by Maya Blake
Reiko licked her lips, acute anxiety rolling through her at the thought of what she was about to reveal. ‘I … He wanted me to … make some changes in my life. I wouldn’t agree until he’d reconciled with my mother. They’d been separated for six months. He came to tell me he was going to divorce her. I didn’t want him to.’
A pained look crossed his face. ‘Not every marriage is destined to succeed. Sometimes walking away is the best option.’
‘I know, but these were my parents. My mother isn’t the most wifely or maternal of women, but even as flawed as she is I knew she wouldn’t survive without my father. And in his own way he loved her. He agreed to give it one more try.’
‘You were lucky. My parents stayed together and they died because of it.’
Shock rammed through her system. ‘Oh, my God. How … ? What happened?’
His gaze darkened until the grey was almost black. ‘Obsession. They were cursed by their obsession.’
She stared back at him. ‘What—?’
He waved her question away. ‘We’ll leave the sordid details of my childhood for another time. You were telling me what happened.’
Fighting the need to do something about his pain, she continued. ‘I was living in Osaka when Dad came to see me. He hated taking trains, but I insisted because driving to Tokyo where my mother was would’ve taken longer.’ The tight knot of pain that was never far away grew in her chest. ‘Twenty minutes into the journey, the train crashed in a tunnel. We were trapped for two days. My father held my hand the whole time. By the time I finally got the courage to tell him I was sorry, he was dead. When my mother found out, she blamed me. Since my accident I’ve only seen her twice.’
She wasn’t aware she was crying until Damion handed her a tissue. When he took her in his arms, the tears fell faster.
‘Are your nightmares about the crash?’
She nodded against his chest. ‘Sometimes I see him dying; sometimes I’m trapped in the twisted metal and I can’t get to him. But it’s always about the crash.’
‘If your therapist was any good, she would’ve told you, despite what your mother thinks, your father’s death isn’t your fault.’
The warm note of sympathy in his voice made her tears flow faster.
‘It doesn’t matter what anyone says. I was selfish. I couldn’t see beyond what I wanted. I didn’t want to admit that maybe they were better off without each other. Dad loved her in his own way, but I know he was only seeking the reconciliation because of me—that given the choice he’d have divorced her. I also let him believe that my lifestyle choice was in some way his fault.’
‘What lifestyle choice?’
Her heart lurched, then hammered. Reiko opened her mouth but couldn’t find the strength to utter the words. Shame raked through her.
‘What lifestyle choice?’ he asked again.
The edge was back in his voice. When she glanced at him, she saw the rigid tension freezing his body.
She licked her lips. ‘The partying … the men.’
Silence throbbed in the living room. His hand on the seat tightened into a fist. ‘How many were there?’ he finally asked into the charged atmosphere.
‘Damion—’
‘How many?’
She named the figure. Damion’s face turned ashen beneath his normally healthy tan. Before her very eyes she saw him recoil. His throat moved as he visibly swallowed.
And every second Reiko lived through the look in his eyes made her want to sink into the ground.
He surged to his feet. And without another word he walked out.
Reiko wasn’t sure how long she remained frozen on the sofa. She knew it was a long time because her throat felt raw from crying and the living room was cloaked in darkness save for the intermittent glow from her goldfish.
Damion had left, just as she’d predicted. The small part of her that wasn’t writhing in pain felt relieved. Really, she’d been saved from compounding his disgust with her by not letting him push her into revealing her outward scars. She couldn’t have borne him recoiling from her scars the same way he’d recoiled from her other admissions.
She traced the scar on her face, fresh tears falling when she recalled Damion kissing it only a few days ago.
Pity. It had just been pity. Her fingers massaged her temple, and then she realised the pounding she could hear wasn’t just in her head.
She dropped her hand, and her gaze flew to the door as the pounding grew louder.
‘Reiko! Open the door,’ came the firm command.
She stood and swayed with light-headedness. One shaky hand scrubbed across her face as the pounding came again.
Sniffing back more tears, she lit the nearest lamp and opened the door. ‘What do you want, Damion?’ she asked the imposing figure filling her doorway.
He stepped forward, shut the door behind him and held up a bottle of expensive red wine. ‘That sake you served was an affront to my taste buds. I thought we’d need something more palatable.’
‘You left … to buy wine?’
‘This isn’t just any wine, ma belle. It’s a Bordeaux from my personal vineyard.’
His words were easy enough, but his gaze held a grim purpose that stopped her breath.
‘Damion …’
‘We haven’t finished talking.’ He went to the sofa and set the bottle down on the table unopened. ‘Come and sit down, Reiko.’
‘Why did you really leave?’ she asked.
His lips firmed, and she thought he wouldn’t answer. Then he shoved a hand through his hair. ‘Most men don’t like to think of a woman they’ve made love to making love with other men. In my case the thought makes me slightly insane.’
Surprise scythed through her. ‘It does?’
His intense gaze rested on her. ‘Remember what I said earlier about obsession?’
She nodded warily.
