I get mad when he explains the things he says until I realize what his words mean and the point he's trying to get across. He always took care of me financially but I felt like he would never be there for me physically. I always thought about how my little sister felt too, being that she lived a distance from him just like me. My two little brothers get all his attention and whatever they want. Even the kids that aren't his. My father always have long talks with me on the phone and try to keep me on track, giving me the best advice he can and encouraging me to do my best and be the best I can but sometimes he just seems like a pen pal.
Chapter 3
"Makea." I called out to my sister.
"Yes, Lil Missy baby." She answered. That’s a name my sister has been calling me for over a decade. It comes from Lil Mz.Undestood because no one understands me or the things I do.
"I’m nervous about my court date. What if they take me away and I can’t never come back?" I said, my eyes were filled with tears.
"Lil Missy, don’t worry. Everything's going to be okay, I promise you that." She said with encouragement.
It's times like these that I'm glad my sister Makea is my best friend. I can talk to her about any and everything; bad or good. Yea, sometimes we have our ups and downs but at the end of the day she has always been by my side and I will always be by hers. We fuss and fight almost every day but only we can talk junk to each, no one else can cross that line because my mother always said "if one fight we all fight."
My sister lives in the hood on 7th and Market Street. I loved staying with her every weekend and I hate to say this but out of all my sisters, we have the strongest bond and are very close because we were the last two left in the house living with my mother. We used to have mad fun together. Every weekend my friends and I would worry her and get on her nerves until she kicked us out. All the boys would come see me and we would chill on my sister's porch and make up all types of conversations and talk about memories we had. My sister fussed about how I was such a tom boy all the time but I couldn’t help it; it wasn’t my fault.
Although being around my sister was fun, the times she struggled in her environment wasn't. That had a big affect on me. I knew I didn’t want to end up like that so I made a promise to myself I would get a good education and take my family out of the hood. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I spent the night with my sister the day before my court date so I could tell my nieces and nephews good bye in case I was sent away. They are one of the other reason why I smile. That night we had a ball, my sister cooked and we played family games and stayed up laughing at silly things.
The next morning I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I didn’t know whether to run for it or what but I just knew I didn’t want to go to court. I couldn’t think of what I would do if I was taken away from my family. It wouldn’t even be life anymore that I would be living. I heard my phone ring and it interrupted my thoughts. I looked at my screen and saw it was my mother calling. I answered it slowly.
"Yes ma’am." I answered.
"You ready?" She asked, sounding like she wasn’t worried.
"Yes, I guess so." I responded, sadness creeping into my voice.
I knew I wasn’t ready to walk up on the stand in front of the judge; in front of all the people from my town. In Washington, since the town is so small people are really nosey, when one person finds something out worth telling, the whole town knows. I got up and started preparing myself before my mother came to pick me up. After I got dressed I heard her car horn and I walked to the front door slowly and peeked out to see my mother and my aunt Wanda in the car waiting for me. I stepped outside and walked down the steps and hopped inside. Everyone was quiet on the ride to the court house. I was glad because I didn't want to talk much anyway.
"Well here we are. Let me check you out." My mother said to me as I made my way out the car.
I was wearing a blue, black and white dress my mother had bought me for church and my hair was done in pigtails; I was trying to look young and innocent. I took a deep breath and walked up the steps to the court house with feigned confidence. Once we sat down it wasn’t long before I was called. When the judge called me I felt my heart drop instantly and my head started spinning. I walked to the stand with my lawyer while my mother, grandmother and aunt sat in the front row as my support group; seeing them kept a smile on my face and gave me hope. Although I committed a crime I wasn’t alone.
The judge looked at my school record and saw I was an AB student and applauded me for that. I was charged with a felony but my lawyer got it knocked down to a misdemeanor. At the end of all the legal talking I was given 12 months of supervised probation. I was relieved to know I wasn't getting taken away from my family and was given another chance. I prayed I would do better for myself from that day going forward but like anything in life, there’s always going to be challenges and everybody is subject to making mistakes because no one is perfect. As long as you learn from your mistakes, understand what you've done wrong and realize how to prevent it from happening next time, is all that matters.
***
I cried and cried for days after my court date, I couldn’t believe what I put myself and my family through. People kept telling me not to worry because it would not be on my record later on in life but what mattered most to me is the fact that I did it and I couldn't forget that and feared people who knew me wouldn't either. It wasn't something that was just going to go away because not only did it affect my life outside of school it affected my life in school too. The principal was definitely going to look at me different and there was a chance I might not be able to go back to High School. Education is everything to me and without it I know I will not be able to get anywhere in life. I might think my parents are hard on me now but I know later on down the road I’m going to look back and tell them "thank you" for being the parents they were to me. My father makes sure I apply myself by all means; even when I feel like I can’t accomplish something, he always gives me the courage and support I need to make it happen. All parents don’t parent the same but it doesn’t mean they aren’t good parents. Me and my dad always had our ups and downs but at the end of the day it’s no one I rather express myself to. My father is my journal, and he’s the one that’s going to give me this journey of life.
