by Lee, Judith
“Thanks Pete.” He quickly hugged Tammy, kissed her forehead and got in the ranch’s SUV with his sister and brothers, and drove off.
***
The day and night went agonizingly slow. She’d heard from Cody several times and she could tell he was trying to be strong and hiding his sorrow. Neighbors had started arriving early the next morning. Tammy greeted each of them. Many of them already knew her from her job at the Ag Extension office and the others already seemed to know that she was Cody’s girlfriend.
It always amazed Tammy how everyone in a small town knew what was happening so quickly. They were all kind to her. A few of the women stayed and helped prepare the house for the company, and relatives that would be arriving from all parts of Wyoming.
They washed the floors, vacuumed and did the laundry. Tammy helped set up the kitchen. Many of the ranch hands dropped by to introduce themselves to Tammy. She knew it was just the changing of the guard and they were trying not to worry her.
Now was not the time to have this Marcus mess at the front door of Cody’s family, but she couldn’t leave Cody. He needed her. And she didn’t want him to have to worry about her on top of everything that would take place in the next few days.
Cody’s grandmother arrived and Tammy held her while she cried. Her friends from her church had brought her over and were going to stay and help with the food.
“A mother shouldn’t outlive her son,” she cried.
“I know. You’ll have to make a quilt in his memory. You always told me that quilting could help anyone through their darkest hours. I know it helped me.”
“You are such a sweet girl. Will you help me make a memory quilt?”
“Of course I will Mrs. Tiller.”
Several hours later she got the text from Cody that they were about an hour out, and Tammy heated up the oven and put in a casserole to warm. They probably wouldn’t be hungry but she knew they had to try to eat something. She guessed that none of them had eaten any breakfast.
She went to the porch to wait for Cody. She got the call that they had just left their dad at the funeral home and were headed home. She stood and waited.
Cody got out first and opened the back door and helped his mom out. Dakota took her arm and walked her up the stairs. They stopped briefly and Tammy gave her a hug before they went in the house. Cameron, Matt and Jenny followed. They were solemn but each of them greeted Tammy with a quick hug.
Tammy whispered in Jenny’s ear, “Jared called the house and wanted you to know he was on his way back.” Jenny nodded her thanks to her.
Cody was the last to walk up the steps.
She took his hand and led him over to the same swing where he had introduced her to lovemaking. He put his arms around her and rested his forehead against her forehead. They sat quietly for several minutes.
“Did you find out what happened?” she finally asked.
“Stroke…he was just sleeping. Mom was with him. She said she had a premonition or something and wanted to go in early and sit with him. He woke up and talked to mom when she got there and he kissed her and went back to sleep. He never woke up,” he started to cry. “I never got to say good bye.”
She held him. Soothed him. “Cody what do you remember about your dad? How did he look when you last saw him?”
“He had just competed in his last roping event, and that morning he was teasing me about kissing you. He had a twinkle in his eyes and damn he seemed so strong. I was so sure he would be coming home.”
“And Cody the last time you talked to him on the phone, what did he say to you?”
He ran his hands over his face. “He was proud of me and couldn’t wait to get to watch it on TV later that night. He told me he loved me.”
She gathered his hands in her lap and looked deeply into his eyes. “His last memories were of you winning the buckle and you made him so proud. And you told him you loved him, right?”
“Yeah I did…but Tammy I have to confess when I was talking with him I was having a hard time concentrating on what he said because I was thinking of you.”
She thought for a moment, “You know Cody, if I was your mother and you were your father and you were thinking of me or I mean your mother…”
He laughed tenderly and put his fingers over her lips. “Woman, you and your role reversal…” He kissed her nose, “I know my dad loved my mom and I have a feeling dad wouldn’t have minded me thinking of you. Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
“That’s what I was trying to say. You know what he told me that last morning before they left to Casper? He told me how proud he was of you taking over the ranch, and he even flirted with me a little. Of course he had his arms wrapped around your mom when he did it. That’s what I’ll remember about your father.”
“Thank you Tammy for reminding me. I know he didn’t want me to see him weak. It was stubborn and foolish but we respected his wishes. Let’s go inside and get ready for the circus that is going to happen when all the relatives start gathering. I need to see Grandma.”
“Yes, she needs you. She has just lost her son; a mother never wants to lose her child, even a grown one.” He softly kissed her, and they got up and went into the ranch.
Chapter Fourteen
She watched him all day. He was solid, a rock, and she wondered how he was able to hold up to all the sorrow he must be feeling inside. Everyone seemed to look to him to answer questions, and he remained calm and in control.
It already smelled like a funeral home with all the flowers that were arriving. The brothers were all trying to put on brave faces. Many of the women were crying and those who weren’t were talking in hushed voices. At times Tammy felt like throwing something, it was just so damn depressing and the tension was so thick in the room you could cut it with a knife.
Tammy greeted Bob Snodgrass and his wife. He asked Tammy how she was holding up.
“Okay, but the rest of the family are still in shock.”
Bob found Cody and they disappeared behind closed doors for a while. Mrs. Snodgrass went to the kitchen to help the other church ladies.
