Back up in my bedroom, I filled her in on everything. Even the daydream kiss. Predictably, Ruthie congratulated my smooth moves like a proud mama and announced we were going to celebrate my non-virgin lips with ice cream and streamers. I pointed out first that technically I hadn’t really kissed Zander, just imagined it, and second, that Isaac kissed me first, and third, that ice cream was for depression. But she rebutted by stating that the jury was still out regarding the “daydream kiss,” public kisses didn’t count (although, Isaac’s might change her mind), and she insisted that ice cream was a food suitable for depression and happiness.
“But I’m not happy about it,” I admitted. “And I wasn’t really doing a good job at the seduction thing. I was actually pretty lame.”
“Yeah, that’s why you were dream-locking lips like Han Solo and Princess Leia,” she smirked.
I laughed at the thought of her watching Star Wars.
“Hey!” she defended. “The show has its moments. Besides, I’ve got two geeky brothers, remember? It’s a sure way to keep them from wrecking the house and stop them from totally annoying me.”
“It wasn’t like that.” But in my head, I was thinking that maybe it was like that. “I mean,” I continued, “I don’t know what happened. It was almost like we had the same dream. He seemed messed up, too. In fact, he seemed angry, like I did something, which is—” I flicked my arms angrily, “well, it’s just stupid, crazy, inconceivable!”
“All right, now. Just calm down. You’re starting to use big words and you know how I hate that.” Ruthie leaned back against my bed pillows while I paced. “Let’s look at what we’ve got here. There’s Zander and all his hotness. He’s mysterious. He’s some kind of secret soldier dude. He’s here to find out about the accident that—” She coughed. “Well, The Accident.” She air-quoted the words and used a soft voice, probably afraid to send me into tears. But again, I was amazed that the reference to my mother didn’t spur the usual bout of sadness.
Ruthie continued. “Then there’s Zander’s Terminator slash Commando brother wearing—you said military clothes, right?”
I nodded.
“You should have guessed he was the bad guy just because of that, but anyway, you say he mind-whammied you, right? Tried to erase your memories. So. Yeah. One seriously evil guy who happens to be related to your dream-kissing study buddy.”
I rolled my eyes. Yet, the reminder caused heat to rush up my neck.
“And…” I prompted.
“Well, you add that to the mind-boggling idea that there were a couple of werewolves running around your backyard and the dreams about vampires and werewolves and cave people.”
I stopped pacing to stare at her.
“And…” I said again.
“If Zander’s brother can do things to people’s brains, it stands to reason that maybe Zander can, too, right?”
What? Why hadn’t I thought of that? That could explain so much.
“Oh my gosh, Ruthie! You mean Zander could have made me imagine kissing him like that?” My heart turned over in denial. “Maybe he makes me feel that hum thingie, too!” I sank to the floor as the ramifications flooded my mind and my heart. What if I didn’t really have a crush on him? It would make so much sense because I did have a bit of a crush on Isaac before Zander showed up. Ruthie was totally on the same page as me.
“No wonder poor Isaac is feeling jealous, girl! He’s starting to notice you and Zander and all your warm fuzzies for each other! But what if they are fake fuzzies?”
“Yeah… Now I don’t feel as stupid for being confused.” But I was starting to feel stupid for an entirely new reason. I felt manipulated and hurt and horrified. It ticked me off.
“So, what are you going to do, Tru? You still need to find out about the accident, right?”
I worried my bottom lip. What were my options? Tell Zander to take a flying leap and give Isaac and me a chance? My stomach twisted at the idea, but I told myself it was some mind control thing and that if Zander hadn’t entered my life, I would probably be enjoying a healthy and normal high school romance with one of the best-looking guys in school and moving on from my horrible last year.
However, if Zander hadn’t entered my life, I would never know that there was so much more to my mother’s accident, that the supernatural creatures in the movies were actually real, or at least some of them. And I wouldn’t have this chance to find out what really happened to her.