Four days after my court date I found out I was accepted for the Job Link youth program and I started attending classes immediately. The staff members at Job Link felt as if it was taking too long for the jobs I applied for to call back so one of the staff workers got me a job off the books cleaning houses. When I didn't have to work I sometimes stayed late and helped clean the building. Any work that kept me occupied I did with no problem.
After a while, my mother and I was starting to bump heads and I started hating being home. I thought as long as I was doing good and making changes she would be happy but it was like the better I did the worse her moods became; it could have been her sickness but I couldn't be sure. I felt like I was worrying her but when I looked at the situation she was only worrying herself because every little thing I did was a problem. I forgot to wash a single dish she would call in the National Guard to kill me over it; she was really over exaggerating the situation.
It’s tough living in a house full of girls. It’s too much attitude going around with bickering and fighting over stupid things. When you're in a house full of girls nobody can get along. It was driving me bananas and my mother wouldn’t listen to me whenever I had a problem or felt like venting. It’s like I was becoming my mother's worst enemy.
"Lil Missy baby." Jada said flopping down on my bed beside me.
I opened up my eyes and stared at her like what the heck.
"Get up, I got something for you." She said getting up and walking towards the living room.
I hopped out of bed and walked to my closet to grab my robe. I walked out the room and followed her down the hallway. When I came in the kitchen after her I was shocked to see Justin holding a blue nose pit bull.
"I been waiting on this pit forever, hoping one day it would pop up in my bed beside me!" I screamed while grabbing my sister around her neck hugging her tightly. I always wanted another pit ever since the pit bull my dad gave me, Capone, died from heartworms. I took my puppy and ran back into my room and locked the door.
"So what should I name you little guy?" I asked my new puppy rubbing his head playfully. "I got it, I'm going to name you Reckless."
I stayed in my room until the sun went down then me and Reckless took a walk to go get him a leash and some dog food. As I walked into Family Dollar my friend Evelyn was walking out.
"Where you going bestie?" She asked me.
"To Makea house after I leave here, I just had to come get my li'l fella some things." I replied rubbing his face.
"Aww! You got a new pup. He's so cute." Evelyn said in an old woman's voice. "Well I'll wait for you and we'll go to her house together ok?"
"All right." I replied as I walked into the store.
After I got the stuff for Reckless we started walking to Makea's house and started talking. Evelyn had something on her mind that I couldn’t quite figure out and she kept talking, even if I had something to say she would cut me off. I know my bestie and she was talking too much for nothing to be wrong with her.
"Are you ok Ev?" I asked in a caring tone.
"I’m good. I’m straight. Everything is ok."
I knew she was lying but I just let it be because I couldn’t force her tell me. We went in the house and Evelyn went straight to my room, I walked towards the back of the house to see who was there but my sister and the kids was gone. I walked in the living room and turned the radio on and Evelyn came out the room dancing. Me, her and Reckless started dancing in the middle of the floor. We were hyper listening to the music and enjoying it.
"BANG! BANG!
"Sugar Honey Iced Tea! Who that ?" Evelyn whispered.
"How the hell I'm supposed to know? I'm in here with you dummy" I replied.
I turned the music down and walked towards the door. "Who is it?" I yelled through the door.
"Coco." A nice firm masculine voice echoed back. I looked at Evelyn then looked back at the door.
Evelyn went and sat on the couch while I opened the door.
"Hey bae." I said with excitement. I have a secret, Coco has been my boyfriend for four months strong. He is the first real boyfriend/relationship I’ve ever had or been in. He leaned down and planted a kiss on my forehead, he was always so sweet and nice to me. He was just as short as me if not shorter with a close cut and the body of a Greek God. Not a day went by I didn’t think of Coco, he was my prince charming. Normally we would sit in my room in my sister's house but today we sat in the living room. Evelyn and Coco didn't get along, they were always arguing and cussing each other out. I don't know why Evelyn didn't like him but I thought it might have something to do with her thinking he was infringing on our friendship. Coco picked up the remote for the T.V and started flipping through channels. He was being awfully quiet and I wondered what was wrong. I lay my head on his shoulder and he grabbed my hand and led me to my room. Honestly I thought it was about to go down but he actually let me down, he came over to break up with me. We sat in the room on the bed and he just started off with the typical, "it's not you it's me" excuse.
"Wait! I know damn well you didn’t walk all the way over here to tell me it’s over!" I screamed in rage.
"Babe, its.." He tried to explain before I cut him off.
"Don’t babe me!" I yelled as I was walking out the room towards the front door.
"You won’t even listen to me." He argued, stuttering to get his words out before I cut him off. He followed behind me pleading.
