by Jack Castle
As for her, she thought their adventure was simply marvelous. Nothing like she’d ever experienced before. It was so exciting not knowing what was around the next corner. It literally could be anything.
The field was expansive, but still enclosed by hedges. It felt as though they had reached the center of the maze and not the way out. Even the vegetation here was different, leafier, and the lingering moisture seemed to muffle the air, leaving dew droplets on every leaf.
Fat trunked trees provided a canopy of shade, and at the base of each trunk were small doors, most of which were so tiny she doubted even she could squeeze through on her hands and knees. Further, clocks of every sort hung from the tree branches like apples, all ticking loudly, as though counting down to something.
Maddie could see a large table in the middle of the field. Her dad must’ve seen it too because he ushered her toward it with a gentle push. They walked closer and saw four ladies having afternoon tea, and at least a dozen manservants waiting on their every whim.
The ladies wore wide brimmed hats trimmed with flowers and summer dresses decorated with frills and lace. A parasol, matching in color, was next to each chair.
The table was surrounded by a small army of servants standing at attention or in the process of serving. They wore simple frock coats, long trousers, buckled shoes, and powdered wigs. Their grim faces were painted in white makeup and red rosy cheeks.
She and her dad walked toward the tea party in silence, and when they were about a dozen feet away they stopped. Maddie could only guess that her dad didn’t want to scare them on accident and was waiting for them to be seen.
Pretty clever, my dad.
They were close enough now that Maddie could see one tiny lady in particular. She was sitting at the end of the table in a high backed chair. It was higher than the others. Where the other ladies’ hats were adorned with brightly colored flowers, hers was adorned with the plumage of an exotic bird so well preserved she thought it might spring to life at any moment. The small woman at the end of the table wore a dress with puffy sleeves and had waves of brightly-colored hair frothing around her forehead. But oddest of all, strange painters armed with tiny paint brushes were painting her face in an almost theatrical ballet performance. No. That wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t her face they were painting. The tiny woman was wearing the most beautifully delicate-looking porcelain mask.
The painter finished up with a few final touches and Maddie heard him say in what she was pretty sure was an Italian accent, “Lovely, simply, ah-lovely.”
One of the other guests clapped wildly and exclaimed, “Yes, wonderful. Never better.”
“Really,” the woman asked in a voice that betrayed her advanced age. “You really think so?”
The other ladies nodded vigorously in agreement.
The lady’s eye happened to fall upon Maddie watching them. Startled by new arrivals, she checked herself over quickly and shooed the painter away with a dismissive wave. Satisfied she was ready to receive guests she called out to them in a thick British accent that was almost cockney, “Hello dearie, please, please, won’t you join us for brunch?”
Maddie and her dad exchanged a questioning look. She heard her dad’s tummy rumble and knew he was too polite to say how hungry he was.
Although correctly proportioned the tiny woman wasn’t much bigger than her. This, of course, did not affect the volume of her voice in the least. “PLEASE, WON’T YOU SIT DOWN?”
Maddie jumped slightly but then spying the abundance of food she began to drool and blurted out, “I’m so hungry,” and without further ado, went over to the table and plopped herself down in the nearest chair that a manservant had pulled out for her.
Not wasting any time, she immediately grabbed the nearest sliced apples and began shoving them into her mouth. “So good,” she managed with a mouth full of food, both hands reaching for a delicious baked treat with whipped cream and a cherry.
“Manners,” her dad said in a scolding tone.
“Hmmpfff, sowey,” she replied, whip cream now smeared on her cheeks and nose.
“Sorry about that,” her dad said as he slowly took his seat. He jumped slightly in alarm when the manservant dropped a linen napkin in his lap. He gave the manservant a hard stare for scaring him but the manservant was oblivious to this and wore an expression as blank as the rest of the servants.
