Goodnight Sweetheart

by Annie Groves

  FIVE

  It was almost dinner time and there was still no sign of Eddie. Molly was beginning to wonder if she should go down to Garston Dock after all, to see if his ship was now putting in at a different time from when it had been expected. Both June and her father were at work and Molly had the house to herself. She had kept busy by giving the front parlour a good turn-out and then going round to Elsie’s to see if she had heard any news, and now, even though she was pretending to listen to the wireless, she was hurrying into the front room every few minutes to look anxiously through the lace curtains.

  She was wearing the blue sweater that Eddie said matched her eyes, and her best pink lipstick, carefully painted on with a little brush to make it go further. Her tummy was so full of nervous butterflies, she couldn’t even manage a cup of tea, never mind anything to eat. She wasn’t going to go to the window again, she wasn’t …

  She almost jumped out of her skin when she heard the knock on the door, ran to open it and only just managed not to fling herself into Eddie’s arms in full view of the whole cul-de-sac when she saw him standing on the step.

  ‘Where have you bin?’ she demanded breathlessly as he followed her inside. ‘I was expecting you ages back.’

  ‘We got delayed. Jerry subs,’ he said to her lightly, adding with a reassuring grin, ‘Mind you, we wasn’t in any real danger,’ cos they can’t aim straight for toffee. And then when we did get back we was anchored up out over the Liverpool bar, waiting for a pilot boat to bring us in.’

  Molly was laughing and crying at the same time. ‘I’ve missed you that much,’ she told him, too relieved to see him to realise that he was deliberately making light of the perils of his return voyage.

  Barely giving him time to drop his kitbag, she hugged him tightly in the privacy of the dark enclosed hallway, eagerly lifting her face for his kiss. She hadn’t realised until now, when she was in his arms and he was kissing her, just how much she had missed him and how afraid for him she had been.

  ‘I feel like I’ve bin holding me breath ever since you left,’ she told him dizzily. She loved him so much she could hardly bear it. She wanted to stay with him like this for ever, held tightly in his arms, his lips on hers, his body hard and warm against hers.

  ‘How many days leave have you got?’ she asked, not really wanting to know when they would be parted again.

  There was a small pause before he answered, ‘We’re not getting any proper shore leave this trip, lass.’

  Molly could feel her stomach muscles tensing in protest. ‘Oh, Eddie, what do you mean? Why not?’ she protested, unable to keep the shocked disappointment from her voice.

  ‘I’m sorry, lass. Rightfully speaking, I shouldn’t be here at all,’ he told her quietly, ‘but the captain said we could have a couple of hours.’

  ‘A couple of hours!’ Molly’s eyes brimmed with tears of sadness. ‘But, Eddie, they can’t turn the ship round in that time. They’ll have to take off the cargo and re-equip the ship with fuel and food before it can set sail again.’

  With her head resting against his shoulder, she couldn’t see the anxious look that crossed his face, but she did see the movement of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed.

  Immediately she raised her head and looked at him. ‘Eddie, what is it?’ she demanded. ‘And don’t tell me there isn’t something because I can see that there is.’

  She could feel the stiff resistance in his body, and her heart lurched with an awareness of his pain.

  ‘Tell me,’ she insisted.

  She felt him take a deep breath, and then the words came spilling out.

  ‘We lost a ship out of the convoy on the way back. Jerry torpedo got it. It went down so fast, one minute it was there and then the next …’ A violent shudder went through him. ‘Sister ship to ours, she was. We’d bin out wi’ the lads off her in New York, and now they’re gone, not a one of them left …’

  Deep juddering sobs overwhelmed him. Molly gathered him as close to her as she could. He was such a tall broad-shouldered man and she was so small, but she cradled him in her arms, whispering comforting words to him as she did so.

  ‘I’m sorry, lass. I shouldn’t have told you about that.’ He shook his head, raising his sleeve to wipe away the tears on his face.

  Wordlessly, Molly clung to him, so afraid for him that she could hardly breathe. What if Eddie had been on that ship that had gone down? What if he had been taken from her?

  All of a sudden she was overwhelmed by feelings she didn’t fully understand: desperation; urgency; fear; a compulsion to hold him and never ever let him go; and something else – a different feeling, and a very different need that was so unfamiliar to her she could hardly comprehend where it had come from.

