by Anna Antonia
Wait. What?
My body grew rigid with shock. I tucked my hands in my lap, feeling the coldness like an omen. I wasn’t someone who could ever afford jealousy. Not with what I saw growing up. That was why the strength of my instant hatred scared me.
Where was this coming from?
I had to keep it together. I had no right to be angry or upset. Gavin wasn’t even my boyfriend. Besides, I knew he’d had other relationships before. I even knew who this woman was.
Marlene Weatherby.
A beautiful, cultured socialite with a magnificent brain. Someone who’d been a perfect match with Gavin for two years.
“It’s good to see you, Marlene,” he said with a warm smile. The sincerity in his entire being pricked me. He’d obviously liked her enough to still stay friendly.
“I’m sorry if I’m interrupting. I just had to say hi when I saw you.” Marlene looked at me, curiosity bright in her eyes.
I didn’t have to wonder for long if Gavin was going to introduce me.
“Marlene, this is Paige. Paige, Marlene.”
Marlene held the dominate position. He introduced me to her first instead of the other way around. It was a piece of information I wished I didn’t have.
“Hello.” Somehow I managed to infuse warmth and personality into that one word. I hoped I wouldn’t be found out for a rotten liar.
She extended her slim hand out to me. I took it automatically.
“Hello, Paige. It’s so nice to meet you.”
Polite. Friendly. Normal.
It was just what the unflappable Gavin Hawthorne would deserve to have. I didn’t have to think too deeply about what he would get with me.
Poor Gavin. I really should’ve told him no.
It’s not too late.
I shook Marlene’s hand firmly. “Hi. It’s great to meet you too. Have a seat!”
Surprise danced across her gorgeous face. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. I’m Gavin’s PA. Temporary PA. We were just having dinner and talking about work.”
I didn’t look over at Gavin, but I could sense his serious stare nonetheless.
Marlene sank into the wooden chair without hesitation. “What happened to Caroline?”
Gavin answered immediately, taking his gaze from me and placing it on the lovely Marlene.
“She broke her leg.”
“Oh no! Is she all right?”
“She will be. She’s resting up. Or at least she should be. I doubt she is though. She can’t stand to stay still for long.”
Marlene laughed. It was low, pleasing, and a bit sweet. “You really do know Caroline. I bet she’s dying to get back to work.”
I sat back and nibbled on my cheesecake. Gavin and Marlene chatted about Caroline a bit more before drifting off into other conversation. I kept one ear out just in case I was needed, but it became obvious fairly quickly I wasn’t needed at all.
Gavin and Marlene talked with the ease and comfort that longtime friends and lovers did. It intrigued me. How could two people who weren’t even in a relationship be so friendly towards one another?
Patrick and Melissa loved each other madly and even they couldn’t talk this kindly to one another before something wrong was said, igniting an explosion of words and emotions.
I didn’t have to fear that here.
Watching them and hearing their easy conversation with one another was a lesson of sorts. It taught me there could be another way than the example I’d grown up with and often saw repeated in high school and college.
Wary I was more like my father than I’d ever want to admit, I’d kept myself from feeling anything too deeply for the few people I spent more than passing time with.
Which was why my initial reaction to Marlene caught me off guard. If anything, it proved I indeed was capable of a dark ugliness when it came to dating someone else.
Loving someone else.
And it would be so easy to love Gavin.
I’d already admired him from afar for so many years. Now, my admiration had turned into attraction and longing in such a short period of time.
What else was I capable of?
I really didn’t like how I’d reacted to seeing him with an ex. It was unexpected and dangerous. I needed time to think.
Standing up, I felt Gavin and Marlene’s curious gazes come to rest on me. I flashed my perfect smile.
“Excuse me. I have to take this call.”
I didn’t give Gavin time to say anything. Turning around, I walked away quickly with the phone pressed against my ear. I didn’t imagine his calling out my name, but I pretended I did just so I could get away.
The bathroom was a safe place. I locked myself inside one of the stalls and sat there with my head cradled in my hands. What was going on with me?
Easy to answer.
I was a jealous mess on top of being a liar.
Being who I was and what I was hiding from him, I couldn’t seriously contemplate getting into a relationship with Gavin. Sure sex and fun was all good, but what if it got serious? And regardless of how much I might want it to be otherwise, I already knew it wouldn’t take much to push me over the edge into serious.
I liked Gavin too much already to try to pretend otherwise.
The kindest thing to do would be to ease out of Gavin’s life as quickly as I’d gotten into it.
Even though I said yes to seeing him after my assignment ended?
Thankful the restroom was empty, I let out a small groan. Honor had a tricky way of being pushed aside when you wanted something really, really bad.
Like how I wanted Gavin.
I knew I could be so good for him because I’d be whatever he wanted me to be. I wouldn’t care about the mental acrobatics because just being with Gavin now already made me so happy.
What didn’t make me happy was the lying.
It never bothered me that much before because I always reasoned no one really cared about me either way. Besides, they were doing as much lying as I was.