“Agh! I don’t know, Ruthie!” I felt like tearing my hair out. “As much as I’d like to at the moment…” I paused. Bubbling up from the bottom of a whole lot of rational reasons to dislike Zander was the truth that despite his behavior, I didn’t dislike him. And I didn’t dislike him a lot. But I continued to squelch the thought.
I stared into Ruthie’s eyes, knowing that panic and confusion were pouring out of mine. “Ruthie, I can’t stop hanging out with Zander because he’s the only connection I have to the accident. And if the whatever-you-want-to-call-it thing between us is fake and I should be more into Isaac, then I don’t want to be a total pawn, you know?”
Ruthie blew a puff of air out of her lips as they twisted ruefully. “So true. You can’t let them have all the control. But,” a sparkle popped back into Ruthie’s chocolate eyes, “what if you try to just be study buddies with Zander? He wants to keep you around, right? To figure out what’s going on in your backyard, right? So, he’ll probably take whatever you give him. That’s what I’m thinking. And then it frees you up to see how things go with Isaac!”
“Okay. But what if I’m still having these feelings for Zander and it totally messes up things with Isaac?”
“Since you know it’s not real between you and Zander, maybe it won’t have such an effect on you anymore.” She looked hopeful.
I felt doubtful, but I didn’t see another choice. I’d have to give it a try.
That night, Ruthie gave me a new mantra to repeat every morning in front of the mirror.
“Zander is a fake. The hum is humdrum. Zander probably has a girlfriend where he comes from. Isaac really likes me and I like him.”
She wanted me to say “love him” but I just couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. So I was going to like him like crazy!
Shadows
I expected Zander to at least put up a fight, something. But no, he thought “friendship” was the perfect way to describe what we had, and meeting in the school library to finish our English project was just fine. I had agonized for hours wondering how to confront him about it. I mean, how do you say “let’s just be friends” to the guy you secretly crave every hour of the day? And I wasn’t even sure he wanted anything more anyway. But he had picked up my line of thinking quickly and had taken it to the bank. I had to lock myself in the bathroom stall until I stopped crying. It was like we were breaking up, which was stupid. I was so stupid. And yet, there it was. If he wanted to be friends, why was he making me want so much more?
The stress of ignoring my feelings was beginning to really get to me. I was becoming paranoid, feeling like someone was always watching me. The back of my neck would tingle at the oddest times, and when I looked around, I couldn’t find anyone actually staring. I kept hoping it was Zander, hoping that he wanted to be more than friends. But then I’d chide myself and recite my new mantra. Fake, fake, fake!
Once in a while, I did catch someone looking back—Isaac. But I didn’t think he was causing my paranoia. However, he was causing my annoyance. He was closer than my shadow! More than once, he walked me to drama with his arm around my shoulders. I felt branded. Maybe that’s why I felt like I was being watched—everyone at school was staring. At us, the new, shiny couple. They were wondering what he saw in me, no doubt.
I knew I had promised Ruthie that I was going to give Isaac a chance, but it just didn’t feel right. After the first lunch when Isaac pulled me into his lap, Zander started eating lunch at a new table. For a few minutes, he sat alone, but then the vultures moved in and claimed him like road kill. Zena
artfully bullied the flock until she was curling her own arm around his. Every time she touched him it seemed like she was writing “MINE” in Sharpie pen. Yeah, of all the girls in school, and there were a lot of them, it had to be her. My lunch started to back up when I saw their heads bent toward each other, and I began to eat less and less at lunch time.
I wasn’t the only one to notice Zander’s new fans. Phoebe looked a little heartbroken herself. I could understand her pain. However, one person seemed ready to celebrate his departure from our table—Isaac. He was as happy as Ruthie at the mall on Black Friday. But Phoebe wasn’t neglected by any means. She had plenty of admirers zeroing in on her.
So, by the weekend, I was officially “hottie Efoti’s girlfriend” (Ruthie’s label had spread), and I was the awe and envy of the entire female population at SVHS, except Zena, who was deliriously happy draped all over Zander. Ruthie was thrilled beyond words Friday when she dropped me off at home. She said she was dropping major hints to Val about Homecoming and expected him to ask her any day.
