by Jessica Roe
The guy at the bar looks at me suspiciously for a long moment when I sit on a stool and order a shot of tequila, so I lean forward, pushing out my chest. It works though my boobs aren't even big—guys are so lame.
The tequila burns on the way down but the satisfying feeling it usually brings is noticeably absent, so I order another and hope that it'll do the trick. It doesn't.
“Hey, pretty lady,” comes an annoyingly cheerful voice to my right. Nathan sits down on the stool next to mine. He picks up my shot glass and sniffs, wincing. “The hard stuff, I see.” He signals to the bartender to send us two more.
“Hey.” That's about all I'm capable of right now. We clink glasses and down them. Three shots in and the numbing affect isn't making me feel better like it's supposed to. Damn, I guess alcohol isn't the answer to my problems after all. “Thanks. You can go away now.”
He just chuckles. “Man, if my buddy, Silver,” He winks at the nickname. “wasn't all tied up in knots over you I'd snap you up in a heartbeat. He'll, I'd even take the ass kicking Nash'd hand me. It'd be worth it.”
I fight a smile. I don't want to be happy right now. “Perv.”
This makes him roar with laughter. “I like you, you're feisty. Say, where is he tonight anyway? Silver, I mean.”
“Don't ask me, I'm not his keeper.”
“Ah, so that's what the depressed drinking is all about. You guys had a fight?”
I flinch. “Let's not go there.”
“Trouble in paradise?”
I really don't want to talk about Silver. Actually I really don't want to talk at all, but Nathan doesn't seem like the kind of person who lets go of things easily. “It wasn't like that. We were never dating.”
“I know, he told me everything.”
For the first time since he sat down, I take a proper look at him, blinking in surprise. “When?”
“After New Year.” He gives me a knowing look. “Figure he needed to talk to someone about it.”
That makes sense. I remember how much it helped me when I talked things over with Ibbie. “Then you know there's nothing going on.”
“I know he's crazy for you. That's why I'm not hitting on you even though you look super hot and troubled sitting here downing shots of tequila like they're going out of fashion. You're my perfect woman. Unfortunately, you're also Silver's.” I glare at him. This is just the last thing I need to hear after tonight. He holds up his hands in surrender and grins. “All right, all right, I get it. I'm going, gone. Not staying anyway—my date doesn't like it here apparently.” He nods over at a pretty blonde sat in a booth. She's scowling fiercely at us, so I cross my eyes and stick out my tongue. At least, I think I do; the alcohol might be starting to hit its mark.
Nathan nudges me with his elbow, failing to hold in a smile. “Stop that or she'll leave me high and dry tonight.”
“Got news for you, buddy—you ain't getting past first with that chick. And not only 'cause you left her alone in the middle of a date to drink shots with another girl.”
He contemplates for a moment. “Too classy for me?”
“You got it.”
“Damn, I knew it.” He smirks. “But I'm gonna try anyway.” He stands, hooking an arm around my neck and kissing my cheek like we're way more familiar with each other than we actually are. “Go easy on the guy,” he murmurs in my ear. I don't bother to tell him that Silver isn't even my real problem. “He's never dealt with a girl like you before; he's a little out of his depth.”
Nathan and his date leave and I consider going too, but I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be driving anywhere right now. A year ago three shots of tequila would have been nothing to me but my body is no longer used to that kind of life, So I order a large glass of water and spend the next five minutes staring at nothing as I sip on it.
I'm startled by a loud commotion at the door behind me, and I groan when Gage and his friend, Vic, stumble in. They look like they've already had a few beers. The bartender cards them and they hand over some very questionable looking driver's licences. This guy must truly not give a crap because he just rolls his eyes and serves them anyway.
I consider sneaking out, really not in the mood to deal with Gage and his advances right now, but he spots me and it's already too late. He nudges Vic and moves over to take Nathan's recently vacated seat. Vic takes the stool on the other side of me.
