“It’s never sexist to tell a woman she looks good. Trust me on that one.”
“So tomorrow night?” He sits back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest, which is far too brawny for someone brainy.
“I feel like I should say something in French.”
“You might have more luck if you spoke Chinese or Spanish to me. My French is nonexistent.”
I grab my purse, which has snaked itself around the chair. One good tug from me sends it crashing to the floor. All heads turn to stare like I’m an unruly toddler in their last bastion of peace. I feel like I should say something in French? Sheesh, I feel like I should put a bag over my head while someone puts me out of my misery.
Grinning, Kevin rights the chair and my eyes are glued to the muscles in his forearm.
“Bye,” I say quietly and scamper before he has time to change his mind about the dinner.
My coffee is strong. And with the heady chocolate flavor, I just take a long drawn sniff when I get out the door: today’s smelling salts.
There’s a message on my cell when I get to the car and I listen to voice mail, which has Purvi yelling that she wants to leave for some sleep and where is her car? Like I wanted to drive this heap all morning to cart Boy Wonder around.
I didn’t take time to pray today and I feel it. It’s not something I can do without, so why do I try? A dead-stop on Highway 101 and only Purvi’s sad radio system to entertain me. I’m just wishing for my six-CD changer.
While sitting in traffic, I dial up Brea. She’s not a morning person, but she’s also never really grumpy either, so I take my chances. She answers on the first ring.
“Hi, Ash. Seth called me and told me you were all right last night. Thanks for calling back!”
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking last night. I spent the night at Kay’s. What’s going on with you?”
“John just went to work. We didn’t sleep a wink last night worrying about the adoption.”
“When is she due again?”
“Two months, we think. Originally, we thought three, but she hasn’t had an ultrasound yet, so we’re trying to get her covered under our insurance. John is taking care of all that today. Hopefully, it will go without a hitch, but you know these companies.”
“Brea, are you sure about this?”
She clicks her tongue. I know she’s mad, but is she being realistic? Two months is hardly enough time to get used to the idea of having a child, is it? I know she thinks I’m the selfish single, but a baby! A baby is big work, and eighteen or more years of it. I just don’t want her jumping into anything because of her miscarriage. She’s not in the right frame of mind.
“You sound just like John.”
Ah, so John is not so sure either. “Brea, I think that adoption is one of the greatest things in the world. I just want you to be sure it’s right for you. You have a way of reacting when someone else is in trouble. Remember that God is big enough to handle this with-out you if that’s His will.”
“Ash, you couldn’t commit to a cable company for a long-term relationship and you’re going to tell me how to run my life?”
“Look, I didn’t call to fight. I’m just trying to tell you to go into this with opened eyes.”
Brea goes on, “I just feel like I committed to this young girl and now I’m not so sure. Because John isn’t so sure, but now that this girl is willing to give us her baby—”
“There are a million Christian couples who would love to adopt this baby, Brea. Does it have to be you?” I don’t like how I sound, but isn’t it better to present her with the truth? She’s lived such a charmed life and I’m worried this could bring her down. That she’s not as ready for this as she thinks.
“Why did God present her if it wasn’t meant to be me?”
“I don’t know. Let’s just keep praying about it. If this is meant to be your baby, Brea, nothing can stop it. Not us, not the insurance companies, nobody.”
She sniffles. “I really want this baby, Brea. I want John to want it too.”
I smile. “John would do anything to make you happy, Brea. He had to know what he was getting into when he married you. He’s lucky he doesn’t have twenty-seven foster children by now.”
She laughs. “That sounds like something he’d say. You’ll support me?”
“If this is what you want, I’ll support you to the grave.” And I will. But I’ll pray a lot in the meantime.
“What’s going on with you?” Brea asks.
“I’ve got a date tomorrow with Kevin Novak.”
“The doctor again?”
“Yes, we’re going to a nice dinner and all my clothes are in storage. But of course, I’d rather shop anyway.”
“What do you mean your clothes are in storage?”
