by Gina Azzi
“Okay.”
“It’s ridiculous, East. I made one mistake. I didn’t show up to the wedding on time and—”
“You missed the entire wedding, Austin. And that’s on me.”
“No.” I shake my head. “It’s on me. I should have told her that I was with you. I should have given her some insight as to what was going on. I guess bailing on her the way I did brought up a bunch of her past, a bunch of her shit with Steve, and she pulled away.” I swear again, locking onto East’s hard blue eyes. “I don’t blame her. And I don’t blame you. I blame myself. I should have handled it better.”
“Stop.”
“What?”
“Stop taking the responsibility for everything, man. Just because you’re team captain doesn’t mean you always need to go down with the fucking ship. Truth is, we’re all to blame in this situation. Me, you, and Chloe. I hate that I came in between you guys, Austin. I’m really fucking sorry.”
I dip my head in acknowledgement at his words.
“But if you play like that”—he jabs a finger toward the ice—“you’re not helping the team, yourself, or Chlo. So if you want to be with her, if what you guys had was real and from where I’m sitting, it sure as hell looked it, then get her back. Win her back. Prove to her that you can make room for both hockey and her in your life.”
“How?” I ask. “She’s in El Salvador.”
He smirks. “For ten more days. After that…ball’s in your court, Aus.”
“We’ll see,” I say noncommittally, standing from the bench. “Come on, let’s go eat.”
“Come over. Claire’s making chicken piccata.”
I snort, knowing it’s East’s favorite. “You guys made up?” A ridiculous grin splits his face and I groan, holding up my hand. “Don’t say anything. The chicken piccata is telling enough.”
I follow Easton out of the arena and head to his and my sister’s place.
Over the next ten days, I throw myself into hockey and training. I accept every dinner invitation my family tosses my way and regularly pass by Panda’s place to play video games. I keep myself busy, engaged, and socially active.
None of it helps ease the ache in my chest. None of my efforts pull my thoughts away from Chloe.
If anything, I miss her even more.
27
Chloe
“How was it?” Abbi asks me over mid-morning coffees.
My flight landed a handful of hours earlier and Abbi and I are already tucked into our favorite corner at our favorite coffee shop.
“I miss their coffee already,” I lament, taking a sip of my latte.
Abbi rolls her eyes and leans forward. Her eyes dance with excitement. “Sure, sure. But how was it?”
I grin, loving her enthusiasm. “It was amazing. It was action and adventure. I was thrown into everything and it was a little bit trial by fire but I loved it. I loved every second of it. I’m heading into the office today to—”
“You just got back.”
I scrunch my nose. “I know. But Marni wants to finish this story and submit it so…” I waggle my fingertips. “Wish me luck.”
“Luck. Will you see Janie?”
I frown and shake my head. “Not today. She’s away but we’re going to talk when she’s back, see if there are any real growth opportunities for me.”
“To move into a reporting type of position?”
I nod.
“Here in the city?” she asks hopefully.
“I’m definitely open to it but, if I’m being honest, I haven’t closed the door on Boston either.” I bite my bottom lip.
“Have you talked to him?” Abbi asks.
I shake my head. “No. What could I possibly say? I didn’t even say goodbye before leaving for El Salvador. Besides, he’s already in training. I don’t want to mess with his head when the season just started. He needs his focus to be on the ice, on the team.” A few weeks away definitely helped clear my head and allowed me the space to view Austin’s and my demise with a fresh perspective.
One that demonstrated just how messed up I was over Steve’s betrayal. One that highlighted the resentment I carried for far too long. I kept blaming Steve, and then Austin, for not making me a priority in their lives when I did a shit job of making me a priority in my own life too.
“I needed to woman up,” I tell Abbi. “I needed to go on this assignment to prove to myself that I could do it. That I can still achieve the dreams I put aside. And instead of blaming Steve for that choice, I need to own it. Instead of being angry with Austin for being such an incredible friend, teammate, all around good guy, I need to be worthy of him. And the way I acted at Marissa’s wedding was not the woman I want to be.”
