by E. L. Todd
“No. I’m glad you told me.” He rested his elbows on the table again.
I waited for him to say something else, to tell me he’d made a decision about what to do.
But he remained quiet.
So I sat there awkwardly.
Zeke looked across the restaurant and ran his fingers through his hair again.
“What are you thinking?”
“I don’t know…”
I sipped my beer and waited for him to form coherent thoughts.
“I’ve always wanted Rae. She’s exactly what I want in a partner. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been with her and I just wanted to grab her and kiss her.”
I stopped myself from making a disgusted face.
“I’ve been into her for three years, on and off. When I pictured myself getting married, it was always to her. She’s the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. She’s gorgeous, smart, outgoing, humble and…goddamn perfect.”
I drank my beer again just so I had something to do.
“But I have Rochelle now. And she’s pretty, smart, outgoing, and has a lot of other great qualities. We have a lot in common because she’s a doctor, and she comes from a family of doctors. She’s sweet and never has a bad thing to say about anyone. I don’t have a single complaint.”
“That’s rough…”
He sighed then covered his face. “But she’s not Rae…”
Did that mean what I thought it meant?
“But I already bought the ring, planned the dinner, and talked to her parents…” He dragged his hand down his face and sighed again. “I pretty much already committed to her. I was planning on asking her to move in with me right away. Everything is planned and ready to go…”
I held my tongue and didn’t say anything. I couldn’t make this decision for him even though the answer was obvious. “What are you going to do then?”
“I don’t fucking know, Rex.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. “I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. But at least you have two beautiful women who love you.” I forced a chuckle but it died in my throat.
“Nothing is funny about this. Either way, I hurt someone.”
“Rae doesn’t count. She was the one who chose to have feelings for you while you had a girlfriend. So if you do stay with Rochelle, don’t feel bad for Rae.”
“I’ll always feel bad anytime Rae is in pain.”
Now the choice was even more obvious.
He rose from his chair. “I’ve got to go… I need some time to think.”
“Okay. Good luck.”
He threw some cash on the table with a defeated look in his eyes. “Thanks. I’m gonna need it.”
Chapter Ten
Rae
I wasn’t eating enough and my jeans started to feel loose. I’d always wanted to lose a little extra weight, but I knew my current approach wasn’t healthy because I simply wasn’t eating. Every time I thought about Zeke kissing Rochelle, I wanted to throw up.
I was a horrible, horrible person.
On my lunch break, I decided to walk down the street and head to the café. Today, I was going to force myself to have a reasonable lunch. The lack of food slowed my metabolism way down, and I felt sluggish all the time. I didn’t have enough stamina to carry out projects without feeling exhausted.
I stood in line and stared at the menu, trying to find something appetizing. My stomach didn’t rumble like it usually did by ten in the morning, but I’d have to pick something—anything. The Kickin’ Blue Chicken sounded pretty good. Maybe I’d get that.
“Hey.” That beautiful and masculine voice came into my ear, sounding soothing like a waterfall. But it also brought me complete misery. My pulse picked up, and I suddenly felt weak.
I turned to face Zeke. He was wearing his blue scrubs, looking muscular and toned in the loose fabric. His blue eyes stood out against his clothing, and his cleanly shaven jaw looked nice. His mouth was kissable—like always. “Oh, hey…” I forced myself to sound enthused but it still only came out half-assed. The last thing I needed was to come face-to-face with the man I couldn’t have.
He looked into my eyes without his usual friendliness. In fact, he seemed down. There wasn’t a spring in his step or even the hint of an upcoming smile. “Hey.” He repeated himself like he didn’t greet me in the first place.
The line moved up so I took a step forward. “Getting lunch?” Our conversation didn’t flow well like it used to. Now, it was just tense and awkward. But that had to just be my perception of what was happening. You know, because I was stupidly hung up on him.
“Yeah. The schedule cleared up so I get to eat again.” He chuckled but it wasn’t sincere whatsoever.
“Oh, yeah. Glad that worked out.” I took another step forward when the line moved.
He stood beside me, keeping a few feet between us. “What are you getting?”
“Number twelve.”
“I guess I’ll get that too.”
When we reached the register, we both ordered together. Zeke tried to pay, like always, but I threw my cash at the employee. Normally, Zeke would pull some stunt so I wouldn’t have to pay for anything, but this time, he didn’t fight it at all. It was almost like he wanted me to pay for myself.
We grabbed our food and sat together at a table.
“You know, if you need to get back to work, you don’t need to eat with me…” I was looking for any excuse to get rid of him. How could I sit across from the man of my dreams and not stare at him with desperation? When I was this close to him, I pictured those arms wrapped tightly around me. And his lips were pressed against mine, soft and aggressive. I fantasized about those strong hands running through my hair and gripping me by the back of the neck. I imagined how his powerful chest would feel against mine when he was on top of me and thrusting into me, sweat dripping down his front just like it did when we played ball together. I pictured him making love to me and telling me he loved me—just like in my dreams.
“I want to eat with you.”