‘My father suffered from obsessive behaviour, as did my grandfather when my grandmother was alive. On the train today, it struck me that I might be headed that way where you’re concerned.’
She gasped. ‘You love me?’
His laugh could have frozen water. ‘Never confuse obsession with love, Reiko. Making that mistake made my childhood one no child should be put through.’
‘What happened?’
‘I was the pawn my father used to try to keep my mother in line. She was trapped in a marriage she didn’t want, and he wouldn’t give her a divorce because he thought she belonged to him. He eventually killed her and then took his own life.’
Her horrified gasp produced a grim smile.
‘When I went to live with my grandparents, I fooled myself into thinking things would change. They didn’t. My grandmother used me to cover her infidelities—I won’t tell you the number of times I was late to school because she needed to see a friend—and my grandfather knew but was so besotted with her he forgave her. Each time it happened I saw him lose a piece of himself.’
‘I saw you together at the exhibition. You seemed close.’
Damion lids lowered. ‘There were times when my grandmother wasn’t around that he seemed a different man. It made the nightmarish times easier to bear.’
Several pieces of the puzzle that was Damion fell into place. ‘That’s why you’re trying to find the painting, even though you detest your grandmother?’
He picked up the bottle and started to remove the foil. ‘His last wish is to be buried with the Femme sur Plage. I won’t stand in the way of that wish.’
The finality of the statement told her it was time to move on. But she couldn’t. She cleared her throat. ‘So … you’re becoming obsessed with me?’
His fingers stilled. ‘I hope not, because that could be bad news for both of us.’
She licked suddenly dry lips. ‘Wh … why?’
He looked up and speared her gaze with his. ‘You’ve never asked me how I found out about that other man.’
She swallowed. ‘How did you?’
His la
ugh was a harsh sound that echoed in the semi-darkness. ‘I flew back two weeks after I left because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I tracked you down to your favourite wine bar in Tokyo. You were in a corner, kissing him. When you left, I followed you.’ He shrugged at her gasp. ‘When you took him to your apartment, I wanted to kill you both. That’s when I knew I had to stay away.’
‘And now?’
His gaze darkened. ‘I can’t bear the thought of you with other men, but to hate you for it would be hypocritical.’
‘Damion …’
‘Was it because of me? Did you sleep with him because I left you?’ he grated out.
That was the one question she’d been dreading. To answer would be to reveal how much power he’d had over her. But she couldn’t lie. ‘Yes. I was devastated that you’d lied to me about who you were, then tried to pay me off like I was some sleazy mistake after my grandfather died. I hated you, but I think I hated myself more. It happened only once. I … I never saw him again.’
He cursed under his breath. ‘Je suis désolé. There were many times when I wanted to tell you, but each day that went by made it harder.’ He shrugged. ‘I guess I wanted you more than I wanted your forgiveness. I’m sorry, but I’m not perfect.’
The tight knot loosened inside her. ‘I think we’ve established conclusively that neither of us are.’
He rounded the table and came towards her. ‘I still want you.’
She backed away from him. ‘Wait! I think there’s something you should know.’
A fierce gleam lit his eyes. ‘I don’t want to hear about the men, Reiko.’
‘That’s just it. I went out with a lot of them, but after that first one I didn’t sleep with any of them. I stupidly let my father think the worst of me so he’d stay with my mother.’
His eyes widened in surprise. His chest expanded on a heavy exhale. Then he renewed his pursuit. ‘Reiko—’
She retreated. ‘That doesn’t mean I’ll … You’re … I can’t sleep with you, Damion.’
His stride didn’t break. ‘Ah, oui, your little nugget about not being able to have sex. We still haven’t discussed that bombshell.’
She shook her head. ‘You don’t want to hear it, Damion. It’s not pretty.’
‘Sex rarely is, ma petite,’ he growled. Then he tried to reach for her again.
She backed away until her back touched the screen that had belonged to her father. ‘Stop. I can’t have you going all growly on me if you want this conversation to continue.’
He stopped and folded his arms, but his eyes, which had gone a dark, stormy grey, never left her face.
She licked her lips and the look in his eyes turned so forcefully primal her heart lurched.
‘Seven months after the accident, my therapist thought it was time for me to stop hiding away, to try to make new friends, form new relationships. I gave it a try. I even went on … one date …’
His biceps flexed as his folded arms tightened. ‘What happened?’
Pain racked through her as she recalled that night. ‘It was messy. It was embarrassing—and … bloody. And it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I really don’t know why it happened. One moment everything was okay, the next my whole insides froze. I felt as if my body was physically rejecting him from the inside out. It … it was scary.’
Damion cursed, long and heavy, in French. When he jerked away from her, she was convinced this time when he left he wouldn’t return. To her surprise, he went to the window. His silence was so complete, so humiliatingly deathly, Reiko was sure she could hear the dust motes falling to the floor.
He stood there for a long time; tension screamed from his body, so forbiddingly rigid her insides started to crumble.
‘I told you you would be disgusted.’ The pain straining through her made her voice emerge reed-thin and broken.
He whirled, a look of astonishment on his face. ‘Disgusted? Why would I be?’