Abbi offers me an understanding, lopsided smile. “My baby’s growing up,” she jokes and I roll my eyes. “What about the gala?”
I pause, tipping my head to the side. “What about it?”
Abbi huffs. “Are you going to go?”
“No! Austin and I broke up. I can’t just show up to—”
“Yes. Yes, you can and you should.” Abbi points at me. “Real talk girlfriend, you both messed up. But Austin was doing his best when he messed up. You were being bitter and judgey because of fucking Steve when you messed up. If anyone should go out of their way to make things right,” she sighs, shrugging, “it should be you.”
I bite my bottom lip. Abbi’s words roll over me, packing a punch with their truthfulness. “You’re right,” I say finally.
“I know,” she replies.
I stick my tongue out at her and she laughs.
“What if he’s with someone else? Another date?” I ask, the thought causing my heart to plunge to the floor.
“Then you give him closure and move on. You said it yourself, Chlo, it’s time to woman up. So do it,” she challenges.
I sigh and take a big gulp of my latte, both loving and hating that Abbi is right. “Help me find a dress?”
“That’s our next stop,” she says matter-of-factly.
Abbi and I finish our coffees and spend a handful of hours dress shopping. I settle on a champagne-colored cocktail dress with thicker straps that plunge to a deep V in the front and back. The style is very similar to the dress I wore to Marissa’s engagement party, to our first summer event. “You look good, Chlo.” Abbi’s stamp of approval seals the deal and I hurry to my office with the garment bag strewn over my arm.
After an evening of revising our story, Marni and I submit it. Just as I’m about to head out and catch a late-night train back to Boston, Marni eyes the garment bag knowingly.
“Do you love him?” she asks.
“Who?”
The corners of her mouth tip up. “The guy you’ve been pining over for the past two weeks.”
“I didn’t, I wasn’t.” I blow out a sigh. Licking my lips, I admit the truth. “Yeah, I love him.”
“Then make sure you hang onto him,” she advises, her eyes taking on a faraway glow. “This career path is competitive. It’s fast-paced, intense, and never-ending. If you want to make it, you need a real support system. And if you’ve found a partner who can be that for you, trust me, you don’t want to let him go.”
I let her words sink in for a long moment before I settle the garment bag on top of my rolling suitcase. I shoulder my bag and nod. “You’re right, Marni. I don’t. Thanks for everything.”
“You did one hell of a job, Crawford. Keep an ear out. I’m sure Janie’s going to have news soon.”
I smile, grateful for the encouragement. While I wasn’t able to connect with Janie today, I feel more settled than I have in a long time. “Thanks, Marni. I hope so.”
“See you around, Chloe.” She turns back to her computer and I head to the exit.
It isn’t until an hour later, when I’m seated on the train, that exhaustion pulls me under. It’s intense, as the wave of adrenaline I’ve been riding on recedes. I close my eyes as the train pulls out of the station. When I open them, I’m back in Bos
ton, holding on to a glimmer of hope that the life I desire is still within reach.
That the man I love will forgive me.
Three days after coming home to Boston, I look up at the Boston Public Library and release a shaky exhale. My palms are sweaty and I wipe them down the sides of my dress, mentally swearing at myself for already being out of sorts. I haven’t seen Austin yet and my heart is beating erratically. Nerves race through my body, zinging around. I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of a precipice. Will I crash or will I soar?
I blow out a deep breath, steel my shoulders, and climb the stairs to the library where the gala is being held. It’s absolutely beautiful and for a moment, I’m too caught up in the elegance of the architecture, in the extravagance of the event, to think of my nerves. Austin wasn’t very forthcoming about what tonight’s gala entailed and it isn’t until I’m standing in the foyer of the dazzling library that I learn he’s being awarded the highest honor: Most Influential Bostonian.
