by Twyla Turner
Alexis,
I’m so sorry to do this in a letter, but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t stay here and see you every day when I’m so afraid that I will hurt you. And I can’t keep avoiding you because that’s hurting you too. It seems like any and everything I do recently is hurting you. And I don’t trust myself anymore. I promised you that I would never hurt you, and now I’ve broken that promise and it’s killing me. You deserve, better. So I’m going to stay with Kevin until I can find a place of my own. I’m truly sorry if I’ve hurt you.
Sloan
The letter fluttered to the floor, and Lexi’s knees quickly followed, as she collapsed to the floor. She wrapped her arms around her middle and bent forward, as a choked sob tore through her entire being. She tried to catch her breath, but it felt as if her lungs were constricted, making breathing difficult.
At that moment, she knew without a doubt that she was totally, and completely in love with the scarred Marine. Never in her life had she felt the devastating and crushing blow that she felt currently. She’d had a feeling that it was coming, but that knowledge did nothing to stop the pain that coursed through her. And the tears, seemed endless. When she thought she had cried her last tears, more came.
When she had moved to Savannah, she had no intentions of dating or getting into a relationship, and definitely not falling in love with anyone. It was supposed to be a time of healing and self-discovery. She had not anticipated nor expected Sloan, but without realizing it, he squirmed his way into her heart. He had been an important piece to the puzzle, to her healing and self-discovery. He helped her to realize just how strong she was. She would’ve been six feet under if it weren’t for the self-defense that Sloan had taught her. It had saved her against Eric’s brutal attack.
Anger began to replace the hurt, and Lexi latched onto the emotion. The fury was so much easier to manage than the debilitating sorrow that threatened her control not to cut. Sitting up, she swiped at the remaining tears on her face, grabbed the offensive letter, and stood up on shaky legs. She stormed to the door, ripped her purse and keys off the hook, threw open the door and stomped to her new car.
She got in, started the car and threw it into reverse, out of the driveway. Angrily shifting the car into drive, she drove like a bat out of hell, towards the mansion. She drove across town in record time and screeched to a halt in the driveway of the big house, under construction. Men were everywhere, working on different projects for the house. And as Lexi got out of the car, she could barely hear herself think, over the den of noise coming from saws, hammers, nail guns and loud conversations between the men.
With the letter crumpled in her hand, Lexi stormed up to Sloan, whose back was turned to her. She stood behind him, with her arms crossed over her chest. All of the men noticing her stopped what they were doing. All the noise, died down, leaving the construction site uncharacteristically silent. The only sound was Sloan and Kevin’s conversation, as they discussed plans for the house.
When Sloan realized that all the men had stopped working, he looked up and then turned to see what they were all staring at. When his eyes landed on Lexi, he saw all the rage and hurt bubbling on the surface of her glassy green eyes.
As much as Lexi thought she was done shedding tears, the instant he looked at her, they brimmed once more, to the surface. And she angrily dashed them away, with the back of her hand.
“A fucking Dear John letter! Really Sloan?!” Lexi yelled at him and threw the balled up letter at his chest. She refused to let his haggard and tired appearance, deter her from what she had to say. “You couldn’t tell me to my face?”
“Not now, Alexis,” Sloan growled, under his voice.
“Then when? If you ever had any plans of discussing it with me, you wouldn’t have left that fucking note!” Lexi persisted.
“Goddammit, Lexi! I said not now!” Sloan shouted, then turned back to Kevin, whose eyes were as big a golf balls.
Lexi refused to be ignored for one minute longer. She walked around Sloan until she was facing him again. She stood on her tiptoes, trying her best to get in his face.
“Stop avoiding me! I will not be ignored! Do you hear me?” Lexi screeched.
Sloan snatched her up by her arm and pulled her away from the men, who stood speechless, at the drama unfolding in front of them. Sloan’s strides were long and fast, as Lexi’s short legs tried to keep up with him. Once he made it to the back of the house, and away from the prying ears of his men, he released Lexi abruptly, and she stumbled to keep her balance.