“NOT AT ALL, DEARIE. You two have certainly worked up quite the appetite navigating my little maze. I am Lady Wellington of the Paradise Isles, and these,” she waved the other ladies away with another dismissive wave, “are my royal courtiers.”
“Pleased to meet you…” one of the consorts began, but at this Lady Wellington pounded the table with her fist and glared at the woman from beneath her porcelain mask. The woman immediately fell silent, especially when one of the larger manservants stepped forward in a threatening manner.
Maddie stopped chewing, and waited to see what would happen. Also--and she wasn’t sure of this--but she thought her dad was holding a butter knife a few seconds ago, but now it was gone from the table.
A tense moment of silence passed and then Lady Wellington gave a slight bow with her head. “It has been so long since we’ve had guests,” then with clenched teeth she added, “I’m afraid some of us have forgotten the proper conduct in such situations.”
The women who had spoken looked aghast. Maddie had to swallow hard to get down her last bite of un-chewed food.
Her dad simply said, “Think nothing of it.” And then he reached for a slice of bread and began smearing butter on it with a spoon. As he did so he asked, “We, uh, seem to have gotten lost. Can you tell us--what is this place, where are we exactly?”
Lady Wellington simply smiled drunkenly at them for a moment.
One of her consorts pantomimed to her that one of their guests had asked a question. “Oh,” the Lady said embarrassed. Receiving only a slight nod, one of the manservants rushed forward with a giant cone-shaped horn and held it up to the Lady’s ear. “WHUAATTT DID YOU SAY?!” she asked in a voice reserved for the not-so-recently deaf.
Her father concealed a smile, but Maddie knew her dad well enough that she saw it. He was careful not to shout back but instead raised his voice only a little and asked, “Do… you… know… where… we… are?”
Lady Wellington, listening intently, nodded curtly, indicating she had heard him, and replied, “OF COURSE I DO, DEARIE.”
Her dad raised a questioning eyebrow.
“Why, you’re in the middle of a maze!” At this, Lady Wellington pounded the table with the palms of both hands and brayed in the most obnoxious laughter.
For Maddie, this confirmed her theory that they were actually in the middle of a maze, and nowhere near out of it.
When the Lady Wellington was able to, she checked to make sure all her friends were also laughing, and they were, and at this, she laughed even louder. “BWAH-HAH-HAH!!!”
Maddie could tell the consorts’ laughter was forced, but they made a good show of it. Wiping a non-existent tear from her porcelain mask by dabbing it delicately with a napkin Lady Wellington added, “I would’ve thought that was obvious.” And this brought another round of garish laughter.
Two of the other consorts laughed along too, while the third swatted away the fairies they had seen earlier.
Maddie wasn’t sure why, but she didn’t feel like laughing at all.
Chapter 13
“Off with their Heads!”
“CRUMPET CART!”
Lady Wellington said this last command with such abruptness that both Maddie and George jumped in their seats.
A loud squeal was heard, and a pig pulling a two-wheeled wooden cart appeared. The pig’s tusks chugged black smoke as its robotic legs carried it across the glen and over to the table. Upon closer inspection George could see the cart was overflowing with baked goods and a giant teapot.
“Ah, the crumpets have arrived,” Lady Wellington announced magnanimously.
/> When the pig cart passed Maddie she selected a cupcake with whipped cream and a cherry on top. “That’s not a pig,” she said politely.
“Figured that out all by yourself, did you, dearie?” said the Lady. More of her boisterous laughter ensued.
George was beginning to tire of Lady Wellington’s bitter comments, lewd laughter, and evading their questions. On the plus, they were getting a badly needed meal, and a chance to catch their breath. Mostly out of habit, he took a more detailed glance at the manservants; although obviously men, their movements were robotic, their faces expressionless. The majority were broad shouldered and athletic, and George noted each of them wore a dagger on their belts. Even on his best day, and maybe twenty years younger, he doubted he could take them all on. These people were obviously insane. He doubted Maddie was aware of just how whack-a-doodle these people really were and the very real danger they were in.