“Oh, I never called you back last night. I have rats in the apartment building. I had to get out.”
“That’s right. I completely blanked that out when we got off the phone. Meant to call you back, but we were pretty deep in discussion here last night, and Seth called and said you were safe.”
“It’s a big decision.”
“Do you want to go shopping tonight?” She doesn’t sound excited at the prospect, which makes me less so.
“Nah, it’s okay. It sounds like you and John need some more time.”
“I’m sorry, Ashley. I know I haven’t been a good friend lately.”
“I’ll talk to you later.” I’m crying when I snap my cell phone shut. Friends are probably the hardest commodity to earn in Silicon Valley. People move, people work, people have busy lives that don’t include close friendships. But I could always count on Brea. Until she got married. Then I became just another island floating in the middle of the San Francisco Bay.
23
The three women sit against the floral wallpaper staring as if at their first ballet. Openmouthed and gaping, their expressions show their admiration and awe. Ashley Stockingdale twirls about on the arm of Dr. Kevin Novak, her floor-length Donna Karan halter dress clinging easily to her shapely figure. Her dark auburn hair, once again grown out, is swept into the perfect up-do and framing her face, her gentle alabaster skin contrasts with the bright red lipstick she wears.Watching the attractive couple dance was like hearing that song from The Lion King. Can you feel the love tonight?
“It’s almost like she’s floating on air,” Kay says with a sigh.
“You can’t see her shoes in that gown, but I bet they’re Blahniks,”Arin adds.
“Is there any question?” Brea asks with disdain.
“Brea, you’ve known Ashley for twenty years now. What makes her so different?” Kay asks.
“Ashley always possessed something special. Something that made you want to have just a tiny piece of her with you. Some might call it charisma or charm, but I think it’s an aura. Ashley has a definite aura about her.”
“Like a halo?” Arin asks, with her eyes wide.
“Sort of, yeah. Like a halo.” Brea nods.
“Ashley, that’s not a tiara. It’s a traditional Hindu amulet. Do you mind taking it off your head?”
I snap to attention, like a poor soldier awakened by a bugle. “I’m sorry, Purvi, I was just—” What was I just? Daydreaming with some false idol on my head. How do I explain this one? Sometimes I really must worry about the witness I am for Christianity. I think I’m more of a witness for neuroses.
“Ashley,” Purvi is practically wilting over the car door. “I haven’t slept all night.” She waits for me to get out.
“I’m so sorry, Purvi. I know you worked hard. I hope you get a good day’s rest. Your son is happily ensconced at school. I can pick him up if you need me to.”
“Thank you, but I’ll get him. I’m sorry about this morning, but my mother-in-law has a cataract and hasn’t been driving. And my neighbor’s out of town.”
“No trouble, Purvi.” Now I feel badly for whining. She worked the whole night rather than pull me into it. Normally, a boss would allow employee
s to work all night and go home to watch Fear Factor or the like. But not Purvi. She’s one in a million. I grab my empty cup from her car and bid her goodbye.
My first move of the day is going to be to locate my car. I feel naked without my car. May I never have to drive a sedan again in this lifetime.
I dial up Seth’s number, still miffed at how easily he handed me off to the “good doctor.” Apparently, I meant less than nothing to him and I punch the last number hard.
“Ashley, what are you doing? My caller ID says you’re at work. You taking a later flight?”
“I’m not going to Taiwan. This week anyway. Purvi is battling the Evil Empire and that’s taking precedence for now.”
“Sorry to hear that.” And he is. Everyone in Silicon Valley is sad to hear when the Evil Empire gets stronger. It hurts everyone, especially the consumer who gets a weaker product, but obviously I have strong opinions here.
“Is my car still at my apartment?” My voice is tentative, but it’s like asking where’s my child? I miss my little convertible, even if I never take the top off or act sporty in it. I long for its supple leather seats . . . and the chance to take off for places unknown in it, even if I never do.