I just couldn’t shake my obsession with Zander, though. I woke up every night during dreams involving Zander, some quite embarrassing, to be honest. I felt guilty about them every time I talked to Isaac, who called every day over the weekend, even showed up with Phoebe and pizza Sunday afternoon to hang out. Later, Ruthie and Val came over and we watched movies until late.
Thank goodness Dad was home. He walked through the living room a million times with pointed looks at Isaac, who took the hint and kept his hands to himself. If I had not been so thankful, I would have laughed at Isaac’s frustration. Phoebe could not contain her humor, though. Isaac shot quite a few fierce looks her way, to which Ruthie kept inquiring, “What’s going on?” or “Hey, let me in on the joke!”
Dad, the “watchdog,” was taking his job seriously. He even stood next to me as I said good night. Isaac had to settle for a friendly wave. Ruthie and Val took off at the same time, although she gave the “call me later” hand signal as she stepped into her Mini. Isaac and Phoebe took off in their dad’s truck. I was exhausted but didn’t look forward to closing my eyes. I wondered how long it would take to get Zander out of my head.
By Monday morning, dark circles underlined my eyes. Guilt, strange dreams, and all the weird events over the past few weeks were wearing me down. I just wanted to stay home and feel sorry for myself. Could I even do that?
Game Changer
Ruthie looked extra fine this morning when she picked me up. I smiled at her as she cheerfully explained her plan to nudge Val into inviting her to Homecoming.
“Did you ask your dad to pick you up from school today?” Ruthie asked. “Because I don’t want to leave you stranded.”
“Oh, yeah, he’s picking me up.” I laughed. “I wouldn’t dare mess with Operation Homecoming!” She giggled at the name I had given her scheme.
After everyone had left the night before, Ruthie called me to discuss how she would manipulate things the next day with Val, starting with looking as hot as possible, pulling him aside for a private lunch, which would just happen to be under a homecoming sign, which would make it simple to bring up the topic of who was going with whom, which would inevitably cause her to speculate on who she might go with, dropping a few names and batting her long black eyelashes. If he didn’t ask her after that or at least give her a hint about his intentions, then she was going to go find another guy and try the jealousy route. Either way, she planned to stay after school and watch his football practice like a good girlfriend. There were plenty other football players to use for the jealousy angle, if needed.
I had no interest in ogling football players after school. Ruthie told me to catch a ride with Isaac, but I didn’t want to join him. I had a plan of my own: to break things off with Isaac. It just didn’t feel right and I was finally going to follow my instincts, which said Isaac was not for me. Besides, he was not the one who was filling my thoughts night and day. And I was pretty sure Zander was no longer compelling me to like him, if he ever was. No, I was just messed up.
Because I knew how Ruthie would react, I had not told her yet. I just wasn’t up for her drama today, and fortunately Ruthie was so occupied with Operation Homecoming, she hadn’t picked up on my slightly depressed state of mind or the dark circles under my eyes.
“Good gravy!” Ruthie exclaimed, rubbing her hands together. “This is going to be an awesome day!”
“Just keep your hands on the wheel, Sophia,” I admonished her, as the car edged out of our lane. She laughed. It had been a long time since I had called her that. I told her once that she was like Sophia Loren, curvy and beautiful. Plus, they shared the same coloring.
“No problema, chica!” The car swerved back into the lane.
As we walked out of the school parking lot, a chill went up my neck as I again felt someone watching me. I peered around but didn’t see anyone staring back. I couldn’t shake that feeling, though, as I sped up to class.
By the time lunch rolled around, I stalled at my locker, wondering how to avoid Isaac. I needed to talk to him in private, but I wasn’t sure if I should speak to him about us at school or wait until afterward. I had seen him freaked out before, and I didn’t want a repeat performance in public. Maybe I could catch him after school before my dad showed up. I definitely didn’t want to break up with him alone; I needed potential witnesses around me. The fact that I felt I needed that kind of protection gave me the additional reassurance that I was doing the right thing. Perhaps I could go study in the library. Ruthie wasn’t going to miss me today, not with her lunch plans. I made up my mind and took off down the hall.
