by Susan Stoker
“Never more sure than right now.”
“Maybe this is because of what we talked about earlier that brought you to tears?”
Stubbornly, she shook her head, the waves of sable hair sliding across her shoulders. “No.” And then, her jaw became firm, her eyes narrowing on him. “I want you, Cade. All of you. If you’ll have me.”
He understood the kind of courage it took for Kara to admit that. “I wanted to be your friend in the first grade, Kara.” He saw relief come to her eyes, and then happiness shine in them. His heart exploded with incredible joy. Never, in a million years, had he thought this moment would ever happen. Even in his dreams, he’d never dared to go this far. Sliding his fingers through her strands, pushing them aside so he could keep full contact with her gaze, he rasped, “Maybe this is going to scare you, Kara, but you need to know what’s in my heart for you. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you in first grade, even though I didn’t know what I felt toward you was called. Later, as I matured, I realized it was puppy love.” Grazing her pink cheek, he added in a low, thick tone, “In high school, I continued to love you. But I couldn’t have you. Thought I never would.”
Her lips compressed and she smoothed her fingers across the fabric of the shirt across his chest. “Because my father said you were beneath me? You figured I deserved someone far better than you? Right?”
His mouth contorted and he looked above her head for a moment before meeting her apologetic gaze. “Yeah, something like that. He stopped short of calling us trailer trash, although after my dad died, we lost our house in bankruptcy and had to find somewhere else to live. He was right about that trailer. But not the trash part.”
Reaching up, sliding her fingertips along the line of his jaw, feeling the sandpapery quality of his beard, she whispered, “None of that ever made a difference to me, Cade Patterson. I’m my own person.” Her hand stilled against his cheek, drowning in his gold-brown gaze, “I have dreamed my whole life of you being in my life, Cade. Just you. And no matter what man I met after I left at eighteen, none of them could fill your boots.”
Blindsided by her admission, he stared down at her, seeing the raw honesty in her eyes. It shook Cade as nothing else had since his father’s unexpected death. His hands tightened around her small shoulders and he drowned in her upturned gaze. It was so much to absorb that he was momentarily stunned. He felt her palm gently moving back and forth across his chest, as if in appreciation of him. His throat tightened with overwhelming emotions. “This is a lot to take in,” he admitted gruffly.
“I know it is. But it’s been inside me for a long, long time, Cade. The only person who can tell me to forget you, forget the dreams I’ve always had of you, is you.” She gave him a tender look. “I used to see you at odd times in the twelve years of school we shared, the way you would look at me sometimes. I knew without a doubt you wanted to know me. I was afraid to call it love because we’d never had any real time together. If my father’s spies at school had seen us talk, seen us together in any way, it would have gotten back to him. He swore to hurt any boy who thought he could have me. I didn’t want to put you into danger, Cade. And I couldn’t even tell you why I wasn’t able to come talk to you. I never wanted my father to know that you held my heart. It was my secret.”
His whole world anchored and he closed his fingers more surely against her shoulders, still coming to grips with her first admission. Her whispered, choked words flowed into him like sweet, warm honey, awakening his guarded heart, the doors of it flying open, an intense, almost painful sensation flooding him. As Cade searched her gaze, he knew it was true.
“But,” he stumbled, his voice low and hoarse, “even now, you’re sure you love me, Kara?” How could that be? They’d separated so long ago. So many years stood sterile and empty between them.
Kara gave him a small smile, reaching up, sliding her fingers across his jaw. “You were always my hero, Cade. When you joined the football team and I was a cheerleader, you proved it to me again and again. I knew you were a warrior and you showed it on the field every Friday night during football season. There at least, I could watch you and not get you in trouble with the spies who were always watching me. For all they knew I was just watching the team play as a whole.” Her lips twisted with the irony of it. “There were rich boys at school who did their father’s bidding and they were all told to pursue me, that they could date me. But if I so much as made eyes at a boy beneath my class, they would tell their father, who would then tell my father and all hell would break loose.”
