by Melanie Ting
He exhaled. “Oh. A sports psychologist. That’s different.”
I hid my smile. That was always the reaction. If it was couched in mental preparation for hockey, everyone was on board. “All kinds of therapists are helpful. I went to one myself during my divorce.”
“You?” Lepper was shocked. “You’re always totally in control.”
“Mental health is as important as staying in shape.” After I split with Sophie, it was affecting my work so much that I needed help.
Lepper yanked out his phone and checked the time. “That reminds me, Coach. Don’t forget to call your daughter.”
“Merde. Thanks.” After talking to Jackie, I had arranged to call Charlotte at six o’clock every night. I preferred to use my laptop so I could really see her, but if I was on the road I’d use my phone instead. I’d booted Lepper out of the office a few times to make my call, so he knew the drill.
He headed out. I made a note to follow up on hooking up Lepper with help. The Vice lacked many things, but Amanda had made sure that our medical insurance coverage was extensive. Some kind of therapy for Lepper would be covered and benefit him tremendously.
Then I closed my office door and dialled up Charlotte. Her sweet face appeared on the screen, and my heart took its usual dip at the sight. I smiled at her, and the corners of her mouth turned up slightly.
“Hello, chaton. How are you today?”
“I’m fine, Papa.”
I leaned towards the laptop screen as if that could bring me closer to Charlotte.
“How did your project on tigers go?” I asked.
She blinked, her mouth in a straight line, and her blonde hair shading her face. “Good. Madame Pinault said it was very thorough.” Then she looked down into her lap. It was always like this at the beginning of a call, she was very quiet. But soon she’d be bubbling up with things she wanted to tell me.
As she turned her head, a glint caught my eye.
“C’est quoi, ca? Did you get your ears pierced?”
Charlotte’s eyes widened in alarm. “Do you not like them?” She turned to the side so I could see the tiny stud on the perfect pale skin of her earlobe.
There must have been an angry note in my voice that she caught, so I tried to speak more pleasantly. “Not at all. Was this something you wanted to do?”
“Kind of.” That made it hard to know if it was her decision or Sophie’s. The piercing did bother me. It meant she was growing up, but it also felt creepily premature—more for teenagers than young girls. Sophie would have a million arguments though: that all her friends did it, that it was for fashion, that she had her ears pierced at the same age. Besides, what was the point of arguing things that were already done?
I felt the helplessness of being so far away. Mainly, it was the pain that again she had grown up in the short time since we last spoke. With adults, a month could go by and nothing new would have happened. But with Charlotte, every day brought some change.
We chatted more about her friends and her weekend trip to a sugar shack.
“Oh Papa, they poured the maple sap on the snow and we ate it with sticks! It was so delicious. My stomach got happy bumps!”
I laughed, and then a shadow appeared behind her.
“Charlotte, c’est l’heure.” Sophie’s hand tipped with dark red nails appeared on Charlotte’s shoulder. My daughter’s face darkened a little. The time difference meant that our calls weren’t that long before she had to go to bed.
“Okay. Bye bye, Papa.” She leaned forward, and we both “kissed” each other through the screen. My lips felt the cold screen instead of her petal-soft skin.
Sophie sat down in her place. As usual, she looked beautiful and slightly pissed off. I tried to present a neutral expression.
“Alors, Leo, we need to discuss the schedule for this summer. After the wedding, Wes and I will bring Charlotte to Vancouver. It’s on our way to Hawaii, so it’s not too much of an imposition.”
“Sophie, I told you, I’m happy to go to Montréal to pick her up. The season will be over, and I’ll have lots of flexibility. You’re the one who insisted on coming here.”
“The original plan was that you were going to look after her in Montréal. You’re the one who changed that. I don’t understand why you’re not coming home this summer.”
I had only explained this three times. “We have a lot to do for the upcoming season—planning, systems, building renos—so Chris and I will be spending the whole summer working. I could take a week off to pick up Charlotte though.”
