As I began to fall into a light nap, I heard a knock at my door. A part of me wondered if it was Liam. My heart leaped. When I opened the door, my brother was standing on the other side.
I didn't have time to ask him why he'd come. The moment he saw me, he pulled me into a fierce hug.
"How you feeling?" he murmured.
"Better," I said. "Sorry I missed rehearsal."
"No worries. We all understand. Besides, the rest of us have skipped out for worse reasons." Gael pulled back and looked into my eyes. "The guys are worried about you."
"I'm doing fine. Maybe even better than fine."
"I'm glad. Because if you were still upset over what Liam said I would have punched him in the face for you."
"I know you would have. You don't need to."
"The offer still stands." Gael raised his clenched fist and shook it. "No one messes with my baby sister."
I winced inwardly. If Gael knew the whole story, if he knew Liam and I had been together and he'd broken my heart, Liam would have been done for.
But then Gael said something that surprised the hell out of me.
"Are you going to take him back?" he asked.
I gaped and stammered. Gael laughed.
"Did you think none of us noticed?" he asked. "The way you looked at each other? All those times you snuck away together?" Gael smirked. "You weren't exactly subtle."
"Shit," I groaned.
"No, it's fine," Gael shook his head. "The guys and I talked about it. As long as it doesn't affect the music, we're cool with it." He gave me a soft smile. "We just want you to be happy. And up until a few days ago, you seemed the happiest you've ever been." His smile faded into a glower. "But if Liam did something or said something shitty, then he's out."
"He—" I paused to consider my words. "He said some things. Things that did hurt me at the time. But I think I understand now why he said them. I'm just not sure whether or not understanding why he said them is enough. He still said them. Some things you can't just get over."
"I get that. Some things are unforgivable." He cocked his head at me. "But is this one of them?"
"I don't know," I said truthfully. "I can forgive, but I don't know if I can forget."
Gael hummed thoughtfully. "I had the same problem with Jessie. You know I did some dumb things."
"And she forgave you."
He nodded. "I didn't expect her to, but she did. Somehow, she was able to look past what I did and understand why I did it."
"And that was enough?"
"For her it was. Maybe it's different with you and Liam." Gael shrugged. "But love is love."
"Lo—" I nearly choked on my tongue.
"Are you saying you're not in love with him?"
"I don't— It's not—" I continued to sputter.
Gael chuckled and put a hand on the top of my head, stroking my hair. He ducked down slightly to meet my wide gaze.
"It took me by surprise, too," he said. "I never thought I'd feel that way for anyone. I had you, and I had the guys, and that was enough. But Jessie…" His eyes gaze went distant, tender. He didn't need to continue. From the look in his eyes, I knew exactly what he was saying.
Love changed everything.
My heart pounded heavily in my chest. Was it love I felt for Liam? A jolt of panic shot through me. I didn't know if I was ready for that. As much as I liked him, as crazy as I was for him, love was something else entirely.
Was I even capable of loving again? For a long time, I'd thought my heart had died along with Harper.
Did I even want to love again? Did I want to risk opening my heart, just to have it ripped out of my chest?
"It's okay if you don't know yet," Gael reassured me. "But just think about it. He makes you happy. Before he showed up I would have given anything to see you smile that way again." Gael stopped, hesitating for a moment, as if wondering whether to continue. "I wanted to run something by you," he said. "About Liam. And the band."
I frowned, wondering what he could possibly have to ask.
"What do you think about asking him to join?" Gael asked.
I started. "Join the band? As in, for real?"
Gael nodded emphatically. "Yes. He fits in perfectly with us. We're so much better with him. You know we are. We've never been as good as we have than when we're playing with him. The guys and I talked about it. We're all on board with the idea. We think Liam should be a permanent part of Cherry Lips."
My mind whirled as I contemplated the idea. I knew Gael was right. We were better with Liam.
