by Melanie Ting
“Wayne’s going to squeal, but I’ll take your salary out of the money I’d be saving. A lot of times we’re forced to use generic pieces because they’re available and inexpensive.”
“If you can give me a list of what we’ll need, I can start picking things up over the summer. Some of the things here are second-hand pieces that I fixed up.”
Fiona nodded. “I suspected that, but they look great. And the whole distressed look is better for families anyway. Nobody wants to worry about wrecking some pristine place, and we certainly don’t want to have to replace things all the time. You’re a magician, Jackie.”
Wow, getting praise for something I’d done. Not as Brent’s wife or ex-wife. Not as Hannah’s mom or Tristan’s mom, or any of the other labels that got attached to me. Me, Jacqueline Wagner. The accomplishment felt pretty damn good.
11
Colourless
Leo
“We’re almost there,” Jackie said, as she turned onto a busy street. She was so excited for our second date that I was getting hyped too, despite the fact I’d only slept about ten hours out of the past two days due to work and the road trip.
She turned towards me, beaming. “Are you ready?”
“Ready for what?” She really needed to face the road instead of looking at me. This was exactly why I’d wanted to drive. But Jackie insisted that since I planned everything about our first date, she would do the same for this date. Jackie was a good driver, but she was easily distracted. She threw herself so completely into things.
“Ready to be impressed by my awesomeness,” she replied.
I chuckled. Her van reminded me of my childhood. We had an oversized passenger van to contain our whole family. As the second-youngest, I never got a window seat though. I was always crammed in the middle.
We parked, and Jackie pulled a big tote bag out of the back seat. Her clothes looked elegant, but her flushed cheeks and messy haircut looked like she had just rolled out of bed—after being fucked hard. What would she really look like after she had been fucked hard? That was something I’d been imagining on the long road trip.
She put her arm through mine. “Come on, Leo.” She led me towards a brightly-lit storefront. The awning read Kiln ’n Kaboodle.
“Merde.” I stopped short. “Is this some kind of arts and crafts place?”
Jackie nodded enthusiastically. “Hey, did I complain when you pushed me out on an icy surface on tiny pieces of metal?”
“Skating is fun. Everyone enjoys skating.”
“Art is fun too. Everyone loves art.”
“Not everybody.” My stomach felt hollow. I noticed a bar across the street, and I pulled her around to face it. “Look, there’s a bar over there, why don’t we go for a drink?”
“Don’t be a wuss. You said next time it would be my turn to choose something, and now you’re jamming out. We can go inside, do one activity, and then go out for a drink.”
I groaned. Now’s the time she picks to take a stand? “You are a stubborn woman. Why did I think you were easy going?”
“You’re so macho. First you want to drive, and now a craft place is too girly or something? Let’s go.”
She pulled on my arm and dragged me inside. It was everything I hated. Cutesy homemade banners and stupid affirmations like, “Release your inner artist.” I had no fucking inner artist. I focused on things I was good at and didn’t waste time on this crap. The smell of glue or paint was bringing back some very shitty childhood memories.
Some girl in a retro dress was already chattering away with Jackie. The two of them walked to a corner table, and I followed slowly.
“Just have a look at the front shelves and you can choose what you’d like to paint,” she chirped. “Or if you want to make a collage, we have those materials as well. Here’s a binder of completed projects if you need inspiration. Can I get you a coffee or tea?”
Jackie raised her tote bag. “I brought some adult beverages.”
The girl beamed. “Oh, you’ve been here before. Carry on then.”
I slouched into one chair and pushed my hair back. I still needed a haircut. In fact, there were only a hundred places I’d rather be than here. And there were a thousand things I’d rather be doing with Jackie than this.
“Come on. Let’s choose dishes, and we can paint them.”
“Look, how about if you paint and I watch you. I’ll keep you company while you make your masterpiece.”
She put a beer in front of me. “Maybe the beer will loosen you up and your inner Picasso will come out. Just like my inner Tessa Virtue came out on our first date. Relax, take off your coat.” Then she blushed, and I was pretty sure she was having sex thoughts. I sure was, because I could see her sweet ass in dark jeans.
I sighed and put my coat on the back of the chair. She pulled me up, and I put my hands on her shoulder. She shivered under my touch. I whispered in her ear, “Jackie, this stuff is for kids. Let’s go somewhere and do adult things.”
She scowled. “Seriously? It’s like I’m forcing you to drown puppies or something. What is your problem?”
I cursed under my breath. “You know, I’m just not comfortable here. Can we go?”
Jackie finally clued in that I was serious. “I’m sorry, Leo. I thought that this was something you’d enjoy too. It’s no big deal. We can leave.” But her mouth was turned down, and her shoulders slumped.
“Why is this so important to you?” I asked her.
Jackie looked down at the stained table. “You’re not going to understand this, but it was actually pretty challenging for me to find something I’m good at. I mean, I’m good at the things most women are good at, like home stuff. But I’m not a great skater like you, and I can’t sing or anything like that. I’m pretty average.”
Jackie was all emotion and expression. Again that vulnerability came out, in complete contrast to her beauty and expensive home. I was a shit for bringing her down like this.