I opened the front door and he already knew to walk out. When he got to the door he turned around to say something but I just slammed the door in his face and ran back to my room. I heard a knock at the door again.
"Don’t answer it!" I yelled to Evelyn.
She walked in my room and asked If I was ok and when I told her I was she turned away then told me she would be right back. I just shook my head because it made no difference to me whether she stayed or left because at the moment I was confused, frustrated, hurt, and mad. Coco had no reason to break up with me, I did nothing wrong. A half hour passed and his mom started blowing up my phone so I figured he probably told her some lie but I didn’t even care, I wasn’t answering no calls; his or hers. In my head I was like "eff 'em." I couldn’t get it out of my head why he would break up with me, I just didn’t understand; I really didn’t.
I stayed in the house hiding from everyone until the last couple weeks of summer. Everybody texted and called my phone but I wasn’t answering nor texting back. If I didn’t have to talk to you I wasn’t going to. I stopped getting on social networks and everything. My feelings were hurt, I had fell in love for the first time yet it felt like my heart had been broken for the eighty eight time. The night Coco broke up with me, my life changed. I stopped caring about how I looked, I would just throw on anything because I wasn’t going anywhere any way.
One day my sister made me get out the bed and go out walking with her. I was kind of glad because my first day coming back out was fun. We walked down to Ninth Street and hung with some friends and family and then we went to a big cook out at the Boys and Girls Club park.
Me and my sister were getting our plate fixed when Evelyn noticed Makea and screamed her name from the across the field. My sister and I have the same attitude, she glanced at me and I gave her the look. Although Evelyn is my best friend she already knew I wasn’t communicating with anyone. Makea walked towards Evelyn slowly waving her hand but when she got half way across the field to her I saw a nicely built, short, chocolate young man walking up to Evelyn from the side . He walked up to her, grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. I instantly broke out in a sweat and my knees started getting weak. It was COCO!
"How could this bitch betray me like this?" I asked myself. I was at a loss for words and couldn't believe what I saw. I looked their way again to see what my sister was doing and all I saw was Makea putting her hand in the air and her mouth read "forget it." My head started spinning and I suddenly became confused and hot. My mind was blank; I couldn’t talk or move, so I thought, until my feet started to move and then they picked up speed and went faster and faster until I was standing in front of the two people who just became my enemies. I looked at Evelyn and she just stared back at me. " Bestie I'm so sorry if you think anyth…"
BAMM! That was the sound of my right hand connecting with her face. That's where my fist landed right there in the field. I didn’t think about it before I did it I swung out of anger. Coco stared at me then stared at Evelyn as she was slowly picking her body up from off the ground. "I deserved that." She said in a pitiful voice.
SMACK! I slapped her as hard as I could with my open palm and she fell back to the ground as I walked back towards my sister. Makea wasn't worried about my little altercation and had my plate set up on the picnic table. She understood what I feeling so she just left me alone and I started to eat. We stayed out there for two hours then went back home.
***
The next morning I thought I would have forgotten what happened but I didn't, it was fresh in my mind so I sat in my room and cried. Evelyn and Coco had been blowing up my phone throughout the night but I didn’t answer any of their calls or texts. I don’t need friends and I damn sho' don’t need a man.
There was one month left for summer. I was happy it was almost over because my summer sucked. I didn’t do anything and hadn't been anywhere but to court and the detention center. My life had been crazy the whole summer, for the most part, and I was ready to go back to school already. Well, there was something good that came out of this summer, I stopped smoking and I had a little job on the side that was legal; only thing I didn’t know was what school I was going to be able to attend because Washington High had expelled me.
***
"Dang
! I forgot my phone Makea." I said as I was walking down the steps to get in the car with some of my friends from Greenville. I was finally going to a party for the first time before the summer was over. Greenville is bigger than Washington, way bigger if you've never been outside of Washington.
Greenville hosted all kinds of parties for teens throughout the whole summer, house parties, building parties, cook outs - anything. I was in the car with my 'Bobbing Girls', which was a group of girls that danced. They performed at different places and came to pick me up; we were going to the Civic Center in Greenville to watch them perform. On the way there they was so hype, talking about their routines and how they hoped they'd be on beat with the music. I wasn’t really in the mood to do anything or go anywhere but Makea basically convinced me to leave the house. The girls caught on to the fact that I wasn’t saying anything and then it was like everything went still for a minute.
"What's wrong Missy?" Sophia asked. She was the youngest girl out the group at age 11 but happened to the best dancer. She always stayed on beat and even if she messed up she would clean it up as if it were part of the dance.
"Nothing Sophia , I just got a lot on my mind. Don’t worry about me girl you got other things to worry about." I replied in a sweet and calm tone.
Lil Mz. Understood (A FourShaodugh Publishing Title) Page 3
