“I very much doubt that, but I guess a lot of that makes sense. I’m not going to say I didn’t wish she was different; it would be nice to talk to someone about him, someone who knew him and grieves him as much as I do, but I understand. I blamed myself for a time, too.”
“Dear girl, nothing that happened was your fault, and I sincerely hope you have let go of any guilt,” he says with gusto. I smile at him.
“I’m getting there,” I say.
“Now then, have you made a decision?”
“No,” I sigh. “I wish I had. I think I know what I’m going to do, but I’m not positive.”
“Well then, I’ll let you be; I know you have many things to do and obviously, a lot to think over.” He dismisses me and I leave his chambers quickly before rushing back to mine. I really need some quiet.
I manage to get about an hour before the knocking on my door begins again. This time, it is Elaria, who is carrying an armful of ball gown.
“Princess, I just need to do your final adjustments so I can add the detailing,” she says.
I’m now used to this routine. I slip on a pair of heels discarded by the side of bed and stand in the middle of the room, my arms spread out. She fusses around me, pinning the blue material here and there. I flinch every time. I have no idea why but I can’t stop. Its irrational; I’ve taken worse hits than a pin, but she’s like a whirlwind I can’t fight. The blue material is soft and silky.It shimmers in the light like the sun dancing on water.
“Elaria, this is already beautiful; I’m not sure it needs much else.”
“Oh hush, this is nothing. You will see. This dress is going to be more beautiful than any you’ve ever seen.” She finishes her measuring and pinning before stripping me out of the dress and scurrying away. As she leaves, Jessa returns with Sophie in tow.
“Princess, Miss Sophie wanted to visit you. Is this a convenient time?”
“Of course, Jessa, I’m never too busy for Sophie,” I say with a smile. She nods before leaving. I look at Sophie, who is still standing by the door. “What are you doing over there, I wonder. Get yourself up here with me.” I sit on the sofa and pat beside me, inviting her close.
“Are you looking forward to the ball tomorrow?” I ask. She nods.
“My dress is so pretty, Addie. Elaria made it for me. It’s not like yours but it sparkles, and it’s so puffy, it makes me feel like a Princess, too.”
“Good, we can be Princesses together,” I say, rubbing my nose against hers. I stop suddenly when I see my mother at my door.
“Mother, how nice of you to come by. To what do we owe this pleasure. I thought for a while you had decided to abandon me – again.” Instinctively, I push Sophie slightly behind me.
“Now, Adelaide, really! Is that any way to speak to your mother?”
“When you start acting like my mother, maybe I’ll start treating you like one,” I say. I know I’m on dangerous ground and I mustn’t get over-confident. She has the power to still do me a lot of damage.
She frowns, and it deepens when she notices Sophie behind me.
“Still got your little pet, I see. How, delightful. We all need toys to keep us amused – it’s amazing how easily we tire of them, though.”
I stand to face her. I’m furious.
“You’d know more than most, Mother!”
She smirks, deflecting my insult.
“You will not speak of her like that,” I say. “I don’t care who you are, you will not speak of Sophie in that way. Sophie is my…”
My mother arcs her eyebrows and I can see the delight she’s taking in my discomfort. “She’s your what?” she laughs. “You always were a fantasist, Adelaide – just look at that whole ridiculous behaviour with Xander, throwing yourself at him like that; making a fool of yourself. It’s amazing you have any suitors to choose from after that wanton, and quite frankly, embarrassing, behaviour. This isn’t much different. Always the little lost girl, searching for a love that isn’t destined to be yours.”
Inside, I’m screaming.
She steps closer to me, her eyes like stones. “I will do as I like, Adelaide. You do not get to dictate what I say or to whom. You are here by my grace. Don’t forget that.” She turns to look on Sophie, her lip curled into a sneer. “And don’t forget I could make her disappear with a click of my fingers.”
It’s all I can do to hold the darkness in check. “If anything happens to her mother, I stick by my original promise, and I will personally destroy you. Do you understand me?”
“Oh, darling,” she laughs. “You have no idea what I’m capable of.”
I need to get her out of her – before I do her some serious damage and the way this is going it’s going to be a bloodbath. I breath in deeply. I need to show Sophie I am a better person, that I am the light. “As fun as this is Mother, are you here for a reason?”
“Just some mother, daughter bonding. You’ve been spending so much time with my husband, I thought I’d check in.”
Oh, my God, she’s jealous! The thought hits me hard. “Yes, well now you’ve checked in and if there is nothing else…”
“On the contrary, there’s still plenty, such as needing to know who you will be choosing to marry tomorrow – we need to know for diplomatic reasons.”
“That is none of your business.”
She smiles tightly. “That, dear daughter, is where you are wrong. Your decision will directly impact me. I have people depending on me – on you – making the right decision. So you mustn’t disappoint.”
“What exactly do you mean?” I ask.
“I mean, Adelaide, you need to take this seriously.”
“Seriously? I didn’t even want to do this in the first place. We both know I love Xander, and I always will. Whoever I chose is going to only have a piece of me, because the rest of me will always be his.”