But bringing him on had always been a temporary thing. All of us knew it. Besides, Liam seemed more than happy with his position as a session guitarist.
"Even if I agreed, I don't know if he'd go for it," I said.
"Why not?" Gael asked. "We all work great together. Why wouldn't he want to join?"
"Every time it was brought up, he seemed not too keen on the idea." Something occurred to me then. "Some bad things went down with his old band. Maybe he just doesn't want to risk things falling apart again."
"Then we convince him," Gael said simply. "If you agree, if all of us agree, then we can make the offer and convince him." Gael pinned me down with a stare. "Do you agree?"
"Aren't you worried?" I asked. "About me and him? Band members dating each other doesn't exactly have a good track record. Look what just happened to us. We're in the middle of this huge—" I cut myself off, not knowing exactly what we were in the middle of. A break up? A fight? "—thing." I finished lamely.
"I was worried at first," Gael said. "But despite what went down between the two of you, you've still both been professional. We've still rocked on stage. I trust you to be adults about it. Besides," Gael chuckled darkly. "There's no reason why we can't just kick him out again if things really go south."
"Let me think about it," I said.
I hadn't talked to Liam since that night when I'd told him all about Harper. He'd apologized to Morris, apologized to me.
But I still didn't know if I could get over the terrible words he'd flung at me.
If Liam couldn't get over his trust issues, I didn't think there could ever be a future for us.
37
After Gael left my apartment, I mused on his words while absent-mindedly cleaning the place up. I hadn't done the laundry or the dishes in days. As I stood in front of the sink and washed plate after plate, I couldn't help remembering that time at Liam's house. I'd been trying to clean up with him pressed against my back. Eventually I'd given up and we'd made a beeline to his bedroom.
The memory was both sweet and heartbreaking at the same time. I cared for Liam, so much, but I didn't know how to get that back.
I didn't know if it was even possible.
I didn't know if I even wanted to.
I was just putting the last fork away when my phone pinged. I glanced at it. My hand froze with the fork still grasped between my fingers.
Liam had messaged me.
I debated whether or not to read it. It was late. I should have been in bed already. But I couldn't help myself. I knew I'd never be able to sleep without checking it.
I picked up my phone.
When you and Morris are done writing your song, I'd love to hear it.
My chest clenched with a painful ache. Liam was trying. Could I really ask for more than that? I wished I could talk with him in person. I needed to know what was going through his head when he'd said those things.
Without letting myself second guess what I was doing, I grabbed my bag and left the apartment. I made my way to Liam's place, all the while trying to push aside my doubts and worries. I had to say my piece. I had to get it it off my chest.
And depending on how Liam responded, well, that would be my answer.
I knocked on the front door of the huge multi-story house. I had no more polish on my nails to scratch at so I played with the hem of my shirt instead. I hadn't told Liam I was coming over. Maybe he wasn't even home.
I was
seconds away from turning around and leaving when the door opened. Liam's surprised expression soon melted into a kind of hopeful look. He stood there, staring at me, his eyes roving all over my face, as if soaking in every details. As if he hadn't seen me in years. It had only been a few days.
"Do you mind if I come in?" I asked.
He gestured for me to enter, the look in his eyes still a bit dazed. I walked through the door and made my way to the kitchen. Neutral territory. I took a seat at the island counter. Liam followed, staying a safe distance away, not crowding me.
Now that I was here in front of him, I was at a loss for what to say. I admitted as much to him.
"Let me start, then," he said. "With an apology."
"You've already apologized," I pointed out. "I accepted it."
"It still needs saying," he said. "I'm sorry for accusing you of cheating on me. It's like I said before, I really never thought that. I was just—"
"I know about Chad and Paula," I interrupted.
Liam's face went blank, frozen. His fists cleaned at his sides. He took a breath in, then let it out slowly. His hands relaxed.
"How?" he asked.
