“Runaways?”
He didn’t answer, but from the way his back stiffened, she knew. She finally understood. How had she been so blind that she hadn’t realized it before this?
Nick had been on the streets himself.
That was why he was so savvy about where to look. That was why he had the connection with the kids. That was why he was shooting the documentary.
“When?” she asked softly.
“Off and on through high school. Before that. It was the reason I fell behind in school.”
She remembered him going missing only to reappear days, even weeks, later. And then he had just disappeared…until she’d found him a few days ago.
“Why, Nick? What happened?”
He turned toward her, but she couldn’t see his face. He was a dark silhouette against the light at the other side of the tunnel.
“My mother was one of those women who couldn’t or wouldn’t take care of herself,” Nick said. “She always needed a man to do that. And after my dad left…let’s say I had several ‘uncles,’ not one of them the kind of man who appreciated someone else’s by-blow.”
She winced at his bluntness. “Didn’t your mother care how they treated you? Or how you felt?”
“My mother’s main concern was that someone else foot the responsibility for her life. She sold herself for what she thought was security.”
The harsh words cut her to the quick. She couldn’t even imagine the kind of life he’d been forced into. He must have been so unhappy…except when they’d been together. Isabel was certain that he’d been happy with her.
And she’d taken that from him.
Isabel went to Nick and put her arms around him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“Why? What did you do this time?”
“I drove you away. But I had to, Nick. I had no choice.”
“We all have choices.”
“I didn’t want you to go to jail,” she told him, and figured that was probably the last thing he expected to hear. He stiffened.
“What?”
“My father found out that we slept together,” she admitted. “He told me that either I would stop seeing you…or that he would have you arrested for aggravated sexual assault.”
“I didn’t force you to do anything you didn’t want to do. Did I?”
“No, of course not, but you were eighteen, a legal adult, and I was only sixteen. Aggravated sexual assault, Nick. My father would have said that you coerced me and would have seen that you were punished.”
“My life was ruined, anyway,” he said. “My latest ‘uncle’ liked to slap people around. One day I stepped between him and my mother and he used me as a punching bag, after which my mother told me to get out. She said I was old enough to be on my own, that she couldn’t provide for me anymore, that she needed to take care of herself. And I went looking for you to tell you what happened and that I would call you as soon as I found a place to stay.”
The true horror of that night so long ago chilled Isabel. “Oh, no, and I said all those awful things to you.”
“Better to have sat in some jail cell than to have gone through the hell of believing you never cared. Isabel, why didn’t you just tell me the truth?”
“Would you have agreed to a breakup?”
He shook his head. “I loved you more than my life.”
“That’s what I was afraid of, because that’s how I felt about you. I couldn’t let you go to jail, Nick, so I did what I had to. I drove you away the only way I knew how.”
He laughed. “How ironic. I would have gone, anyway, because my mother gave me no choice. And even if I had landed in jail, at least I would have had hope in my heart. Something…someone…you…to come back to.”
“Nick, please understand—”
“Understand what?” he demanded. “That you convinced yourself that you had to do it? Be honest, Isabel. For once in your life, be really honest. Your father never would have made a federal case of it. He wouldn’t have wanted to look bad in the eyes of his constituents. And his political ambitions went way beyond where he was then. He wouldn’t have compromised them. He bluffed and you folded. Part of you wanted your father’s approval and love so badly that you would have done anything he wanted you to do, including dumping me.”
Swallowing hard, she whispered, “That’s not true!”
“Isn’t it?” Nick moved away and changed his tone. “There’s grass over here and it’s soft and reasonably clean.” He sat on the incline and patted the area next to him. “Come on over. You ought to lie down and try to get some sleep.”
It was as if he had rid himself of all emotion. He was almost as good at pretending as she, Isabel thought.
“I don’t do naps,” she told him.
Could he be right? Had she used her father’s threat as an excuse?
“Make this an exception.”
“I’ll just wake up cranky and try to make you as miserable as I feel.”
“And that would be different…how?” he said wryly.
Certain that he was putting on a good face to diffuse the tension between them, Isabel couldn’t so much as raise a smile. There was too much to be sad about. The things he’d told her about his past. His belief that she’d dumped him to please her father. The short amount of time they had left together.
Either they would find Louise tonight or she would bring in the authorities. Nick was right about that. Either way, this would undoubtedly be the last time she and Nick would be together alone.
Isabel felt as if a great hole were spreading through her middle. The gap inside her that had started to close by being with Nick was widening once more.
She stared down at him, lying on his back. This couldn’t be all there was. She still loved him…had always loved him. How was she going to go on without him again?
Stretching out next to him, Isabel ran her hand down his flat stomach and over his jean flap. His instant response spread through her, and she coaxed him to erection until he caught her wrist and stopped her.
“Don’t,” he whispered.
She drew closer to him. Her body was coming alive in anticipation of his. This was their last chance to be together and she wasn’t going to pass it up.
“What, then?” she whispered, bringing his hand to her breast.
