I knew I needed to get over him, but it was tough. I’d regularly kick myself for having feelings for him still and then one night, while I was out with some friends, I met David. David was nothing like Shane. He was tall and lanky with perfect dark hair that never moved out of place. He was very serious and rarely joked around. He was the complete opposite of my ideal guy, but for some reason, I kept dating him.
David was at my apartment watching a DVD when my phone rang. I reached for the remote to turn the volume down when he swiped it out of my hand.
I looked at the caller ID and was surprised to see my mother’s phone number. We hadn’t spoken in years despite my calls to her. My old feelings of dread crept back as the phone rang again.
“You going to get that or not?” David said.
“Hello?” I said, answering the phone.
“Rosalie? It’s your mother.”
“Umm hi, Mom.”
I didn’t know what to say. Why was she suddenly calling me? I couldn’t help but think she wanted something.
“Jim is dying,” she said. “He was diagnosed with lung cancer a couple of years ago and it’s traveled to his brain. The doctors said he has at most a month to live.”
“I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. He’s tough to deal with, very angry, but I’ve been traveling to keep myself away.”
“You’ve been traveling? Who’s taking care of him?”
David glared at me, so I got up from the couch and went into the kitchen.
“He’s a grown man, he can take care of himself,” she said. “I just got back from a resort in Scottsdale. I can see why you wanted to head west, it’s beautiful there.”
“You went by yourself?”
“Yes, but I met a friend there.”
“Oh? Gladys?”
“No, a new friend, Johnny. We met on Facebook.”
“You mean a boyfriend? But what about Jim?”
“I already told you, he’s dying. Johnny’s really nice, has a big house, and tells me how beautiful I am.”
“Umm okay, that’s nice, Mom.”
Good to see nothing has changed, Mom.
“Anyway, Jim asked me to call you. He wants you to visit here in Florida before he dies. He said he needs to talk to you.”
He needs to talk to me? No way. No fucking way.
“No, Mom. I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.”
“You’ve always been an ungrateful person.”
“Ungrateful? Did he do something for me to be grateful for? You know how he made me feel. You know the things he did and you never once tried to stop it.”
“He was my husband. You always stand by your man.”
“Is that what you’re doing now with Johnny?”
“That’s different. Jim can’t perform his husbandly duties anymore.”
“I can’t believe you, Mom. I really can’t believe you.”
“So are you coming or not? You can stay here in the guest room.”
I shook as I listened to her voice. I never spoke back to her. I was always afraid of the consequences. But hearing her after all these years and realizing that nothing changed set me off.
“Aren’t you listening to me? For years I felt like you hated me. I felt like I didn’t matter, that all you cared about was pleasing Jim and you didn’t care what you sacrificed as long as he was happy. How could you treat your daughter like that? You’re my mom, you were supposed to protect me.”
I blinked back the few tears that stung my eyes. I had cried so many times before about my mother and Jim that I didn’t have many tears left.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Rosalie. Jim loves you, he always has. He always talks about that time he found you in the parking lot skipping school. He thought you were such a beautiful little girl. But you were always a little bitch.”
“I made a promise to myself years ago that that was the last time I would see Jim,” I said. “Remember the nightmares I used to have? Since I made that promise, I haven’t had them. I’m sorry, but there’s no way I’m flying out to see him or you.”
I hung up the phone before she could respond. She would never apologize or say the things a mother should say to her daughter. It just wasn’t how she was. She cared more about herself than anyone else.
My body vibrated with anger and pain from the past. My chest hurt like a vice was squeezing it tight. Slowly, I walked back into the living room where David was focused on the television.
“There you are,” he said. “Where’s my kiss?”
He tapped his cheek, then looked at me impatiently. I gasped for air and hugged myself tightly. He’s just like my stepfather.
“Get the fuck out of my apartment,” I said.
“What?”
“You heard me. Get out. We’re done. I don’t want to see you ever again.”
“Fucking crazy bitch,” he said as he stood up.
He walked out and I slammed the door behind him. Relief rushed over me, not only for realizing how wrong David was for me, but for finally standing up for myself with my mother. It was time for me to forget the nightmares and move on.
~ Fourteen ~
A couple of months after breaking up with David, I found myself thinking about Shane even more. I pulled up Facebook and started scrolling through all the Shane Ventanas when I saw a photo that knocked the wind out of me. Shane was smiling in the photo with his arm around a dark-haired woman.
Bitch!
I hated her. I didn’t have to know anything about her to hate her. The less I knew about her, the better. But I couldn’t leave his page. I scrolled down his few public posts and then looked at his photos. He didn’t seem very active on there, which was disappointing. But when I noticed the link to the name he was in a relationship with, I clicked it faster than I had ever clicked on anything before in my life.
Her name was Isabel DeLeo. How weird that she has my last name. She was pretty. Bitch. Looked similar to me with her light brown hair and dark eyes. Except she was thinner. Double bitch. Almost every picture of her had her looking lovingly up at Shane. Lucky Bitch.
