by E. L. Todd
RAY OF
LOVE
(Ray Series #3)
E. L. TODD
This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this novel are fictitious or used fictitiously. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher or author, except in the case of a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.
Fallen Publishing
Ray of Love
Editing Services provided by Final-Edits.com
Copyright © 2017 by E. L. Todd All Rights Reserved
Chapter One
Three Months Later…
Rae
I didn’t realize I was over Ryker until I stopped thinking about him. But I didn’t realize I had stopped thinking about him because I wasn’t thinking about him. When I thought about him for the first time in seven days, I realized he wasn’t on my mind anymore.
I was finally free.
It was a dark three months. I put on a brave face for everyone else, but my nights were lonely, and the time I spent alone in the lab was the most difficult. I had flashbacks of our romance, of our nights together and all the great times we had. Overwhelming loss would hit me hard in the chest when I least expected it.
But then I remembered I had no reason to miss him.
He didn’t deserve me, and I needed to forget about Ryker and find someone who did.
I walked into the kitchen and saw Rex sitting at the table. He always looked like a train wreck in the morning because he stayed out too late the night before. He went out with some girl and didn’t come back until some obscene hour. I didn’t ask about the details because I’d have rather not known.
I poured a mug of coffee and made a bowl of cereal. “Still alive over there?”
Rex rested his face in his hands as he stared down into his coffee, one eye open. “Uh-huh.”
“Want some cereal?”
“Nah…” He yawned loudly then rubbed the sleep from his eye.
I took a seat at the table and enjoyed my breakfast before I had to head off to work. I stayed at COLLECT because I loved my job and refused to move just because Ryker ran the show. As long as he didn’t come downstairs for a visit, there was no reason for us to see each other. The only interaction I had with him was looking at his signature on my checks. “If you hate waking up early, why do you go to work in the morning?”
“I’ve got to take care of all the office stuff. You wouldn’t understand.”
“That’s right.” I narrowed my eyes. “Because I’m stupid…”
“Exactly.”
A knock sounded on the front door.
Who would be there that early before work? “Come in.”
Zeke opened the door and walked inside, wearing his dark blue scrubs before he headed off to work. Even in baggy clothes, the muscles of his body were noticeable. His face was cleanly shaven, and his hair looked nice. “Hey.” A newspaper was tucked under his arm, and he didn’t seem as cheerful as he usually was.
“Something up?” Rex asked.
“Yeah…” Zeke took a seat at the head of the table and opened the paper until he reached the obituary section. “Rae, I’m sorry to tell you this. I know you were fond of him.” He turned the paper and showed me the article. “I didn’t want you to walk into work without knowing.”
“What is it?” I pulled the paper closer to me and realized Mr. Price had passed away. “Oh no…” I set my mug on the table and read the article from beginning to end. It said he had a short battle with cancer before he lost the fight. He was survived by two sons.
I guess Ryker did have a brother.
Zeke watched me, studying my face for signs of distress.
“That’s…” There were no words to describe what I was feeling. Mr. Price was always so nice to me and to everyone who worked at COLLECT. He had a generous spirit and a heart that could love everyone in every single room he stepped into. “That’s so terrible.” I read the remaining paragraphs. “It says Ryker took over when he was first diagnosed so he could spend the last few months of his life with his family…” Now Ryker’s attitude made sense. He really was forced to take the job.
“So sad,” Zeke said. “I know you were fond of him.”
“I was…” Once the initial shock wore off, I thought of my ex. “I hope Ryker is okay. This must be hard for him…” I remembered the tense conversations we had about his family. He asked me to never discuss his father, and now it made sense. Ryker knew he was dying of cancer, and it was just too hard to talk about.
“Who gives a shit?” Rex snapped.
“Rex.” I set down the paper and gave him a cold look. “There’s no need to be vicious like that.”
“Like I give a damn.” He drank his coffee and didn’t remove his hateful scowl. “It’s not like I knew the old man anyway.”
“It’s still not okay.” Despite what Ryker did to me, he didn’t deserve to go through this. No one should have to bear the pain of losing a parent.
Fortunately, Zeke was on my side for this one. “The funeral is tomorrow.”
“Please don’t tell me you’re going to go,” Rex snapped. “Because that bitch face will be there.”
“Of course I’m going to pay my respects to Mr. Price. And I don’t care if Ryker is there. If anything…I’d like to tell him I’m sorry for his loss.” We’d been broken up long enough that we could be civil to one another. In times of tragedy, petty differences should be put aside. And when I said I loved him three months ago, I meant it. I didn’t feel that way anymore, but I could never be so cold to someone I ever felt that way about.
“He doesn’t deserve your pity,” Rex said. “I’m not going.”
“You are,” I said firmly.
“Fuck. No.” He leaned back in his chair and gave me that typical attitude.
“He’s your friend, Rex. Yours too, Zeke.” Our breakup shouldn’t tear them apart.
