forget. I guess I wasn’t ready to forgive yet either.
He was softening me, though, day by day.
“Anna, Banana, my Anna, Banana.”
Oh Lord, Dylan was beyond buzzing when he showed up at my dorm at six
o’clock. Tom and Ben stood behind him, Tom with raised eyebrows and Ben looking at me, apologetically.
The girls on my floor hadn’t noticed his incapacitated state, though. They were blinded by his good looks, charm and the sleek chauffeured car, idling just downstairs. “Fiona,” he said, taking her into a tight, overly familiar hug, “you are even hotter than Anna said you were.”
“Down boy,” Tom warned.
“I’m so sorry,” I mouthed to Fiona. She waggled her eyebrows and smiled in response.
I closed my door, essentially blocking the prying eyes of every girl in my dorm. I grabbed two water bottles out of the fridge as Tom and Ben introduced themselves to Fiona and strategically placed their bodies between her and Dylan. “What time did you start drinking?” I hissed as I shoved a bottle at him.
“I’ve had two, maybe three, Anna. Relax.”
“Drink the water, Dylan, and no more booze until we go out after the game, all right?” Tom was stating fact, not asking.
“Yes, Dad,” Dylan teased. “So, Fiona, do you like older men?”
She thought he was hilarious. “Only really old ones, Dylan, like seventy, you know?”
“Don’t encourage him, Fiona,” I begged.
“Aw, baby, come on. I have to wait….forty-six years to get my hands on that sweet ass of yours?”
Ben warned, “Shut up, Dylan. You’re embarrassing Anna. Not to mention insulting Fiona. Cut the crap or else I’m throwing you back in the car and we’re heading home.”
“All right, I’ll behave,” he said, winking at Fiona as he downed one water bottle and then downed the other. He slapped himself in the face and then decreed, “It’s all good.”
Amazingly, he did sound somewhat better. Cautiously, I opened the door and the five of us made our way downstairs to the car. Tom ordered Dylan a giant soda when we got to our seats and by the time the puck was dropped for the face-off, Dylan wasn’t half as obnoxious as he had been. Just to be sure, I sat myself between Dylan and Fiona. I put my hand on Fiona’s knee and whispered, “I really am sorry, Fiona. I think the past month has been really rough on him.”