I'm expecting drunken Gage to be loud and obnoxious so I'm surprised by his gentleness. “We heard Jem's in the hospital.”
I raise a questioning eyebrow.
“Imelda tweeted it,” Vic adds, sighing like he can't believe her idiocy. He's kind of hot. Like a slightly shorter, blonder version of Gage, only without the playful cheekiness. He's unusually shy for a popular kid. “Drunken tweet, I guess. Most of it didn't make sense, but word gets around fast.”
Gage shifts uncomfortably. “There's kind of a rumour going around that you gave her drugs and that's why she's there. That's not true though, is it?” He says it in a way that it's not really a question, just a confirmation of something he already knows. For the first time I appreciate the fact that Gage has become a genuinely decent friend.
“No, it's not.”
“Drink with us?” Vic suggests.
What the hell.
BY THE TIME an hour passes by we're all cheerfully drunk, but though I'm putting on a good show, my dark mood still resides inside me.
“So there's this party,” Gage slurs, most definitely worse off than me. “You wanna come?”
I shake my head, hating the way the room spins around me. A party is not what I need.
Gage grumbles something unintelligible and staggers away towards the bathroom.
“You sure you're not up for a party?” Vic slides his stool closer to mine, uncomfortably close. Turns out shy Vic stops being so shy when he's drunk on beer and tequila shots, he's been leering at me all night whenever Gage isn't looking. If I were sober right now I know I'd be pushing him away, but I'm not so I don't. Instead, I let him lean in close and place a sloppy, open mouthed kiss on my neck. “I know someone who can hook me up with some pills,” he whispers in my ear. “Maybe a bit of pot, too. You wanna get high with me, Blair?”
“I didn't know you were into that.”
He slides a hand up my jeans clad thigh and I let him do that too. I even let him pick up my hand and place it over his crotch. He hardens just a little under my hand and without thinking about it, I squeeze gently. This is stupid and I shouldn't be doing it, but I'm kind of hoping the dead feeling inside of me will ease up. It doesn't. I feel nothing. “Every now and then I need to let go of life for a while,” he admits, and I know there's a story there. His dad is the high school football coach and I've heard he rides him pretty hard about being the best of everything. “Not all the time, but you understand, right?”
“What about Gage?”
He grins. “That guy's out. Trust me, he sleeps like a bitch when he's drunk. The second we get to that party he'll forget all about you and find some corner to curl up and pass out in. Then you and me can have some real fun. You in?”
Obviously I shouldn't. The smart thing to do would be to down as much water as I can stomach and then lock myself in my car and sleep until I'm sober enough to drive right on out of Fortune for good.
But screw it, I'm done being smart. I'm done staying out of trouble. Where the hell has being good gotten me? Here, right now, in a seedy bar being felt up by a guy I have no interest in while my sister lays in a hospital bed and my family and the guy I'm in love with want nothing to do with me, that's where.
“I'm in.” I mean, why not, right? Everyone already thinks I'm that girl. Maybe I should just be her and get it over with. Maybe I'd be happier that way. I'll do the drugs. I'll sleep with Vic. Or Gage, if he doesn't fall asleep first. Hell, maybe I'll even sleep with both of them. At the same time.
When Gage rejoins us, Vic tells him I'm coming and they both cheer...loudly. I hate the kind of drunks who cheer.
Seeing me shiver, Gage wraps his arms around my shoulders from behind, resting his chin on top of my head. Vic waggles his eyebrows at me and suddenly I feel very sleazy.
Thankfully it doesn't take Gage's friend long to arrive; the sooner we get to the party, the sooner I can drink my doubts away. Gage walks behind, using his body to nudge me forward, but before I can get in a car horn sounds behind us.
Surprise doesn't even begin to cover it when I turn and see Silver's Jeep pulling up. I'm frozen as he climbs out and calls my name. The anger and disgust on his face are missing, replaced by...desperation. Not what I was expecting.