“Why in the hell would you come here, and scream at me like I’m a fucking child?!” Sloan bellowed, turning on her.
“Where else was I supposed to find you? I don’t know where Kevin lives.” Lexi growled back.
“That’s what cellphones are for!” Sloan looked at her like she was crazy.
“I am not talking about this over the phone, Sloan! I want you to look me in the eyes when you tell me that you want to end this.” Lexi explained angrily, tears threatening.
“There’s nothing to talk about. You know why I ended it.” Sloan said, turning away.
“Wasn’t it you that said that we can work through our problems, as long as we do it together? That we can help each other?” Lexi asked.
“And how can you help me when every time I look at you, I see my hands wrapped around your fucking throat?! Or dead in the street, with a hole through your head?” Sloan admitted.
“We can work through it, Sloan. You’re not even giving it a fighting chance.” Lexi argued.
“Do you hear me?” Sloan turned back to her and clasped her shoulders, giving her a gentle shake. “I don’t trust myself. At any time, I could have a flashback, and kill you. And you wouldn’t even know it was coming, which makes you that much more vulnerable. And I couldn’t live with myself if I did anything to hurt you. So I’m sorry, but it’s over.” Sloan choked out, his heart squeezing painfully.
“B-But Sloan…” Lexi began, reaching out to touch him.
Sloan stepped back, out of her reach.
“Go home, Alexis.” He said sadly.
Lexi watched through watery eyes, as Sloan walked away from her, heading back to the front of the house. His shoulders slumped, and his head hung down as if the weight of his decision, was pulling him down. And as he got farther and farther away from her, Lexi felt like he took part of her with him, the part that she had found with him: the capacity for love, passion, and trust. All the warmth that he had brought into her life, disappeared and left her with a chill deep in her bones.
She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to get back some warmth. Before she started to walk to the front of the house, she looked to her right, gazed at the field of flowers and tall grass, and her heart imploded in her chest. A gasp passed through her lips before she turned away and fled to her car.
Sloan saw her running to her car, with tears streaming down her face. As she started the car, she glanced up, and their eyes connected. His stomach clenched like someone had just sucker punched him. The muscle in his jaw ticked reflexively, as he clamped his teeth together, and Sloan’s hands were balled into tight fists at his side, fighting the urge to stop her and tell her that he took it all back. But he stood his ground, feeling that she was better off, and safer without him in her life. As her car pulled away, he felt as if the sun had set for the last time, and he was drenched in darkness.
Sloan turned back to his men. Some looked on with pity, and others tried to look at anything but him. Sloan took a deep, shaky breath, reigning in his emotions before speaking.
“Show’s over guys. Back to work.” Sloan said, in a gravelly voice.
All the men went back to what they had been doing before Lexi had pulled up. Saws, hammers, nail guns, and conversations started back up. The noise, drowned out Sloan’s internal screams of protest, over what he had just done.
Sloan bowed his head down, and put every last ounce of himself into his work. It was all he had left.
&
nbsp; ~~~
The drive home went a lot slower than when Lexi left. She had a hard time seeing the road in front of her, as she continually tried to wipe her eyes, but the tears just kept coming. A few times, angry drivers honked at her slow speed and sped past her. Some raised their hands to give her the finger, but as they glimpsed her face as they passed, they quickly lowered their hands and drove off to give the obviously heartbroken woman, a wide berth.
Lexi finally made it home, without crashing her new car, and stumbled into the silent house. No one greeted her at the door. No man. No dog. And no possibility of hope that someone would eventually be coming home, for her to greet. She was finally completely alone, just like she had wanted it, and the silence and memories of joy, suddenly felt oppressive, in her dream home.
Making her way into the living room, Lexi collapsed onto the couch. She laid there for hours, alternating between staring into space, crying controllably, and the oblivion of sleep. When finally a distraction presented itself, in the form of a miracle.
