by Gina Azzi
Fuck that. I commit to filling my Sunshine up with so much pleasure, she breaks apart on my fingers, my mouth, on me before the sun rises. I drop my head again and drag my tongue over her core, locking in on this moment. On the sounds falling from her sweet lips. On the tension in her thighs as they clasp around my head. On the arch of her back. Her shallowed breathing. Her deep moans that fill me with so much goddamn desire, I pulse for her. She shatters, calling out my name in a tone that fills me with so much pride, it nearly rivals winning the Stanley Cup.
“Oh my God,” she whispers, her eyes wide and hazy and fucking beautiful when they bore into mine. “That was, holy shit, Austin. I never, that never, I, wow.”
Puffed up like a damn peacock, I lose my boxers. I run my hand over my shaft twice before rolling on a condom. Chloe breathes in when she catches sight of me. “Let me make you come again, baby,” I tell her. When I drag my dick through her glistening folds, her eyes nearly roll back in her head and she collapses back against the mattress.
I grin cockily at her response but the moment I slide into her, my grin dies. Because holy fucking shit, she’s tight, gripping my dick in a way that has me crying out. I pull out slowly before plunging back in.
“Christ, Chloe, you’re fucking perfect,” I tell her, rocking into a rhythm that has us both breathing heavily. The sounds of our bodies joining together, slick and needy, fill the silence of the room. The scent of our arousal scents the air. My body tightens, more desperate than it’s ever been for release. I stare into Chloe’s wide, jade-colored eyes and realize that my old friend is now my everything.
“Oh God, Austin,” she says when she’s close.
And fuck, so am I. My body trembles for release, the sounds Chloe makes pushing me higher. I grit my teeth, determined to hold on for a few more seconds. I conjure up the most awful and depressing things I can think of until Chloe quakes around me. Then, I release inside of her, hard and fast and so fucking relieved. “Baby, you’re incredible.” I collapse, rolling us so she’s nestled into my side.
I hold her against my chest, our skin sticky. Chloe’s hair tickles my arm, her breath fanning over my skin.
“Austin,” she says after a minute.
I shift to peer into her eyes.
“It’s never been like that for me,” she admits. “I just—I want you to know that I’ve never felt this good before.”
I grin, her words their own kind of gift. “For me either,” I admit.
“Shut up.” She smacks my chest, not believing me.
I shake my head, holding her tighter. “I’m serious, Chloe. No one’s ever made me feel as good as you. When I’m with you, all the noise stops.”
She smiles softly, almost shyly, and I plant another kiss on her mouth.
“Is it always noisy in your mind?” she asks, her gaze searching.
I nod slowly, my fingers tracing lazy eights over her skin. “Since college,” I admit, knowing it’s time to truly confide in Chloe. If we’re going to try to make this work, if we’re going to have chemistry like this, then she should know what she’s dealing with when it comes to my anxiety. With my past.
“What happened?” she whispers.
I sigh, looking down at her and pressing a quick kiss to the tip of her nose. “It was my junior year of college. It was the first time I was really dating a girl. We weren’t a couple or anything, but everyone knew we were hooking up. Anyway, one night, there was a party. I got carried away with the drinking, big surprise there.” I glance at Chloe but she’s watching me intently, her eyes devoid of judgement. Just colored with curiosity.
“I drank way too much and when Carly invited me back to her place, I went. Even though I knew we had a tough scrimmage the next day. At that point in my life, I thought I was on top of the world. There was no way Coach would bench me because I was the leading scorer. But when I showed up to the scrimmage hungover as fuck, reeking of booze…”
“He benched you,” she supplies.
I nod, dropping my head closer to hers. She turns in my arms until she’s facing me, her fingertips pressed against my chest.
“He put a freshman in my spot. It was a big moment for the kid, Chris. A chance to step up and prove himself. He was nervous and I was pissed off but he skated onto the ice and did his best.” I blow out a sigh, hating that I have to admit this next part to Chloe. Will she see me differently? Will she resent me the way I resent myself for taking a kid’s life, the only life he knew, away from him? “He took a tough hit in the second period and went down hard. It was a concussion and a…a spinal cord injury.” I wince, closing my eyes.