From what I could tell, they were living together in Virginia. Virginia is for lovers. Fuck you Virginia! As I scrolled further along her page, I saw the same town name pop up over and over. It took a few minutes for it to register that the town they lived in had the same name as where I lived. That had to mean something. What were the chances that three thousand miles away, he was in the same town, just a different state?
My eyes blurred as tears filled them. I couldn’t control the tears that started to fall. My chest ached. I couldn’t breathe. I could still remember what his lips tasted like. How could he move on? He was supposed to be alone and miserable like me.
I was officially insane. There was no other explanation for how crazy I was acting, but I couldn’t help myself. I picked up the phone and dialed Noelle. Even though we weren’t as close as we were years ago, she was the only one who would understand my current insanity.
“Hello?” Noelle mumbled.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, I forgot about the time difference.”
“No, it’s okay, it’s only the middle of the night.” She laughed softly. “Everything okay?”
I sighed. “You’re going to think I’m crazy.”
“I already know you’re crazy, nothing will change that.”
“Okay, okay, but still. I need to talk and you’re the only one who might understand. I’m emailing you a link.”
“What is it?”
“It’s Shane. I found him on Facebook.”
“No shit? He still hot?”
“He looks exactly the same. His hair is a little shorter, but that’s about it. Oh well, except for the woman who seems to be surgically attached to him.”
“Get out! Is he married?”
“No, in a relationship. It hurts just to say that. Did you get the link?”
“Mmm-hmm. Isabel DeLeo? Is she related?”
“I know
, right? That’s how fucked up life is, but no relation as far as I know. Add to that, they’re in the same town as me. Well, different state, but how weird is that?”
“Really weird.” Noelle was quiet for a minute and I knew she was scrolling and clicking like I was. “She’s pretty. Which means she’s a bitch, right?”
“Yes,” I said, laughing.
“You’re prettier.”
“You don’t have to say that.”
“I know, but it’s true. Did you send him a friend request?”
“No, I can’t.
“You okay?”
I nodded even though I knew she couldn’t see me over the phone. The nod was a lie though. Even as I told myself I was okay, my throat tightened and my heart ached. Tears threatened to fall again, but I blinked them back.
“I hated how we ended things. I hated lying to him. And I hate how anytime I go on a date, I compare it to sitting in a hotel room with pints of Ben and Jerry’s.”
“I think that’s normal. He was your first love.”
“He was my only love. I still love him, Noelle.”
“Then send him a friend request. Message him, something.”
“No. Look at him. He’s happy. I don’t know how he feels about me, but I think I love him too much to cause any problems.”
“You’re a better person than me,” she said.
“I’ll be honest, it’s not just that. It hurts just to see them in photos. I couldn’t imagine the pain I’d feel if he actually told me he was happy or if he said he loves her. I couldn’t take that.”
“Then block him. Otherwise you’ll keep stalking his page.”
“Go back to sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight,” she said with a yawn.
I bookmarked his page.
***
As much as I tried to avoid Facebook, I found myself regularly checking if Shane posted something new and checking Isabel’s page since she was more active. I was just looking at a new photo of them when my phone startled me.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Rosalie. It’s your father.”
“Hi, Dad. How are you?”
“I’m actually calling you about that. Promise you won’t get upset, but I need to tell you something.”
“Did something happen? Are you alright? You’re getting me worried.”
“I’m fine, but I wanted to tell you I had a stroke. The doctor called it a mini-stroke.”
“Oh my God! When?”
“About a month ago.”
“A month? And you’re just telling me now?”
“Well, I kind of told you about it then. Remember when I told you I collapsed while I was out running?”
“You said you were okay and that it was nothing.”
“I am okay. I didn’t want you to worry. But Joanna said I should tell you.”
“I’m coming out there,” I said as I opened my laptop. “I’m going to look for the next flight. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
“No, you don’t have to come, I told you everything’s okay. I was in the hospital for a few days when it happened, but you know I never missed our weekly call.”
I wanted to strangle my dad. He was right, he never missed our weekly call, but he never told me what really happened to him. I was grateful that he still had enough of a friendship with Joanna that she told him to tell me. But now I needed to fly out there and see for myself if he really was as okay as he said.
“There’s a flight this afternoon. That’ll have me in late.”
“Let me know when and I’ll pick you up at the airport.”
“No, Dad. You are not making that drive by yourself. Call Joanna and see if she can come.”
“Alright, alright. Promise you’ll call me when you land.”
***
The nice thing about bad news was that it provided a distraction. And the great thing about being trapped in a flying tube for six hours was that I couldn’t access Facebook. I was finally able to get back to work on a book I had been working on. Unfortunately, the more I wrote, the more it turned out to be about Shane.
I needed an intervention.