“He stopped being my friend the second he fucked you over,” Rex said.
“Me too,” Zeke said. “I’m sorry, Rae. But what he did wasn’t cool.”
“Well, will you please go to the funeral for me?” I looked them both in the eye. “Because I would like it if you were there.”
Zeke’s eyes immediately softened. “Okay.”
Since Zeke gave in, Rex felt obligated to as well. “Fine. Whatever.”
***
After the ceremony in the church, we arrived at the gravesite. They placed the coffin next to the newly dug grave. It was rich mahogany, the dark wood designed and made for a king. It was the most beautiful coffin I’d ever seen, as morbid a thought as it was.
People gathered around to say their goodbyes. Quietly, guests left so they could attend the wake being held at the Four Seasons in Seattle. The three of us weren’t planning on attending the service because I worried our extended presence may make Ryker feel uncomfortable. All I really wanted to do was say goodbye.
I spotted Ryker alongside his mother. She wore all black with a veil covering her face. She was crying, weeping openly for the man she lost. She was tall, just like her son. Even though her face was mostly hidden, I could tell she was pretty.
She cried into Ryker’s shoulder as he hugged her waist, supporting his mom during this difficult time. He wore the same cold expression he always had, his thoughts and emotions impossible to read.
A man I could only assume was his brother came to their mother’s side and consoled her next. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and guided her to speak to someone who approached the grave.
Ryker remained where he was, staring at the coffin where his father lay.
I stared at him and felt intense pain wash over me. Even though he didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, I knew he was crying a river inside. I knew he was suffering a battle no one could see. He was devastated, even if he refused to show it.
“Let’s go pay our respects.” I walked around the grave until I approached Ryker from the side, Zeke and Rex trailing behind me.
When Ryker looked up, he clearly wasn’t expecting to me. His eyes dilated like I shined a light in them. His expression was unreadable, but I knew he felt something when he saw me. It was the first time we’d looked at each other since I told him off outside that bar.
I stopped when I was directly in front of him, but I was still an arm’s length away. The last thing I wanted him to think was that this was a confrontation. “I’m so sorry, Ryker…” I wanted to hug him, even shake his hand. But I didn’t think affection would be permitted based on where our relationship stood. “Your dad was a great man. We’ll all miss him.”
He stared at me like he wasn’t sure I was real.
I couldn’t tell if my words were welcome or not. I stepped to the side so the guys could speak to him.
Zeke extended his hand and shook Ryker’s. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
Ryker nodded in gratitude.
Rex came next, but he faltered in discomfort. It churned his insides to be the bigger man when it came to Ryker. He would never forgive him for what he did to me. Rex was far too protective of me to let it go.
But finally, he found the grace to be civil. He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Ryker.” That was all he could force himself to say.
Ryker nodded again.
Rex walked away and joined Zeke. There was nothing else to say. It was time to leave so Ryker could be alone to grieve. We turned away and headed back to our car.
“Rae.” It was the first time Ryker spoke, and his voice was deeper than it’d ever been before.
We all stopped and turned around.
Ryker turned away from the grave and stared at me, waiting for me to come back to his side.
Rex gave me a look that said I should keep walking.
Zeke didn’t have a reaction.
I crossed the wet grass until we were face-to-face again. I saw the heartbreak in Ryker’s blue eyes. I saw the whirlwind of pain. My bitterness toward him finally disappeared when I realized my pain over our breakup was nothing in comparison to what he felt right now.
“I’m sorry for everything that happened between us. I want you to know that.”
The last thing I expected was an apology—at least on a day like this. “It’s okay, Ryker. I’ve forgiven you and moved on with my life.” It felt so good to say that, to say I was okay and actually mean it. “I hope you find peace.” I reached up and touched his arm, letting my hand rest there for several heartbeats. I felt the warmth burn from his body. And I also felt him shake slightly. “Take care.”
***
“I think you did the right thing, Rae.” Zeke walked beside me down the hallway. Rex was up ahead, walking faster than both of us because he was starving. He got the apartment door unlocked and darted inside.
“Yeah?” I pulled my jacket closer around my body to fight the chill.
“I mean…I was really angry about the whole thing. The way he treated you…not cool. But I think the fact that you’re so mature and forgiving about it probably makes him feel worse, in a way.”
“How?”
“It makes him realize the diamond he truly lost.” Zeke nudged me in the side and gave me a smile.
“Maybe. But I doubt he’s thinking about anything like that right now.”
“Probably not. But I bet he wishes you were beside him during this difficult time.”
I snorted because Zeke was dead wrong about that. “We were dating when his father had cancer, and he never told me about it. He’s never wanted me to be there for him.”
“Maybe he does now.”
I had a greater probability of winning the lottery. “Thanks for coming today.”
“No big deal. Ryker and I used to be friends. I think it was good Rex and I were there.”
“Me too.”
We walked into the apartment just as Rex was walking out.
“Where are you going?”