‘You’re on the other side of the room, barely wanting to be within sniffing distance of me. The dots are surprisingly easy to connect.’
What happened next clarified the term greased lightning.
Because somehow she was in Damion Fortier’s lap, her chin held firmly in his grasp as he commanded her attention.
‘I’m not disgusted. If you even think like that about yourself, I’ll find those thumbscrews you’ve been hankering for and take delight in applying them. After I’ve spent one night proving you wrong.’
His arrogance made her blink. ‘Wow—a whole night?’ she said snarkily.
He didn’t take the bait. ‘I’m thorough. You know that.’
The kiss he pressed against her lips was gentle, tear-jerking.
‘Stop doing that!’ She tried to wrench her chin from his grasp but he held firm.
‘What?’
‘You’re making me hate you less. And since I’ve spent the last five years hating you, it feels … weird.’
‘Weird as in escaped-from-a-zoo weird? Or helplessly-attracted-to-you weird?’
‘More of the former, less of the latter.’
His smile lifted the mood, easing the ache in the chest. ‘I’m thinking it’s the other way round, oui?’
‘Oui—non! You’re confusing me, Baron. And that irritates the hell out of me.’
She tried to get away from him. A strong hand clamped on her waist. In the process of turning, she nudged the very real force of his erection. Heat washed over her face. Her furtive glance caught him still watching her, hawk-eyed. His smile had widened.
‘I confuse you. You turn me on. Right this moment every bone in my body wants to prove it to you in a thousand different ways.’
‘Because you’re such a connoisseur of women?’
‘Because the chemistry between us is as potent as ever. I can’t wait to see you naked again,’ he breathed against her cheek.
And just like that every single atom in her being froze.
‘Arrête!’ he rasped against her jaw.
Reiko tensed even more. Frustration built inside him. Never in his life had getting through to someone been so difficult. And never in his life had he wanted to try with every fibre of his being.
He looked at her—the fight in her face, her desperation to hide her vulnerability—and something squeezed inside his chest. He forced himself to relax.
‘Stop tensing. It’s not good for your muscles. As for freezing me out—we’ve gone way past that.’
Her lips started to pout in annoyance. It took several deep breaths for him to resist the urge to taste her again. The time would come soon enough.
First he had more secrets to disclose. He took another breath.
‘I met Isadora Baptiste soon after I left Tokyo.’
Tension gripped her harder. He ran his hand over her knee to clasp one warm, shapely calf and massaged gently until she started to relax.
‘I’m not proud of it, but I tried to use her to forget you. It was only ever supposed to be temporary.’
Her lush lips firmed, and she wore a look of pained contempt. ‘She was a married woman.’
‘No, she wasn’t. She’d been divorced for three years when I met her. But her fashion house was tied into her husband’s business. Shares would’ve hit rock bottom if the public had found out she was no longer married to Antoine Baptiste.’
‘So it was better to be branded an adulteress in the interests of a healthy share price?’
‘Don’t sneer. Empires and dynasties have risen and fallen on the right marriage alliances. It’s as real in the twenty-first century as it was in the first.’
‘What about her children? Did she really abandon them?’
Damion’s insides clamped painfully. His guilt at knowing he’d unwittingly exacerbated the situation pierced sharply as much now as it had when he’d found out.
‘Oui, that is true.’
Her face reflected anger and disappointment. His heart raced with the need to obliterate both emotions.
Her eyes darted to his face and stayed. Slowly a breath eased out of her. ‘Why did you break up with her?’
‘Because I realised too late she epitomised everything I was trying to turn my back on.’
‘She was obsessed with you?’
He nodded. ‘After her husband told me she’d cut her children out of her life, I confronted her. It didn’t go well. Two hours later I found her in the bath, with her wrists slashed.’
CHAPTER TEN
‘MY GOD!’ SHOCK WAVES vibrated through her as she stared at Damion. The gleam of pain she’d seen in his eyes intensified. Against every need for self-preservation, she placed her hand on his hard cheek. ‘That can’t have been easy.’
‘It wasn’t,’ he stated baldly. ‘It became clear very quickly she had a serious problem. It was the reason Antoine had divorced her. I found her a facility in Arizona and arranged for her to be taken in.’
She remembered their conversation in the restaurant in Paris. ‘You went with her?’
He nodded. ‘I stayed for the first few weeks—until it became clear it wasn’t a what that was triggering her condition. It was who.’
A bleak look entered his eyes that tore at her insides. ‘You?’
He took her hand from her cheek and planted a soft kiss in her palm. Deep inside, Reiko felt something give—something she tried to gather back into solid form but failed.
‘So far I haven’t found a way to forgive myself for what I put her through. I knew the signs of obsession, yet I completely missed them. It won’t happen again.’
He looked directly into her eyes, and the raw vulnerability in his gaze stopped her breath.
‘Damion—’
‘I’ve laid myself bare to you, ma fleur. I have no regrets for doing so because I want you to trust me. With everything.’
Her heart lurched. ‘I … I can’t. It’s too painful.’