I stroked her hair, and she raised her eyes to mine.
“I’m sorry, Jackie. Let’s sit down for minute.”
We sat back down at our table.
“I’ve gotta tell you something.” I exhaled. “I’m not into this stuff because I’m colour blind.”
“Oh my gosh, that’s terrible.” Jackie was as shocked as if I told her I was missing a limb. She pointed to her belt. “What colour is this?”
“Yellow?” I guessed.
She shook her head. “It’s fuchsia.” Whatever that looked like.
“Look, I don’t want to spoil everything you planned. I guess I should have told you right away, but it’s hard for me….” My voice trailed off. It wasn’t really that big a deal, obviously I could function perfectly well in life. I just saw things differently from other people. But it wasn’t like I had lost anything I ever had.
But this whole place triggered crappy memories of my grade school art classes. Nobody likes to feel like a failure.
Jackie threw her arms around my neck. “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t have screwed up more. And you poor thing, I can’t imagine what it would be like to go through life and not be able to see all the beautiful colours.”
While I liked the feeling of her body against mine, I wasn’t so keen about her feeling sorry for me. I was being a wuss.
I pulled Jackie onto my lap. “It’s not a big deal. How about you guide me, and we’ll do something together.”
Her face lit up. “Really? Are you sure?”
“Yeah. But only one thing, and then we go for a drink.”
“Deal!” Jackie was all happy again. We walked over to the pottery shelf with unfired dishes. “Look, you could make a dish for Charlotte. Like a cereal bowl. You could paint a cat on the bottom.”
I shook my head. “No way. Charlotte could draw a better cat than me.”
“Okay, then you can do stripes. Anyone can do stripes. We’ll get different sized brushes for each colour. I’ll look after everything. Take these bowls back to our table a
nd have a drink.”
I went back to the table and opened my beer. Jackie bustled over with a pan of paints and some brushes.
“Okay, since she likes purple, I got a dark purple and a lavender. I added yellow, that’s a complementary colour so it will make the purples pop.” She pointed to each colour as she said them. “All you need to do is rotate between them. I got a few different widths of brushes for you. You can use one for each paint colour.”
I nodded and got down to painting. She was working on two different bowls, one for each of her kids.
“What colours do you see?” Jackie asked.
“I can see the yellow. I knew that was yellow before you said it. But the purples look kind of blue to me. Everything is more grey, at least that’s what I’ve been told.” Our eyes met and now all I saw was curiosity. “I’ve never known anything different.”
Jackie shook her head. “I love colour so much. I can’t even imagine what that is like for you.”
“It’s not a big deal, really.”
“Does it cause problems in real life? Like traffic lights—how do you know when to go?”
I shrugged. “The lights are in the same position, and they glow. Once I got in trouble for running a guy wearing a no-contact jersey in practice. Coach was yelling at me, ‘Didn’t you see his red jersey?’ ‘Uh no, coach.’”
She laughed at that, and then we both kept painting. It was surprisingly hard to paint a straight line. But I found myself enjoying this. Not so much that I’d keep hunting for my fucking inner artist, but it wasn’t torture.
“Sorry if I was being a wimp before. When I was a kid, I hated art class so much. I got laughed at all the time.”
“It was the opposite for me. Art was one of the few classes I did well in.”
“Oh, I can’t believe that. You must have been good in gym, you were a good skater,” I pointed out.
She nodded. “I was good in gym too. But nothing academic. I’m a big dummy.”
I put down my paintbrush. “Why would you say that about yourself?”
“I’m just joking,” she scoffed.
“You shouldn’t say that even when you’re joking. Would you let your kids say that?”
“I guess not. It’s kind of my family role. You know, Brent was the smart, sensible one, and I’m the ditzy one who gets into crazy situations.”
“I don’t date dummies,” I said. “And I certainly don’t think you’re one.”
“Thank you. But you hardly know me.”
“I don’t mean to come down hard on you, but this is exactly what I’m going through with my guys right now. They play like they’re looking over their shoulder all the time, and that slows them down. It’s my job to rebuild their self-confidence.” I began painting again. There were only a few guys who had been able to rise above Pankowski’s constant criticism, either because they had self-awareness or huge egos.
“It sounds like you know a lot about psychology.”
“I did graduate work in sports psychology.”
“Wow, do all hockey coaches have degrees?” she asked.
I smiled and shook my head. Some coaches did, but many had played hockey and worked their way up the ranks. We finished painting and left the bowls to be fired.
“All done,” said Jackie. “Now that wasn’t too terrible, was it?”
“Nope.” I put an arm around her as we left. “Maybe if I had a sexy art teacher like you when I was growing up, it would have changed my life.”
She tipped her head back and laughed. It was a throaty, genuine laugh that I wanted to hear over and over.
“You might have been a famous artist now, instead of a hockey coach,” she suggested.
“Let’s not get carried away.” I pointed to the bar across the street. “Did you want to go over there now?”
Jackie shook her head. Her face was unsmiling and then she blurted. “Ahh, do you have anything to drink at your place?”
