by E. L. Todd
***
I walked in the door after midnight. “Rex!” I threw my purse down and immediately stormed into the living room.
Rex and Tobias were sitting on the couch playing a car racing game. Both of their backs were to me, and neither one looked over their shoulder. “What’s your deal?” Rex hit the buttons on the controller, making it tap loudly. “Forgot your bitchy pills today?”
“Tobias, please leave. I need to talk to Rex alone.”
“Ignore her,” Rex said. “She’s just being annoying.”
I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. “I’m trying not to be rude, Tobias. But please leave. I have something very important to discuss with Rex.”
Tobias left without a word, knowing I meant business.
Rex stood to his full height, his expression morphing into one of rage. “What the hell—”
“Zeke used to have feelings for me?”
His mouth was still gaping open, and slowly, he started to close it. The anger that was in his eyes a second ago disappeared quicker than the snap of a finger. His eyes shifted back and forth as he tried to plan his next move. “What are you talking about?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” I crossed my arms over my chest and stared my brother down with determination.
“Where would you get that idea? Zeke has feelings for you as a friend, obviously. But that’s it.”
“Well, Rochelle told me otherwise.”
His mouth opened again, and he lost his poker face. “She told you?”
“She told me Zeke used to have feelings for me before they met. And you’re going to explain that to me.”
“Explain what?”
“How long did this go on? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Why didn’t he confront me about it? How did everyone know except me?” I felt like a fool when something that big was going on right under my nose. “Did you know about this?”
“Uh…”
“Rex.”
He ran his fingers through his hair, clearly unsure what he should do. He was Zeke’s best friend, so he obviously knew all the details. But he didn’t want to betray Zeke’s trust.
“I already know the truth, so just give me the specifics.”
“Alright.” He dropped his hands to his sides. “Yeah…it’s true.”
Now that Rex confirmed it, it felt all the more real. The man who I thought was my best friend wanted something more that entire time. Now I reevaluated every hug and every touch. I wondered what he was really thinking when he looked at me. “When?”
“For the past three years.”
“What?” I covered my mouth as I gasped, unable to believe this lasted much longer than I ever could have guessed. “Are you serious?” I dropped my hands back to my hips. “Three years?”
“He said it was on and off. He’d start seeing someone and wouldn’t think about you anymore. But the second he was single, he would think about you again. I don’t want to make it sound like it was three years nonstop because it wasn’t.”
“But…that’s still a long time.”
He shrugged like he didn’t know what to say.
“And you knew that whole time?”
“No. He told me a few months ago.”
“Why did he tell you?”
Rex took a deep breath before he answered. “He was going to tell you how he felt, but he wanted my blessing first.”
“But he never told me. What happened?”
He lowered his eyes like he didn’t want to answer. “Ryker.”
My lungs forgot to breathe whenever he was mentioned. “Oh…”
“The night you and Zeke went out to dinner…he was going to tell you then. But you told him you were seeing Ryker, so he didn’t say anything.”
“Oh my god…”
“And then he moped around for a little while before he started seeing Rochelle. That’s about it.”
I paced around the apartment because I couldn’t stand still. “I just can’t believe this. I can’t believe I never noticed.”
“In your defense, I didn’t notice either.”
“But I can’t believe the girls didn’t tell me. I understand why you didn’t say anything because he’s your best friend…but what about Jess? Kayden?”
“They didn’t know. I was the only one who did.”
“Oh.” At least that made more sense.
“Yeah…so the cat’s outta the bag.”
I sat on the couch because my legs couldn’t carry me anymore.
“I’m surprised Rochelle mentioned it to you.”
“She thought I already knew.”
“But why bring that up at all?”
I didn’t want to tell him the story because I knew it would embarrass her. And he might bring it up to Zeke. “We were talking, and she said she used to be intimidated by me…then she explained why.”
“That was still an awkward thing to say.”
I slipped off my heels and leaned against the couch. “I guess.”
Rex took the seat beside me. “Now, what? Are you going to confront him about it?”
“No. Why would I?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know…you seemed bothered by the news.”
“I’m not bothered…just surprised.”
“After he told me the truth, I realized it wasn’t that crazy. The two of you have a lot in common. I mean, you’re practically the same person. At first, it freaked me out, but once he explained it, I understood.”
I stared at our distorted reflection in the screen.
“So…have you ever felt that way about him?”
I avoided his gaze because I wasn’t certain of my answer. My dreams had been pretty explicit for the past week. There was no doubt I was attracted to him. The second his shirt came off, my mind was in the gutter. But I’d been around him my whole life and never felt that way before. Why did I feel differently now? “No.”
“Oh…” Rex didn’t hide his disappointment.
Even if I did have deep feelings for Zeke, I would never admit it. He was with Rochelle now, and the last thing I would ever do was ruin something good for him. All I felt was an attraction and nothing more.
At least I hoped.
Chapter Six
Rae
All I could think about was Zeke.
