by Twyla Turner
Healed
A Damaged Souls Novel
By Twyla Turner
©Copyright Twyla Turner
Cover Illustration: Suzy Almblade
www.suzyalmblade.com
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblances to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
To: Fighters
Table of Contents:
Preface
Chapter 1- Poison & Wine
Chapter 2- Say Something
Chapter 3- Stay
Chapter 4- Lean on Me
Chapter 5- Mirrors
Chapter 6- Need You Now
Chapter 7- Cry To Me
Chapter 8- Me
Chapter 9- Latch
Chapter 10- Lost Without You
Chapter 11- Perfect
Chapter 12- Chasing Cars
Chapter 13- By Your Side
Epilogue- Thinking Out Loud
Acknowledgements
About Author
Other books by Twyla Turner
Connect with Author
Preface
Dear reader,
This novel deals with intense themes and situations that most of us pray to never have to go through. And while editing Scarred- book 1 of this series, I was listening to music and rereading a particularly emotional scene and a sad instrumental started playing. The combination had me in tears. So an idea was born. Having seen something similar before, where an author put footnotes for certain scenes and attached a song title, I decided to name each chapter after a song that had a corresponding feeling to it. Keep in mind that the whole chapter may not go with the song or not every word of the song goes with the scene, but you’ll get the idea.
I’ve always felt that sometimes my life should come with theme music or a playlist. So if you’d like, purchase these songs at your favorite online retailer and set your playlists to these songs. Or check them out on YouTube or check out my Spotify playlist for Healed (find the link in Connect with Author) and enjoy!
Listen to them before, after or during. It’s just another added level to the reading experience. Disclaimer: I do not own or have rights to these songs, they solely belong to the copyright holders.
Happy Reading,
Twyla Turner
Chapter 1
Poison & Wine
Lexi was jarred awake by Sloan’s screams. She quickly sat up and turned to look down at his struggling body, illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the windows. She reached out a hand to stroke his face, to calm him, but before she could even touch him, his hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. His eyes flew open, and he flipped her onto her back and straddled her in a fraction of a second. And before she could even scream his name, Sloan’s hands wrapped around her neck.
His eyes were open, but they stared down at her completely dead as if she weren’t even there. Lexi knew that he must be in the middle of a flashback, but that knowledge did little to deflect her rising panic, as his hands squeezed her throat to the point of crushing it. In fact, it made it much worse. Knowing that she had escaped the threat of someone that wanted to hurt her, only to accidentally die at the hands of the man she loved and who loved her, was cruel and unusual. Dear God, not him too! Not like this! She screamed in her head.
In her horrified state, the training that he had taught her, all but vanished from her brain in her desperation. The only thing she could do was kick, buck, and claw at his hands and arms. He only applied more pressure, and she felt herself starting to slip into unconsciousness. She stared up at him, at the face she adored hidden partially in shadows, as tears of futility streamed down her face. In a last ditch effort, she silently begged him to wake up.
Suddenly, as if he had heard her, Sloan’s eyes cleared, and he finally saw her. The shocked horror that came across his face, as he realized what he was doing, did little to help her frayed nerves. The damage was already done.
His hands released her; like he had touched fire, and she scrambled from under him, trying to get as far away as she could. In her panic, she tumbled out of the bed, and she crawled over to the wall, and wrapped her arms around her legs, and curled her body into a tiny ball. Placing her forehead on her knees, she couldn’t even look at him.
“What have I done?” Lexi heard him whisper, to himself. “Lexi.”
At the sound of her name, Lexi squeezed her legs tighter to her.
“Please, Lexi. I’m so, sorry.” Sloan said as he stumbled out of bed, coming towards her.
“Oh God, please don’t Sloan.” Lexi cried out gravely, her throat sore and swollen from the trauma. She cringed into the wall, as he came near her.
The hand that Sloan had extended to touch her shoulder fell to his side, and he bowed his head in shame.
“I’m so…so sorry Lexi.” Sloan whispered, sadly. “I’ll go down to the spare bedroom.”
Sloan quickly pulled on his discarded sweats and walked to the door. He stopped to look back at her.
“Lock the doors if it’ll make you feel better,” he said, his voice filled with hurt.
Lexi heard the bedroom door shut, as his bare feet padded down the hall and faded away as he walked down the stairs. Lexi took a ragged breath, and a heart-wrenching sob escaped her lips. Why?!
In the span of a few seconds, Lexi’s world had been shattered. She had just killed her psycho abusive ex-boyfriend. She had felt like she was finally free of the abuse. She and Sloan’s relationship had finally gotten to a place of love, security, and trust. And one, obviously horrible nightmare, splintered their once strengthening foundation into pieces.
Lexi was devastated more than she could’ve ever imagined possible. She had begun to count on the strength, and security that Sloan provided her. She had never experienced the constant love and respect that Sloan had shown her, in the last couple of months, and she didn’t know how to move forward from this point.
She loved him. There was no doubt in her mind about that. And she knew in her heart that he hated himself for what had happened. But would that be enough to subside her new fear of him? Could her love outweigh the fear?