Tammy figured Cody and Bob were talking about Josh’s last wishes that might have been in his will.
Shortly after that many of the old ranchers and their wives, who had known his dad, started arriving with more food. They gathered to offer help. Losing their friend was hard and even though they were tough Wyoming cattlemen, they shed more than a few tears. Josh was well respected in the community.
According to many of the ranchers she talked to, they had seen their fair share of cattlemen and women killed in freak accidents but those men and women had been doing activities they loved. This illness just didn’t sit right with them. They were also in a little shock because Josh hadn’t shared his illness and had been surprised by the quickness of his death.
She served them all coffee, cake or cookies. Every so often, she would walk by and touch Cody’s shoulder just to give him comfort.
The minister arrived and Cody and his mother quietly discussed the plans for the funeral. She could see his jaw tightening as he fought for control. His eyes were moist and she could see him swallowing. His knuckles were white from griping the edge of the chair. Finally it was over and he saw him to the door and shook his hand.
After that his mother spent most of the time in the study with his grandmother and she only came out a few times to greet very close neighbors. She wasn’t holding up very well. Her eyes were red from crying and her smile was fragile.
The local newspaper man arrived and Cody found some pictures of his fathers and the brothers all sat down and told him stories about his father. She saw a few smiles when they were reminiscing. Jenny mostly just listened and quietly cried. Tammy felt bad for her because other than her mother, she seemed to be taking it the hardest. Oh, she had no doubt that the brothers were hurting, but they were pulling from deep to keep control.
At one point in the afternoon Gabriella Parker called and Tammy answered the phon
e. She asked for Cody. She looked up to see him greeting more neighbors.
“Thank you for calling Gabriella but Cody can’t come to the phone right now. This is Tammy. Cody introduced us at the rodeo.”
“Oh yes, Tammy. I’m just calling to say how sorry I am about the family’s loss. It just came over the UP. His father was well known in the rodeo business.”
“Do you need me to get a statement from Cody or one of his brothers? It might be easier today if I just called you back with it.”
“On no...” Gabriella sniffled. “I am just so sad. You know his father called me before Cheyenne Frontier Days and told me about his illness and asked a special request that I try to make sure and show all his son’s competition events on TV. That’s one of the reasons I interviewed Cody. I knew he would be watching. Josh gave me permission to let the public know he was ill. I know this sounds strange, but I think he knew his time was getting close and he wanted his friends to know but mostly he wanted to see his sons one more time at the rodeo. Will you share that with Cody?”
“Yes…and Gabriella, thank you so much for calling. I know it will mean a lot to all of them. Good Bye.”
Tammy wiped a tear from her eyes, and turned to watch Cody as he stood tall, shaking hands and offering comfort to the other ranchers as well as receiving their condolences. He was stepping up to the responsibility of being the oldest son. His mother looked crushed and so washed out. She was leaning heavily on Cody.
Tammy looked out the window and saw Jared barreling down the dirt road. He jumped out of the truck and ran up the stairs. She opened the door and pointed toward Jenny.
He ran over and lifted her up and cradled her in his arms. She was sobbing and threw her arms around his neck, her head against his cheek. He carried her outside as he quietly whispered soothing words in her ear, closing the door behind them.
The brothers watched and she swore she could see Jared’s stock rising a little in the brother’s estimation. She gave Cody a gentle smile.
Cody was meeting with all the visitors and she noticed Matt standing off to the side looking out the window. She walked over, “Hey, Matt.”
“Hey, Tammy…Thanks for all the help today. I saw you waiting on people, answering the phone, giving out directions where the relatives could find lodging, and giving everyone else information on the funeral. You’ve worked your butt off today.”
“Hardly, and I didn’t just lose my father today. You all have enough going on. Would you do me a favor and take a walk with me. I need to get some fresh air. It’s stifling in here.”
The relief she saw in his eyes was instant. They walked onto the porch past Jared and Jenny who appeared to be asleep in his arms. Jared looked up and gave them a nod.
“I think she’s just exhausted and it all caught up with her.” Jared whispered.
Matt said, “You want to take her to her bedroom?”
“Nah…thanks, I like just holding her and I don’t want her to wake up.”
Matt tipped his cowboy hat to Jared. “She’s a great sister and a good woman. I hope you’ll take good care of her if things work out for you two.”
Jared nodded and managed a small smile as he curled his fingers gently through her hair and caressed her cheek.
Tammy watched the interplay between the young brother and the man who might turn out to be Mr. Right in her future.
One down, three to go, Tammy thought to herself. But then Matt seemed less intense than his brothers. They walked to the fence and climbed up on the railing. Watching the colts prance around in play seemed to ground Matt. He was deep in thought. She inconspicuously watched him to see how he was handling the stress. He was almost as tall as Cody, and just as good looking. His arms looked strong but he was leaner than his older brothers. She thought he might still be growing. His black hair was a little curlier and his eyes, normally sparked mischievously, looked sad and tired. She knew he was close to losing his control.
A few tears slid down his cheek, he wiped them with the back of his hand, and he tried to hide them from Tammy.