Knowing he had feelings for me was a really big deal. It made me question my own perception about our friendship. My best friend digging me should have been something I picked up on. Thankfully, only Rex and I knew about it. If Kayden and Jessie did too, it would be really difficult for me to pretend everything was normal.
“Zeke is coming over. Just to give you a heads-up.”
“Why?” It came out defensive and rude, but the damage was done. “I mean, what are you guys doing?”
“I’m not sure yet. We might go out. We might stay here.”
“And Rochelle?” I couldn’t tell if I wanted her to be there or not. A part of me wanted her there so I wouldn’t feel guilty for spending time with him. But I also didn’t want her there because I would really feel guilty anytime I was around her.
“No. Just him.” Rex grabbed a beer from the fridge and popped off the cap. “Why?”
“Just want to be prepared.”
“You know, you don’t have to make it weird.”
“I’m not,” I snapped. “Everything is the same.”
“Then why are your cheeks red, you can’t stand still, and your eyes look like they’re about to pop out of your head?”
“Oh god, I really look like that?” I walked to the mirror hanging near the entryway and saw that he was right. But I didn’t have time to calm down because Zeke knocked on the door then stepped inside.
“The coolest person in the world has arrived,” Zeke announced as he walked in.
“Dude, the coolest person in the world was already here,” Rex said. “He lives here.”
Zeke set the case of beer he brought over onto the counter. “Wasn’t sure if we were going out o
r not, but I thought I’d bring this just in case.” He pulled the bottles out of the sleeves and set them on the counter. “What’s up?”
“Nothing much,” Rex said. “Just being cool.”
“Break up with Bonnie?”
Rex noticeably tensed. “Yeah…it went pretty well.”
“Who’s Bonnie?” I blurted. He never mentioned that name to me. And he broke up with her? Wouldn’t that mean he was in a relationship with her to begin with?
Zeke turned around because he didn’t realize I was there. Beforehand, I had been standing behind the door. “Hey, Rae. Didn’t see you.” He crossed the room and enveloped his arms around me for a hug.
We hardly ever hugged, so I didn’t know where the affection came from. I wanted to dart out of his grasp because the touch wasn’t what it used to be. All I could think about were the naughty dreams I had about him. The image of him shirtless was ingrained in my mind forever. And now that he had a girlfriend, I felt like a tramp. “Uh…what’s that for?”
He held me tightly against his chest, his rock-hard body feeling like a slab of concrete. When he took a breath, I could feel the expansion right against me. He smelled like cologne and pine needles, reminding me of his beautiful house near the coast. He was warm, his natural body heat protecting him from the cold outside. The fabric of his shirt was unbelievably soft against my skin, and an image of me wearing it to bed came to mind.
What the hell was wrong with me?
“Rochelle told me what you did.” He pulled away so we could look at each other, but his hands were still tight around my waist. His fingers felt enormous against my frame, and I realized it was exactly how I pictured it would feel in my fantasies.
“What did I do?”
“My friends from college were dicks to her…and you had her back. I really appreciate that, Rae.” His eyes softened as he looked into mine. Those crystal blue eyes held unconditional affection, and I wanted to dive headfirst into that deep abyss. His hard jaw was covered in a bit of stubble, and the masculine curves of his face were beautiful in a manly way. I understood why all the girls liked him, but now the realization hit me hard.
“It wasn’t a big deal…any woman would have done the same thing.” No woman should ever let another feel objectified like that. To be mocked for not being a size zero was ridiculous, and those standards should be eradicated.
“No, they wouldn’t.” His hands moved around my waist, resting right under my ribs. “You’re a good friend, Rae. I’m really lucky to have you.”
I wanted to swoon right then and there. Every time I took a breath, I felt my stomach rise and press against his thumbs. I felt petite in his embrace, even safe. My heart was out of control, and my breathing was just as bad. Zeke did incredible things to me, things that I didn’t even feel with Ryker.
What was going on?
He just thanked me for defending his girlfriend.
His girlfriend.
Get a hold of yourself, Rae. “I love Rochelle. I’d do anything for her. If you love her, I love her. And I’m happy that you have her.” The words tumbled out like an avalanche, pouring out and spilling all over the floor. I spoke so quickly I wasn’t even sure if I made sense. I was a mess, out of it and sounding like a lunatic. “Don’t even worry about it.”
“I know you do.” He gave me a gentle squeeze. “She loves you too.”
She wouldn’t if she knew what I was thinking.
I had to get his hands off me. I felt guilty for just letting him touch me. “I’ve got to pee…” I dashed out of his embrace and headed down the hallway as fast as I could without running. I had to get away—and get away fast.
I got into the bathroom and sat on the lid of the toilet, finally feeling safe. I crossed my legs and crossed my arms over my chest, feeling my stomach lurch in painful ways. My waist still burned from where he rested his fingers.
Zeke’s voice came from the kitchen. “Is she all right? Seems a little off today.”
Rex responded. “She’s always off, man. I wouldn’t read too much into it.”