  ‘Eddie, there’s no one else here. Let’s go upstairs.’ She was talking quickly, her eyes brilliant with emotion, as she took hold of his hand and tried to tug him towards the stairs.

  But Eddie refused to move.

  For a minute she did not think he had understood what she was saying because he stared at her, whilst a dark tide of colour burned up under his skin. And then shook his head.

  ‘Eddie, I want us to be together,’ Molly begged him. ‘Like we were already married. Like you wanted to before you left last time,’ she added.

  ‘Oh, Molly, Molly …’

  Suddenly Eddie was holding her tightly, his whole body shaking, fresh tears filling his eyes as he looked down at her.

  ‘There’s nothing I want more than … than for you and me to be together properly, and bless your sweet heart for offering yourself to me, Molly, but it wouldn’t be right. Not now, when I don’t even know …’ He took a deep breath. ‘If anything should happen to me, Molly, and one day I don’t come back …’

  Immediately Molly put her hand over his mouth to silence him. ‘Don’t say that,’ she implored, frantically shaking her head. ‘You mustn’t.’

  Very gently, Eddie removed her hand from his lips and kissed it, before holding it tightly within his own, as he continued gruffly, ‘There’s a war on, Molly, and some things need talking about. If anything were to happen and I weren’t to come back, I wouldn’t want to think I’d left yer in any kind of trouble. I love yer, Molly. I love yer so much it gives me a pain right here,’ he thumped his heart, ‘just thinking about yer, when we’re not together. But I respect yer, as well, as a man should respect the woman he loves – aye, and I want others to respect yer as well.

  ‘There’s nothing I want more than to hold your sweet body next to mine, and for two pins … I’d … but I can’t, Molly. It wouldn’t be right. I want us to be properly wed before you give yourself to me.’

  ‘I hate this war!’ Molly whispered passionately as she wept in his arms. ‘I want us to be together now, Eddie.’ Now before it was too late, but superstitiously she couldn’t bring herself to say those last words to him.

  She felt his arms tightening round her and her heart thudded into her ribs as he groaned and then kissed her with fierce passion. Her belly quivered, her veins running molten with an urge far stronger than any rules of society when she felt his response to her. But then, just when she thought she had won and that he would take her upstairs, instead, he kissed her hard and then released her.

  ‘I’ve got to go.’

  ‘No,’ Molly begged him. ‘No! Not yet, Eddie … no.’

  ‘I’ve got to. It’s for the best. Let’s set a date for the wedding, Molly,’ he told her urgently.

  Her face lit up. ‘When?’

  ‘We’re gone just short of three weeks at a time, so why don’t we say in nine weeks? I’ll be due a bit of extra leave by then so we can have a bit of a honeymoon. I’ll sort that out if you sort out having the banns read with the vicar.’

  ‘Nine weeks. Oh, Eddie!’

  ‘Is that too soon?’

  ‘No … I wish it could be nine days,’ Molly told him honestly, and then blushed when she saw the look in his eyes.

  ‘Eeh, lass,’ he whispere
d, kissing her fiercely and then saying huskily, ‘Come wi’ us whilst I go next door and tell me Auntie Elsie that I’m not staying ashore this time home, and that she’d better start trimming her wedding hat.’

  ‘I’ll come down to the dock with you,’ Molly said as he opened the door, wanting to prolong their reunion for as long as she could.

  ‘No, lass. It’s best that you don’t. Come on now, give us a smile to tek away with me – something to remember you by. I haven’t forgotten that it’s your eighteenth birthday coming up, and I promise I’ll bring you sommat special back wi’ me next time.’

  She tried her best to be strong but when he kissed her, her tears ran down her face, dripping onto their intertwined mouths, so that their kiss was flavoured with the bitterness of her grief.

  ‘Nine weeks!’ Elsie exclaimed when they told her their news. ‘Well, that isn’t going to leave us much time to get everything sorted out.’ Her face softened when she looked at them. ‘Mind, I can see by the looks of you that you don’t want to wait. And you’ve got a sensible head on your shoulders, Molly, for all that you’re only seventeen.’

  ‘She’ll be eighteen in a few weeks,’ Eddie reminded his aunt.