His words snapped me out of my daydream. “Oh…cool.”
The awkward silence descended again. Zeke kept looking at me during our meal, staring at me more often than he normally did. He ate his food at a much slower rate than usual. He seemed to be as uncomfortable around me as I was around him.
I ate half of my sandwich because that was all I could manage. I still had fifteen minutes before I had to head back to the lab, but I wanted to call it early. Being this close to him was torture, not pleasurable. “I should head back. I’ll see you around.”
“Yeah, I should get going too.” He didn’t get up from his seat.
I moved first and grabbed my tray. “Uh…see you later.”
“Yeah. Have a good day.” He stared at me hard, not blinking as he looked at me.
When the gaze became too much, I turned away. I tossed my garbage then piled the tray on top of the cabinet. I could feel his stare burn into my back the entire time. Even when I left the restaurant, I could still feel it. It wasn’t until I was back in the lab that I finally felt free of his presence.
But even then, my heart would never feel free.
Chapter Eleven
Rex
I need to talk to you.
I saw Zeke’s message and immediately knew what it was about. I’m home right now.
Meet me at Mega Shake in fifteen minutes.
Okay. It wouldn’t be a great idea to have this conversation while Rae was in her bedroom.
I left the apartment without saying goodbye to her and headed down to the burger joint. When I arrived, he was already there. He had our food placed in front of him on two trays since he knew exactly what I liked.
I sat across from him but didn’t take a single fry. “What’s up?”
Zeke looked empty and depressed, like he lost everything that mattered to him. I hadn’t seen him this low since his nana died. “I broke up with Rochelle.”
I tensed in my c
hair, feeling chills enter my body. “You did?”
He nodded. “It sucked, man. It was torture. She cried…”
I knew how much she loved Zeke just by watching them together. It didn’t surprise me that was her reaction.
“She was devastated.” He shook his head with self-loathing.
“What did you tell her?”
“I told her we had a great time together, but I just didn’t feel the same way anymore…which is true. Since you told me about Rae, I haven’t even been able to kiss Rochelle. I felt too guilty.”
“Guilty in what way?”
“Guilty that I’m seriously debating between two different women,” he said coldly, in regards to himself. “Rochelle doesn’t deserve that. She’s an amazing person.”
I knew Rochelle was going to get hurt eventually. I’d foreseen it when Zeke moved their relationship at lightning speed. He was in a hurry to get to the finish line, and Rochelle went along with it.
“I could barely touch her hand. I couldn’t even get hard.”
“Stress does a lot to the body…”
“All I could think about was what it would be like to be with Rae. But then I realized I was wrong. I was with Rochelle first, and I was even happy with her. I could be happy with her for the rest of my life. So I decided to just forget Rae and stick with Rochelle. But then…I ran into Rae on my lunch break.”
“Oh…”
“And we didn’t say much to each other but…I could feel it.”
“What?”
“I could feel the chemistry, the desperation. I could feel the need to be together. I could see the sadness in her eyes that she couldn’t have me. And…I realized I needed to be with Rae. Even if it doesn’t work out, I’ll regret not knowing if I don’t at least try. Whatever Rae has…it’s special. Rochelle is great and perfect but…she doesn’t have whatever it is Rae has.”
That’s some deep shit.
“I feel like an asshole for what I’ve done to Rochelle. Even when I broke up with her, I knew I shouldn’t do it. But I couldn’t stop myself. The second you told me about Rae, my body came to life. I don’t just want her. But I need her. It’s always been her…”
“So…when are you going to talk to her?”
“Not for a while,” he said quickly. “I just broke up with Rochelle, and I still love her. I need some time to get over our relationship before I can move on. I can’t just jump into bed with Rae. As much as I want to, it wouldn’t feel right. Besides, Rae deserves to be the only woman in my heart. And Rochelle deserves some respect. If she knew I slept with Rae the next day….it would kill her.”
I nodded in agreement. “I see what you mean.”
“So…I’m just gonna chill for a while.”
When the dust settled and the two of them finally started their relationship, I knew things would get better. Right now, the two people closest to me were absolutely miserable. But in time, that would pass.
They just had to be patient.
Chapter Twelve
Rae
“Look at all the phone numbers I got.” Kayden sat down in the booth and counted out fifteen phone numbers written on napkins.
My eyes nearly popped out.
Jessie pressed her hand against her chest and gasped. “Shit, girl.”
“You got all of those?” I held up the pile in my hand then sorted through them.
“Yep,” Kayden said proudly.
“Tonight?” I asked incredulously.
“Yep,” Kayden said again. “I have some sweet moves…”
“I don’t know if I think you’re awesome or just a slut,” Jessie said.
“Oh, I’m totally a slut,” Kayden said. “But an awesome one. I think I’m going to call up this guy first.” She pointed at the napkin on top. “He’s really fine.”
I’d never seen Kayden hit on a guy, let alone land fifteen numbers. Jessie was the most outgoing of the three of us, and she never scored that many guys in a single night. “Well…good for you. Looks like you’re recovering from that cold pretty well.”