Shaking his head, he rasped, “I didn’t know any of this, Kara. I had always thought my wanting you was one way and that you weren’t interested in me.”
“That’s so far from the truth, Cade,” she said, leaning up, her palm against his cheek, holding him so that she could kiss him softly.
Cade was torn between Kara’s shy kiss against his mouth and the rage that simmered in him toward Jud Knight and what he’d done to his daughter—and what he’d done to him. What if Jud hadn’t put a stranglehold on Kara’s heart? What if they could have had a relationship in high school? How would their lives have changed? Would he have gone into the Marine Corps? He’d have had a reason to stay at home and pursue a serious end to his love for Kara. The many dreams he’d had for them, of being in love, getting married, and having a happy, growing family, were too numerous to count throughout those lost years within him.
Slowly, he eased from her wet, sweet mouth, opening his eyes, staring into her half opened ones. There was lust there, no question, but there was also something else: now Cade wasn’t afraid to name what he saw. It was love. Kara had loved him from afar all that time, just as he’d loved her. The devastation of how much had been taken from them shattered through Cade. Kara loved him enough to protect him from her vindictive, territorial father.
“This is a lot to absorb,” she admitted, her hand coming to rest on his shoulder. “I don’t even know what we have, Cade.”
Nodding, he felt that furnace of need never more urgent than now. “When I was in grade school, I came home one night and told my dad that I liked you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” Cade admitted, “but I was only six.”
“What did your father tell you?”
“He said that sometimes, a special person walks into our life and makes it better. He said when he first met my mother, he felt the same way, although he was eighteen at the time. I told him how funny and happy my heart felt. He said to be a friend to you because friendship was the best basis to find out if what I felt was real and long lasting.”
“Your father was so different from mine,” she said sadly.
“He had wisdom. I wanted to make you my friend, Kara, but you would never look at me or talk to me. I figured that you didn’t like me, so I just stuffed all my feelings into my heart and let you go.” He saw pain flash in her eyes, her brows drawing down. “And maybe it was best under the circumstances. Had your father threatened you even then about boys?”
“No, I was six. But when I got into junior high, I guess my hormones changed or I looked at boys differently at that time. The rich boys were already my father’s spies and I knew that. But that’s when he sat me down and told me he’d hurt any boy who made a move toward me that wasn’t from the ‘right’ family. I got it in spades, then.” She shrugged a little. “That’s why I redoubled my effort not to look at you, not be seen with you, even in the hallway where the lockers sat.”
“You were protecting me?” Cade smoothed his hands against her shoulders, seeing the sadness and hurt in her eyes. Kara had sacrificed so much for him. It shook him, revealing how deep her feelings continued to be for him.
“I did. But I don’t regret it, Cade.”
“How did you feel when I joined the Marine Corps and left Clayton?” He saw her mouth contort over the question.
“Grief, loss, wishing for a different life, wishing I could get you aside somewhere and tell you how I really
felt about you.”
He drew Kara fully against him, resting his chin against her hair. “I’m so damned sorry, Kara. I honestly didn’t know.”
“It’s in the past, Cade. We both need to let it go because we can’t change it.” She pulled back, giving him a firm look. “Like my mom says, you can’t cry over spilt milk. When you came back here and joined the sheriff’s department, I wanted so badly to approach you, to tell you all of this, but by that time I was afraid.”
“Of your father?”
“No, afraid that you didn’t love me like I had always loved you. I thought,” and she touched her heart, “it was one way. My dream, my need of you. You never approached me and you’d been back from Afghanistan for two years already before you joined the sheriff’s department. And so, I finally figured it wasn’t the other way around.”
He brushed his thumb against her cheek, feeling the softness and that underlying strength that was her. “We silently held the same dream for one another, Kara. I never wavered to this day about how I felt toward you. For me, you were an unreachable dream that was always with me, regardless. I purposely avoided you when I got home. Like you, I thought it was a one-way street. It’s nice to know you felt the same way, even though we never had a chance to admit it to one another before this.”
“Well,” she murmured, stepping out of his arms and gripping his fingers in hers, “all the cards are on the table now, Patterson. I know what I want to do about it. What about you?”