“Is that Mr Keegan?” Vic scratches his head, baffled.
“He's Blair's neighbour, bro,” Gage fills in for me, and I'm grateful because I think I've forgotten how to speak. “Shut up, he might have some news about Jem.” Seeing a teacher outside school is having a sobering effect on Gage.
Silver takes a hesitant step towards us, leaving his car door open. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” His eyes flicker past me to Vic and Gage for the briefest second and I know he means away from them. He's risking a lot calling me out in front of them and my confusion grows.
“Gimme a sec,” I tell the guys. They nod, and Vic climbs inside their friend's car to wait whilst Gage leans against it, pretending not to watch us.
Silver leads me around the side of his Jeep, behind the open door where we won't be overheard.
“Is it Jemma?” I demand immediately. “Have you heard anything?”
“No, sorry. Not yet.” He runs a shaking hand through his curls. “Jeez, Blair. I've been driving around all night, looking for you. Then Nathan called and told me he'd seen you here.” The traitor. “What are you doing in this place?” There isn't judgement in his voice, just...worry. Worry for me. This isn't the same Silver I was dealing with just hours earlier. I wonder what changed.
It doesn't matter, I don't care. Or at least...I don't want to care. “I don't need a lecture right now. I'll see you around.”
“No, wait!” He touches my shoulder to stop me turning away, his eyes wide. “Don't got with them, Blair,” he implores, and I have a feeling he knows exactly what kind of mistake I'm about to make. “Please.” His hand slides down my arm to my wrist and he wraps his fingers around it gently.
“Why do you care?”
“You know why,” he says with feeling.
“I thought you hated me? You seemed like you hated me. The way you looked at me...”
He shakes his head and tugs me closer, but no so close as to raise Gage's suspicions. “I'm so sorry about that.” There's a lot of weight behind those words and I can feel how much he really means them. “The way I acted earlier, judging you like that, was just messed up. I've been so screwed up lately...well, you know that more than anyone. It's like, I wanted to believe something bad about you because then it would make it easier not being able to be with you. Not that it's any excuse. I know you didn't give Jemma any drugs, I don't even need to hear you say it. I believe in you. And Grams explained the whole deal with Ila. I think how you explained that stuff to her was awesome. Inspirational, even.”
I breathe deeply. The more he speaks, the less dead I feel inside. Just being near him is bringing me back to life, lighting me up inside. But still, it's too late. He can be sorry, but I'm still leaving town. “I don't know what you want from me.”
“Come with me,” he pleads, glancing at Gage again. He tries to hide his dark expression but fails. “Don't go with them. Don't go with him.”
I don't even have to think it over; I'm going with Silver. Of course I'm going with Silver. It's Silver.
“Let me just say goodbye.” His smile of utter relief at my surrender makes my heart clench.
I tell Gage and Vic that I need to go deal with my family and that Mr Keegan will drive me home. Vic looks put out but Gage nods in understanding and tells me to call him when I have news. I feel kind of guilty for lying to him.
But honestly, I'm already just so ridiculously grateful that Silver found me when he did. If I'd have gone through with any of that stuff tonight I'd have regretted it forever.
I watch them drive away, and when I turn back Silver is smiling hopefully with his hand outstretched towards me.
I take it.
OBVIOUSLY I REFUSE to let him take me back home, so Silver drives us out to that roadside diner, the one where we first met. I don't think it was a conscious decision...we just somehow found our way back here. Perhaps he's feeling sentimental. I don't mind at all—I could really eat some pie right now.
It's surprisingly busy considering it's after midnight, and the bright lights feel welcoming instead of harsh.
Lacing my fingers with his, Silver leads me to a booth next to a window. With reluctance he drops my hand so he can sit opposite me. Both of us are quiet, neither knowing what to say. There's a tenseness in the air, but a good kind of tense, like his coming after me tonight has changed something between us. Things feel different now.