Then George noted one of the manservants, a very sour-looking gentleman, who seemed totally out of place. Unlike the other men, he had a particularly fat face and sagging jowls. The morning air was still cool so he was only holding the giant feather that was most likely used to fan her Ladyship.
As they dined on tea and crumpets in silence, with only the occasional clinking of silverware, one of the royal courtiers leaned over and whispered to Maddie, “Isn’t she beautiful?”
Maddie took a minute or two to think about it, and then said, “Who? Lady Wellington?”
The royal consort’s eyes went wide and she nodded enthusiastically, almost madly.
George held his breath. It wouldn’t take much to tip their crazy meter over.
Maddie studied Lady Wellington thoughtfully for a moment. “I guess so. It’s kinda hard to tell with the mask on.”
George exhaled with a controlled breath. That wasn’t so bad.
Maddie dipped her crumpet in some more jam and added innocently, “I mean, you should have seen my mom. Now she is what you call beautiful.”
Maddie realized everyone at the table was now staring at her. “What?” she asked. “What did I say?”
And, here we go. Next stop, crazy town.
“Did she just say what I think she just said?” another royal consort asked in a hoarse growl.
Lady Wellington, looking aghast, hopped down from her chair, (yes, she was that short), stomped over to where Maddie sat and yanked her chair around to face her. Putting her face close to Maddie’s and lifting her opera glasses to her eyes, she cackled. “Well answer the woman. Did you?”
Maddie shrank in her chair. “All I said was, my mother was beautiful too,” she replied meekly. “That is, I didn’t mean to imply you’re not beautiful as well.”
Under the table George gripped the butter knife he had stolen earlier back into his hand.
There was a dead silence almost immediately and everyone seemed to be wondering what the Lady was going to do or say next, but no one would make eye contact with her.
When the shock was finally beginning to wear off Lady Wellington stammered, head shaking. “I beg your pardon,” she said crossly, rearing herself upright as she spoke. “Am I not beautiful as well? Why, the propensity of it all.” Then, after realizing she wasn’t sure of the definition, George overheard her as she asked one of the consorts in a calmer, more inquisitive tone, “Is that right? Propensity of it all?”
The royal court woman’s mouth opened widely. She finally managed, “If you say it is, my Lady. If you say it is.”
Maybe we’ll get out of this without a fight after all, George thought.
Maddie was obviously trying very hard not to offend Lady Wellington again, so she began very cautiously, “My Lady, if I offended you,” she began, but one of her consorts whispered something in her ear.
“Really?” Lady Wellington asked, her body immediately turning rigid as though she had just been kicked in the gut. The consort nodded and whispered in her ear again, and when he pulled away the Lady looked directly at Maddie. “Well this changes everything.”
“You sir,” the Lady said loudly, addressing George. “You can go about your merry way but I’m afraid your daughter, the young lady, Margie, wasn’t it?”
“Maddie,” his daughter said, correcting her.
“Yes, in any case, Marsha will have to stay here with me.”
George pulled Maddie behind him. “Yeah, I don’t think so.”
Lady Wellington seemed incredulous; it was difficult to say with her mask on. “You do realize what you have there? What I mean to say is, you do realize what she really is?” She raised her hands over her head and shook her head, as if in disbelief. “Ah well, nonetheless…” and with surprising speed the Lady lunged forward and grabbed Maddie roughly by the arm.
“Let me go, you’re hurting me,” Maddie cried.
“Now first you are going to have to learn some manners, young lady.”
Before George could move, Lady Wellington backhanded Maddie in the face. As Maddie fell backward her hands pin-wheeled and her fingers somehow clasped the woman’s mask, ripping it from her face.
Everyone heard the sound of ceramic glass breaking as the mask hit the ground. This was soon followed by a wailing shriek, “My face, my beautiful face, what have you done.”
