Judging by Jordan’s expression, I was surprised he hadn’t pissed his pants by now.
“Have I made myself clear?” I asked.
He nodded vigorously.
I pulled him forward, then slammed him back against the wall hard enough to make his teeth rattle. “This is your one and only warning. You come near the woman I love again—you call her, send her flowers, a text, email, any-fucking-contact whatsoever—and you’ll be the sorriest prick alive. Is that understood?”
“Yeah, man, yeah,” he said, raising his hands in surrender. “I got it. I hear ya. Lacy won’t have to worry about me again, I swear.”
“You violated the terms of your probation,” I said, smirking. “I might just have to call your probation officer.” I still couldn’t believe he’d been stupid enough to do that, especially knowing Lacy’s brother was a cop.
“I’m not going back to the joint,” he said, his gaze darting wildly around the room. “I’ll kill myself before that happens.”
“Aw, what a shame that would be. One less loser taking up space.” Ace crooked a finger at me. “Let’s get out of here, man. We’ve wasted enough time on this piece of shit.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Chapter Nineteen
Lacy
I felt guilty for asking Reese to come to my place instead of making an appointment at her office, but the thought of stepping into another therapist’s office made me break out in a cold sweat. After I’d spilled my guts about what happened with Jordan all those years ago and how I felt that was connected to the fight I’d had with York last night, she stared at me.
“I guess I just needed a professional opinion, Reese,” I said, my hand trembling as I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “Am I even ready to be in a relationship? Will I ever be?”
“Lacy, people who’ve been the victim of a violent crime never forget what happened to them. It becomes a part of who they are, whether they want it to be or not.”
I nodded, knowing that that single event had changed the course of my life forever.
“But that doesn’t mean they can’t go on to have happy, fulfilling lives in spite of it.”
Until I met York, I’d been so focused on survival, I hadn’t considered whether I was happy. “I want to be with York, assuming he still wants to be with me.”
Reese smiled. “But?”
“I’m worried that stuff like this will keep happening. That he’ll say or do something to trigger me, and I’ll go off on him for no reason.”
“Based on what you told me, you didn’t exactly go off on him for no reason. I think your anger was justified, given he was trying to pry into a part of your life that really was none of his concern since it happened before you two met.”
“I just want to be normal.” The words sounded weak, almost foreign on my tongue.
Reese chuckled, shaking her head. “Since I’m here as your friend, not your therapist, I can tell you this—normalcy is an illusion. No one is ‘normal,’” she said, air-quoting the word. “Besides, who would want to be normal? That’s boring.”
I appreciated her attempt to make me feel better, but a boring life sounded pretty damn good to me. “I’m just sick of all the drama. I’m tired of looking over my shoulder, being suspicious of everyone, unable to let my guard down or let anyone in.”
“I agree there comes a time when you have to take a chance and trust someone. Even if it’s scary.”
“I thought I trusted York.” I bit my lip, considering what I just said. “I do. I do trust York, but I’m afraid I may have too much baggage to make him happy.”
“It’s not your job to make him happy. It’s your job to make yourself happy.”
“What do you mean?” I always assumed people in relationships tried to make their partners happy. That was the foundation of a good relationship, wasn’t it?
“Does seeing York happy make you happy?”
I loved seeing him smile and hearing his laugh. I loved to watch him work out with his trainer, knowing he was in the zone. I couldn’t wait to be in the front row at his next fight, watching him do what he loved most… assuming I got the chance. “Sure.”
“Don’t you think he feels the same way, that all he wants is to see you happy?”
“I guess so.” I know so.
“So just focus on making Lacy happy,” Reese said, reaching for my hands. “And let York focus on making himself happy. Two people who are content and enjoying their lives usually make for a pretty compatible couple when they’re focused on getting their own needs met and not relying on their partner to meet all of their needs.”
Everything she said made sense. If I didn’t have to rely on York to be my everything, a committed relationship didn’t seem as scary.
“The most important thing,” Reese said, “is that you go on being the strong, independent woman you were even before you met him.”
“I don’t feel very strong sometimes,” I admitted, lowering my head.
“I’ll let you in on a little secret,” Reese whispered. “Neither do I. It’s part of being human, I think.”
Hearing someone like Reese, who seemed so self-assured, tell me I wasn’t a complete mess made me feel so much better about the odds of my relationship with York going the distance.