His fingers curved around hers. “I’m all in.” He lifted her into his arms. “My bedroom?”
She sighed, looping her arms around his shoulders. “Yes, it’s so beautiful in there.”
He met her lips, kissing her hungrily. As he lifted away, he growled, “It’s our bedroom, Kara. You bring your beauty to it as well.”
*
The night light in the hall slanted through the partially opened bedroom door as Cade easily carried her in his arms to his bed. In a way, Kara felt as if this was one of her dreams but this time she was awake to experience it. This was the real thing. Her heart raced with anticipation, fear of not satisfying him, and her undying love for him. Fears of somehow disappointing him with her body, the way she looked, or her skill at lovemaking tunneled through her at the same time. He meant so much to her that she couldn’t bear the possibility that he’d be let down by her in some way. Kara had seen the same emotions in his eyes and was grateful that he did not hide himself from her in any way. A fierce love for him swept through her. She was his. Cade had always been hers. Only they hadn’t known—but their hearts had.
He placed her gently on the bed so her legs hung over the edge of the mattress. She reached out, her fingers twining with his as he stood next to her. “I’m a mess of emotions, Cade. One second I’m scared and the next, I’m so euphoric I think I could faint from joy. I’m afraid I’ll disappoint you in some way. And I love you. The love is so strong in me right now that I can barely think. Is it like that for you?”
She saw instant relief in his expression over her admission, as he recognized she was describing his feelings too.
Releasing her hand, he threaded his fingers through her hair. “Kara, I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I wanted you. I’m afraid I’ll disappoint you, not meet your expectations…things like that.” His voice grew thick. “I don’t question my love for you because it’s never left me.”
She gave a partial laugh. “I’m so scared,” and she stared up at him, becoming somber. “We’ve always loved one another. It will be fine, Cade. I know it will, even though I’m as nervous as a high strung horse.”
“You have so much courage, Kara. It’s going to be fine. We’ll do this together at a pace that’s right for us.”
“I don’t think I have very much bravery,” she protested. “Just in case you want to know, I’m free of diseases. I’m on an IUD.”
“I’m clean, too. Do you want me to wear a condom?”
She shook her head. “No.”
He gave her a wry look. “Good thing.”
“Why?”
He gave her an amused look. “Because I don’t have any,” he said, unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it off, revealing the white t-shirt beneath it stretching across his powerful chest.
She sat there watching in appreciation as he undressed without any shyness in front of her. “No condoms because…” she baited, standing and slipping out of her own clothes.
“I’ve been back here for a year and I was focused on getting settled into my career in law enforcement,” he offered, hanging his jeans over the back of a nearby chair. “I’d have had to wait for the drug store to open tomorrow to get them,” he said, grinning. Sitting down on the bed next to her, he pulled off his boots, setting them aside. Next came his gray socks. “I wanted this year to adjust to my job, Kara. It wasn’t the right time to get into a relationship, if one happened along.”
“That’s good to know you don’t have to go to the drug store,” she said, giving him a small smile, taking off her tee. Instead of a bra, she wore a camisole because she was small-breasted. Only if she rode a horse or when she was at work at the Delos Home School, would she wear a bra. Cade’s eyes narrowed on the pink silk camisole and she could feel her nipples hardening beneath that flash of heat that came to his eyes. It was a delicious feeling to be adored and desired.
“I don’t feel so bad then,” she admitted, pulling the camisole off and standing, taking off her bikini panties. “I haven’t had sex in over a year, Cade.”
“We’ll take it slow,” he promised, absorbing her from her head down to her toes and then coming back to hold her vulnerable, anxious gaze.
“Good,” she whispered, feeling suddenly shaky with need. All Cade had done was give her that hot, hungry look and already there was dampness between her thighs. As he disrobed, she appreciated him all over again. His shoulders, always broad and capable, were powerful looking when he was naked. The dark hair dusted across his well sprung chest, a lean torso, narrow hips and long, powerful thighs. She might have felt overwhelmed by his dark masculinity that had always been hidden from her until now, but instead, a new tenderness swept through her. As she scooted up on the bed, joining him in the center of it, they sat facing one another, their hips meeting. She drowned in his gaze as she slid her hand up his hard thigh, relishing the way his flesh tightened beneath her exploring fingers.
