Presents:
Lil Mz. Understood
Written by:
Harmony Miller
Copyright © 2014 by FourShadough Publishing, LLC
This book is a work of fiction. Names, character, places and incident are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locals or persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form of by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Printed in the United States of America
First Edition
ISBN#: 13-digit: 978-0-9827-6790-0
10-digit: 0-9827-6790-0
Published by: FourShadough Publishing, LLC
Lil Mz. Understood
Written by:
Harmony Miller
Acknowledgements
June Miller - Dad, you are an awesome role model and I don’t know how to thank you for what you have done for me. You have opened up doors for me and pushed me to be the best I can be. Thanks for having faith in me, I love you so much.
Sarah Peaches - Mom, we may not get along most times but I wouldn’t trade you for the world. You have taken care of me every since I was born. A single with mother no man, thanks for not giving up.
Jada Hopkins - sis, you are my support. You have been behind me 100% no matter what we may go through.
Eva Mackey - you was there along the way, even when I felt you turned ya back on me at times, at the end of the day, you're always here.
Unique Windley - you the man boy, we had so many adventures together, believe it or not, most of the things we did lead me to this story. You are an inspiration to me.
Ishmeria Peele - I never knew I would find a friend like you, I thought Eva was the only girl friend I would have; that’s until we met. You have pushed and pushed me to do my best and get better at the things I'm not so good at. I have mad respect for you boo.
Kenny Guilford - P.I.C., we have had some times boy! Look at me now, I done wrote a book. You can do anything you want man. I finally proved them wrong!
Malik Cox - You are the bestest guy friend a girl could ask for, thanks for being here the whole step of the way.
Nikko Echeverria - my dude, you are a big part of my life. You have molded me into a young lady. A lot of things I've done, I want to fault you for but I can't because everyone has their own opinions. I appreciate you never giving up on me. I love you.
Fatt Boii - Fatt boii, it took me forever to pick a title, glad I had you on my side, you got me a nice lil support group.
Shout out to the rest of my L-Dubb homies that I forgot or didn’t mention.
Thanks for the support. My father and I made this happen and I know he is proud and I am too! Thanks for making this happen. L-Dubb 4 Life!
Prologue
For as long as I can remember, I was always smarter than the average kid my age because I always noticed things way before most kids my age did. I believe I'm an intelligent bright young lady at this very confusing age of sixteen. I’m 5’1, brown skinned, slight chinky eyes (thanks mom, she said she has Indian in her family) and wavy jet black hair (thanks again mom). I'm what most would call a spoiled brat since I am so used to getting my way and if I don't, I throw a temper tantrum; yea, I have anger issues. Growing up I have observed, done and been through so much in life even though I'm from a little town in North Carolina called Washington; it's not very big at all. Everybody here calls it L Dub for short. I was always taught that when something happens, whether good or bad, it happens for a reason.
In my town I know most everybody but I have only one best friend; her name is Evelyn. She's light skinned with long flowing hair and we met when we were in the first grade. She and I have stayed besties up until right now. I also have another best friend, my sister Makea, our bond is special because we were the last kids left in the house after our two older sisters Roz and Dana moved out. I love Makea so much because she doesn't give up and tries to better herself and her family by putting her pride aside to work anywhere as long as she gets a check although some days are harder than others. She became a single parent at the age I am now; she has three kids now but makes sure they're well taken care with all she has. It's hard with no help from their father. It's a constant struggle for her trying to do everything on her own and I hate the fact I can't do anything to help her out because she's my family; it really bothers me to see her stressed out the way she is.
My friendship with Evelyn is different because we're both the same age so our problems are more similar; she's my right hand, when I move she moves and when she moves I move; we never go anywhere without each other. Our friendship is so official and unbreakable that we never let people or petty little things get in our way, like when things got outta hand in our ninth grade year; boy, it was off the chain! Those events and what I was going through is what prompted me to write this story. I felt no one could relate or understand what I was going through during that time, so continue reading and maybe you'll be able to understand all of what I was going through. I feel at this age everything gets a little confusing but no one seems to understand me, the reasons I did what I did and why I did it, guess that's why I am a little mzunderstood.
If you looked at me and tried to read me, you probably wouldn’t think I've been through half of the things I've been through because I don't show it on the outside, I've learned how to hide my pain. I’m still up when I’m down. I smile when the worst happens because I've learned things could always be worse. A lot of times I seem happy for no reason at all and just because I wake up, I’m celebrating; (not everyone wakes up you know) but other than that I really don't have anything to smile or be happy about; I meant that's how I feel now.