Tonight’s event is to raise funds for youth programs throughout the city but also to highlight the outreach work that professional athletes have undertaken in recent years. There are many framed photographs and blown-up posters but I can’t tear my eyes away from one with Austin, surrounded by dozens of kids, cheesing hard for the camera.
“You’re here,” a voice says behind me and I turn, smiling when I see Easton.
“Hi, East.”
He dips his head, brushing a kiss over my cheek. “Claire didn’t mention you were coming.”
“It was more of a last-minute decision.”
“I saw your parents,” he admits.
“I didn’t even tell them.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” he says, his blue eyes serious.
“Do you think Austin will be?” I ask, my nerves coming back full force.
A small smile glances off Easton’s mouth as he nods. “Yeah, I do.” He tips his head to a vacant corner and we relocate. “Listen, Chloe”—he turns toward me—“I’m sorry. That night, everything with the wedding, it was completely my fault. Austin was just trying to do the right thing and I never meant for my weakness to come between you guys. Especially when your relationship was so new and you were figuring shit out.” He scrapes a hand over his jawline, looking contrite.
I touch his wrist, making sure he meets my eyes before I say, “Thank you, Easton. Really, it’s nice of you to say that. But Austin’s and my breakup is on me. I was too quick to react and I judged him unfairly. The truth is that Austin’s compassionate side, the way he cares so much about people, is one of the things I love most about him. I never should have made him feel guilty for being such an incredible friend.”
East clears his throat, shifting uncomfortably. “So, you love him?”
I look at Easton, noting the wariness edged with hope in his eyes. My palms resume their sweating, my heart gallops, and my vision swims. This is it. I’m finally ready to own my feelings, regardless if they’re returned or not. I owe it to Austin. I owe it to myself. I owe it to what could have been, what still should be, between us. “I do. I love Austin. A part of me always has.”
A gasp sounds behind me and I sense him before I even turn around. When I do, I’m standing directly in front of the man who has owned most of my sleeping and waking thoughts for the past few weeks. Then, I nearly faint because ohmyGodwow, Austin Merrick is perfection. He’s the sexiest man in the room. Hands down.
His suit is expertly tailored, making my mouth water. His jawline is just as rugged as I remember, the dimple in his chin popping. A light beard, really a dusting of stubble, coats his chin and cheeks, giving him a bad boy vibe I want to lean into. His eyes, that stormy Atlantic blue, swirl. Intensity radiates off of him, simultaneously tugging me closer while warning me away.
I lick my dry lips, suddenly at a loss for words. I open my mouth but before I can apologize, before I can tell him just how badly I messed everything up, he shuffles back a step.
I freeze, rooted in place.
“I didn’t think you’d show,” he murmurs.
Behind him, a flash of red. A beautiful brunette in silver stilettos.
Understanding dawns and my stomach drops. “I, I came to apologize. I’m sorry, Austin. For everything.”
He glances up, his eyes wary.
The brunette in the red gown grows closer and my heartbeat intensifies, an endless drumroll. “You are the greatest man I know. Even before seeing this”—I gesture to the framed photographs and the Boston Public Library—“I knew it. I wanted to be here tonight because I made you a promise. And before I made a mess of things between us, we were friends. We’ve always been friends. No matter what, I’d like for that to continue. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I wasn’t as understanding and empathetic as I should have been. Most of all, I’m sorry I wasn’t the woman for you, the same way you’ve been the man for me.”
His eyebrows bend together, his eyes boring into mine. The brunette brushes past him and I hold my breath, nearly passing out from shock when she breezes by. I turn slightly, frowning when she clasps hands with Panda at the entrance.
“Chloe,” Austin says and I turn back. “Did you mean what you said to Easton? Do you still love me?”
I let out a breath and stare at the man who measures so far above all the others. “I’ve always loved you, Austin. I love you now and I’ve never stopped.”
28
Austin
I love you now and I’ve never stopped.