He was still chewing something because he stuffed his face in less than thirty seconds before he took off again. “Gunea mucha.”
I cocked my head to the side in confusion. “What?”
Rex tried again. “Ginea deeata.”
“Rex!” I threw my arms down. “Swallow and then talk!”
“I got it,” Zeke said. “He said he has a date.”
Rex gave him a thumbs-up before he walked off.
I turned back to Zeke. “How the hell did you figure that out?”
Zeke shrugged. “Being best friends since we were five. That’s how.” He walked into my apartment and snatched a beer from the fridge. “I got the whole day off from work, so you wanna do something?”
“Does that mean your office is closed?”
“No. If I closed it down, people would lose a day of work. Some of my employees might like having the day off, but I know others need those hours to pay bills and what not.”
“So…they’re running a practice without a doctor?”
“No.” He chuckled then sat at the kitchen table. “I have a friend filling in for me.”
“That’s cool. At least you have someone to take over for you when you’re sick.” It was too early in the day for beer, so I grabbed a water and sat across from him.
Zeke sipped his beer and stared at me. His blue eyes narrowed slightly as he took me in, their brilliance not as obvious as less light entered them. Something serious was coming. It was only a matter of time before he spit it out. “So…how was it seeing him for the first time?” His fingers rested around his glass as it sat on the table.
“Um…I don’t know.” I knew I would see Ryker again somewhere down the road. If Zeke had asked me that a few months ago, I would have had a much different reaction. I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from daydreaming about Ryker wanting me to take him back. But now it was different.
“You don’t know?”
“Getting over him was really hard for me. I know I put on a brave face for everyone, but it really was a struggle.”
His eyes softened.
“And when you love someone once, you kinda always love them, you know?” I knew that didn’t make any sense. “I don’t have feelings for him anymore, but I definitely don’t want him to ever be in pain. I guess I’ll always care about him in some way.”
He nodded. “I understand that.”
“When I looked at him, I didn’t feel any of the things I used to feel. But I definitely felt his pain.”
He nodded again.
“I’m not sure when I finally got over him. I think it was probably a few weeks ago. I stopped thinking about him altogether. I stopped wondering who he was bringing back to his apartment. I just…stopped caring.”
“That’s good. It takes a while to get there, but you made it.” He clanked his bottle against my glass. “And now you’re free.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“So you’re going to jump back into the dating pool?”
The idea was repulsive. “Absolutely not.”
“Really?” Both of his eyebrows rose. “Jump back on the horse.”
“I don’t have any urge to. I guess I’m over the dating scene. The only type of guys I go for are assholes.” I was drawn to them like a moth to a flame. Their inability to commit was desirable, and their coldness just drew me in even more. I considered myself to be a smart woman, but that clearly only applied to textbooks.
“You’ve kissed some frogs, but you’ll find your Prince Charming, Rae. Don’t worry about that.”
“I’ve never really cared about settling down before, but now I really want it. I want to find my husband, someone who truly loves me and doesn’t play games, and I just want to be
happy.” I stared down into my water glass and only felt a little uncomfortable making that confession to Zeke. But since he was my best friend, he would understand. “I know that makes me sound like—”
“It doesn’t.” He gave me the same fond look he always used to give me. “Not at all. You’re just finally at that place where you’re ready for the real thing. Now you understand how much you want it.”
“When did that happen for you?”
He narrowed his eyes like he didn’t know what I was asking.
“It seems like you’re pretty serious with Rochelle. I just assumed you considered settling down once you met.”
“Oh…yeah. I guess I got tired of sleeping around. Rex and I had shared a few girls a while ago, and while it was adventurous and exciting, I realized just how lonely I really was.”
Instead of being disgusted by what he said about my brother, I focused on what he said about himself. And I actually felt bad for him.
“It made me feel empty. I had nothing more important in my life than fucking around. It made me realize I wanted a woman who was more exciting than any three or foursome I could possibly have. I have my house and my practice, and now I want a beautiful wife to share that with. I want to have kids. I guess I’m ready to move forward—like you.”
“And you see that with Rochelle?”
He looked down at his beer before he took a drink. “Yeah…I think so.”
“Well, good for you. It looks like your search is over.” And mine was only beginning. “I like Rochelle because she’s classy, you know? She’s fun to be around, but she also has that elegance that automatically makes you respect her. I think she’d be a great woman to share your life with.”
He took a long drink of his beer until it was completely empty. When he set it on the table, it made a distinctive tap. “I’m glad you guys like her…”
“She’s definitely my favorite in comparison to the others you’ve brought around.” I realized how rude I sounded, so I quickly tried to rectify it. “Not that there was anything wrong with them, I just—”
“It’s okay,” he said with a chuckle. “I know what you mean.”
An awkward moment hung between us, a pregnant silence filled with words unsaid. I looked out the window because I didn’t know what else to do. It was the only time I felt uncomfortable around Zeke, even though I couldn’t explain why.