“Tell me what you need,” Cade said, slipping his hand from her hip down across her slender leg. “What position do you like best?”
Kara focused on his rough fingers sliding down her flank and said, “It doesn’t matter, Cade. Whatever suits us together,” she said, staring into his dark, intense eyes, seeing dappled gold in their depths. “We’ll be nervous and unsure together.”
His hand stilled at her knee, his fingers brushing its inside curve, sending wild, hot sparks upward, making her moan, the pleasure skittering throughout her lower body.
“Kara, you tell me if something I do doesn’t feel good to you. Promise?”
She nodded, “I’ll speak up. Same goes for me too. I’m not a passive lover.”
She saw his lips twitch, that same wicked look coming to his eyes. Sliding his fingers lightly, he continued to ravish that erotic area behind her knee, making her tremble with need of him.
“Fair enough. I’ve been duly warned.”
With a breathy laugh, Kara got to her knees, placing her hands on his chest. “Lie down,” she invited, the teasing amusement in her expression suddenly taking a predatory turn. Cade did as she requested. For so long, she had wanted to touch this man. As he lay back, settling the pillow beneath his head, a lazy, heated look in his eyes, she leaned forward, placing her hands against the thick column of his neck. Hands moving downward, she outlined his shoulders, trailing them back across his collarbones, and then mapping his chest. She was a tactile person, finding great joy by simply touching Cade, hearing a catch in his breath as she swept downward, caressing his erection, and continuin
g her exploration, memorizing his beautiful male body. He was hers at last. That thrill made her so wet and so ready, it took Kara by surprise. Like most women, she didn’t turn on like a light switch. Her sexuality was one of being slowly awakened and cajoled into fiery life.
She massaged his toes and then the arch of his foot, hearing him groan with appreciation from this unexpected pleasure. Kara liked pleasing this man, who had never asked for anything himself. It only made her love Cade more. Time ceased as she once more started at his head, fingers sliding lightly across his scalp, hearing another groan of pleasure. This time she dragged her hardened nipples across his chest, the hard points tangling in his soft, silky hair, and then she stretched forward, her lips seeking his, teasing him unmercifully with her whole body.
The tables were turned when Cade reached outward, wrapping his large hands around her waist, lifting her up and across him, settling her wet, throbbing core on top of his hard erection. The instant her aching center slid across his thick length, she felt a powerful orgasmic explosion within her. Barely aware, she threw her head back, a scream caught in her throat as she was hurled into an incredible galaxy of light and intense pleasure. Cade held her hips, sliding his length against her without entering her, increasing the raw fire coursing throughout her. He kept her from falling, his hands firm, but guiding and pleasing her.
Kara nearly fainted from the throbbing moving throughout her lower body. He hadn’t even entered her yet and she was already responding! In her pounding heart, she knew it was because they had secretly loved one another. She knew what sex felt like for sex’s sake only. But when emotions were involved and woven with the act, it was unimaginably delicious and satisfying. Cade was her world. He always had been and he always would be.
Chapter Seven
‡
There was nothing shy or retiring about Kara in his bed and in his arms. She was a tigress taking what she wanted and giving back to him equally. Cade lifted her up again, this time on his erection, sliding deep within her much to their mutual satisfaction. He gave her two more orgasms, one after the other. Her screams sent a spasm of need so deep within Cade that he couldn’t hold back as the next orgasm erupted from within her sweet, tight body. Her small hands gripped his shoulders as he thrust hard into her, taking her, feeling that bolt of white hot lightning filling him, filling her. Cade nearly blacked out as he came, hard and strong. He gripped her hips, frozen into timelessness with her as they clung in euphoria, their bodies celebrating this moment that neither thought would ever come in their lifetime.