Chloe’s hands press flat against my chest. When I open my eyes she’s staring at me with pure compassion. “I’m sorry, Austin. That must have been…well, I can’t imagine how hard that was for you to see. But it’s not your fault.”
“It is,” I argue. “If I wasn’t goofing off, being irresponsible, Chris never would have played in that scrimmage. He never played hockey again. He spent the next few years in PT, relearning how to walk.” I work a swallow. “That day changed everything for me. I can’t let anyone down like that again. I won’t let my team down.”
Chloe nods slowly, snuggling closer. “Your team is lucky to have you for a captain. You’re so dedicated and I can tell how much you truly care about the guys, about what’s going on in their lives. It’s not just about hockey but about them, as individuals.”
“Thank you.”
“But you’re still human, Austin. That day was a mistake, a stupid mistake. But it’s not on you.”
I shake my head. “Maybe not all of it, but I still feel responsible.”
“Is this why you’re always thinking about the future? Anticipating a fallout?”
I nod. “I don’t know how to balance it all. Hockey and life and relationships.” I try to smile but it slips. We’re having a serious conversation right now. This is the most I’ve ever opened up to anyone in my life. I don’t want to be glib about it. Not with Chloe. “I don’t want to let anyone down. I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”
Chloe tilts her neck back until she can brush a kiss over my lips. “You won’t. The fact that you’re even aware of that means you’ll do everything in your power to make sure you show up for the team the way you want to. Need to.”
My hand squeezes her side as I admit, “I don’t want to disappoint you either.”
At this, she smiles. “Impossible.”
I smile back. “You’ll tell me though, right? If I’m not…enough for you.”
Chloe winds her arms around my neck and pulls her body flush against mine. “Austin Merrick, we didn’t even have our first date yet.”
I chuckle.
“Don’t worry so much about the future and just, enjoy the now. Be here with me.”
“Okay,” I whisper, kissing her back.
“And yes,” she murmurs against my lips, “I’ll tell you. But thank you for confiding in me, baby.”
Her acknowledgement of what I need eases some of my concerns. I kiss Chloe slowly, languidly. I explore her body with soft touches and she lets me, doing a bit of her own exploring.
Silence stretches between us. It’s heavy with our need but also lighter now, because of the truth I shared.
Chloe turns in my arms again, her back pressed into my chest, her hands hovering over mine as I cup her breasts. “Can we sleep in tomorrow?” she asks, like someone would ever say no to that.
“Of course.”
Her eyes flutter, a yawn escaping her lips. “Thanks for being the best wedding date in the world. And thanks for trusting me with your past.”
“Thanks for being you.” I kiss the side of her neck.
She lifts our joined hands to press a kiss to my wrist. When she releases her hold, my fingers brush over her nipple. My other hand travels down between her legs again. I play there, slow and languid strokes. Chloe sucks in a breath, her breathing ticking up as I dip my fingers inside of her, pull them out, and circle her
clit. I repeat the pattern, keeping the pace slow. The sound of her arousal turns both of us on and it doesn’t take long for me to grow hard again.
“Austin,” she murmurs, her hand finding my dick, still sheathed in a condom.
“This is about you, baby,” I whisper, dragging my nose along her jawline.
She whimpers as her body locks down and then, she shatters, coming hard against my palm.
“Austin.”
“Shh, I got you, Sunshine,” I tell her, keeping her bundled against my chest.
She makes a small murmur, her eyes fluttering closed. Sated and satisfied, she drifts off to sleep. I smile, kissing the spot below her ear.
I watch her for several minutes before I get up to clean myself off. I wet a hand towel and clean her up as best as I can. Then, I crawl back into bed beside Chloe and hold her until the sun rises.
I never knew being with a woman could feel this good, this real, and I don’t want to take a second of it for granted.