Already exhausted from the emotional storm raging through her, that started the moment she found out her best friend was in a coma because of her, Lexi pulled herself off the floor and walked to the door. With trembling fingers, she turned the lock. She then walked over to the bathroom door and locked it too.
Barely able to see where she was going, through the tears that continually filled her eyes, Lexi found her bed. She crawled onto Sloan’s side, she grabbed his pillow and inhaled deeply. She smelled his masculine scent, and she curled around the pillow, burying her face in the softness and unleashed all the emotions built up inside of her. Her body wracked with sobs as she let the pain surround her until she eventually fell into a deep wearied sleep.
~~~
Sloan woke up after only getting about a half hour of sleep. The only reason he had gotten even that much was because his body had literally shut down. His turbulent thoughts pulled him from the escape of sleep, into the harsh reality of the events of the previous night.
The moment he opened his eyes, the guilt because of what he had done to Lexi, washed over him like a tidal wave of pain. As much as he wanted to, he knew there was nothing he could do to take it back. It was the one thing that he had promised her, that he would never hurt her, that she could trust him. And whether it was an accident or not, he had broken that promise.
As he pulled himself out of bed, he brooded over the difference twenty-four hours could make. The day before he had been
hopeful for the future, his and Lexi’s separately, and together as a couple. His career was on the upswing, as well as Lexi’s, and their relationship had been getting stronger and stronger each day. And in the course of one evening, he went from making the best deal of his career that he could get. To a near paralyzing fear of losing Lexi at the hands of her ex, to relief that she was safe, only to find that she wasn’t safe. He posed as much of a threat, as Eric or any of her other ex-boyfriends. And now, he could lose her, anyway.
Melancholy weighed him down, as he pulled on his sweats, made the bed and stepped out into the hallway. He headed into the kitchen, pulled out a glass from the cabinet, and grabbed a carton of milk out of the fridge. He turned back to the island and stopped in his tracks, seeing Lexi standing there watching him warily. She was still in just the short nightshirt, he had dressed her in the night before. The sunny yellow material, was a bright contradiction to their dark situation, against her bronzed skin.
Her red, puffy eyes and face, destroyed him. Sloan found it difficult to swallow past the huge lump that had lodged in his throat. He forgot about the milk carton in his hands as they stood and stared at each other for several minutes. The silence roared in his ears.
As Lexi stared at him, she could see the strain on his face. His eyes had dark circles and bags under them, from lack of sleep. The guilt and heartbreak written all over his face tore her stomach to shreds.
“Alexis, I-” Sloan started before she cut him off.
“You don’t have to apologize, Sloan. I know it wasn’t intentional.” Lexi said quietly, her voice still gravelly from the painful chokehold.
Sloan stepped forward, and she took a step back. The telling move was like a kick to Sloan’s gut.
“But it still doesn’t change the fact that you’re scared of me,” Sloan said, sadly.
“It’ll pass. Just give me a little time.” Lexi assured him.
“It’s like taking fifty steps back. You’re more scared of me now than you ever were, even when we first met.” Sloan sighed, completely disheartened.
“I’m sorry, Sloan. I swear I’ll get over it.” Lexi said, a tinge of desperation in her voice.
“Don’t apologize, for how you feel. You just escaped the worst kind of abusive relationship. You’ve been through hell. That’s not something anyone would get over easily, and I just added a new worry for you.” Sloan said, regretfully.
“Yeah,” Lexi whispered, looking down at her feet, mourning the loss of her complete trust in him. “But can you have love, without trust? Or love, while you rebuild trust because I still love you?” Lexi admitted, looking back up at Sloan, with tears trembling on her eyelids.
“I don’t know.” Sloan turned away from her, the pain on her face too much to take. “This isn’t a case of you finding me cheating, and learning to trust me again. I nearly killed you. I don’t know if love is enough to get over that, and I wouldn’t blame you if it weren’t. Hell, I don’t even trust myself anymore.” Sloan said, with his head bowed, as he gripped the edge of the island countertop.
“What are saying, Sloan?” Lexi asked, nervously.
“I don’t know, Alexis. You’re right. We’ll just give it some time.” Sloan skirted the issue, and then changed the subject. “Would you like some breakfast before I get ready for work?”
“Sure.” She said, softly.
Lexi sat at the kitchen table while she watched Sloan move around the kitchen. She sensed a change in him, but she couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. Or maybe she knew but didn’t want to voice it out loud. Even if he were pulling away from her, it wasn’t like she could approach him, to soothe his guilt. Her new and unwelcomed fear of him forced her to keep her distance.
Sloan finished preparing their breakfast and brought their plates to the kitchen table. He placed a plate of bacon, eggs and grits in front of Lexi. She tensed at his nearness, and she saw the look of pain that crossed his face, at her slight flinch. He quickly masked the look, with a fake smile, as he sat across from her.
Lexi cleared her throat before speaking, trying to find anything to talk about, to clear the air. “So…grits, huh? I didn’t know you knew how to cook them.” Lexi said, looking down at her plate, feeling lame.
