by Casey Hagen
And maybe, just maybe I filled up a few of the lonely places from my own childhood.
I held the door while five sets of booted feet stomped over the threshold.
Ellie and Addison practically bounced with excitement. Leo and Noah moped, and Rylee, well, her previous excitement seemed to have fled, leaving her with big round eyes and pale cheeks. The girl looked scared enough to poop.
I had my work cut out for me.
Maybe next time they could all agree on a shared mood. Too much to ask?
Probably.
Jackson came around the corner and skidded to a stop, his hand stilling on the towel he rubbed along the edges of his sweaty hair. “Hey Maze, I didn’t expect you again this week.”
“Last-minute decision. Marty had an appointment. Who needs a day off anyway?”
I did, but there was no way I was going to admit that and take the risk of the kids feeling bad.
Even if I was disappointed in two of them at the moment.
Plus, those childhood nuggets I pilfered vicariously through my little borrowed brood called my name. I’m pretty sure I needed them as much as they needed me.
I didn’t know all the details of their lives, but kids didn’t spend time at the youth center without damn good reason. Some had parents working two jobs to make ends meet and no one at home after school; some were foster kids, and some of them were like me. They lived in a group home devoid of hugs, love, and individual attention.
At least I’d had years of hugs before I ended up there. The queen of a good snuggle, my mom never let a day go by without letting me know how loved and wanted I was.
When I ended up at Bay Wilderness group home, I’d been older and a few years wiser than my little crew. I’d been lucky.
Well, other than having to deal with Tilly.
Or what Tilly had become after she doused our bond with lighter fluid and tossed a match on it.
Someone has to feel bad for her. After all, what does it say when your own mother has to go and die to get away from you?
I’d never know if she knew I stood behind her when she said those words. It didn’t matter. The fact that she could say it made her a merciless bitch. One I hadn’t seen clearly until that moment.
Crossroads eventually gave me an escape from her torment.
Tilly went too, but the dynamics changed inside the walls of the youth center. The adults paid close attention. All it took was one of them overhearing the poison dripping from Tilly’s tongue one time. From that moment on they kept us separated.
For those few hours a week, they protected me.
Pretty much the only peace I knew until I moved out of Bay Wilderness and left Tilly’s misery behind.
What if I were the one standing between these little humans and torment and I just didn’t know it?
I looked down at Rylee’s pale worried face dusted with freckles. Cupping her soft pointed chin, I smiled until my silent reassurance wiped away some of the fear lingering in her eyes.
These guys were too damn young to be feeling all of that uncertainty and hurt. The thought of them lying in their beds at night, sad, maybe hungry, or worse…scared—I knew that gnawing feeling in the gut. I knew it intimately. The uncertainty of tomorrow, and the next day, and the next after that.
What it was like to hear the muffled sobs of the girl in the next bed.
It never really went away. Not for me.
So, while they were with me, they had my undivided attention and much to Leo and Noah’s disappointment, consequences for their decisions.
“Well, you know the drill, the floor is yours. How about we get these little guys and girls fitted for skates?”
“Just the girls,” Noah muttered.
Jackson yanked his head back and glanced between Leo and Noah. “You guys don’t want to skate?”
Neither Leo nor Noah said a word.
“Skating is for girls according to these little dudes. So they’re choosing to sit this out.”
Jackson crouched down eye level with the boys. “Who told you guys that boys don’t skate? I skate.”
Noah glanced at Leo, a flicker of doubt moving over his face. “Yeah, but you own the place. You have to skate.”
“My grandfather didn’t skate. Neither did my dad and they both owned Rockabilly’s before me.” Jackson clicked his tongue. “Too bad,” Jackson said, ruffling Noah’s hair as he stood. “You guys are missing out.”
“Could you do me a favor and take the girls to pick some skates while I get these guys settled in with the perfect view of the floor?”
“Anything for you, Maze,” he said with a wink. “Come on, ladies. Tell me, do you have a favorite color? I’ve got skates in a rainbow of colors. I might even have rainbow skates. Let’s go see,” Jackson said, leading them behind the front counter.