She scoffs, “Xander Bane is dead. I don’t care what you have to do, fake it for all I care – it’s not like they’re after all of you anyway; they only need to bed you and get a baby in your belly. They don’t even need you to talk, let alone be the ‘whole’ Addie package, which isn’t an attractive thing, by the way. But tomorrow, you will at least act happy when you pick Naoki.”
“Naoki! What? Why?”
“Naoki is a royal, Adelaide. His family’s allegiance is pivotal; his bloodline is pure. It’s about time you stopped living in the clouds and realise you have a duty, a responsibility – or at least, your womb has.”
I’m reeling. I can’t believe any of this. It was bad enough when I thought I had to choose, but now I know that was all a game. A sick, twisted game – I never had a choice at all. This has had nothing to do with relationships, and compatibility, and … love – just bloodlines and power. This has all been a civilised veil for an arranged marriage to a man I barely know.
“I can see by your face, that you’re not ready to have this ‘adult’ conversation, but I suggest you think about what I’ve said.” She looks over my shoulder at Sophie and the threat is clear.
She turns and leaves the room, the door slamming behind her. My body is shaking as I try to shut down the burning rage taking hold of me. How dare she!
“Addie?” Sophie looks at me, scared. “Your mum isn’t a very nice lady.”
“No, Sophie, she isn’t, but you don’t ever have to worry about her.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure thing, sweetie.” I make my way back to her and pull her in close.
“Who is Xander?”
“Xander Bane was the greatest man I’ve ever known – and I loved him very much. He was the love of my life.”
“So why isn’t he here? Didn’t the Queen like him?”
“No, sweetie,” I shake my head. “Xander and the Queen were very good friends. She sent me away with him when I was little and he looked after me my entire life. Then a bad man tried to hurt me, and Xander died trying to save me.” It’s difficult to speak with the lump in my throat.
> “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry. Please don’t be sad.”
“You didn’t make me sad. I miss him, that’s all.”
“So if you miss him so much, how come you have to pick a new husband?”
“Because I do, Sophie. Because I’m a Princess, and that means doing things I don’t want to.”
“Being a Princess doesn’t sound like much fun. I want you to be happy.”
“Me too, honey, but who knows. Maybe one day, I’ll be happy with whoever I pick.”
“Well, I like Dante. He brings me lollipops.”
“He does, does he?”
“Yep. He said it was our secret, but I’m sure he won’t mind you knowing.”
I laugh at her reasoning. If only life were as simple as it was when I was four.
We spend the rest of the night in my room, eating dinner and talking about the ball tomorrow. Her excitement finally gets the better of her and wears her out. I call Jessa to take her to bed, and run a bubble bath; a small luxury I have learned to love. We only ever had showers at The Academy This is exactly what I need before tomorrow; some time that is just for me.
“Addie?”
I stifle my groan and poke my head around the bathroom door to see a glum-looking Dante in my doorway.
“Oh, I’m sorry – I didn’t realise… I…” He clears his throat with embarrassment. “Michael said to come on up.”
“It’s okay. Hey, what’s up?”
“I’m so sorry. It doesn’t matter.”
“Sure it does. Come on, the waters still running, I’ve got time.”
“I just wanted to apologise about the other day by the lake. I didn’t mean to be so forward, or for things to get so intense. I just feel a pull towards you that I haven’t felt in a long time. I just wanted you to know that no matter what your decision is tomorrow, I will respect it, even if I don’t like it. I will keep your secrets, and always be a friend to you.”
“Thank you, Dante. I wish I could put your mind at ease, but I still don’t know what my answer will be.”
“I understand, and I don’t mean to pressure you. I’m not very good at this.” He steps forward and takes me hand, kissing it gently.“Until tomorrow,” he says before turning and leaving me wondering all over again what the hell I’m going to do.
Tonight, is the night I have to make a decision. The Proposal Ball is finally here, and these last two months have flown by. Between being courted by Dante, Aleksandr, Ambrose, and Naoki – like that didn’t keep me busy enough – and doing my duties, including visiting the Nurseries and Academies within our territory, talking with our people, Fae, Vampyr and human alike, introducing myself to our world and letting them see that I’m not the threat the High Council originally thought me to be, time has whisked by so quickly. And now I have to make a decision, I have no idea what to do. I don’t have an answer for them.
It’s been so long since I saw Dimitri, or Kaden, and I know each of them would give me sound advice, though I’m sure they would vary in it. I miss them, and even though I will get to see Rose tonight, I have no time to speak to her before I have to announce to our world whom I have picked to be the next Valoire Prince. Kellan has explained the importance of tonight to me more times than I care to think about. The whole world is waiting.
My mother is waiting.
I just can’t see me with any of them – not forever. I know Dante is the best choice; he has become more than just another suitor; he is a friend. I know he would never expect more of me than I have to give. He is dependable, loyal, and kind; it helps that Kellan is also rooting for him, even if he knows he should root for Naoki, but if I were to be honest with them all, I am still in love with Xander – not just a little bit, but with everything I am, every part of who I am. Even with him being gone, I don’t think I ever could, or would truly love anyone else, and it doesn’t seem fair to any of them to expect them to marry me when I know this. I sigh and throw myself back down onto the sea of pillows.