Seth laughs. “You know, it’s funny you should ask. I thought about that at the last minute . . . that you’d want your car as soon as you stepped off the plane, so I jogged over and brought it back. It’s parked in my garage.”
Visions. I’m envisioning my car parked snugly in his garage next to his own car. He took care of me, thought ahead about taking care of me, and I read so much into this action. Which only makes me that much more pathetic on the scale of things. Seth always thinks of others; I could be any one of his friends.
“Seth, what would I ever do without you? If I have the company car drive me over, will you be there?”
“Don’t bother. I’ll drive it down when I go to work—which should be in a few minutes. I can get a coworker to drive me home. Or take the bus.”
“You don’t want to do that. My brother could be driving that bus, and he’s upset today. He called me at six a.m. to tell me so.”
“I’ll see you in a bit.”
“I could drive you home myself,” I offer.
“Ashley.”
“Seth, really. You just don’t understand how much it means to me that you took care of my apartment and my car—and getting me to Kay’s house—I was just feeling so overwhelmed.” I’m getting misty-eyed now. The last thing I want is to be indebted to Seth any more than I am already.
“That’s fine, Ashley. Whatever you want to do. I’m looking forward to driving little Racy again.”
“Seth.” I cross my arms. “This is my baby we’re talking about.”
“A baby that does zero to sixty in five seconds flat.” I can hear him laughing under his breath. Troublemaker. “Racy and I will be there by ten. Oh, and I have all your paperwork for your apartment. Larry is going to clear it out tonight. Do you need anything out before?”
Of course I do. I need all my clothes, but my suitcase will do, and I’m shopping for my date, so . . . “No, I don’t need anything.”
“You just call him when you find a new place, and voila! He appears with your stuff.”
I’m trying to force down my fears that a guy named Larry will be emptying my apartment. “Great,” I say halfheartedly.
Before I start on my own desk, I mosey into Purvi’s office to see where I can help. There are briefs and documents strewn everywhere. I start by putting all the papers into the right legal folders and filing away. I could let Dianna, the secretary, do this, but I know where things go and it will be easier for Purvi when she comes back. I don’t dismiss that I’m not in Taiwan eating half-alive crustaceans. I owe this to Purvi and I want her to know how I appreciate it. I’d much rather be drinking double-iced mochas for breakfast instead.
Man-hungry Dianna avoids me like the plague. We are the polar opposites of women. It’s not that I think I’m above her; I just legitimately have nothing to say to her. Whenever I try to talk, we have no similar point of reference. Yes, we’re both women, but the similarities end there. Dianna sees me watching her and cuts off her conversation with the mail guy, Jim Bailey.
“Did you need something?” Dianna asks.
“Does Purvi have the paperwork from Taiwan? I want to check something.”
“I think so. Let me go look.” She topples out on her heels.
I’m drumming my desk with my fingers, unable to concentrate on all the work set before me. I have an idea and my mind won’t let it go until I’ve seen it to its full conclusion. I grab up some files and head to my own office.
Dianna comes behind me with the paperwork. “Do you want anything else? You look pretty intense.”
“Can you shut my door?” I look up at her. “And can you get me the Evil Empire case?”
Her eyes widen. “Sure.” She returns, drops the briefs on my desk, and rushes out to see Manny from the sales department. I don’t look up for another hour at least. Dianna is now talking to Jeff from marketing, but their conversation comes to an abrupt halt and Seth steps into the picture.
Dianna pulls away from her desk and drops the notepad she was holding. Slowly, she rises up to give Seth an eyeful. He looks away and I want to cheer. Looking toward the window, I hear him say he’s looking for Ashley.
Dianna rolls her eyes. She gambled on Seth and lost Jeff ’s attention in the process. Bad bet. Now she’s got no one to flirt with.
“She’s in there.” Dianna tosses her hand and doesn’t bother to escort Seth or actually do her job and announce him. The whole process inflames me. Is there an office anywhere that is not at the mercy of an administrative assistant’s constant need for attention? Because if there is, sign me up to work there.