Sophie waved that away. “C’est pas ça. Here, I know that your mother will look after Charlotte. How are you going to look after your daughter if you’re working?”
“I’m going to hire a nanny. A friend is helping me find someone. A university student.”
Sophie pounced on that. “A friend? Ta nouvelle blonde?”
I shook my head. Jackie wasn’t my girlfriend. We hadn’t even had the talk yet. Then I felt a flash of guilt. We should have had the talk by now, but I’d been putting it off. Being with Jackie was so pleasurable that I’d ignored the normal timetable for these things.
Besides, Sophie was overly interested in my personal life. “There’s no girlfriend. I will let you know when I have the nanny lined up. But it’s still three months away.”
She frowned. “Mon Dieu, don’t remind me. I have so much to do for the wedding, and we are so busy at work. I may be in Vancouver soon, we’re looking at sites for expanding into that market. Mais, c’est ridicule là, so expensive.” The Montréal hotel chain that Sophie worked for was expanding to new markets. “Which reminds me, you have enough room in your place for Charlotte, right?”
“There’s a room decorated especially for her.”
“You should send photos. I’d like to see it.”
“I want to keep it as a surprise for her,” I replied. Sophie’s brows knotted. She liked to get her way even in the smallest things. We were both very stubborn, and that had caused many arguments. Luckily, her fiancé was very easy-going. I’d met Wes Graham twice, and he seemed like a good guy.
Sophie’s face took on a knowing expression. “I can’t believe you don’t have a girlfriend yet. You’ve been there a month already, n’est ce pas?”
I shrugged. “I’m busy at work.”
“Oui, je sais. You’re a workaholic. But you always find time for women. I want to meet your new girlfriend when I get there.”
“Sophie, I told you—”
She waved her hand at my protests. “Oui, oui, oui. Even if you don’t have someone yet—which I don’t believe—you will by the time we are there. If there’s going to be another woman looking after Charlotte, I want to meet her. We can all go out for dinner or something.”
No point in arguing something so hypothetical. “Anything else?”
“Yes, there’s one more thing. Wes and I are going to be moving after we get married.”
“Where?” Merde. This was news, and not good news. Wes had some job with luxury yachts, and he lived in San Diego. But he’d been taking jobs on the East Coast and staying with Sophie in between, so I assumed that was how things would continue. Besides, this issue was painful to me. Sophie’s career was so important to her that I was shocked she’d marry someone who didn’t even live in Montréal. Now she was considering moving to the States. She had never been willing to move for me—even though we had Charlotte together. But over time, everyone changes.
Sophie flipped her smooth hair back, and a vague memory flashed of how fine and soft each strand felt. “We don’t know yet. Somewhere on the coast.”
“Which coast?”
“We don’t know that yet either. Wes needs to be able to fly easily, so near a big airport. But I haven’t been able to find a job in San Diego that’s equivalent to what I do now.”
“Okay, well, keep me posted.” Again, all this was hypothetical. Once they’d decided on a city, we could discuss things more. Maybe Charlotte would end up being clos
er, which would be a good thing. Sophie enjoyed drama, and I wasn’t willing to oblige her with a big argument about something that might not even happen. But my ex still knew how to push all my buttons.
We said goodbye, and I closed the laptop. Talking to Sophie always left me unsettled, but now more than ever. I was glad that she was happy, but I could see that Charlotte’s life was going to change a lot in the next year—and I wondered what my place in that new life would be.
18
Torn
Jackie
How about dinner tonight?
I texted Leo and then waited nervously. This past weekend, I’d had the kids and Leo had games both nights. Then Brent had asked if he could take Hannah and Tristan to a big family event at his parents’ place on Sunday. Freedom for a few hours, and maybe I could get my Leo-fix. He was bringing an excitement to my life that had been sorely lacking.
Finally, my cell rang.
“Hey, Jackie. How are you?”