“Country boy, remember?” Sloan said, a genuine smile, finally spreading across his face.
“It still surprises me. I figured growing up wealthy you wouldn’t have needed to learn how to cook.” Lexi explained.
“Well, my parents did have a cook/housekeeper/nanny, but I liked sitting in the kitchen, watching her cook. She always said, ‘If you’re gonna sit around watching me, you might as well learn something.’” Sloan grinned, wistfully. “So she taught me what she knew, and I loved cooking. So when I moved out of my parents’ house at eighteen and had to cook for myself, her training helped.”
“Well, I’m glad she did because you’re an amazing cook,” Lexi said, shyly.
“Thanks.” Sloan blushed. “So…what do you want to do about your car? I don’t want to leave you without a car while I’m at work, though, I could have Kevin come pick me up.” Sloan said, remembering the charred metal skeleton, sitting in the driveway.
“God, I forgot all about that!” Lexi sighed, heavily. “I can’t believe that asshole destroyed my aunt’s car!” She pounded her fist against the kitchen table, rattling their plates. “I guess I need to call my insurance company first, and then go from there.”
“That sounds like a plan. So, just let me know what you want to do after you talk to them.” Sloan said, thoughtfully.
“Thanks,” Lexi replied, feeling the tension in the conversation and hating every bit of it. “So…I still need to finish my painting that I started yesterday, at the mansion. I-I guess I could still go with you, to work today.” Lexi suggested, hesitantly.
“Uh…sure. That would be okay. And then after work, we could go pick up Tank together. He probably thinks I abandoned him or something.” Sloan agreed.
“Alright. That sounds good.”
They finished the rest of their meal, in relative silence. Lexi made the call to her insurance company while Sloan went upstairs to shower. Or at least she thought he was showering. A few minutes later, he came back down with his hands full of his masculine toiletries and several items of clothing and walked into the spare bedroom. A deep sense of foreboding weighed Lexi down, as she wrapped up the call, with her insurance agent.
Sloan came out of the bedroom, ready to head to the bathroom with his toiletries, but stopped when he saw that she was finished with the call. He started to speak, but she cut him off before the words could get passed his lips.
“What are you doing? Why did you bring your stuff down here?” Lexi asked, her brow furled in confusion.
“I wanted to give you space. And since I don’t trust myself to sleep next to you, I figured I might as well bring my things down here.” Sloan rationalized.
“B-But what if I don’t want space,” Lexi said anxiously, fear of the distance between them, becoming a wider gap.
“Alexis, you can hardly stand to be near me. You flinch or cringe away from me when I come within inches of you.” Sloan said in frustration, taking a step towards her and raising his brows when she took a step back. “See? Do you really think you could sleep next to me, let alone share a bathroom or closet or interact with me in close quarters?”
“I don’t know, Sloan! But I don’t want this distance between us to get bigger.” Lexi practically pleaded.
Sloan sighed in frustration and changed the subject, knowing the current one was going nowhere. “What did the insurance agent say?”
Lexi sighed deeply and let him change the subject. “They’re going to send someone out to assess the damage. After that, I need to get it towed away. The insurance company will cut me a check, and I’ll figure out what I want to get from there.” Lexi explained.
“When is the assessment agent coming out?” Sloan asked, shifting his toiletries in his arms.
“To
morrow.”
“Alright. Then you’ll come with me to work today and tomorrow’s Saturday, so we’ll both be here.” Sloan confirmed.
“Yeah.” Lexi responded awkwardly, hating the tension between them.
“Well, I’m gonna get ready,” Sloan said, equally uncomfortable.
“Me too,” Lexi said, and then watched him turn away, and head into the bathroom.
With slumped shoulders, Lexi made her way upstairs to get ready.
~~~
When they arrived at the mansion, after a tense and quiet car ride, Lexi grabbed her easel and other supplies and walked to the back of the massive house. When she rounded the corner and saw the meadow, their meadow, the sight nearly brought her to her knees.
She couldn’t believe that it had been less than twenty-four hours ago since they had had one of the most idyllic and amazing afternoons of her life. In the middle of the field of flowers and tall grass. Everything had seemed so perfect in that moment, suspended in time. A slight cloud loomed over their heads, at the threat of her ex. But between them, life couldn’t have been more perfect. She’d had no idea that there was a dark cloud off on the horizon, rolling in for them as well.
Taking a deep breath past the lump in her throat, Lexi walked over to the spot where she had set up her easel the day before. Getting herself ready, she unfolded the easel and placed the unfinished canvas on it. The day before, after their passionate picnic, Lexi had decided to add herself and Sloan to the painting, just their heads and the tops of their shoulders seen through the flowers and grass. She needed to finish up the details of the painting and decided to add dark clouds in the distance. It was befitting of her mood and the reality of their dark situation.
Once she finished with that painting, she replaced it with a blank canvas and started on the painting of their hands. She pulled the image from her memory. Their coffee and cream colored hands, in beautiful contrast, with the perfect afternoon sky as the backdrop, to their entwined fingers. She immersed herself in the painting, wishing to go back to that moment when everything was perfect between them.