“How was the rest of your evening?” Mimi sidles up beside me in the coffee line the next morning.
“You’re not getting any information out of me, Mim.” I fill a coffee for her, adding a ridiculous amount of cream and sugar because that’s how Mimi likes her coffee. When I was younger, I thought it was disgusting. To be honest, I still do, but the smile she shoots me when I pass her the nearly white coffee makes up for it.
I fill a coffee for Chloe. Her family, all the cousins and aunts and uncles, are seated in little clusters around the dining area of the hotel, ordering breakfast plates and filling up coffee mugs.
“Did you have fun last night?”
I grin at Mimi, bringing my coffee to my lips. “You know I did. Did you?”
“Oh yes. I haven’t heard that rendition of ‘Like a Virgin’ yet. You were spectacular.”
I snort out a laugh, thanking her, before gesturing that I need to bring Chloe her coffee.
Marie waves Mimi over to sit with her and I take off, searching for my girl.
My girl.
I never thought of a woman like that before but the title fits Chloe perfectly. I find her, laughing at something Sara is telling her and Drew, at a back table near a window.
“There you are.” Sara waves me over. “I just wanted to say goodbye. Mark and I are heading to the airport.”
“Where are you honeymooning?” I ask, handing Chloe her coffee.
“None for me?” Drew asks.
“Get your own damn coffee,” I tell him cheerily, slipping into the chair across from Chloe.
Drew grumbles but stands up. He kisses his cousin goodbye and makes his way over to the coffee station.
“Hawaii,” Sara responds.
“Nice,” I say. “Enjoy it. Congratulations again.”
Sara gives me a goodbye hug. “Thanks, Aus. And thanks for coming to my wedding. I hear your late-night performance was a hit.”
Chloe laughs as we wave goodbye. When Sara stops at the next table, Chloe turns her attention back to me. “Good morning.”
“Morning, Sunshine. How’d you sleep?”
She blushes. “Better than I have in months. Maybe even years.”
“Maybe we need to have more sleepovers.” I raise my eyebrows.
She smiles, big and wide, and real. “I like your thinking, Austin.”
“You always were on my side, Crawford.”
She takes a sip of her coffee, her eyes dropping closed for a second as she enjoys the taste. “You know, that’s the truth.”
“I know. But before we have a sleepover…”
Her eyes pop open.
“I need to take my girl on a real date.”
“Your girl?”
“We have a dinner date tonight.”
She beams. “Not wasting any time, are you?”
I shake my head. “Not where you’re concerned, Chloe. I already wasted years.”
She wrinkles her nose. “I know the feeling. And I’m excited for dinner.”
“Good,” I say just as our breakfast plates are served.
Drew reappears, drawing his sister into conversation. I pull out my phone to shoot Noah a quick message.
Me: Hey, can you hook me up with reservations tonight at The Ivy?
Noah: Nothing like short notice.
Me: It’s for Chloe.
Noah: Wedding went well?
Me: A hell of a lot of fun.
A few minutes pass before my phone buzzes again.
Noah: You’re set for 8 p.m. Enjoy it. You deserve it, man.
Me: Thanks.
I don’t respond to his “deserving it” comment because something about it strikes me. I never realized that I’ve spent the past few years thinking I wasn’t deserving of a good woman, one like Chloe. But I guess I never allowed myself the opportunity to really click with a woman because I knew I could never measure up. Not without losing some of my focus on hockey and I vowed to never let that happen again.
Chloe’s laughter draws my attention and I stare at her, memorizing her facial expressions and holding on to the happiness in her eyes.
I deserve her, this. And I can balance it all. I have to.
17
Chloe
“Wow, being banished to Boston sure does suck, huh?” Abbi asks when I call her after the wedding to fill her in on all the details.
Mainly just Austin.
“Fine, you were right. It’s not all bad,” I admit, grinning in spite of myself.
“I can’t wait to meet him.”
