by Alana Khan
“That doesn’t bother me.” My eyes don’t flinch from his.
He steps aside, silently inviting me in. My body reacts with a quick jolt, remembering how terrifying and awkward it was the last time I entered his room. Everything has changed in the span of a few short days. He frightened and attracted me during that episode—now my fear has evaporated and I’m left with raw desire.
“Thanks for keeping me safe. That purple male is one intimidating, angry asshole. I understand how you feel. I wanted him dead, too.”
“You talk like we’re safe, but we’re not out of the woods yet. That motherdracker has a long memory and a lot of power. I imagine he’s plotting revenge against us already, and he doesn’t even know the Broog is a forgery. When he discovers that, and somehow he will, he’ll come after us with everything he’s got.”
“I didn’t think of that.” A bolt of fear arrows through me. “He knows your face, Six.” I’m fearful for him; I’m certain it shows in my voice.
“He doesn’t know yours. He hasn’t a clue. You’ll be safe,” he smiles at me. “You’ll be fine.”
He sits on his bed and motions for me to sit on the little chair in the corner; it’s the only chair in the room. He’s in the exact spot as when he asked me to suck his cock. That feels like years ago.
That day he looked angry and predatory. Now he looks open and interested.
Heat blooms in my body. Arousal sparks like fire along my veins, warming every cell from top to bottom, especially between my legs. What happened in this room a few days ago embarrassed and frightened me. If he said those same things to me now, I’d jump at the chance to be intimate with him.
At the time, I hated him for assuming I would want to take part in such a thing. Now, his proposition seems...titillating. Maybe he wasn’t as big a jerk as I thought. He said he thought I’d be interested in his little game.
“Why’d you think I’d want to play your game, Six? What made you think your indecent proposition would be well-received?”
He pauses, like he’s deciding how much truth to tell. “I thought we were two of a kind. I...didn’t know you then like I do now. I’m sorry. I realize how offensive it was. If someone did such a thing to my sister Septi I’d want to kill them.” He looks at me in open apology. “If I haven’t apologized enough, I'll tell you I’m sorry again.”
“You’ve already apologized, Six. You don’t need to grovel. But what made you think I’d take you up on your offer? I can’t imagine I gave off a slutty vibe.”
“Not a slutty vibe, Lexa. It’s hard to describe. Just an angry one. You behaved like someone who didn’t care if she hurt people. On the sadistic side...maybe up for a little power exchange in the bedroom. I thought you might want to...play—maybe try the submissive side of the coin, release a little steam with a like-minded male.”
I’ve studied psychology a lot over the last several years. Granted, I didn’t focus on sexuality very much, but I’m clueless.
“Help me understand, Six. What are you saying?”
“I watched you from the day we rescued you. I watched your cruelty. You told two nice young females, Tawny and Brin, that they didn’t know their own thoughts or feelings because you diagnosed them as having a syndrome. There was nothing soft or subtle about you. You lobbed it at them like you enjoyed shaking the foundations of their lives.”
Did I? Is that what I did? Was I cruel? Did I turn their worlds upside down when I told the two Earth women who’d been abused that they’d bonded to their aggressors? I was just informing them of the facts. Wasn’t I?
“You were harsh to Devolose, a male who suffered torture in a dungeon for almost ninety years. He had his manhood cut off, the cruelest thing that can happen to a male. Most males would think that fate was worse than death. You called him a gelding, Lexa. In a room full of people—his own family.
“I don’t believe I’d ever heard such cruel things come out of a person’s mouth, not a female’s at any rate. I assumed you liked to hurt people. I wondered if you might be open to turning the tables...if you might be attracted to a dominant male for some sex play.”
I fall back into the chair; my legs simply won’t hold me. Is that what I did? I look deeply into Sextus’s eyes. He’s not trying to hurt me; it was just an honest info dump.
Harsh. Cruel. Is that what I was? I thought I was just telling it like it was. Those women did have Stockholm syndrome.
My heart is squeezing in my chest. I’m playing those conversations back in my head. I thought I was just using my education to help people understand their own folly—telling them those things for their own good. I never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings. I thought I was helping.
Sextus just said he’d never heard such cruel things come out of a person’s mouth. When I replay it now, hearing it through different ears, I realize he’s right. I called attention to Devolose’s deepest, most secret trauma in a room full of people.
If I didn’t know I was in perfect health, I’d think I was having a heart attack. I can barely breathe. My chest is squeezing. My vision is blurred. The wheels of my mind have stopped turning and I can’t even think.
Misguided. All those years of schooling, learning all those facts and all that theory, and I’m an idiot. I know absolutely nothing. Nothing.
I’m feeling my world turn upside down. Everything I believed about myself has changed in an instant. This is how Tawny and Brin must have felt when I informed them they had Stockholm syndrome.
How can Tawny even look at me? I told her she was too fucked up to know her own mind about who she loved.