At least Rex covered my ass. I made an idiot out of myself. He obviously thought the exact same thing.
***
Rex and Zeke took turns playing a video game, and at around two in the morning, Rex fell asleep on the couch. His head was against the armrest, and his mouth was open, spreading drool everywhere.
Zeke glanced at him when he heard him snore. “Lame.” He finished the game and drove his car over the finish line. “First again.” He handed the controller to me.
“I’m tired.”
“You’re lame too.” He turned off the game and turned on the TV instead.
I sat on the opposite end of the couch, my knees pulled to my chest as I tried to keep my body away from his as much as possible. “Yep. That’s me, Ms. Lame. So…Rex was seeing someone?”
“Some chick named Bonnie.”
“I’ve never heard him mention her.”
“They weren’t serious. Just a fling that lasted a few months.”
“A few months?” I forced myself to keep my voice low so Rex wouldn’t wake up. “Who has a fling for three months?”
“That’s what I said. I suggested he break it off before the poor girl gets hurt.”
“Did she?”
“He made it sound like she was fine with it.”
I yanked on the blanket hanging over the back of the couch and pulled it across my lap. “I can’t picture any girl getting upset over Rex.”
“Because you find him disgusting. I can’t keep track of how many girls have come up to me and asked if he was available.”
“Because they knew you weren’t.”
He looked at me, both eyebrows raised. “What?”
I realized what I said when it was far too late. “Because they knew you would know.”
Zeke still seemed confused, but he shook it off. “Yeah, I think most people know we’re close once they meet us.”
It was hard to picture a time when he was single because it seemed like Rochelle had been around for a long time. In reality, it’d only been about six months. She was a cute fit for him. But now I kept picturing the time when he was available. All those nights he wanted to go home with me, and I could have made my dreams a reality whenever I wanted.
But that ship had sailed.
“So…is Rochelle feeling better?” I’d never forget the sight of her tears under the lamppost outside. She was devastated by the horrific things they said, and I couldn’t blame her. They were cold, superficial, and mean.
“She is now. For a few days, she was still upset. I knew something was wrong. She was skipping all her meals and seemed down all the time. Eventually, I pulled the truth out of her.”
“I’m sorry…”
“I gave those assholes a piece of my mind.”
“What did you do?”
“I stopped by their apartments, and when they opened the doors, I slugged them each hard in the face. Then I left. I didn’t even say a word.”
“They deserved it.”
“They deserved worse. I couldn’t believe they actually said that shit the second she turned her back, especially with you standing there.”
I shrugged. “Must have assumed I was an asshole too.”
“It took me awhile to talk some reason into her. She may not be super skinny, but she’s perfect the way she is. There’s no need for her to change.”
I loved the way he defended her. It even made me smile. But then I felt guilt all over again because my attraction grew. Zeke was a gorgeous man who could have whoever he wanted, but he never saw himself that way. He was humble about his appearance, his intelligence, and everything else. He looked at women as people, not objects. “There’s not.”
“And I like her curves. I think I make it pretty clear every night that I love her body.”
And now I felt a little sick.
Picturing him having sex with her just made me feel light-headed. Even thinking about him kissin
g her was painful. After the way he hugged me, it was difficult to imagine him hugging anyone else. This sense of entitlement and impropriety came out of nowhere. “I’m sure she’ll forget the whole thing eventually.”
“Yeah, hopefully.” He turned down the volume of the TV then leaned against the back of the couch. “So, seeing anyone?”
“No.” There was only one man I was seeing in my dreams. I hadn’t even been using my vibrator because I didn’t need it. My subconscious thoughts took care of all my needs. “Not a soul.” I felt my cheeks burn slightly.
“When we went out the other night, all the guys were looking at you.”
“They were looking at Jessie.”
“No. You.”
I didn’t notice. “That’s nice of you to say, but I don’t need an ego boost. That’s not the problem.”
“Then what is the problem?”
“I guess I wasn’t ready.”
“Wasn’t?” he asked. “Are you ready now?”
My sex dreams about Zeke were the first indication that I was ready for a physical relationship with someone new. Before that, I had absolutely no mojo, and whatever romantic dreams I did have were usually about Ryker. “I’m more open to the idea…”
“Maybe I could set you up with someone.”
“No!”
Both of his eyebrows shot up.
“I mean…that’s okay.” Zeke was the last person I wanted to set me up.
“Are you sure? Rochelle has a few good guy friends. One of them is pretty handsome. He’s a pro golfer.”
“A golfer? I want someone my age.”
“He is our age,” he said with a chuckle. “He’s a good guy. Got out of a serious relationship about a year ago. He’s taken some time to get back on his feet.”
“I really don’t think that’s a good idea—”
“It’s settled. I’ll talk to him.”
“Zeke, don’t—”
“Just go on one date. It probably won’t go anywhere, but it’s a good way to get your feet in the water. We’ll make it a double date. That way it won’t feel too serious.”