"I saw the wedding invitation in a pile of papers," I explained. "Then I saw some photos of you and her online. It all came together when Morris mentioned he got his own invitation a few days ago." I studied Liam closely. His eyes had darkened, a shadow falling across his face. "You got the invitation to their wedding only a few days before our fight."
He nodded slowly, but didn't say anything further. I continued for him.
"Your invitation was all crumpled up. You crushed it into a ball. Then you smoothed it out and kept it. Why?"
"I thought—" he faltered, then started again. "I thought I was over it. Over her. Over them." He let out a derisive laugh. "I have no idea what they were thinking, inviting me. What they did was awful, but I didn't think they were that cruel. Best I can figure, they hired a wedding planner who invited all their colleagues without knowing what went down." Liam came over and sat down heavily on the stool next to me. He didn't look at me. He placed his hands palm down on the counter, his fingers tapping a staccato rhythm. "I thought I'd put it behind me, what they'd done. I didn't think I was still so affected by it. But apparently not. When I walked in and saw you hugging Morris, all I could think was, it's happening again."
"You thought I was going to leave you for another man," I finished for him.
His hands trembled. "It wasn't just that. I saw them—" He exhaled sharply, a pained sound emitting from the back of his throat. "I walked in on them," he confessed quietly. "I had the ring in my pocket. I'd been waiting for the right moment for weeks. Then I walked in and saw them together." His voice broke as he whispered the words again. "I saw them."
Damn.
It was even worse than I'd imagined. His girlfriend didn't just leave him for someone else. He'd walked in on the girl he was going to propose to in bed with his best friend.
My heart ached with sympathy. I placed my hand on his back.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I can't imagine how much that must have hurt."
"The worst part?" he chuckled darkly. "That wasn't even the first time that happened. I walked in on my mom once, too. Walked in on her fucking that asshole she left us for. I was young, but not too young to know what was going on. That was the catalyst. She knew she couldn't keep it a secret anymore. So she told my dad and took off."
"Oh, fuck," I whispered. I scooted closer and laid my head on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Liam."
"I know it's no excuse," he said. "I know I've got shit I have to work on. But being betrayed like that, twice… It's a hard thing to get over. " He ran a hand over his face. "It kind of fucked me up."
I ran a soothing hand up and down his back. "I understand."
"When I got that invitation to the wedding… I went a bit nuts." Liam kept his eyes forward, trained on a point in the distance, as if he couldn't make himself look me in the eye. "Then I saw you with Morris and it was like my worst fear was coming true. The woman I loved was going to leave me for another man."
My hand stilled. My lungs squeezed and released, taking the breath away from me.
Love.
He'd said it.
Liam said he loved me.
I was still stuck on those words, unable to move past them, but he was still speaking, as if he hadn't registered the importance of what he'd just confessed to. As if he hadn't even realized he'd said it to begin with.
"So when I said it had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me, I meant it. I was upset and jealous and paranoid and I couldn't stop thinking about what Paula had done. What my mom had done. In the back of my mind, I think I was just waiting for it to happen again."
Liam finally turned to look at me. My eyes were still wide with shock at his use of the L word. He cupped my face, brushing a thumb across my cheek gently.
"I never wanted to hurt you," he said. "That's the last thing I would ever want to do. I was just so worried you were going to be the one to hurt me, first. I don't think I could have taken that. If you had truly left me for Morris, I think it would have destroyed me."
I stared at Liam. I stared into those green eyes. Earnest, aching.
I lowered my head to rest my forehead against his. I closed my eyes and took in a shuddering breath.
"I would never hurt you like that," I told him quietly. "I would never betray you. Because I—" I steeled myself. I never thought I'd say these words ever again. But now, looking into those eyes, I knew the truth. "Because I love you, too."
Liam let out a pained sound and crushed me to his chest.
"I am so fucking sorry," he murmured.
"I know," I said. "I understand. And I forgive you." I pulled back, just an inch, until our lips were a mere inch away. "But if you ever say shit like that again, I really will kick you in the balls."