How many girls pretended to like each other before they were running their mouths and talking trash behind each other’s backs? How many times did people puff themselves out to be something they weren’t only to let their true selves out when things got sticky?
People were the worst and I rarely felt bad for not letting anyone close.
This was different though.
Gavin was honest to a fault. He meant what he said and expected the same in return. He was curt to the point of rudeness and was in his head a lot, true, but I’d seen enough to know he did care about how his innate personality affected others.
If Gavin was like me he’d put up a false front. The fact he didn’t proved just how unique and wonderful he really was. If nothing else, Gavin was comfortable in his skin and wasn’t going to make apologies for being himself.
Which was probably why Marlene Weatherby couldn’t resist stopping to chat with her ex-boyfriend. If I had any shred of decency left in me I’d leave Gavin to all the Marlenes in the world instead of trying my damnedest to be his next flame.
Shit! Why was I having a moral dilemma in the middle of a restaurant bathroom? How ridiculous was this?
I checked my phone. Less than ten minutes had passed. If I stayed here long enough would Gavin and Marlene leave together? Clenching my eyes shut, I suffered at the thought even as I hoped for it.
Otherwise, the temptation to be bad was too strong.
The contract was only a couple of weeks away from ending. I could last. And then I could exit Gavin’s life and not be a total piece of garbage for keeping my identity secret from him.
Do it for him.
Tears prickled my eyes. I blinked them away. There was no need to cry. Nothing between us had ever really started. It was best I’d seen the kind of person Gavin welcomed into his life. I wasn’t her, no matter how hard I pretended.
And nothing I could do would ever change that.
I left the stall and washed my hands, examinin
g myself in the mirror critically. My eyes were clear without even the slightest hint of pink to betray my unwelcomed tears. I smoothed my hair and retouched my lipstick when the door opened.
FOURTEEN
Marlene came in, all smiles and continued friendliness.
“Gavin sent me to check on you.”
“Really? That was thoughtful but totally unnecessary.”
“That’s Gavin. Thoughtful to a fault.”
I smiled. I hated this part.
We’d pretend to like each other. Maybe even compliment each other’s clothes or shoes. Then the awkwardness of everything unsaid would settle between us. Although maybe I was being a little unfair and cynical.
Marlene started first.
“Gavin’s a good guy. Probably kind of hard to work for, at least that’s what I hear, but he’s great nonetheless.”
“It’s been a priceless opportunity. I’ve learned a lot.”
We smiled. Then Marlene said, “I love your shoes!”
And here it begins.
I went through the motions of looking down. “Oh thanks!” Then I gushed over hers. “Yours are so pretty! I love that arch!”
Marlene mimicked me by looking down as well as if to say “What? These old things?” Thankfully she took the compliment in kind.
Now the uncomfortable silence descended upon us as we both tried to figure out our parts.
“Paige, I don’t want to seem out of line…”
I knew what I was expected to say. I really didn’t want to play my part though. So of course I smiled and let my eyes open wider, as if to invite confidence.
“No, no! Please say what you’d like.”
Marlene, no dummy, assessed me before deciding to plunge forward.
“I know it’s none of my business, but I can see that something is going on with you and Gavin.”
“No, not really.”
“I know that look on your face, Paige. It’s the same one I had when I first met him. Consider it a friendly warning. Gavin doesn’t do love.”
She wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already suspect. Though hearing it caused a shaft of rage to spear right through me.
“Now why would you tell me that?”
It was delivered softly, but my displeasure couldn’t be hidden. I had to tread carefully, just in case Marlene would run and tattle on me.
What difference does it make when I’m not going to move anything forward with Gavin?
Good question. Was I lying to myself now too?
An apologetic half-shrug came first and then Marlene admitted, “I really don’t know. You’re not likely to listen to me considering I’m the ex-girlfriend.”
“The source really is suspect.”
Marlene proved herself to be the good person I’d already pegged her to be.
“I understand. Look, all I’m saying is to be careful. Gavin really is a great guy and while I would’ve given anything for there to be more between us, he just doesn’t do love. Not the way most of us would want. Take care of your heart when you’re with him. Do that and enjoy him for as long as you can. It’s worth it. Truly.”
Words failed me. I simply nodded and then left the restroom. I’d be a fool to ignore Marlene’s advice. Who better to know about the dangers of loving Gavin than her?
Coming to the end of the corridor, I was so tempted to turn right, get my coat, and then leave. Maybe I wouldn’t stop there. What if I never came back to Axis 3?
But you gave your promise. You can’t break that.
This had to be the exception to the rule. Otherwise…
“There you are, Paige.”
FIFTEEN
He’d come to get me.
I pressed my hand against my heart. Not in surprise but as a way to stop the pain of seeing him. Was I really going to give up the possibility of Gavin being mine?
“Are you all right?”
“Fine.”
My lips trembled slightly but they managed to form a lying, bright smile.
Wordlessly, he drew me back towards the table. I could’ve practically melted into him because my resolutions already had. Gavin seated me first before taking his seat across from me.