“I’m good. Are you busy?”
“Yeah. Always.” He sounded tired. “I’ve got to work late, but I do have to break for dinner. Where do you want to go?”
“I was thinking you could come here. The kids are with their Dad until at least nine.”
“You don’t want your kids to meet me?”
“Oh no,” I apologized. “It’s just a little too soon, don’t you think?”
Having to do the “mommy’s dating” chat was ranking right up there with the explaining sex to Tristan. When I told the facts of life to Hannah, she took everything in stride. But Tristan was totally grossed out by my explanation and pleaded with me to stop talking. Sharon told me that the sooner I got the kids used to the idea of my dating, the better. But Sharon was also the one who warned me that it wasn’t a relationship until we’d discussed it. Once we were a thing, I’d tell them.
Leo laughed. “I’m teasing you, Jackie. Are you sure this wouldn’t be too much work?”
“No, I’ll whip up something easy,” I assured him.
Leo did look tired when he came over. Today he was dressed like a hot gym teacher in a black Vancouver Vice tracksuit. He pulled me into his arms for a kiss as soon as he got inside. His kiss melted my knees and panties simultaneously.
“Mmmm, you’re the best thing I’ve tasted all day,” Leo said. He kept his arm around my waist as I led him into the kitchen. I poured him a cold beer, and he grinned. “As usual, you know exactly what I need.”
Was that hint about sex? Because I was more than good with that.
“I aim to please,” I said. I tried to keep from blushing without success. Leo noticed of course. He never missed a thing.
“Who knew how lucky I was getting when you broke into my place.”
“Stop saying that,” I protested. I tried to smack him, but he caught my wrist in his hand. Which was a complete turn-on for me. Was Sharon right about bossy guys turning my crank? I kissed him, and this time it was wet and messy. I plastered myself against him, wrapped a leg around his waist, and we made out hungrily until a faint beeping sounded.
“What is that?” Leo asked between kisses.
“Damn. The timer for the oven.” I broke away and went to check on the halibut. It was ready. “I guess we should eat,” I said sadly.
Leo grinned. “I enjoy your transparency, Jackie.”
Which was a euphemism for horniness. I plated the fish, and we went to the dining room.
“How’s the house sale going?” Leo asked as he looked out onto the deck. There was a For Sale sign outside now, so we were officially on the market.
“Pretty good. We had two open houses this week.” The agent’s open was on Thursday, and the regular open was on Saturday. The place was immaculate, but my days seemed to be spent trailing the kids and either nagging them to tidy up or picking up after them myself. It was more stressful than I’d expected.
“Where will you go after?”
I shrugged. “That’s the big question. I’m not sure yet.”
We helped ourselves to side dishes. I had made a halibut with roasted pepper vinaigrette, a Mediterranean couscous salad, and a tomato phyllo tart.
“Impressive. And you just whipped this up?” Leo’s voice was teasing.
“Actually, yes. I got the halibut after I talked to you. I wouldn’t make all this for myself.”
He gave me a speculative look, like he was figuring me out. “Why not? If you like to cook and you like to eat? If I could cook like this, and so quickly too, I would do it.”
“What is it with you? You’re like my therapist or something. Because I do see the subtext here, the whole ‘I’m worth it’ philosophy.”
Leo’s eyes crinkled in amusement. “I’ll admit, I do find you a fascinating contrast of confidence and insecurity.”
“I’m just going to hear the word ‘fascinating’ out of that sentence.” Maybe it was lust that turned me completely neurotic around Leo. Although the spectacular sex we’d had made me less self-conscious and nervous.
Leo laughed loudly. “You are a fascinating woman. And a wonderful cook. This is the third meal of yours I’ve eaten, and they keep getting better every time.”
“Thank you. I wasn’t sure about dessert though. I didn’t make any, but I have ice cream or cookies. Are you a dessert man?”