“Having fun there, baby girl?” Michael’s head pops around the door, and I can see the laughter in his eyes as I sit back up to face him.
“Oh, yes, everything is just peachy keen! Not like I have to make a big decision today or anything. I mean really, it’s a piece of cake. I’ve just got to pick one of four potential husbands for myself, when I don’t see myself loving any of them!” I throw my hands up in frustration and he walks over to the bed, sitting before me and taking my hands.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” he asks, seriously.
“Tell me it’s okay to marry one of them while I’m still helplessly in love with a dead man? I can’t help but feel I’m betraying him by doing this. Especially so quickly after....”
“Oh, honey, he would want you to be happy and he definitely wouldn’t want you to feel that way. I didn’t know him as well as you did, but from what I did know, and what I’ve heard from you, he’d never want you to be alone. He’d want you to have someone you could depend on, someone to keep you happy and safe. That’s what love is.”
“But I swore to him I would only ever love him. It doesn’t seem like much, but it’s all I’ve got left.”
“He wouldn’t hold you to that, baby girl,” Michael stresses. “He wanted you to be happy then, and he’d want the same now. I bet he’d pull his hair out at you and your shenanigans. Right now, he’s probably laughing at us, and laughing at those poor boys downstairs because one of them is going to have to put up with your crazy ass.”
I laugh at him, and he wipes away a stray tear that has fallen down my cheek.
“You’re scared to say it, to even think about moving on. It’s okay to miss him, Addie, but you need to live your life, too. Just like you would have wanted him to if this were the other way around. If we hadn’t got you back, you wouldn’t have wanted him to close himself off from the world.”
“But I hardly know these guys, Michael! Two of them drive me bonkers, and the other two… I have no idea, but this is marriage. It’s huge. It’s so quick.”
“Love isn’t measured in minutes. Days. Even months. Love is just love. It was that way with you and Xander, and it will be the same with you and whomever you pick. Sometimes, love takes a lifetime, sometimes it takes a second. It doesn’t care about your past or your hang ups. It drags you by the hair and screams at you. You just need to go along for the ride and enjoy it when you can.”
I take his words and envelope him in the biggest hug I can muster.
“Thank you so much. I have no idea when you got so wise, but that was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you. I know what to do now.”
“I’ll always be here for you, no matter what,” he says before pulling back from me. “Now then, we have a big night to prepare for. It’s already midday and the ball begins at five-thirty sharp. I suggest you get your tushy into the shower. Jessa and Stefano will be in shortly.” He lifts me off the bed, planting me on my feet before pushing me towards the bathroom.
I grab a strawberry from the breakfast tray Penelope brought me earlier, and which I didn’t have the appetite to touch. I finish it while I wait for the temperature of the shower to get perfect. Whilst I am waiting, I think about everything Michael has said. He’s right; I need to live, and whilst I will never let go of Xander, whilst I’ll always love him, he’d hate to see me not living. I step into the shower feeling lighter than I have in months.
I spin in the mirror in front of me, not quite believing the beautiful that is looking back at me. The dress Elaria has created for me is beyond anything I could have dreamed up. The light blue shimmers in the light, the high lace neck coming over my shoulders gives it a sophisticated, mature look, but then my bare back makes the dress seem young and playful. I pull on the three-quarter-length white lace gloves and finish the look.
Jessa places a necklace around my neck, turning it so the pendant hangs down my back. Its coldness sends a skitter of nerves racing. I turn to look at it in the mirror and see it matches the diam
onds woven into my hair.
I’ve never really felt like a princess, not until this moment. Tonight, I will wear the same crown Kellan placed on my head at my Debutante ball, and shivers run down my spine in anticipation. I’m nervous and excited all at once, and I finally feel at peace with myself. I feel ready.
“Sweetheart, you look radiant. Just, stunning,” Kellan says from my doorway.
“You don’t clean up too bad either.” I wink, trying to take some of the focus off myself. There is going to be enough of that shortly. He chuckles at me before looking at me with a serious look.
“Can we have a quick moment?” he asks, and I nod, causing the room to buzz with activity as everyone leaves.
“Of course,” I turn to Sophie, signalling to her nanny. “Sophie, I just need a minute with my Daddy, I’ll come get you after the big announcement, okay?”
“Okay, mummy,” she says, and my heart swells as she skips off to her nanny.
“Well, that’s a new development,” Kellan chuckles as he watches Sophie skip away
“What’s up?” I ask wringing my hands.
“Nothing is up, as you say. I just want you to know how proud of you I am. I know I’m not your real father, but I want to be the best father I can be. It saddens me to the core that we lost so many years because of your mother – but I don’t want to lose any more. I know that what we’re asking of you tonight isn’t a small thing. I just want you to know that no matter who you chose, I will respect your decision. You will always be my daughter in my heart. You burst into this place and breathed fresh air into us all. Everyone, especially the staff, laugh more since your arrival. I don’t think you know how much you’ve impacted everyone here, Addie. I guess what I’m trying to say is, you’ve got me in your corner – always,” he says with a soft smile before stroking my cheek. I try not to cry.
Soar (The Immortal Chronicles Book 3) Page 16