How can Devolose bear to be on the same vessel as me, much less the same room? I shamed him. I shined a light on the most painful aspect of his self and seemed to enjoy increasing his torment.
Here I thought Sextus was the monster when all along it was me.
I want to run. A moment ago, if the choices were to fight, flight, or freeze, I was frozen. Now I just want to get off this ship. I want to flee. How can I look any of these people in the eye tomorrow?
“I’m a monster,” I whisper to Sextus, my eyes wide in disbelief. “No wonder you assumed I had no tender feelings. I don’t.” I’m crying now. Despair. This is the very moment I discover the real me I’ve been hiding from myself. I’m not who I thought I was at all. “I’m a monster,” I repeat even more softly, then run out of the room.
~.~
I don’t want to go to my cabin, Carrie’s there and I need privacy. I need space to think, so I slip below deck to the cargo area. It’s stuffed with treasures, the ill-gotten gains of the pirates.
Tawny and Devolose have a cabin down here, but the rest of the hold is a rabbit warren of items packed in disorganized chaos. I find a little hidey-hole near the back. There’s a red settee, like a fainting couch from Earth’s 1800s. Tawny must use this area to research and catalog because there’s a computer pad lying on a cushion.
I plop down and just sit for a moment. My thoughts are spinning. My jaw is tight as I try to keep a hold on my emotions. I don’t allow my tears to spill out, instead, my vision is a watery haze.
I don’t even know how to assess what’s going on with me. It’s like that moment in The Wizard of Oz when Toto pulls back the curtain to display to the world that the all-powerful wizard is a sham and a liar.
Yep, that’s me. Only the Wizard was kind and wanted to help people. I’m an evil bitch. And I’m on a small ship with a bunch of people I’ve offended.
I move into action. I never wanted to be here in the first place, and now my need to get off this ship is amplified. Step one, find a planet where an abducted human won’t be forced back into slavery. Step two, find a house on enough property that I can isolate myself and be safe. That way I won’t have to inflict my abrasive personality on anyone but myself.
To think a tiny portion of the back attic of my mind had been toying with staying with Sextus, maybe pursuing him. Lunacy. I need to protect any other living being from being exposed to my to
xic self.
I throw myself into my task, researching and discarding planet after planet. Human trafficking is an open secret. We’re not supposed to be anywhere but safely on Earth, although it looks like the cartel is abducting women every day. Most planets allow residents to catch and claim us and force us back into slavery.
I find a nearby planet that peacefully allows all species to settle there. It doesn’t allow slavery. Even human women can buy property. I find planet Salute’s version of Zillow and by the time my shipmates are waking up, I know exactly where I’m going and have narrowed it down to three houses I want to look at.
Sextus
I thought of following her, trying to calm her down. For a moment I felt guilty; my words decimated her. I didn’t say them to hurt her—they were the truth. She looked shocked though. Could it be Lexa didn’t know how sharp her tongue was? How cutting her words?
She said she grew up going from place to place—she never had friends. She was an only child. When I got out of line as a youngling I had five older siblings who quickly schooled me in the errors of my ways. I learned early in my childhood how to play nice and make friends.
Perhaps it’s possible she didn’t realize how her words impacted others. One thing is certain, she’s a far better klempto player than a psychologist.
I glance at the clock. Destin’s in the kitchen starting breakfast. The others are rising. I think I’ve given Lexa enough time to think. After pulling on my clothes, I knock on her door.
Carrie, her roommate, is already dressed when she allows me in.
“I thought...she might be with you?” she answers when I ask to speak with Lexa. “She never came back to the cabin last night.”
“Thanks.”
It’s a small ship. There aren’t a lot of places to hide. When I don’t find her in the dining room, I figure she’ll be in the hold, avoiding her shipmates. I pass Devolose and Tawny on their way up to breakfast. They look so happy, holding hands, giving each other those intimate glances that lovers share.
It’s an open secret that the healing waters of planet Paradise allowed him to regain his manhood. It sounds like a magical tale, but he admits it’s true. I’m glad for him, although I’m jealous. Life has never had a way of working out for me.
I make noise, clearing my throat as I approach her on that ridiculous red antique couch from Aeon I. I don’t want to sneak up on her. She’s tapping fast and furious on her computer pad. I know she hears me; she must be trying to ignore me.
“Did you get any sleep, little Lexa?” I keep my voice calm, as if I’m enquiring about the weather. I’m trying to pretend her world didn’t just shift off its axis.
“Nope. You familiar with planet Salute?”
She’s giving me zero eye contact, just swiping away on her pad.
“I’ve heard it’s pretty. Peaceful. They say humans and other abducted species have an easy time of it there.” I wait. I’ve spent enough time with her to know she’ll say more when she’s ready.
“We’re in that sector, right? We’re nearby?”