“It’s okay to show emotion Matt. You just lost your dad and you loved him and you’re going to miss him,” she put her arms through his arm.
“You know he’ll never get to see me compete at Wyoming. He was looking forward to that. And he’ll never meet the girl I fall in love with and marry, or see my kids,” his voice broke.
He laid his head on the railing, and Tammy stroked him on the back.
“I want to tell you a story that my mom told me. She was in a car crash when she was in her twenties. At the hospital she quit breathing and literally died and it took a while before they resuscitated her. She had what they call a near death experience and she remembers everything. She rose over the table she was lying on and watched the doctors working on her body. Her vision was clearer, brighter, crisper, and she saw and heard every word spoken, even the people in the next room. She floated above everyone and she felt warm and at peace. There was a bright light which she started toward but then she pulled back into her body.”
“This really happened, she told you this?”
“Yes, Matt, and she reminds me constantly that when she is gone, when it’s her turn to go to heaven, she’ll keep an eye on me and I believe it. I think your dad will keep an eye on you, too. I believe you’ll feel his presence.”
They watched the horses a while longer, before they climbed down and Matt wanted to show her the milk cows and the chicken coop. He wasn’t ready to go back in. She was amazed at how pretty the milk cows were. They were eating grain, silage and hay and they seemed to recognize Matt. He rubbed their ears.
“We try to be self-sufficient here on the ranch. I milk these cows whenever I am home. Hell, I started milking them when I was eight years old. Dad helped me some mornings just so he could spend time with me. They make the best butter and we love their milk.”
The chicken coup was clean but smelled of feathers and dust. Before they went in, Matt handed her a broom.
She raised her eye brows in question.
“Jenny’s job has always been to get the eggs and when she was little they used to try to attack her and peck at her. One day she had enough, she took a broom with her and started knocking them in the head if they tried to hurt her. That was the day she started growing up. She wasn’t going to take shit from them anymore.
They gathered the eggs and started toward the house.
“Matt, it’s taken me a while, but I have Jenny’s attitude of not taking any shit off anyone, and especially Marcus. He used to beat me every day. He tied me to a post and whipped me, and kicked me if he felt like it. I had to wait on him like a sub servant. One day, when he killed my cat, I couldn’t take it anymore, even if it meant he killed me, I didn’t care…I just left. I was tired of taking his shit. Of course, he found me and about killed me but if I had it to do over again I would stand up to him again and leave.” She was quiet for a few minutes, “If he shows up again, I’m going to stand up to him. I may need to borrow that broom.”
“Tammy, let us take care of him.”
“I can’t honey, it’s my responsibility. I made him who he is today because I didn’t stand up to him from the beginning. I’ll never let him hurt anyone else again.”
Just then Cody came looking for them. He took the egg basket from her and put his other arm around her.
“Are you trying to steal my woman, Matt?”
“Nope, she’s trying to save me.”
“Did she?”
He grinned at Tammy, “She sure made me feel better. If you don’t want Tammy, I’m next in line.”
“Hell looks like I’m going to have to fight off all my brothers. Dakota told me he wants to marry her.”
They all laughed.
Finally at the end of the day, when everyone started leaving, Cody’s mom wanted to go home with Grandma. She said she just couldn’t sleep in their bed tonight. She told Cody she had spent almost 50 years in that bed with her husband and she just
couldn’t bring herself to be without him tonight. Dakota took them into their grandma’s house and he was going to stay with them.
Jared was invited to stay at the bunk house and Jenny walked him over to show him where he could get clean sheets and towels.
Cody looked around the room making sure everything was taken care of and then he grabbed Tammy’s hand and they headed to his bedroom. They both undressed without much bravado, and slid into bed, naked and together. She held him tight. He kissed her and she knew he needed this release, to forget the sorrows of the day. No words were needed. His hands caressed her hair, he kissed her freckles and her lips. He slid into her gently and they made slow love to each other. It was potent and beautiful.
Chapter Fifteen
One month later...
“Damn it Cody, you’re smothering me!” she threw her bag on the table.
“You didn’t seem to mind last night?”
Tammy turned around and pounded her finger into his chest, “You...you pig headed man. You know that’s not what I’m talking about. God Cody you know I can’t resist you and you are an amazing lover and you know it. You’re impossible.” She whirled around and ran out the front door, slamming it behind her.
He followed. He wrenched the door open and ran to catch up to her before she left the porch. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her around. “Tammy, I couldn’t help it, when I called and they said you walked over to the 4-H meeting alone I just went a little ballistic. Damn I was just scared; I didn’t mean to yell at you in front of everyone.”
She shook her head. “I know you’re trying to protect me but I just can’t do it anymore. You showing up and yelling at me at that meeting in front of all those mothers and their daughters was the final straw. Cody, we haven’t seen him. I’m sure he’s gone. I can’t hide out anymore. I feel like I’m the prisoner.” She looked into his eyes, pleading.
“I can’t help it. I just can’t stand the idea of him hurting you again.”
Her anger was evaporating, but if she didn’t take this stand they wouldn’t be able to survive and their relationship was doomed. She had to do this.