“So you really think York and I can work this out?” I reached for the now-tepid coffee I’d made when Reese arrived.
“If you love each other,” she said hesitantly. “If you allow him to be there for you, to support you. If you’re willing to be honest with him when you’re scared and vulnerable, or when something happens to trigger a bad memory.” She reached for her own coffee. “I guess I’m asking whether you’re willing to let this man be your best friend, Lace. Your rock.”
Was I willing to let someone get that close to me? Closer than Jordan had ever been, even before he hurt me? The alternative was to go on living alone, afraid to get hurt again. I didn’t want that, not when I could be with York instead. “I think I’m ready for that.”
Reese took a sip of her coffee before standing. “Then my work here is done.” She pulled me into a long hug when I stood to walk her to the door. “Just remember that I’ll always be here for you, as a friend, whenever you need to talk.”
“Thank you so much,” I whispered, squeezing her hard. “You have no idea how much you’ve helped me.”
When I opened the door, I was shocked to find York standing on the other side.
“Hey,” he said quietly, as though he was uncertain what my reaction would be.
“Hi, York.” I gestured to Reese. “This is my friend Reese.”
“I’ve heard a lot of great things about you,” York said, extending his hand with a smile. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”
“You as well,” she said, clasping his hand between both of hers. “Well, I know you two have a lot to talk about, so I’ll be on my way. Call me later, Lace?”
“Of course.”
We waited for Reese to step onto the elevator before I invited York inside.
“I hope you don’t mind that I stopped by without calling first?”
I wanted him to kiss me, hug me, something to let me know he still cared. After last night, I had no idea what he was thinking or feeling. For all I knew, he could be here because he was man enough to tell me face to face that we were over.
“No, it’s no problem.” I gestured to the cups on the table. “I just made a fresh pot of coffee for me and Reese. Would you like a cup?”
“No, thanks.”
I hated that we were acting like polite strangers instead of two people in love. Even though we hadn’t said the words, I knew I loved York. I prayed he felt the same way about me. “Do you want to sit down?”
“Sure.”
He walked toward the small sofa and took a seat near the middle, forcing me to sit right next to him. I supposed that was a good sign.
“I’m sorry about last night,” I said, feeling awkward even mentioning it
. There was no way he’d be able to forget it, but I wished I could.
“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching for my hand. “It’s none of my business who you slept with before you met me.”
“It was a rough night for me,” I admitted, running my thumb over the faded scars on his knuckles. “And a rough day today. But thanks to Reese, I have a better understanding of what happened and what I can do about it.”
“I want to hear all about it,” he said, his eyes zeroing in on my mouth when I licked my lips. “But first I should tell you about my run-in with your ex.”
“What?” I immediately thought of Brent before realizing that wasn’t the ex he was talking about. “Jordan?” I could barely say his name without feeling nauseated. “How? Where? When?”
“Coop told me where I could find him.” He smirked. “But he made me promise I wouldn’t beat him senseless. Believe me, it took a hell of a lot of restraint not to do just that.”
“What happened?” I couldn’t even imagine Jordan going up against York. He would cower in fear of a real man. He liked bullying little people, namely women.
“Let’s just say I’m confident he won’t be bothering you again.”
I released the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding, then I hugged him. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that, but thank you.” My brothers could have just as easily intimidated Jordan, but I suspected hearing those words from a heavyweight champion would have a more lasting impact.
“I did have to do that.” He pulled back and tucked my hair behind my ears before his thumb brushed my cheek while his other hand curled around my jaw. “The days of that bastard terrorizing you are done, Lace. As long as there’s breath in my body, I promise he’ll never hurt you again. No one will hurt you, not if I can help it.”
I’d spent so many years learning how to defend myself, developing my strength and wit, but hearing that York was in my corner, that I could always count on him, made me feel even safer than the gun that had become my constant companion. “I believe you.”
“I never thought I’d feel this way,” York said hoarsely. “But something about you just does it for me.”
I smiled at his choice of words. “Nice to know I do it for you. The feeling’s mutual.”
“I’m not just talking about the sex, though that’s incredible.” He grinned, making my heart stutter. “I’m talking about…” He shook his head as though he was searching for the right words, but they eluded him. “The fact that I fall asleep thinking about you. I wake up thinking about you. I think about you in the shower. I get my fucking bell rung when I’m sparring with Ace because I’m thinking about you.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the picture he painted, knowing full well his best friend wouldn’t hesitate to take advantage of his distracted state. “I think about you all the time too.”