  Molly smiled lovingly at him. She certainly felt more than grown up enough to be marrying Eddie.

  ‘Well, I don’t know why you’re going round wi’ such a glum face on you, our Molly,’ June chided her over supper. ‘At least you got to see your Eddie.’

  ‘I know you’re disappointed that Eddie’s had to sail again so quickly, but our June’s right, lass,’ their father said gently. ‘Now come on, cheer up, there’s a good girl.’

  She was being thoughtless and selfish, Molly acknowledged guiltily as she went over to her father and hugged him. She was upsetting her father and no doubt June would have given anything to have seen Frank, even for five minutes.

  ‘Sorry, Dad. I was just a bit upset, that’s all,’ Molly admitted, forcing herself to smile as she tried to make light of her feelings.

  ‘Molly, go round to Elsie’s, will yer, and ask her if she’s got any of them sour baking apples still stored away?’ June appealed, trying to lighten the mood. ‘I’ve got a right taste for them at the moment.’

  To both Molly and June’s astonishment, their father started to chuckle and shake his head.

  ‘I remember that yer mam craved them when she was carrying you, our June. Couldn’t get her enough of them, I couldn’t. All hours of the night and day she were eating them.’

  June’s face lost its colour in a flash whilst Molly looked at her sister and said cautiously, ‘June, that sickly feeling you’ve bin having, you don’t think—’

  ‘No, I don’t,’ June denied angrily, ‘and I don’t want to think it neither, thank you very much. I’ve already told you that me and my Frank don’t want no kiddies until the war’s over, and don’t you go saying nowt to anyone about me fancyin’ stuff, neither.’

  ‘So you don’t want me to go round to Elsie’s to ask for an apple, then?’ Molly teased her mock-innocently.

  ‘Oh, give over with yer teasing, Molly,’ June begged her, with a reluctant smile. ‘This isn’t a joke. The last thing I want is to be carrying, with Frank away and a war on.’

  Molly could see that her sister was genuinely upset and worried. She went and sat down beside her.

  ‘You’re feeling a bit shocked now, June – it’s only natural – but if there is to be a baby …’

  ‘I’ve already told you there isn’t.’ June looked close to tears. ‘There can’t be. Me and Frank …’ She shook her head, her bravado suddenly crumpling as she clung to Molly’s hand and begged her, ‘Oh, Molly, what if I am? What am I going to do? What will Frank say when he finds out? And that mother of his … I can just imagine what she’s going to say, blaming me and saying as how we should have bin more careful. And besides, I don’t know anything about babies.’ June’s face puckered and she wept, ‘Oh, Molly, I wish our mam was here.’

  Molly bit her lip as June’s eyes filled with anxious tears. Her sister had always been so strong and so fiercely independent. Now suddenly she was vulnerable and afraid. It was up to her to help her, Molly told herself, just as June had helped her when they were younger.

  Taking a deep breath, she squeezed June’s hand reassuringly and said, ‘Stop worrying. Your Frank will be over the moon and you’ll have Sally to help you and tell you how to go on.’ She added teasingly, ‘And Frank’s mam can even deliver it for you.’

  ‘What? Have her delivering my kiddie and probably torturing me out of spite?’ June objected vigorously, the militant sparkle returning to her eyes. ‘Over my dead body.’

  SIX

  February might be the shortest month but to Molly it was dragging by as though it was anchored up in Garston Dock. They were still only just over halfway through it and life was getting harder by the day. Ration queues were getting longer, and the shop shelves were getting emptier of those things that weren’t rationed.

  June’s pregnancy was making her tetchy, and, of course, nothing could be said about it publicly until she reached her fourth month and was safely over any chance of miscarriage, although one evening when Molly and June were at Sally’s, Sally badgered June until she gave in and told her, before admitting herself, ‘Same here. I reckon mine’s due in September, what about you?’

  ‘The same,’ June responded. ‘Our Molly here’s already fussing about knitting for it.’

  ‘I reckon no matter what the Government has to say about it, there’s gonna be a lot of kiddies being born soon. Stands to reason, doesn’t it? It’s only nature, after all. Mind you, there’s gonna be them as aren’t wearin’ a weddin’ ring wish they weren’t carryin’. Aye, and them as well ’oo won’t be able to say rightly who the father is. You’ve only got to go down the Grafton on a Saturday night to know that.’