“Next weekend.” I’m looking forward to Marissa’s bachelorette party a lot more now. In a few weeks, my entire outlook has changed. Sure, life threw me a curve ball and I landed flat on my ass. But right now, my luck seems to be changing and it feels good to believe in good things again.
“I want one night out with the hockey gods,” Abbi says, sighing dreamily.
“That’s easy. Consider it done.”
“Look at you! A wedding and a hot date this weekend, a bachelorette party and your best friend’s visit next weekend. You’ve got this, Chloe. This summer is turning out a hell of a lot better than you thought.”
“As much as I resisted, you’re right,” I admit. Spending time with Mimi and catching up with Mom and Dad, after living apart for more than a decade, has been grounding in a way I didn’t realize I needed. Plus, Austin.
I smile, unable to stop myself from touching my lips, remembering his kiss. It seems like I keep coming back to him but it’s more than that. Being around the Merricks again, being back in Boston, has reintroduced me to the girl I was when I lived here. The nerdy, self-assured, no-bullshit chick who could dish out side-eye as easily as a compliment. Back then, I knew who I was. I’m realizing that with Steve, I began to view myself more as an extension of him, his dreams, his goals, and less of my own person.
The thought is depressing, especially since I used to scoff at women who wrapped themselves up in men like a security blanket. How the hell did I become the person I swore I’d never become? What’s worse, how did I not realize it was happening?
“Have fun tonight,” Abbi’s voice pulls me back to our conversation. “And message me with all the deets.”
“I will.”
“Love you, Chlo.”
“Love you too. Can’t wait to see you next weekend.”
She squeals. “I know, me too! It’s going to be epic!”
I agree and end our phone call. Then, I slide open the door to my closet and consider my summer dresses. I flip through the hangers, recalling how just last month, I did the same exact thing before dinner at the Merricks. But now, I’m hopeful, I’m happy. I’m excited.
My closet is fuller than it was then and I settle on a floral dress that flares out from my waist and ends just above my knees. It’s a twirling dress and I feel feminine and pretty wearing it. I pair it with some simple espadrilles and dangling earrings. I pull my hair into a ponytail and keep my makeup simple, with a bold pink lip color.
I
’m just stuffing my credit card into my purse when the doorbell rings.
“Chloe,” Dad bellows from the bottom of the stairs. “Austin’s here.”
I chuckle to myself, my heart rate increasing. It’s ridiculous really. But I have the same butterflies as high school, with my dad calling me down the stairs to meet my date, and a night of unknown conversation waiting for me. For a moment, it feels like fate has intervened. That even though Austin and I missed our chance to do this—date—in high school, we’re getting the opportunity now.
I was never supposed to fall for troublemaker, boy-next-door Austin. But maybe I am supposed to fall for rule-maker, hockey legend Austin.
I give myself one more glance in the mirror before going to meet my date at the door.
Dad and Austin are chatting in the foyer. I hold back for a second, taking in Austin, his casual posture, the ease with which he and Dad joke and talk. My mouth dries as I drink him in. Dark jeans that curve to his ass and hug his thighs. They’re distressed to look casual but one glance at them and you know they cost more than most people’s monthly rent. A black dress shirt, buttoned down but rolled up on his forearms. And Gucci loafers that make me smile because they are a far cry from the boy who wore oversized hoodies and backwards baseball caps. But damn do they look good.
His hair is styled, the tiniest shadow of a beard coating his cheeks. As if he senses me, he glances up. Our eyes connect and I draw in a breath, loving the way his eyes widen, the way his words falter on his tongue and a smile crosses his face. I smile back and lift my hand in greeting as I descend the stairs.
“You look beautiful, Sunshine.” He kisses my cheek hello.
“You clean up nice yourself.”
Dad guffaws, clasping Austin on the shoulder. “Have fun tonight, kids.” He glances at me. “Should we expect you home?”
I choke on my own saliva but Austin chuckles, amusement evident in his expression. “No sir, you shouldn’t,” he answers for me and Dad bellows out a laugh.