Avoiding his gaze, I stare out the window, but it's so bright in here and so dark out there that all I can see is our reflections. Not exactly the distraction I was looking for.
“Oh. My. GAWD!” We both jump and look up. It's Keeley Perkins the Perky Waitress, looking just as bubbly and cheery as last time, despite the late hour. Tonight she's wearing blue eye-shadow on one eye, green on the other and dark purple lipstick. It should make her look like a clown but instead she looks kind of cute. Either that or I'm just not as much of a bitch as I used to be.
She beams down at us. “I remember you guys! How could I forget this gorgeous hair?” She pokes my colourful stripes, and I guess I really have changed because I don't punch her in the face like I should. “What can I get for you guys?”
I'm already mostly sober by now, but I order black coffee anyway to go with my strawberry cream pie.
“You know when we're done here I'm going back for my car and leaving town, right?” I tell him once we're alone again. I fiddle nervously with a sugar packet, tearing it into little pieces.
He pales. “Please don't go.” Reaching across the table to claim my hands, he pulls away the sugar packet remains and rubs his thumbs over my knuckles. I just want to stay like this forever, here with him. “Don't...just don't leave.” And then, like he's afraid to say it out loud, he mouths, don't leave me.
Before I can reply, Keeley comes back with our order. She takes in our clasped hands and giggles. “How adorable! I knew I saw sparks flying between the two of you last time you were here, even if you were giving each other a hard time.” Silver definitely had a hard time in the car afterwards.
I expect him to get all awkward but he blushes and grins shyly and I realize that like me, he's remembering all the events that transpired between us that day. Especially the fun ones.
“COME HOME WITH me?” Silver requests, a smile in his voice.
“No,” I reply for the fifth time.
We sat in the diner for an hour, bickering over pie for a while, and then he spent twenty minutes trying to persuade me to go back home with him. It was seriously starting to annoy me so I casually asked him if Julius Caesar was the guy who invented Caesar salad and he got super mad and gave me a fifteen minute lecture on the guy before he realized I was just kidding. It was worth it to see the look on his face.
After that we moved outside where I hopped up on the hood of his Jeep. He didn't even complain, which said a lot about how he was trying to sweeten me up. I refused to get back in the car, certain he'd just drive straight back home instead of dropping me off at Nancy, so he wrapped me up in his army green jacket to keep me warm and when I brought it up to my nose and inhaled because it smelt so deliciously of him, he just smir
ked. When I tried to protest that he'd get cold, he leaned against the car between my knees, his back to me, and I wrapped my legs around his hips and my arms around his chest and dropped my chin onto his shoulder. Just for warmth, you know? Yeah, that's all.
“What can I do to change your mind?” He plays with my fingers by his belly button and rests his head against mine. The intimacy warms my blood. He's different with me tonight. It feels like we have this small, borrowed bubble of time where we can finally touch each other, no consequences.
“Nothing! Besides, I'm not welcome back home, remember?”
He sighs and lets go of my fingers so he can rub his hands up and down my thighs. “I just wanna fix this for you, Blair,” he tells me softly. “I wish I could make this all better.” Slipping his hands underneath my knees, he hitches me even closer.
“I know.” I rub my cheek against his stubbly jaw. He looks sexy, though I like him clean shaven like he is most of the time.
“Please come back. At least just for one night?”
“Silver-”
“I know, I know, you don't wanna go back. But do it for Grams, okay? Do it for her if not for me or yourself. She was so worried about you. Just stay the night so she can make a fuss, see you're okay, and then we'll figure out tomorrow when it comes, yeah?”
“It's already tomorrow.”
I can almost feel him rolling his eyes. “You know what I mean, smart ass. Come on, I'll even let you take my super comfy bed.”
“With you in it?”
“Ha ha.” He leans back against me playfully. “Don't go tempting me. The image alone of you in my bed is wicked enough.”
“I dunno. Can't we just call her?”
“It's one in the morning. You gonna wake an old lady up? She'll want to see you first thing.”