“Tru, wait up!”
I knew that voice even before I turned around. It was like my silk pajamas, smooth and soft. A sigh went through me and I turned around.
“Zander.” I smiled as he pulled up beside me.
“Where are you headed? Skipping lunch today?” he asked, reciprocating my smile.
“Yeah. I thought I would study in the library today.”
“Mind if I join you? Maybe we could finish up our English project.” He raised an eyebrow.
“Um,” I hesitated, allowing a debate to rage in my mind at warp speed as I continued walking and staring at the floor. Despite the watered-down suspicion that he might be creating this need in me, I couldn’t deny him any longer. Maybe if it looked and felt like a crush, it was a crush, not some mind-whammy thing like we thought. I’d never believed in the kind of obsessive love you saw in the movies or read about in those steamy romance novels (not that I read them; Ruthie read them to me, of course). But what if it could happen? Yeah, Zander was sketchy, with his weird brother and mysterious origins, but dang! Why couldn’t I just enjoy whatever this was?
Then I remembered my mother.
“Or, maybe you should eat something. You look pretty hungry.”
I raised one eyebrow. What was he talking about?
His smile widened. “You’re chewing your lips off.” I cupped a hand over my mouth as he shrugged off his backpack, pulling out a granola bar.
“Here. Eat up.”
Great. Circles under my eyes and now red, swollen lips. I bit them sometimes when I was stressed.
“Thanks, but I have some stuff in my backpack. I’m just stressed about…uh…my history paper…”
Zander shrugged. “Okay. Want some help? I’m pretty good in history.”
Why couldn’t I find out what happened to my mom while letting this thing between Zander and me develop however it might? Zander gave me another questioning look. Man, his eyelashes were long.
“Sure,” I agreed finally. “Sounds like a plan!”
Both of us stayed clear of any conversation related to Isaac or what might be going on at the lunch tables. I talked him out of helping with history because my paper was already printed up and ready to hand in, and steered him toward our English project. In fifteen minutes we had the conclusion written. Now we just needed a rewrite and a bibliography. The awkwardnes
s of last week was mostly gone, and conversation moved to more personal topics.
“So, what are you going to do after high school, Tru?” Zander peered at me with genuine interest, the white flecks in his midnight blue eyes making them sparkle. They warmed me from the inside out.
“College, of course. Isn’t everyone?” I wondered what he was doing.
“That sounds great, actually. I haven’t exactly talked to my father about it, though.”
“Seriously?” My jaw almost dropped to the table. “I thought all parents wanted their kids to go to college. Or, maybe your dad is looking at military for you?” If he was some super agent, then that made total sense.
“I guess you could say that. It’s kind of a family tradition.” He drummed his fingers on the table.
“Well, that doesn’t sound like a good reason to not go to college, if you want that. What do you want to study?”
“I always wanted to go into some kind of medical career, but I don’t think my father will go for it.”
“Can’t you get trained as a doctor in the military?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“But your dad doesn’t like that idea?”
“No…”
“Oh, your dad doesn’t even know you’re interested in a medical career?”
He smiled. Bingo.
He didn’t seem very enthusiastic about the military. I wondered what kind of military his dad was in. Then I remembered his brother. We hadn’t ever talked about what I remembered from that day in my backyard. For some reason, I really wanted to now. For the first time I felt connected with the real him. I felt that he might give me some honest answers.
“Zander, the last time we studied at my house…” I began. I peeked into his face. His face had tightened and his face flushed. Once again I wondered if he could have had the same daydream or whatever it was as I had. I quickly backpedaled.
I ran a hand through my hair as if to ward off the memory, but it didn’t prevent my face from flaming out. “I mean the time your brother came over…” I let that sink in for a second. Yeah, that got a different reaction from him.
Secrets of the Sleeper: True Nature Series: Book One Page 14