“But it’s more than just thinking about you.” His eyes landed on mine, and I knew whatever he was about to say could be a game changer for us. “I want to be with you all the time. I want to come home to you. I want to wake up next to you. I want to curl up and watch TV next to you.”
I swallowed, trying to make sense of what he was suggesting. “It sounds like you’re talking about living together.”
“It may sound crazy, since we haven’t known each other that long…” He looked adorably uncertain when he said, “But fuck, Lace, I love you.”
It wasn’t the romantic declaration most girls probably hoped for, but I wasn’t a roses-and-poetry kind of girl. I was tattoos and motorcycles, like York. I was fight night and football, like York. I was working out hard and playing harder, like York. God, he was right about us being perfect for each other.
“I love you too.”
His kiss crushed me, but not with its intensity. With its tenderness.
“I know what I want, Lace. You with me. All the time.”
“Before I answer that, we should talk about what happened last night.” I wanted him to know that I hadn’t slayed all my demons yet. “I had a flashback when we were in your car and you started—”
“Ace told me.” He shook his head. “I’m so sorry I stirred up all those bad memories, baby. I’m even sorrier that I reminded you of that bastard in any way.”
York was as far removed from Jordan as a man could be. The only thing they had in common was a penis.
“I can’t promise I’ll ever be able to forget what happened with Jordan,” I admitted, thinking about what Reese said. “There may be times when I wake up in the middle of the night screaming because I’m back in that warehouse—”
“And I’ll be there to hold you,” he whispered, pulling me into his arms. “To tell you that everything’s gonna be all right. Because it will, Lace.” He slipped a finger under my chin, tilting my head back so I could meet his eyes. “As long as I have you, I feel like there’s nothing I can’t do, nothing I can’t take on. I want you to feel the same way.”
“I do.” I’d never felt stronger than I did when I was with York. “I’ve spent so many years alone because I thought a relationship would make me weak. But you just make me feel stronger, better…” I smiled. “More invincible, and that’s a pretty great feeling.”
“Does that mean you’ll move in with me?”
Since I was pretty sure Rachel intended to take Ace up on his offer, I’d either have to find a cheaper place or a roommate, but that wasn’t why I wanted to move in with York. I wanted to move in with him because… I couldn’t get enough of him. I couldn’t imagine not wanting to be with him every minute of every day, but I had to ask. “Are you sure you won’t get sick of me?”
He leaned back as a slow smile spread across his handsome face, then he kissed me. “I’m not worried about that.”
“I’ll take over your closets and drawers, you know.” That was a total lie. I wasn’t a girly-girl with tons of clothes and shoes. I just wanted to scare him a little.
“I’m okay with that,” he said, nuzzling my neck.
“You know you’ll have to do all the cooking, right?”
He was already popping the buttons running down my shirt. “Sure, no problem.” He popped the front clasp of my bra and made me gasp when his thumb and forefinger closed over my nipple.
“I’m paying my own way.”
“Lacy,” he warned, wrapping his huge hand around my ribcage. “I don’t want your goddamn money. Keep it. In fact, moving in with me means you can give your brother notice that you won’t be working for him anymore. You don’t need to be working two jobs, running yourself ragged.”
I sat up straighter, shifting to face him. “Are you telling me to quit my job?” ‘Cause that was not going to fly.
He chuckled, shaking his head. “You think I’m that stupid? I was merely suggesting it. Now that I’m back to training all day, we’ll only have our evenings together. I don’t want you to have to work three nights a week.”
His argument was rational, but I had a feeling he had an ulterior motive for suggesting I quit the club. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with the guys who come in there and ask me out, would it?”
He trailed his lips down my neck, and I forgot why I was calling him out.
“Maybe,” he admitted before his tongue flicked over my ear, and I shuddered. “Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m a fucking Neanderthal who doesn’t want other guys coming on to my girl. Happy now?”
My arms circled his neck as tears filled my eyes. With anyone else, I would have been embarrassed by the display of emotion, but not with him. “Am I happy now? Honestly? I’m happier than I’ve ever been, York.”
Coming Soon
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Drunk Dial (Hard Core #1) (Hard Core Series) Page 19