For a brief moment, his fingers curled around her soft flesh. His thumb found the sensitive tip and circled it until it, too, grew hard.
“No.” He groaned as if in pain and took his hand away.
Already alight with wanting Nick, Isabel didn’t believe he didn’t want her equally. She could already see the video in her mind’s eye—her straddling him, riding him, brushing his chest with the tips of her breasts. He would take a tip in his mouth and suck the nipple into an exquisite point. Then he would take it between his fingers and pluck at it until she came. She closed her eyes and saw this as clearly as if it were on a television screen.
She rolled over and on top of Nick and straddled his thighs, where she pulled off her damp T-shirt and unhooked her bra.
“Isabel, don’t do this.”
“You don’t really want me to stop.”
She freed her breasts and leaned over, grazing his chest with her breasts just as she had seen in the video her mind had created. Her nipples were already hard. His erection came to life against her bottom and he took her in his mouth, rolled his tongue around the beaded nub exactly as she’d hoped he would. Isabel moaned with the pleasure.
Suddenly Nick rolled her and caught her under him, trapping her arms above her head. Remembering his comment about having control, she figured that’s what he was about. Smiling, she wrapped her legs around his back and prepared herself for anything.
Except for his saying, “We can’t do this anymore.”
“We can’t?” She moved her hips under him, stroked his erection to a new hardness. “I think we can. Maybe more than once.”
Nick groaned and cursed. “Stop, pl
ease!”
He was serious!
Shocked, Isabel unhooked her legs and set him free. “What’s wrong?”
“This is. I was.”
“I don’t understand.”
Nick rolled off her and handed her the bra and T-shirt, which she hurriedly put on. He put his face in his hands and shook his head. Suddenly she felt sick inside and she didn’t even know why.
“Nick, what’s wrong?”
For a moment, she didn’t think he was going to tell her.
Then he pulled his hands through his hair and said, “I put this deal on the table—your having sex with me while we looked for Louise—thinking it would drive you away. I never thought you would take me up on it.” He shook his head again. “But I was wrong to have done that to you, Isabel. Even though you agreed, I never should have let you go through with it. And you should never, ever let anyone make you sell yourself. There was a time when I had to do things…” He hesitated a moment, then continued, “I know what that feels like, and you’re worth more than that. I apologize for making you compromise yourself. In the end, I’m no better than your father.”
Nick’s admission and apology stunned Isabel. He knew what it felt like? She closed her eyes. Dear Lord, he’d just been a boy….
More important to her was the main issue. He hadn’t meant it…he was sorry…he feared she’d sold herself and not only to him. Nick’s putting it that way horrified her…especially since she couldn’t say he was wrong.
Her whole life had been one of compromise. Doing what was necessary politically to get the job done even if she didn’t like it. Doing whatever her impassive father demanded of her to win his elusive love. Doing what Nick had required of her to get his help in finding Louise…
But had she really sold herself to Nick? Would she have slept with another man who’d demanded physical payment? The very thought repelled her. Isabel couldn’t fathom doing so.
After all, this had been Nick Novak. Her first love. Her only love.
She’d blamed her father for her refusal to go to anyone else for help, but it had been she who had purposely sought out Nick. For, somewhere in the deep reaches of her soul, a light had beckoned in the darkness. A possibility. A chance for her to recapture something that had been precious to her.
She touched his shoulder and moved closer. At first he didn’t move. Then, as if he couldn’t help himself, he reached out, wrapped an arm around her, then lay back. She rested her head against his chest and listened to his heartbeat. The sound mesmerized her, and she felt as if she could lie there listening forever.
“I still want you, Nick,” she whispered, fearing to say more, fearing to reveal how much she cared.
He pulled her closer and stroked her hair. “And I want you, Isabel. But not like this. Not here.”
For the moment, she was content with that, with their wanting each other, with the secret of her love. And when they got back to the real world, she would prove to him that she was worthy of his love, too.
AN ELEVATED TRAIN OVERHEAD careened by the old redbrick warehouse, but it seemed to move silently through the night as the screech of metal on metal was drowned out by the techno-rock pouring from the entrance to the rave.
Nick anchored an arm around Isabel’s waist as he handed the doorkeeper their entrance fee. No IDs required because no liquor was sold on the premises. What was likely being sold was far more dangerous.
“Whatever you do, stick to me like glue,” he told Isabel.
“I can take care of myself.”
Actually, he wasn’t sure she could. Danger could come from anywhere, and in this crowd…was a scream really a scream if it couldn’t be heard?
She asked, “How in the world are we going to find Louise in this?”
“This” being a crush of bodies that extended wall-to-wall. Some were sitting in upholstered couches and chairs brought in for the occasion. Teens were doubling up, necking, doing other things in the dark, thick with smoke, things that their parents wouldn’t like. Most were on the dance floor, gyrating up against one another. Raves were hotbeds for the sale of ecstasy, the drug that made a user crave closeness and the touch of another.
A thought that made Nick decidedly uncomfortable.
“We need to work our way through the dance floor,” Isabel said directly in his ear.