Lexi’s phone rang and she sluggishly dug through her purse, to find it.
“Hello,” she grumbled, into the phone.
“Lexi? It’s Sabrina,” the voice whispered, into the phone.
Lexi bolted upright, upon hearing the name and the voice of her best friend’s younger sister.
“Sabrina! Oh my God! Is everything alright? How is Bianca? I would’ve called, but your mom sounded so mad. I didn’t think she would appreciate my call,” Lexi babbled nervously, into the phone.
“It’s okay. I stole Bianca’s phone. That’s why I’m whispering. I don’t want my mom to flip out, but I thought that you should know that Bianca’s okay. She’s awake!” Sabrina spoke softly, but excitedly on the other end.
“Oh, thank God!” Lexi exclaimed as she slumped back onto the couch, with relief. “Do you think she would want to see me?” Lexi asked, hesitantly.
“I know, she would love to see you. That was one of the first things she asked when she woke up. She was worried about Eric finding you, because of her.” Sabrina informed her.
“Perfect. Some of my time just got freed up so I can be there within a few days. I’ll check flights, and then I’ll let you know. Give me your number, so I can call or text you directly, so you don’t have to sneak around your mom,” Lexi rattled off quickly, her mind needing the escape.
Lexi finished up the call with Sabrina, and quickly pulled up a travel site, on her phone. She booked a one-way flight for the following evening, sent a text, with her itinerary to Sabrina, and then headed upstairs to pack.
The diversion was exactly what she needed, and she hadn’t seen her best friend in over two years. It was the perfect time to get away for a while before she drove herself crazy.
Chapter 4
Lean on Me
Two days later, Lexi nervously walked down the hall of the bright and sterile hospital. The sounds of beeping machines, the smell of disinfectant and the florescent lights, assailed her senses and brought her back, to the last time she had been in the hospital. On shaky legs, she found the room that the nurse had directed her to. She slowly peeked her head in, and gave a gentle knock.
Bianca's eyes popped open at the sound. Her mother Lupe's head came up from the celebrity magazine she had been reading, and Sabrina glanced over, looking away from the TV show she had been watching. The moment Bianca laid eyes on Lexi, a radiant smile spread across her face. Unfortunately, Lexi couldn’t say the same for Lupe. When the older woman saw Lexi, she immediately squinted her eyes in anger, and her mouth turned down, with a severe frown.
“What do you think you’re doing here? You’re the reason Bianca is here. You shouldn’t be here! What if he follows you back, and you put us all in danger? Is that what you want? Do you have no consideration for the people that you supposedly care about?” Lupe took a breath, to continue brow beating Lexi, but Lexi cut her off.
“He’s dead,” Lexi said matter-of-factly. The two words stunned the three beautiful Latinas, as their eyes widened in shock.
“What?” Bianca asked in disbelief. “How?”
“I killed him,” Lexi said, her face devoid of emotion.
The three women’s mouths dropped open, at that little bombshell.
“Y-You killed him? You?!” Lupe asked with skepticism, looking her up and down.
“Yes. He stalked me for several weeks. Luckily, my f-friend taught me some self-defense and how to shoot a gun.” Lexi stumbled over what to call Sloan, and a sharp pain ripped through her chest. “So when he finally decided to make his move to attack me, a little over a week ago. I knew how to protect myself,” Lexi said, without much emotion, glad that he was dead.
“You shot him?” Sabrina spoke up, in awe.
“Yes. Just once. And in the head.” Lexi looked at each woman, and then focused her eyes solely on Bianca. “So you’re safe. And I’m so…so, sorry that he hurt you. Never in a million years, did I think that he’d come after anyone that I knew,” Lexi said, gravely.
“It’s okay, Lexi. Don’t beat yourself up about it. I’m still alive.” Bianca smiled, brightly. “But are you okay? That had to be hard for you,” Bianca asked, in concern.