“Hi.” Seth leans against the doorjamb and my stomach twists at the sight of him. Dr. Kevin Novak is so incredible looking and Seth is bald and dresses like an engineer. Did I miss some survival-of-the-fittest gene or something?
“Hi.” I just stand there gaping like he’s about to perform. It’s intimate, having him in my office.
“Your baby’s back.”
“Uh huh.” He is.
“I left it in the lot by your window.”
“Right.” I shake my head out of its fog. “Sorry, too much sugar this morning.” I look out Purvi’s window. There’s my gray convertible, shiny and sparkling in the morning sunlight. “It looks cleaner than I left it.”
“I washed it this morning. It was such a perfect day and I find it’s therapeutic.”
“What can I do to make up for all you’ve done for me?”
“Why can’t you just accept it, Ash? I’m your friend. I don’t want anything more than that.”
His words stab my heart. No, he doesn’t want any more than that, and that’s the Great Problem, isn’t it? Those haunting words no one ever wants to hear. I think we’re better as friends. But I’m supposed to be excited about this perfect doctor I’m seeing. What is wrong with me?
Seth doesn’t think of me that way. He never will. And it’s time for my heart to move on. Staring at those gemstone eyes of his, their warmth and depth of caring within, I have to wonder if I will ever truly move on. Somewhere along the line, I gave my heart to Seth. Even though he never did anything more than push it back toward me.
“Have you got my keys?” I ask. He hands them over and I admit that just for a moment, I’m tempted to kiss him. Right here in my office. A good-bye kiss, if you will. Before I know it, my lips are touching his cheek. “Thank you, Seth,” I whisper into his ear.
His eyes are round and he’s blinking excessively. Dianna is staring at me, like I’m the loose one, and I can see Mailman Bailey’s mind churning as though maybe I am finally doing the wild thang. I feel great that I’ve surprised everyone; I stand taller. Maybe now they’ll take notice and wonder what kind of heart beats inside this prim and proper young lawyer. Perhaps I have secrets.
I pull away
and smooth my suit. “Let’s get you to work.”
“It’s all right.” Seth puts up a palm. “I’m right up the street. I can sprint.”
Oddly enough I’m okay with the fact that I’ve scared the man to death. I made my move. I know it’s officially over now, and maybe I can move on. Maybe the reason I’ve been stuck in this rut so long is that I believed something would happen between Seth and me. Deep in the recesses of my heart, I never let go of that dream. And today, I did. Progress! Watching him walk away is a bit like watching a rat’s tail in my apartment. He’s more afraid of me than I am of him.
24
I found the cutest dress at Ann Taylor at lunch. It’s ’50s-looking, very retro, and black with a fitted waist and Wilma Flintstone skirt. When I slip on my sunglasses with it, I feel I’m Audrey Hepburn reborn—albeit a little wider. But alas, my date is at night, so I’ll have no use for my rockin’ sunglasses, and since Kevin is driving, I don’t even have to plan on getting out of my car with casual grace. I still need work in this poise arena, though, as seen by my coffee house incident this morning.
I even bought myself a new lipstick: a testimony to the fact that I have left Seth in my past where he belongs and Kevin is worthy of a new color. I’m having Kevin pick me up at work, since I have no idea where I’m living tonight and that makes me sound frightfully flaky. I tried to call Kay and extend my invitation in her Sears’ bedroom display, but she isn’t home or in her office, so I’m taking that as a sign—kind of like when you see a skull and cross-bones at the door.
Brea said I was welcome, and most likely that’s where I’ll end up because we’ll want to gossip about the date anyway. Alas, John will become annoyed with our incessant giggling and go up to bed early. I am going to find a place tomorrow if it kills me. I know some might say I have a priority issue, what with the dress coming before the apartment search, but it’s food, clothing, and shelter—in that order. Correct me if I’m wrong, but shelter comes last. I think my basic instincts are right on track.
What a Girl Wants Page 18