“I’m totally over that cold,” she said with venom. “That cold is in the past, and I’m a new woman.” She scanned the room and set her eyes on a new target. “Excuse me, I have a bull to ride.” She flipped her hair over one shoulder and strutted to the guy she laid eyes on.
Jessie looked at me, still in shock. “Congrats to her but…” She couldn’t finish her sentence because she didn’t know what to say.
“It’s not like her, huh?”
“Not at all. She went from seeing a guy maybe once every few months to seeing a new one every night.”
“I know…”
“I don’t know if we should be worried or not. I mean, she’s a big girl who can take care of herself.”
“You’re right, she is. I just hope she’s not jumping the gun and taking on more than she can handle.” Maybe she had a sudden boost of self-confidence after she recovered from her illness. She probably had cabin fever from being cooped up for so long, and now she was ready to spring to life. “I’m sure it’s fine and we’re just overthinking it.”
Jessie downed her drink then changed the subject. “So…Rex knows about Zeke?”
“I told him.”
“And he took it well?”
“He was surprised but didn’t say much else.”
“He wouldn’t tell Zeke, right?”
“No.” I wasn’t worried about that. He wouldn’t be a good friend to Zeke if he did. “That wouldn’t help anyone.”
“Was he mad you lied about New York?”
“Not really. Once I explained why, I think he understood.”
“He’d have to be heartless not to.”
“Yeah. I saw Zeke the other day when I was on my lunchbreak… That was awkward.”
“Why?” she asked.
“I just felt…different. It’s probably just me but he wasn’t very talkative either. It didn’t feel the way it used to. I guess me having feelings for him has totally screwed me up in the head.”
She nodded in agreement. “It makes you see things that aren’t really there.”
“Yeah, true.”
“Well, I’m sure you’ll get over him eventually. You just need to get under someone new.”
***
“Heads-up. Zeke is coming over.” Rex sat in front of the TV while he played his racing game on his PS4.
“Why don’t you guys go out?”
He shrugged.
“Or go to his place?”
“Why don’t you just grow up and stop avoiding him?” He made a sharp turn but spun out. “He’s your friend and shouldn’t be treated like a criminal.”
“I’m not treating him like a criminal—”
“Then be his friend again, not this weird and awkward chick.”
“Ugh.” I grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at his head. “You’re a pain in the ass sometimes.”
“All the time,” he said. “Don’t sugarcoat it.”
There was a knock on the door before Zeke walked inside. “It’s me.”
My hair was in a bun, and I wore leggings with a baggy sweater. If I’d known he was coming, I wouldn’t have dressed like a mess. “Hey. Rex is being a pain in the ass, like always.”
Zeke set a case of beer on the counter before he walked into the living room. “I guess I can’t say I’m surprised.” He stood on the opposite side of the couch and looked at me, his blue eyes full of something that couldn’t be described.
I stared back and suddenly felt weightless, like he was sucking me deep into his eyes.
Rex must have picked up on it because he suddenly cleared his throat. “I tried to break my record but Rae made me crash. She screwed the whole thing up.”
Zeke’s eyes never left my face. “That sucks, man. I’m glad I don’t live with my sister.”
“I wouldn’t mind living with your sister.” He waggled his eyebrows.
Zeke finally broke eye contact with me. “You want to die,
man?”
“Come on,” Rex said. “We’d have beautiful babies together.”
Zeke smacked him upside the head before he sat on the couch. “What do you want to do tonight?”
Rex rubbed the area where he’d been hit. “Hang out at the emergency room, maybe?”
“If you need to see a doctor for that, then you really are a pussy,” Zeke jabbed.
I sat on the other couch and tried to tune out their bickering.
“Maybe I’ll put you in the emergency room, then,” Rex threatened.
“Oh no,” I said. “I think I feel a pillow fight coming on…”
They both turned to me, their eyebrows arched in annoyance.
I shrugged then turned back to the TV.
“You wanna pick up Mega Shake and play that new Star Wars game?” Zeke asked.
“Not a bad idea at all,” Rex said. “Let me take a piss and grab my sweater.” Rex walked down the hall and shut the bathroom door behind him.
Now that it was just the two of us, I felt that awkwardness again. Sometimes I swore he felt it too, but that had to be my imagination. He rested his hands on his thighs and his gaze looked into mine, the joking atmosphere evaporating like water on a hot pan. The TV wasn’t on, so it was silent in the room. Even if Zeke and I were locked in a room together, we would usually be able to entertain ourselves and even have fun. But now, we didn’t know how to talk to each other.
“How’s Rochelle?” I thought of the first thing that came to mind, the woman in his life. They were lovey-dovey together last week, and I was surprised he wasn’t with her now, or at least brought her along.
“She and I broke up, actually.”
I heard what he said and knew I didn’t get it wrong. It wasn’t just wishful thinking and I imagined he said all of that. It really happened, and I almost couldn’t believe it. “Oh. Why?” Last time I checked, they were perfectly happy.