It was almost midnight when the plane landed. I didn’t want my father driving at that hour to pick me up, but I did promise I’d call. As the bell dinged indicating we could unfasten our seat belts, I called my dad’s cell.
“Hello, Rosalie! Did you have a good flight?”
“It was good, not much turbulence. Listen, don’t pick me up. It’s late so I’m just going to take a cab.”
“It is late, but I’m not coming to get you. Is he there yet?”
“I’m just getting off the plane now. Is who here yet?”
“Shane. Shane is coming.”
Great, now I’m hearing things.
“What? I must’ve lost you. What did you say?”
“Shane is coming. He should be there. He’s coming to pick you up.”
I hung up the phone and looked at the line of people ahead of me waiting to get out of the plane. Should I change? I look like crap. And Lord knows what my hair looks like. Why is he here?
As I got off the plane, everything began to spin. I moved out of the way and sat in the waiting area as I forced myself to breathe normally. My heart raced and for a moment I thought I was going to get sick.
What is wrong with me?
Taking a deep breath, I walked to the ladies' room and looked at myself in the mirror. I splashed some water on my face and rummaged through my bag for some lipstick to give myself some color. I pulled my hair out of the elastic holding my ponytail and ran my fingers through my hair. It wasn’t perfect, but it would have to do.
I walked through the gate, pulling my bag behind me as my heart pounded. At that moment, I realized how dull my life had been since he left. Sure, I graduated college and moved across the country, but there was nothing else to my life, it was black and white.
As I stepped past security, I saw Shane standing in the middle of the walkway with an airport bouquet of flowers in his hand. He was wearing black pants and a fitted eggplant-colored shirt. His hair was brushed back with a part on the side and he had on black framed glasses which made him look even sexier, something I didn’t think was possible.
A smile spread across his face when he saw me. He lifted his other hand, which held a white card with ‘Princess Rosalie’ neatly printed on it.
My heart leapt, reminding me what it was like to live again. As I walked faster towards him, he came to me, dropped everything, and picked me up and spun me around. I threw my arms around his neck, holding on as I laughed despite the tears that swelled in my eyes.
~ Fifteen ~
“Damn, it’s so good to see you,” he said.
He stopped spinning but didn’t let me go. His lips suddenly pressed against mine. I sighed happily.
“Shh, don’t make that sound or I might have to do you right here,” he said.
Control yourself, Rosalie. Must. Not. Sigh.
He picked up the flowers and gave them to me. Then he took the handle of my bag and put his arm around my shoulders like it was the most normal thing in the world. But it wasn’t normal to me. I thought things like this only happened in movies.
Does he treat his girlfriend like this? The lucky bitch.
Neither of us said anything as we left the airport. Once we got into his car, he took his glasses off and cleaned them with a cloth before he started driving.
“When did you start wearing glasses?” I asked.
“In college. All that reading did a number on my eyesight.”
“You went to college?”
“Your dad didn't tell you?”
“My dad?”
“Yeah, he’s really been there a lot for me. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you.”
“I’m realizing my dad doesn’t tell me a lot of things,” I said.
“He didn’t tell me about the stroke either. My mother just found out the other day and told him he had to tel
l you. I drove up as soon as I found out.”
“Oh, you drove?”
Shane clenched his jaw for a moment and a darkness spread across his face. I knew he was keeping something from me, and I suspected it was Isabel. I wanted to ask if he drove alone or if she was here too, but I was curious if he would tell me on his own.
“I’ve been living in Virginia for the past couple of years,” he said. “After I left you, I moved to California and while I was there, I decided to go to college for Art History. I loaded up on credits and got my Bachelors in just over two years, but I didn’t know what to do with it. Your dad suggested I go into teaching, so I moved to Virginia and got lucky.”
“Why Virginia?”
“Because I needed to go somewhere that didn’t remind me of you.”
His words smacked the wind out of me. There were so many things I wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come out. I couldn’t even decide if I was hurt or angry, but I kept thinking about Isabel and wondering when he was going to bring her up.
As he drove past my dad’s exit, I turned to him, waiting for him to volunteer where he was taking me, but he didn’t say a word.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“To our place.”
The hotel? Was he serious? After all this time he was going to act like nothing happened, like nothing changed?
“No, I’m not going there,” I said. “This is ridiculous, Shane. Did you really think I’d sleep with you just because?”
“That’s not why I’m taking you to the hotel.”
“Yeah right. Do I look stupid? Why else would we go there?”
“Because I’m staying at my mother’s and you’re staying at your father’s, and I think we need to talk.”
“No, there’s nothing to talk about. You’ve got a girlfriend. Were you even going to bring her up? Or did you think what happens in Jersey stays in Jersey? Because I’m telling you right now this is far from Vegas.”
“You really think that’s all I’m thinking about? You think I went out of my way to pick you up at the airport at midnight so I could get some pussy? Thanks a lot, Rosalie. I was never that guy, and I’m still not that guy.”
Sinned: A Priest Romance Page 16