“I wondered if you sneaked out, Paige.”
“Now why would I do that?”
He shot me a speculative look.
“All I know is that if it was the other way around I’d be liable to do something not so nice.”
“Really?”
This confession was a surprise. It brought many things to mind.
“Really.” Gavin took a sip of his wine before continuing. “Marlene is a very good friend of mine. Emphasis on friend. Nothing more.”
“I kind of figured that one out.”
“Her timing is terrible, but her heart is good. You don’t have anything to worry about concerning her, Paige.”
Distinctly uncomfortable, I leaned back in my chair.
“Did I seem like I was worried? If so, I apologize. Marlene is a lovely person.”
His gaze swept across me, probing me as always. “No, you didn’t. You were perfectly cordial and welcoming. You were being my PA and not a woman who’d just been on the verge of committing to something more.”
There was a subtle bite to his tone.
“Should I have flipped the table over, Gavin? Maybe thrown my wine in your face before storming out?”
I said it with a hint of teasing, but I spoke from second and first-hand experience. Apparently, my father flipped a table over once at a Parisian restaurant when he thought his wife had been a tad too friendly with a waiter.
I’d also seen Melissa throw her wine in Patrick’s face many, many times. Maybe I didn’t care for wine, not because of the taste, but because it reminded me of dysfunction?
It wouldn’t be a surprise because my past was a damn minefield.
“I don’t know. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a good idea but then again, maybe I’d rather see that than see you act like you don’t care when a beautiful woman approaches me.”
Hmm. He wanted fire, did he?
“You’ve heard that phrase of being careful what you wish for. For all you know I’m capable of being a psycho bitch.”
Gavin believed I was joking. Why wouldn’t he? Gavin was normal.
“I doubt you’d ever be capable of that, Paige. You’re too conscientious and sweet to ever try to purposely hurt anyone.”
That hit too close to home. Gavin saw the Paige I wanted to be once everything else was stripped away. He was giving me the one thing I wanted from him and it scared me.
He’s seeing me. Not the character I play depending on the situation but me.
A better Paige would steer this away from a romantic relationship. I would be his friend and ally, choosing to keep my selfish needs out of the picture. But no matter how much I may have wanted to be a good girl around Gavin, I knew I couldn’t turn him away.
I wanted Gavin Hawthorne too much.
Fatalistic, I wondered what would be the price I paid for this piece of happiness. I’d suffered and seen too much not to know happiness never came for free.
Confident the darkened room hid the shadows in my eyes, I raised my glass in a toast.
“Looks like I have you snowed. Good for me. Bad for you.”
Gavin raised his glass as well. “To your victory, Paige.” Clearly he was amused by my words.
If only I was really joking.
SIXTEEN
We lasted less than twenty-four hours.
Friday should’ve been a great day considering how Thursday night went. After dinner, Gavin had seen me home despite my protests.
“You’re my date first, Paige, and my PA second. There’s no way I’m not going to make sure you get home safe and sound. Just accept it.”
It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to take me home. I did. It was that I didn’t exactly want him to see where I lived. Reluctantly, I gave him my address.
I could tell he was surprised by it.
&
nbsp; Anybody else would’ve probed to try to find out how I could afford a place that obviously didn’t match my salary. For all my father’s many, many flaws, the one semi-decent thing he did for me was make sure I always lived in a great building with top-notch security and amenities galore.
I’d like to think it was because he cared about me. I knew better.
It had nothing to do with me, but rather, he wouldn’t want anyone to think he was cheap with his only daughter. Besides, real estate in New York was a good investment.
Lucky me.
Gavin, however, didn’t probe.
He left me at my building lobby with a cheerful good night and a kiss on the cheek. Even though I was mildly disappointed he didn’t ask to come up, to say I didn’t spend the night with a happy smile on my face would’ve been a lie.
Married to my decision of pursuing a relationship with my stepmother’s son, I was in the throes of an infatuation that was ramping up to a full-blown obsession.
He dominated my thoughts. I couldn’t wait to see Gavin again. I knew he’d made it clear he wasn’t willing to cross professional lines while I was still under assignment, but I hoped we’d maybe exchange a handful of sweet words or longing glances.
So when I walked into the office bright and early Friday morning I expected him to at least smile at me, silently acknowledging the anticipation of our change in romantic circumstance.
Instead, Gavin ignored my cheerful “Good morning!”
Not only that but he demanded I get started on my work and close the door behind me. Stung, I returned to my desk and tried to reason to myself that he wasn’t trying to be rude.
Or an asshole.
That didn’t last as he continued to snap at me off and on all day long. Everything I did was wrong. Not only was it wrong, but it was deliberate.
I wasn’t quick enough on finishing up a particular spreadsheet.
Not true.
I sent it to him before he asked, but not as quickly as I usually did because I had to backtrack an incorrect formula—one Gavin put in.
“That took you twice as long as usual, Paige. Don’t do it again.” He walked away before I could defend myself.
I took too long in getting him a drink.