  Sally had got a job at the Grafton as a hat check girl, and Elsie and Molly had volunteered to mind her baby whilst she was out at work, knowing how much she needed the extra money.

  ‘All sorts goin’ on down there now, there is,’ Sally confided, as she eased her shoes off her aching feet. ‘I saw them two sisters of Johnny Everton’s there last week, showin’ themselves up. Aye, and I’ve seen women I know is married wrapping themselves around some chap wot isn’t their husband. Shockin’, especially when they’ve got hubbies off fighting.’

  ‘I suppose they feel lonely,’ Molly offered, flushing slightly when June and Sally both turned to look at her with identical expressions of disapproval.

  ‘Well then, they should find sommat useful to do, instead of goin’ chasin’ after men and mekkin’ a show of themselves,’ Sally said. ‘I got ter admit I could have done wi’out this,’ she added glumly, patting her still flat belly. ‘I’m bound to lose me job, and they were paying me good money.’

  ‘Maybe the war will be over before you have the baby, Sally,’ Molly suggested hopefully.

  ‘I don’t know about that. I had a letter from my Ronnie this morning. He said as how they were gettin’ well dug in at this Nantes place he’s bin moved to. They’ve had them building an airfield and they’ve got RAF an’ all sorts there now. ’Ave you heard from your Frank lately, June?’

  ‘Yes, but he didn’t say much about where they were.’

  ‘Is everything sorted out for the wedding, Molly?’ Sally asked, desperate to lighten the mood.

  ‘Just about. The vicar has said we can get married the third Saturday in March, to fit in with Eddie’s ship docking.’

  ‘He’ll be back before then, though, won’t he?’

  ‘Yes.’ Excitement shone in Molly’s eyes. ‘He should be back this week.’ She could hardly wait. It seemed like for ever since she had last seen him. But she was luckier than June and Sally, she knew. At least Eddie’s ship came back to Liverpool regularly, even though it had to suffer the dangers of crossing the Atlantic to do so. Mr Churchill was full of praise for the brave men of the merchant navy, and the warships that saile
d with them to protect their convoys from enemy submarines. There was so much she wanted to tell him about the wedding, but most of all she wanted to be held tightly in his arms. Just thinking about him kissing her made her whole body tingle.

  ‘What about your wedding dress?’ Sally asked.

  ‘She’s altered my frock, and trimmed it up a bit different, so as it will fit her, haven’t you, Molly?’ June answered for her.

  Molly nodded. She had taken the dress in, and shortened it. She loved the fact that, like June, she would be wearing some part of her mother’s wedding dress. It made her feel closer than ever to her sister. Who knew – maybe she would have a niece and then perhaps a daughter to pass it down to in time?

  ‘Me and June went to the baker’s to see about a cake,’ Molly told Sally, laughing as she added, ‘Because of the sugar rationing they’re renting out a dummy cake they’ve made out of cardboard and painted up to look like it’s been iced all fancy.’

  ‘Aye, well, that’s no loss, is it?’ Sally comforted her practically. ‘Meself, I’ve never bin keen on fruitcake. Besides, I expect your Aunt Violet will be able to help out with some stuff from the farm.’

  ‘Yes, she will,’ Molly agreed.

  ‘And even if she couldn’t, there’s allus George Lawson from number 79, who works down the docks. He can get his hands on anything, so ’e says,’ June chipped in.

  ‘Aye, and from what I’ve heard that includes any girl daft enough to be taken in by his soft-soaping,’ Sally said forthrightly.

  Molly was listening to them but at the same time she was thinking excitedly of Eddie’s return and their wedding. She was counting the hours now until he got back, knowing that even with bad weather his ship should be putting in to port soon.

  * * *

  Molly looked impatiently at the clock. Eddie’s ship was due to have docked in the early hours of the morning under cover of darkness, although she hadn’t heard from him yet. This Saturday it was her turn to go down to Lime Street station with the WVS to man the tea urns and be on hand to offer whatever practical help she could to the new conscripts going off to their training barracks, and the families who came to see them off. Molly had hurried through her morning’s chores, torn between impatience and excitement, humming happily under her breath, imagining Eddie’s ship docking and Eddie wanting to see her just as impatiently as she was longing to see him.