The sensation sent a ripple effect straight down Nick’s spine. Closeness with Isabel in this crowd couldn’t be avoided. Torture that he’d brought on himself. “Come on, then.”
As they cut to the middle of the dance floor, Nick kept an eye out for Louise and noted that Isabel was doing the same.
Finding an open spot, he stopped her. “This’ll do for a while. Dance and make it look convincing.”
As if anyone would notice what they were doing. The kids were into one another to the max. Girls slithering around the guys, guys boldly groping the girls.
While searching every face for one that belonged to her sister, Isabel did a credible job of pretending to dance. Her brushing up against him drove Nick crazy.
It was best that everything was now out in the open and he’d instigated his hands-off policy. Nick knew that he didn’t fit into Isabel’s world—that is, her father’s world—which meant they had no future. Better to adjust to that truth now.
But, oh, how difficult it was to be with her, to be so close that he could inhale her unique musk. To feel her lush body brush up against his. He’d be walking with a hard-on for days just remembering.
“Let’s keep moving,” he suggested, speaking directly into her ear. “That way, toward the staircase.”
They inched through gyrating bodies rubbing up against one another, but the sex spell began to wear off…to be replaced by something else. Something more insidious that raised the hair at the back of his neck. The sensation that they were being watched.
But no matter how hard Nick scanned the area around them, he couldn’t discern by whom.
THE WAREHOUSE WAS HOT and Isabel was thirsty, so she started making her way to the bar. Though Nick came along without question, he seemed distracted, undoubtedly on the lookout for her sister. Which was just as well, Isabel thought, because the faster this was over, the quicker she would be free of him.
You don’t want that, a voice inside her head whispered. You want him, now more than ever.
Maybe she did, but she wasn’t going to have him. He’d set her straight on that count.
Besides, the only important thing was to find Louise—if she could find her in this ridiculous crush. She couldn’t even get directly up to the bar. Kids were three deep in front of her.
“How do I get a drink?” she yelled.
“Magic,” a big, good-looking charmer said. He reached through the crowd and pulled out a glass. “Magic punch, to be specific,” he said, holding out a plastic cup of what looked like pale red liquid.
Nick swiped it right out of her hand. “The lady would like a club soda,” he yelled.
But before the club soda came, Isabel was distracted by a flash of blond hair and a familiar face near the back wall.
“Louise!”
“You see her?”
“There!”
But even as Isabel pointed, the throng swallowed her sister. Panicked, she darted forward and clawed her way through hot, sweaty bodies.
“I think she went back toward that exit,” she told Nick, who was directly behind her.
Her heart was racing frantically. This is it! Don’t let her get away!
They reached the exit, which was open, letting in fresh air.
“Maybe she went out in the alley,” Nick said, encircling her waist with his arm and pushing through the people blocking the open door.
“Stamp?” a guy with green hair asked. “You need one if you want back in.”
“Yeah, sure,” Nick said, holding out his hand but straining to get a look behind them.
What in the world was he looking for? Isabel wondered.
She got her hand stamp
ed and left a distracted Nick behind, racing to catch up to Louise. A bunch of kids had come out into the alley to talk or to neck. Fearing her sister would be long gone, she was relieved to spot Louise leaning against a Dumpster, flirting with a boy.
Nick caught up to her just then. She gripped his arm but didn’t say a word. He followed suit and pushed her forward. A glance back assured her that Nick meant to let her have some privacy.
She was only a few yards away when Louise looked up and directly at them. Her expression panicked, she tried to run, but the boy delayed her long enough for Isabel to catch up and grab her up in a big hug.
“Lulu, oh my God, you don’t know how worried I’ve been about you.”
She was gratified when the embrace was returned and relieved when the boy melted into the night.
“I’m sorry, Izzie.” Under the glare of the alley lights, Louise’s eyes were round and watery as if she wanted to cry. “I didn’t mean to make you worry.”
“It’s over now.” Isabel backed off but still held her sister lightly. “No more running. You’ll come home with me and we’ll fix whatever needs fixing.”
“You can’t fix it, Izzie. Even you can’t change things, not this time,” Louise said cryptically. “And I’m not coming home. I can’t.”
“Then we’ll go to a hotel. I’ll get us an apartment—”
“No!” Louise jerked away and ran.
“Wait!” Isabel yelled, following.
But a couple of guys stumbled into her path and one grabbed her around the waist and started dancing her around the alley.
“Don’t let her get away!” she yelled to Nick.
Then out from the shadows came a black-clothed man, who grabbed Louise and pulled her into a gangway.
“Lulu!” Isabel screamed as Nick raced right by her in hot pursuit.
HE COULDN’T BELIEVE HE’D snatched the brat right out from under the bitch’s nose.
“Let go of me!” Louise yelled, struggling. “Stop!”
He stopped long enough to backhand her into the brick wall. “Shut up or there will be more where that came from.” Then he started up again, dragging her along.
“No!” she cried, not even trying to fight anymore. “I won’t say anything—really, I won’t. I promise! I won’t even go home, not ever!”
Improper Conduct Page 15