I turned to see her face, and her cheeks were flaming. Well, if this was how the evening was going to end, I was more than good with that. I’d been fantasizing about Jackie since I’d seen her in the kitchen. I opened the driver’s side door for her and helped her in, resting a hand on her thigh.
“Sounds good to me. Are we going to find out what else you’re good at?”
“Ummmm.” Her eyes widened, and her lips parted. I leaned in and kissed her. I felt her warm breath, the softness of her lips, and the silky probe of her tongue. In contrast to her almost shy manner, her kiss was hungry and searching. When we finally broke away, she fell back against the seat.
I got into my side of the van. Jackie was busily undoing her coat.
“All set?” she asked in a high voice. I did up my seat belt, and she eased into traffic. “Is the heat on in here? It’s kind of hot.”
I chuckled and reached over to fiddle with the console. “It’s set at low. Did you want the air conditioning on?”
“Um, no. I’m good.” She unwound her scarf completely and noticed my amusement. “Leo, stop watching my every move. I told you it’s been awhile since I dated. I’m out of practice.”
“It’s not dating you seem to be out of practice at,” I observed.
“Damn it. You’re very attractive. I’m sure that’s not news to you,” she snapped.
I laughed heartily. “Relax, Jacqueline. It’s like riding a bike. You never lose the skill.”
She bit her lip. “You’re no bike.”
“You’re very funny,” I told her.
“You’re so slick. You turn every awkward thing I do into a positive.”
“Not true. I’m completely sincere.”
“Really? It’s like you know every cheesy seduction line ever made.”
“They aren’t cheesy lines if I mean them,” I said.
“Stop. Just stop.”
She parked in an underground guest spot, which meant she could leave her van here all night. When we got in the parking elevator, I leaned across her to push the button. Our bodies brushed against each other, and she twitched nervously. Again she reminded me of prey—a little rabbit in front of a wolf. I backed off, not wanting to scare her away.
Once inside my place, Jackie hung up her coat and put it in the closet. She was more comfortable inside, probably because she had spent so time here already.
“I can’t get over how tidy you are,” Jackie said. “The place looks neater than when I finished it.”
I liked being organized and knowing where things were. “I put things back where they belong. What would you like to drink?”
She followed me into the kitchen. “A beer please.”
I pulled two bottles out of the fridge and uncapped them. “Would you like a glass?”
“No, it’s okay.”
She took a big swig from the bottle, and wiped off her mouth with the back of her hand. “I know, so ladylike, right?”
“You’re full of intriguing contrasts—feminine, yet real.”
“Yeah, and for my next act, I’ll be burping up beer.” Then she blushed again. “Sorry, I’m more used to talking to ten-year-old boys than actual men.”
We both laughed and went into the living room. We sat down on the couch but Jackie maintained a polite distance from me.
Clearly, I’d have to put her at ease. “So, you’re very artistic.”
She smiled. “Actually, I did the paintings in your apartment.”
“Really? That’s amazing. They’re very professional.”
“What can you see in them?” she asked. “Because they’re all about colour.”
I motioned to the ones in the living room. “Well, these ones are mainly about the shapes and stripes. It’s not like I live in a black and white world, I can see colour. I just can’t see all the colours. Like the one in the bedroom is harder for me.”
“The flower one? What do you see in that?”
“It’s hard to explain,” I said. “I can’t distinguish everything correctly.”
“Sho
w me,” she said. I took her by the hand and we went to the bedroom. Things were progressing quickly here.
We stood in front of the painting. I stood behind her, with my hands on her shoulders. A shiver ran down her back.
“Flowers are harder for me because I can’t see the difference between the leaves and petals, unless the shapes are different. I can’t discern the greens.” I pointed. “These two parts are the same colour to me.”
“Oh really? You can’t see any of the reds and pinks either? What a shame.” She was all sympathy, so I didn’t bother explaining that it really wasn’t a big deal to me. She continued, “I worried so much about placing the painting just right so you could enjoy it each morning. I lay down on your bed to figure out what you would see when you first opened your eyes.”
Jackie all spread out on my bed was an enticing image. I swallowed. “You were lying here? What a good idea.”
I ran my hands up and down her upper arms. Pulling her back against, me, I whispered into her ear, “Did I tell you how much I like this place? You seemed to anticipate my every need.”
She leaned her head back, and I kissed a tiny pulsing spot on her neck. Jackie sighed, and I turned her around to face me. Feeling her soft body pressed against mine—her breasts, her belly, her thighs—made me more excited every second. She was sweet and beautiful, and I was filled with a sense of need. This felt right.
I kissed her moist, open mouth and ran my hands up and down her back, pulling her closer to me. “Maybe there’s one more need you could satisfy,” I whispered between kisses.
“Oh Leo.” She kissed me back hard, and we tumbled onto the bed.
I licked her neck, relishing the salty taste. I reached down and cupped her ass, squeezing the bouncy cheeks through the fabric.
“You feel so good,” I told her. Her eyes were screwed shut, and she kissed me blindly. I ran one hand down the bare skin of her neck, then reached over to undo her shirt.
There was a sudden shift as Jackie’s eyes opened and she stiffened. Instead of relaxing into my touch, her whole body was tensed. Her eyes widened, and she bit her lip.