I nod. She wearing her baggy t-shirt and black leggings. It doesn’t matter if she’s exposing her breasts in a halftique, or hiding her figure in that voluminous shirt, she’s beautiful. And sexy.
“I found a couple houses, isolated properties with parcels of land I think I might like. I wonder if Captain Thantose will take me there.”
I slide in next to her and look at the places she shows me.
“Small houses on tracts of land. This might be good for you.” I’ve waited long enough for her to talk. Since she doesn’t want to discuss the obvious, I address it. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Lexa. I shouldn’t have said those things.”
“The truth is the truth, Six. It’s just...jarring to find an aspect of yourself you’ve never seen before. I think I need to put everyone out of their misery and leave as soon as possible. I’ll talk to Thantose and see if he can spare a few days on Salute, then I’ll be out of everyone’s hair.”
Did that translate correctly? Out of our hair?
“You needn’t run away, Lexa. I think you’re safe on this ship. You might be happy here. You should make peace with all these people, then stay on the Tranquility.”
I don’t tell her that there will be an extra room onboard soon. I’ll be leaving to look for Khour before he comes searching for me. There’s even more incentive now. I need to ensure he never finds Lexa. I still want revenge. I still plan on killing him. The slower the better.
Lexa
“We never discussed your fee, Six. I made a lot of money on Lusion. I couldn’t have done it without you.” I want to be fair. Growing up poor, I spent most of my childhood in a room just like the one we stayed in the last few nights. I don’t have any desire for stuff—it means nothing to me. Money to me is safety, security. As long as I can buy a house and be safe, I don’t care about fancy dishes or furniture—or Broog paintings for that matter.
“I get a salary from Thantose. I was just doing my job. That’s why Thantose took 10% straight off the top; it pays for the ship, fuel, and support services. I’m the support. You don’t owe me anything.”
This surprises me. Everyone else on board was lounging around the last few days, he was working. He should get a percentage—the spoils of war.
”I thought 20% of what I won would be good. I’ll have Thantose weigh out your share. Does that sound fair to you?”
“I don’t want your money, Lexa. I don’t need it. That’s why I had half an annum’s salary to rent a ship to take you to your Earth. I don’t spend money. It’s just a way to keep track of how good a thief I am. Besides, I’ll help you settle on Salute, then go after Khour. Dead men don’t need money.”
His statement slams into me. My heart clenches. Dead? “Don’t do that, Six. That man’s a psychopath. He’ll kill you for certain.”
“I know. I vowed twenty years ago that I’d kill him someday for what he did to Septi. I may be a pirate, but I’m a man of my word.” He gives me a look that pierces my very soul, but I’m not certain I understand its meaning. “Go talk to Thantose, get him to take you to Salute. I’ll make sure you’ll be safe there before I pursue Khour.”
Chapter Nine
Lexa
Captain Thantose tried to dissuade me from leaving the ship, he said I’d be safer on the Tranquility than alone in a house on Salute. I’m not sure of that. What I do know is that I’ll be more comfortable far from the people I’ve harmed. Whether or not I hurt them knowingly doesn’t really matter. I’ve replayed my comments to them a thousand times. They all have every reason to hate me.
We’ll dock in a few minutes; Six said he’d help me look at properties. The others will have fun planetside. Evidently there are beautiful gardens, a lovely seashore, and some galaxy-class bars. I have a feeling I know who’ll be going to the gardens and who’ll be checking out the bars.
Half an hour later, Six and I are hovercrafting to the first property. It’s about an hour away. I’m using the computer pad to familiarize myself with local places and customs and reading fun facts out loud to him. I’m telling him all this extraneous info less to inform him and more to keep us out of a conversation of any substance.
“The holiest day of their year is during their cold season. It celebrates the moon goddess. Oh, here’s an interesting one, there are fewer poisonous snakes per rextan than on any known planet in the galaxy,” I inform him. “That’s great to kn—”
“Lexa, I beg you. Stop. I don’t want to know one more fact about Salute.” His eyes slide to mine, then shift back to the landscape. “You look miserable. I don’t believe you’ve eaten in the two days since...I should never have told you those things.”
My finger is still scrolling through the information on the pad, but I’m not reading anything. “You should never apologize for telling the truth, Six. Your honesty is one of the things I like most about you.”
Whoops. I shouldn’t have divulged that. Telling someone you like
them gives them too much power over you. Oh well. I’ll never see him again after tomorrow when I buy one of these houses.
“Really, little Lexa? What else do you like about me?” He waggles his eyebrows in jest, but keeps glancing in my direction like he wants to hear my answer.
“If your head gets any bigger, you won’t be able to get through the doorway. I’ll tell you something I don’t like about you.”
He lifts one brow in question, then waits for my response.
“I don’t like that you’re on this suicide mission to kill a male who isn’t worth your time. Ten of him aren’t worth one of you.” I toss my head, hoping I made my point.
“Is that right, Lexa? I don’t think you would have said that a few days ago.”