He gave me that half-closed eye look again. This time it said, “You’re the dessert, baby. I’m going to rip those clothes off and eat you up.” At least that’s how I interpreted it. He could have been thinking about hockey.
Leo reached for another helping of tart. “I don’t eat a lot of desserts.”
“Is that how you stay in such good shape?” I asked. Then I began blushing. Why did everything I say to him sound like a come-on? Maybe because it was.
“I have a routine. For work, for fitness.” He sounded casual, but I already knew that he was very organized.
“You know, I was thinking that since your schedule is so busy and I’m not free a lot of nights, maybe we could meet for lunch sometime?”
“Lunch? I’m not sure about that. I usually work through lunch. I have meetings too.”
I guess the old afternoon delight didn’t appeal to him. “Okay, well, we can stick with Wednesdays. And weekends when you’re free.” Was I being too available? Leo said he preferred honesty.
“That would be nice,” he said, but he was frowning. “I have to go back to work after this.” I felt a twinge of disappointment below the waist. I had purposely timed the dinner early so that we had time to fool around before the kids got home.
“You work really hard.” I offered him more coffee, but he shook his head. “What are you doing so late at night?”
“It all sounds boring. Game preparation, mainly. Some bigger planning too. The Vice are winding down their season, but Lucky and I are gearing up to take in more games—for next season.”
Leo’s face took on a different expression when he talked about work. He was stern and closed-off, not that he was easy to read at any time.
I smiled at him. “I’ll have to come and watch a game sometime.” Was that weird? Watching Leo while he worked was a little creepy, even though his job was done in public. But I couldn’t deny I had a certain fascination with him. He was so self-contained that I didn’t understand him at all.
He shook his head. “If you want, but it’s probably the worst way to understand what I do. Besides, I’m pretty busy before and afterwards. I wouldn’t be able to spend any time with you.”
“It’s okay. I wasn’t hinting that I wanted a date or anything. As you can see—” I motioned to the remains of our meal. “I’m not afraid to ask if I want to see you.”
Leo reached across and took my hand. “We’re just getting to know each other, but I really like you, Jackie. You’re a lot of fun. And you’re very beautiful... and sexy.”
“Thank you.” I tensed. There was something about his tone of voice that made me think I was about to get dumped. Already? We weren’t even anything official y
et. Waaaah, I hadn’t had enough orgasms yet. I needed to store them up like a squirrel with nuts.
“This is me. I have a plan for myself, around my coaching career. The Vice are a big challenge for me, and I like challenges. But obviously, I want to coach in the NHL someday.”
I nodded. Where was he was going with all this career talk?
“I’d like to keep seeing you, but I’ll probably get a new job offer at some point. It could take one season, two—who knows? But when that offer comes, I’ll be gone.”
“What does that have to do with me?”
“I’m telling you that I’ll never be the kind of guy who can do a long-term relationship. I have my priorities: Charlotte and my job.”
“I still don’t understand. A season is almost a year, right? That’s a long time to go out.”
He nodded. “Yeah. That’s what I think too. But for you, maybe you want someone more serious. Who can give you a future.”
I didn’t really want a future. I’d been living in the past for too long, and all I wanted was the now. I wanted Leo and more of that amazing sex. “So, what can you do? I mean, in terms of dating.”
“What we have now. We can go out and see each other when I have time.” He squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry, that sounds arrogant, I know. But I want to be honest at the outset. We can have a good time, but it’s never going to be anything permanent. Is that what you want?”
“Does that mean you’d be seeing other women?”
He snorted. “Hardly. I work seventy hours a week, and I’m on the road half the time. It’ll get better once the season’s over, but Lucky and I have plans to see a bunch of teams during the playoffs, so we’ll be busy until June.” His mouth twisted. “You already know how hard it is to find time together.”
I felt a whoosh of relief. “I think what we have now is perfect. My kids are my priority too. After the whole emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on in the past two years, I’m definitely not looking for anything serious.”