In the L Dub everybody knows everybody and almost everyone is related; at least it seems that way. Since the town is so small there's really nothing positive to do which is why a lot of people down here get money dealing in illegal drugs and playing in the streets. Don't get me wrong not everyone will get caught up but it's very easy if you're looking for something to do to stop the boredom. I can admit my faults and the wrongs I’ve done because I've learned whatever happens in the dark will soon come to the light that's why I don't claim to be an angel, nor do I try to act like I'm one. Shoot, at the age of fourteen I was smoking weed as if it were legal. I don't really know why I started smoking (must have something to do with the boredom thing I was talking about earlier) and didn't care what people thought about me but on the flipside I had no idea what it was doing to me. Not only was it affecting me in ways I couldn’t understand at the time but it was also affecting the people around me and my loved ones. I saw the boys I knew go down one by one every day for some type of criminal activity like drug use or dealing and there was no way I was going to get caught with them. I figured sooner or later I was going to have to choose weed or my freedom. My conscience bothered me so much about what I was doing that one day I came clean and told my mother I smoked before the streets snitched me out. It wasn't an easy decision for me to make but I remembered my mother always telling me and my sisters to never be afraid to tell her anything; good or bad.
I chose my freedom; something that can be taken away from you if you take it for granted. My decision came because my older sister Roz did five years in prison because she took her freedom for granted and did things she shouldn't have done. When I think about it, she was locked up over five years for just being at the wrong
place at the wrong time. A couple of her friends asked for a ride, mind you, that’s all the conversation was about when she gave the guys a ride. She took them everywhere they asked to go but the last stop they made was a drug stop and she wasn’t aware of the drug transaction. When she pulled out the drive way a cop swerved around the corner and threw his lights on. One of the guys in the backseat pulled his hood over his head and pointed a gun to the back of my sisters head and told her to keep driving. She didn't have a choice and tried to lose the police, fearing getting caught or getting shot in the back of the head. After gaining a little distance away from the cop car she was told to pull over on the side of the road where everyone jumped out then at gunpoint she was forced to run with them. They all got caught by the police but the officer let my sister go because she didn't have any drugs on her; when they found her she was hunkered down in the woods shaking like she was scared to death. She thought she was over but a couple of months later the police came and picked her up from her house while I was there with her and her kids playing on the front porch of her house. She was taken to jail and charged with drug possession. She didn't know how or why she was being charged with drugs and when she went to court she found out the boys she gave a ride pinned everything on her. When she left court she was contacted by some people who threatened her life if she didn't take the charge, so to protect her children and her family from harm she took all charges and received five years in prison. Every time she writes me and my family, she tells us how she wishes she would have never messed her life up by going down the wrong road. She also speaks about how being in prison gave her time to get a better understanding of life and how it works. She said it's a cold world out here so you better wear your flight jacket.
My name is Missy and this is my story.
Chapter 1
"What's up Jay? It’s me Missy, I was just calling to let you know I was straight." I said holding my cell phone between her shoulder and ear.
"What you mean you straight?" Jay asked.
"I mean I’m straight. I got some Mary Jane for you buddy and it's some fire too." I bragged.
"Oh word. That’s what's up. I’m definitely hitting you up tomorrow when I get this dub from my aunt." He replied.
"Okay cool no problem then dawg." I said as I pressed the button to hang up the phone.
I've been selling drugs for about six months now. I think I have been very cautious about it because I only sell to people I really hang around and know well. I don’t sell weed just to sell it I sell it because that’s how I support myself financially.
I looked at the time on my phone and saw that I was already late for school and needed to find a ride. I saw one of the guys I hang with riding by then caught a ride to school.
"Why are you late?" Mrs. Scott, my homeroom teacher asked as I caused a disruption by entering class late.
"Because I had to use the bathroom real bad but the stalls were full so I had to wait on that long line 'til one got freed up." I responded quickly with a blank expression on my face.
Mrs. Scott just nodded and pointed to my seat and I sat down. Before I opened my school bag to take out my books, I looked around to see if anyone was watching me.
"Hey, you got a Newport?" My friend Amy Lou asked in a whisper.
"Yeah I got you but you gotta wait a second." I whispered in reply.
I started digging around in my book bag looking for my pack of cigarettes then I remembered it was in my pencil pouch where I stashed my weed. I took the pouch out and unzipped it slowly to retrieve my pack of smokes. I was trying to be so discreet and careful that I wound up dropping a bag of weed on the floor.
"OMG! What’s that?" Amy asked in her screaming whispering voice as if she didn't already know.
"It’s a bag of weed." I replied matter of factly.
"I thought you said you didn’t smoke anymore?" She asked in wonderment.
"I don’t. I just figured I’ll make my money back for all the money I done spent on smoking." I replied balling my face up.
"True. Well let me hold a bag 'til tomorrow morning." Amy asked with a smile on her face.
"I don’t do bags on credit. What you think this is?" I replied looking Amy up and down like she cussed me out or something.
Amy snatched the Newport I offered her from out my hand and threw it in her book bag with an attitude. I turned around and blew my breath; I wanted to choke her out for copping an attitude on how I ran my business.