George circled the table and had nearly reached Maddie’s side when the sobbing Lady lifted her head for the first time without her mask.
Seeing her real face George unintentionally blurted out, “Blecch.”
It was as though her face had been boiled in acid. With the exception of her eyes Lady Wellington’s face was a red, skinless mess. “What have you done?” she cried. After glaring at Maddie for a moment she adjusted her wig and began screaming, “GUARDS! Take this little brat at once.”
Anticipating this command, two of the manservants scooped Maddie up by her arms.
“Dad!” she cried, her cheek turning red where her Ladyship had whacked her.
Time to go.
The guard on Maddie’s left snapped back his head. He crossed his eyes and seemed surprised by the sight of the butter knife now sticking in his forehead. A trickle of clear liquid (that wasn’t blood) trickled down his face.
The second guard holding Maddie watched his comrade release his hold on Maddie’s arm, drop to his knees and topple over. When he lifted his eyes from the ground he saw a large round serving platter swinging toward his face.
TWANG!!!
The second guard’s head recoiled from the blow, and he too fell to the ground with a broken nose.
Still holding the silver platter he had stolen from the table, George asked Maddie if she was okay. When she nodded that she was he then asked her irritably, “You couldn’t zip it for one meal?”
Maddie stamped her foot. “I was sticking up for Mom!” she shot back. And then seeing another manservant coming up behind him she yelled, “Dad, look out!”
George swung two more times and two more manservants went sprawling, one over the table, sending tea and goodies flying everywhere, and the other taking the platter with him. Lady Wellington and the royal courtiers fled the scene, and six more manservants took their fallen comrades place.
Here we go.
George found himself wishing he still had the pistol he had found belowground.
The first manservant took him by surprise and swiped at his belly with his dagger.
George grabbed his stomach. He pulled his hand away and saw the palm of his hand covered in blood. A hair slower and they would have disemboweled him, but fortunately it was only a superficial cut. As ludicrous as all this was, the danger was very real.
Lady Wellington, now watching the combatants from the edge of the field, clapped rapidly with gleeful approval. “Wonderful, wonderful.”
“Maddie, stay behind me.”
He needn’t have bothered, Maddie was already diving under the table.
When the knife-wielding manservant came in swinging a second time, George stepped into the man’s inside and gripped him by the wrist. A second
guard charged forward and George, still holding the knife-wielder by his wrist, lunged forward and stabbed the charging manservant in the heart.
The manservant stumbled backward a few steps with the knife buried to the hilt in his chest.
George then violently reared his head into the man’s face behind him, breaking bone. For good measure he elbowed him once and flipped him expertly to the ground.
Two down, four to go.
Three of the remaining four came at him at once. With Maddie defenseless under the table retreat was not an option.
George grabbed a teapot from the table and hurled it like a baseball. The first attacker ducked out of the way but the unguided missile hit his buddy in the face and he went down.
And then there were three.
Two of the three manservants plowed into George and they all went tumbling onto the table. As they rolled over the table to the other side George felt a searing pain in his thigh. When he landed in a heap on the other side of the table he discovered the dagger protruding from his leg.
Getting to one knee, he gritted his teeth and removed the dagger from his thigh. Before even regaining his feet one manservant jumped onto his back and threw an arm around his neck and started choking the life out of him while the other charged toward him.
In that split second George knew these men, if they indeed were men, had to die. He had hoped to spare at least some of them but Maddie would be defenseless in this strange and deadly place without him.
With a quick uppercut he thrust the knife up and into the manservant’s lower jaw, killing him instantly. George then reached behind his back and drove both thumbs into the ears of the manservant clinging to his back, stunning him into letting go. Two left jabs and a hammer-fist to the temple and he was down for the count.
Last one.
The last man seemed much more hesitant to attack than his compatriots. Then George realized it was the funny looking manservant, the one with the fat face and sagging jowls. George could see now the man also had a thin mustache.