He choked out a laugh before pecking a quick kiss on my lips.
"I wouldn't expect anything less," he murmured.
That small peck, the briefest of kisses, sent a tingle running through me, like a direct line from my lips to the very core of me.
I had never craved him so much, not even before we started dating. I didn’t know why. Maybe it was his confession. Maybe it was the real truth about him that made my heart melt. Whatever it was, I had to have him.
I’d missed him so much. I’d missed the man who’d made me pour my heart out to him. The man who had made me believe in love again.
I pressed my lips against his, running my hands up his cheeks to cup his face.
A quick laugh escaped him at my move. His familiar embrace surrounded me in seconds.
I was still trying to wrap my head around everything. But I wasn’t going to think about it. Not now.
His grip around me tightened further as he hoisted me off the stool and onto the counter, laying me down as he stood between my legs. I felt the hard surface on my back. I wrapped my thighs around his waist. He swiped the tip of his tongue across the seam of my lips. I slid my hand into his hair, raking my fingers against his scalp as my heart pounded against my ribcage. I caressed his cheek, the familiar warmth and texture of his skin making my body tingle.
I almost couldn't believe I had him back. It was almost like a dream. A tall, gorgeous, inked dream. But this was real. I could feel it in my bones. I could smell it in his scent. I was touching it. Touching him.
Liam slid the straps of my top down my shoulders, his breath tickling my chin. His hands cupped my breasts, teasing them, pressing them together. I whimpered in his mouth. He moved his lips down. I kept my eyes shut. He left firm kisses in a soft trail all the way down to my chest. Waves of soft pleasure rippled through me.
“I’ve missed you so fucking much,” he whispered.
I bit my lower lip as his warm lips landed on one nipple. Liam kissed the area around it, trapping the other one between his thumb and index finger. My inner walls clenched when he flicked his tongue over
one. A light pinch on the other forced a low moan from me.
More kisses across my chest added to my growing need. He was taking his time with me, as if savoring every moment, as if it might be our last.
But it was more like our first. The first time after confessing our true feelings. I wasn’t going anywhere, and neither was he. Liam was mine. I was his.
“You’re beautiful, Cerise.” He pulled me closer to him. “The most beautiful thing alive.”
His words made my heart melt. I had no idea how to respond to that. All I could do was pull him into a desperate kiss as the heat in my core spiked.
He pushed my skirt to my waist and pulled my panties down, tossing them away. He unzipped his jeans and reached into his pocket for protection. My heart leaped as an idea formed in my mind.
“Fuck the condom,” I demanded.
Liam paused.
“You sure?” he asked, his brows drawing down into a frown.
"I'm on birth control. I'm clean. Are you?"
He nodded. "Yeah. Got tested right after our first time."
"I want to feel you," I told him. "I want to feel you inside me, skin to skin."
He offered me one of his softest smiles. Liam pulled his jeans down his thighs. My gaze shot down his body; I was so eager to see him again. His hard length made my inner walls ache and throb.
My mouth went wide in a long moan as he entered me. The feeling of his bare cock stretching me out was enough to make my whole body tremble. He was back where he belonged, inside me.
A few thrusts later and I was writhing underneath him. His lips were too much for me to resist. I leaned up, reaching forward.
“Get over here.” I urged, grabbing a fistful of his t-shirt.
I pulled him down, our lips battled in a hot, fiery kiss. A grunt of arousal left his mouth. I dug my nails into his back. Liam slid his palms down my legs, caressing my skin as he slid into me, again and again.
I threw my head back as waves of bliss shot down my spine. Each long stroke was overwhelming, bringing me closer to my peak until my eyes squeezed shut and I cried out his name. Pleasure crashed through me like a bolt of lightning. I shuddered beneath him, liquid heat pouring out of my very core.
Hard Rock Crush Page 19