At her words, I close the space between us. Her confession is the only thing I need to hear because it matches the tenderness in her expression, the truthfulness in her eyes. Placing my hands on her hips, I dip my head to hers. When our lips are barely touching, I pause, hovering for a beat, making sure she wants this just as much as I do.
And she does. Because Chloe tips her face upward and presses her lips against mine with a desire that’s all-consuming. I kiss her passionately, with all the regret and apologies of the last few weeks pouring from my mouth into hers. She kisses me back, with a desperate need to make things right.
When she pulls away, her eyes wide and hopeful, her mouth plump and perfect, my world tilts back on its axis. The heaviness I’ve been carrying around eases. The dullness that’s been clouding my vision, and my judgement, fades away.
I place my palms on her cheeks and bring my forehead to hers. “Thank you for being here.”
“Thank you for still having me. I know I messed up.”
“We both did, baby.”
“No.” She shakes her head, her hands wrapping around my wrists.
I smile, kissing her again. “Yes. Part of being in a real relationship is sharing the blame, Chlo. We both failed at communicating. We both did a poor job being upfront about what we needed. We need to do better, Sunshine.”
She glances up, her eyes latching onto mine. “You mean…you still want this, with me?”
I kiss her a third time, unable to keep my mouth off of hers. Not when it’s calling to me like a Siren and I’ve felt like a drunken sailor for weeks. “I do, baby. I want you and I never stopped.”
She smiles, the shadows in her eyes receding as hope colors her irises.
“After this gala, we’ll sit down. We’ll talk it out. We’ll make a plan. Whatever we need to do to make sure we’re both on the same page,” I rush to explain. “I can come to New York and you can come—”
“I’m coming home,” she cuts me off.
“Home?” I frown, remembering how the last time she muttered that word, she was referring to New York.
“Yes. Just this morning, Janie offered me a job in the Boston office. I’m back, Austin. Permanently.”
Relief sweeps through me as disbelief rocks me to my core. I chuckle, scrubbing a hand over my face. “You’re serious? Jesus, Sunshine,” I murmur, my hands squeezing around her waist. “You’ve just given me the best news of the night.”
“You still have an award to accept.”
I duck m
y head at the reminder. “Will you be my date?” I offer her the crook of my elbow.
She slips her hand around my arm and smiles up at me. “I’m your forever date, baby. No more summer flings for us.”
I chuckle at her brazenness. Damn, I’ve missed her confidence. I’ve missed the version of Chloe I’ve always been a little bit in love with. Fierce, determined, perfect. “Now you’re getting ahead of yourself.”
“That so?” she teases me back, falling into step beside me as I guide us toward the main room.
I nod, raking my teeth over my bottom lip and looking down at her. Heat flickers in her eyes, the same way desire colors mine. “Our summer fling was pretty hot.”
“Our real relationship will be even hotter,” she promises.
I take her hand in mine, lifting the back of her hand to my mouth and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “Promise?”
She grins then gasps as we step into the main room. It’s decorated beautifully, a little over the top, but by Chloe’s reaction, I’m guessing the event planning committee met their goal. I barely notice the flowers and candles because my sights are set on the most beautiful woman in the library.
“Swear it, Austin. We can start by celebrating tonight. Your success.”
“Our,” I amend, guiding her to a table where my family, and her parents, are seated.
When they see us, a cheer of excitement sounds out. Easton winks at Claire and I know he didn’t spill the beans of seeing Chloe enter the gala.
“Oh, dear. I’m so so happy to see you,” Mom exclaims, holding out her arms for a hug. She squeezes Chloe tightly, pinches my cheek, and turns to Dad. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
Dad shakes his head at Mom’s reaction but I can tell he’s happy that Chloe’s here. “It’s the best news we’ve heard all night,” he agrees.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” Mom addresses this to Diane.
“We didn’t know!” Diane says, grinning at Chloe. “Happy to have you home, baby girl.”