When I walked into my third period class, for some reason I had this weird feeling like something bad was about to happen, you know that feeling like you gotta use the bathroom all of a sudden. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but I knew it was something, which could have really been anything. While I sat in class and did my work, third period seemed to be going slow as hell. There was still thirty minutes left before the bell rang so I decided to put my head down and take a nap since I finished all my class work and didn’t have any more assignments.
"Missy! Missy! Missy! Wake up!" I heard voices calling me in my sleep but I thought I was dreaming. Then I felt three taps on my shoulder and I opened my eyes to see my principal, Mrs. Green, standing in front me.
"What's the problem?" I asked as nice I could, rubbing my eyes and raising up in my seat.
"Grab your things and come with me to my office." She instructed.
I picked up my book bag and followed her completely unaware of what she wanted but when I got to my classroom door I saw Officer Everett standing beside it in the corner; I instantly became nervous, hands got clammy and my heart was beating a hole in my chest. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and my legs got all weak and heavy. I fought to remain calm as I followed them to the office but I was moving at a snail's pace. I was tense but still didn't know what was going on just yet. Before we got to the office doors I decided to ask Mrs. Green why I had to come to the office but she wouldn't respond; her silence just increased my anxiety and I worried even more. As we walked through the office doors my heart immediately dropped from the unknown. I've never been in trouble before because I never got caught doing the little bad things I did but that didn’t mean I didn’t know the consequences and repercussions of my actions.
They led me to the back of the office and sat me down in Officer Everett's office. I was playing dumb hoping it wasn't what I was thinking but being in his office, I knew exactly what it was about. I started thinking about my story before they even asked me any questions. Mrs. Green stepped out then came back with the rest of the school staff to be used as witnesses to see if I had brought anything illegal into the school. By the time she came back into the room with the staff, including the Assistant Principal, I already memorized the lie in my head and was ready to repeat it out loud.
"Missy do you have anything you shouldn’t have in school." Mrs. Green asked in a mechanical tone.
"Like what?" I responded trying to sound innocent.
"I don’t know, anything like a gun, a knife, you know, anything you shouldn't have in school."
"No." I quickly responded.
"Well do you mind if we check your school bag?" Mrs. Green asked looking me directly in my eyes.
I nodded my head in a gesture of agreement like I didn’t have a whole quarter of marijuana in my book sack. They picked up my book sack and started going through it while I was sitting right there watching in horror. I had a lot of junk in by book sack but when they pulled my pencil case out first and looked through it, I knew for a fact somebody had to have said something; only two people knew. I shook my head in dismay as they unzipped my pouch and pulled out all my baggies of marijuana. I felt frozen like my whole body was inside a block of ice; I was busted. Since it was bagged up individually, I was charged with possession with intent to sell. It was my first time ever doing anything illegal so I thought my punishment would be something simple like kicking me out for the remainder of the year. I wasn't really sweating it but when my mother and my aunt Wanda showed up I instantly became mad with myse
lf because I knew they would be disappointed with my decision to do something as dumb as sell marijuana much less bring it on school grounds.
The school officer explained to my mother what had happened and showed her the bagged up marijuana. I knew she was mad because she stared at me like she wanted to kill me. My aunt Wanda looked at me with disappointment and I could see tears forming in her eyes; I couldn’t take it. At that moment I realized that not only was I hurting myself but I was hurting others that loved me.
A city police officer came in by the name of Dollie and he had handcuffs in his huge hands. My heart and mouth dropped this time because now I knew what I did was more serious than I was taking it and getting kicked out of school was not the worst that was going to happen to me. He was talking to our school officer about what happened, they were obviously discussing what they were going to do about it. They wrote reports up on me and when they were finished they looked at me.
"Missy you can get up now you're going with Mr. Dollie." Officer Everett said to me.
I stood up slowly then burst out crying immediately, it was official, I was going to jail. I removed my jewelry and other things that I didn't want to take with me and put it all in my book bag so my mother could take it home. I cried even harder when I turned away and walked out the door with the officer. I could hear my mother say, "My baby not going to last in there! What is she going to do!" Boy I knew I was in big trouble then and I started to worry because I really didn't know what was going to happen, they never said where they were taking me; I was terrified. Officer Dollie put me in the back of the police car then hopped in the front seat and Mrs. Green hopped in on the passenger side. I was so angry but I had no one to blame but myself.
We pulled up downtown to the court house and I was thinking to myself, "I know dag on well I ain't got to see the judge already." I had no idea what was going on, I didn't know what to expect. This was my first time being in real trouble and I began shedding tears all over again. All I could think of was what did I get myself into. Officer Dollie parked his car and walked to my side and let me out. We started walking towards the Magistrate Office and when we went through the Magistrate doors there was a dark skinned man standing at the window and Officer Dollie handed him a paper then they shared some words back and forth. I could have kicked myself for being so stupid; I didn't expect this could happen to me. I thought I was so smart and that I knew it all; how wrong I was! We walked back to the car and he opened the door for me to get back in.
Lil Mz. Understood (A FourShaodugh Publishing Title) Page 1