“No. Actually, it wasn’t. I’m glad I did it. I’m glad he’s gone. If I hadn’t have killed him, he would have never left me or the people I care about, alone until someone was dead,” Lexi said, her voice filled conviction.
“Wow! I’ve never seen you this hardcore before. I like it. I mean, you’re a little scary now. But I still like it,” Bianca grinned, and her infectious, happy spirit; finally made Lexi smile for the first time in over a week.
“Yeah. I’d finally had enough of being a victim. I just decided to take control over my life…over my body,” Lexi breathed, deeply.
“I’m so proud of you,” Bianca said, her eyes becoming glassy as she blinked back tears.
~~~
Bianca’s mom left for the evening. After several minutes of coaxing, she dragged Sabrina along with her, leaving the two friends alone for the first time, in a long time. They talked for a while about trivial things. Lexi told Bianca about finding her love of painting again, and her upcoming art exhibit in a few months. And Bianca told her about her breakup, with the boyfriend she had been seeing before Lexi had moved away. But Lexi’s best friend wanted to know what was really, going on with her.
“So…” Bianca trailed off, with raised eyebrows.
“So, what?” Lexi asked, faking ignorance.
“So, who is he?” Bianca finally asked.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lexi continued, as she danced around the subject.
“I know that there is someone. Earlier you hesitated when talking about who taught you self-defense. Did you forget, that I know you better than anyone?” Bianca asked, refusing to let her off the hook.
“It’s nothing really. I-It’s already over,” Lexi admitted, tears beginning to clog her voice, as she looked down at her hands.
“Oh my God! I’m sorry, Lexi! I didn’t mean to upset you.” Bianca apologized.
“It’s alright. I’m okay…or I’m gonna be. Eventually.” Lexi said and took a deep calming breath.
“Can you tell me about him? Because I have a feeling he’s one of the reasons that you found your inner strength,” Bianca said, perceptively.
“Yeah, he is.” Lexi cleared her throat, before beginning, and Bianca reached over and squeezed her hand, in encouragement.
“His name is Sloan Stryker-”
“Sloan Stryker?! Holy shit! He sounds so hot. Just by his name,” Bianca interrupted. “Oh sorry. Carry on.”
“He’s a retired Marine,” Lexi said, raising a brow as her friend opened her mouth, to interrupt her again. Bianca closed her mouth and let Lexi continue. “When we met he was actually homeless.”
This time, Bianca couldn’t resist, and chimed in.
“A homeless Marine? Seriously?” She asked, in astonishment.
“Yeah. H
e helped me out a couple of times, and saved me from a couple of crackheads that were about to rape me. So we ended up becoming unlikely friends.” Lexi smiled at Bianca’s face.
“Only you would come across some crackhead rapists!” Bianca said, shaking her head in amazement.
“I know. Ridiculous, right?!” Lexi agreed, rolling her eyes. “Anyway, in return for saving me, I offered my home to him. He had a background in home construction and volunteered to help me renovate my house. He’s scarred, and beautiful, and damaged…just like me. We just get each other.” Lexi’s eyes filled with tears. “Or we did.”
“What happened? Why is it over?” Bianca asked, gently.
“The night that Eric attacked me, when it was all over and as we slept, Sloan must have had a flashback. He accidentally choked me, in his sleep.” Lexi said despondently, as tears slipped down her face.
“Shit! I’m so, sorry Lexi,” Bianca apologized, regretfully.
“Thanks. I wanted to make it work, but I think the guilt got to him. And he no longer trusted himself, not to hurt me. So he ended it.” Lexi could barely get out the last words before the dam broke, and she started crying, unable to say anything further.
Bianca weakly tugged at Lexi’s arm. Lexi caught the hint and crawled into the bed with her best friend. Bianca gathered Lexi close, and Lexi laid her head on Bianca’s shoulder, and let it all out. Bianca held her tight, murmuring words of comfort to her.