“I can’t believe you’re going to pass up the VIP attention. Jackson doesn’t let just anybody behind that counter, you know.” I guided each of them toward the tables with a little nudge when they tried to veer toward the pinball machine.
They stayed silent, didn’t make eye contact, and Noah crossed his arms.
Suit yourselves, little dudes.
I led them to the corner and handed cash to Wes. “Would you do me a favor and hook them up with a couple drinks and snacks while I get the girls on the floor?”
“Sure, but keep your money,” he said as he pulled out two chairs for the boys. “I’ve got it this time around.”
I kissed his cheek, his salt-and-pepper whiskers long enough now they no longer doubled as weapons. “You’re a sweetheart. Thank you.”
By the time I made it over to the girls, they’d all picked their skates and Jackson crouched before them, helping them get laced up.
Dropping onto the floor, I grabbed my skates out of my bag and laced up right alongside them.
“You look like you were out there before we got here. Either that or you were attacked with a fire hose,” I said with a laugh.
Jackson’s lips twitched and for just a second a look flashed in his eyes that I couldn’t quite figure out. “Yup, I was out there.”
“Not much fun skating alone.”
“It’s definitely better with a friend,” he agreed before glancing at the girls next to me. “Luckily, you’ve got three to help you stay upright out there.”
“Maisy won’t fall. She never falls,” Addison said with a grin that bordered on hero worship.
“Hey, I can still fall with the best of them. I definitely fall when I play derby.” I pushed up on my feet and held out a hand to Ellie and Addison while Jackson reached out to help Rylee. “You guys will fall, but that’s okay. I’ll be right there with you. I can even teach you some tricks so you don’t hurt yourselves. Sound good?”
Rylee looked up, her eyes wide with fear. “Not falling sounds better.”
“Yes, it does, honey,” I said with a laugh. “But don’t worry. We’re going to go slow and we won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. It’s all about having fun.”
“What kind of tunes would you ladies like out there?” Jackson asked, scrolling through his phone.
“Jojo Siwa,” Ellie said, her eyes lighting up, the only part of her she dared move judging by how rigid she held herself.
“Haschak Sisters,” Addison added.
Jackson scratched the back of his head and flinched down at his phone. “Good luck with this playlist, Maze.”
I rolled a skate buddy in front of each of them. Made of PVC with wheels on the bottom, the prop would keep them upright at first. “Okay, girls, we’re heading out there.” I glanced back over my shoulder. “Have mercy on my soul and switch that out after a few songs, okay? I’ll shoot you a playlist from my Spotify.”
“Consider it done.”
“Thanks.”
I led them onto the floor with a quick glance to the sullen boys in the corner. Wes looked at them, grinned, and gave me a thumbs-up. He had three of his own. All girls. Leo and Noah had nothing
on that chaos.
The music came on and I cringed. I reminded myself that I would have been into the same saccharine sweet, high-pitched pop at their age, and laughed at the expressions on the faces of the boys as the speaker right over their ear made sure they experienced that wonderful beat full force.
Hell, maybe that would be enough to chase them onto the floor.
But I wouldn’t hold my breath.
“Okay—you guys ready?”
All three girls nodded as they stared down at their feet.
“I have one rule. Just one. When you fall, you get back up. Can you do that for me?”
They nodded in unison, Ellie and Addison with beaming smiles while Rylee bit her lip.
Hopefully she stopped doing that before she fell. It was an emergency room visit waiting to happen.
“The first thing I want you to do…bring your heels together and aim your toes out like a penguin.” I shifted into the position on my skates and waited as they settled into the same placement.
Ellie and Addison giggled as they wobbled into place.
But Rylee locked up, her body rigid with every shift. I wanted to hug her and tell her it was going to be okay, but I knew that was about making me feel better and not what Rylee needed. Confidence came from achievement and Rylee showed a lot of vulnerability in the confidence department.
If I had my way, we would blow up those insecurities one at a time until she’s all shiny and shit. Until her go-to look is not one of nervousness and fear, but of excitement and discovery.
“Good job. Now, grab your skate buddy and stomp like me. Just follow the beat. You ladies know it, you picked it.” I lifted my skates, my moves exaggerated to click against the floor, straight up and down, in time with the music. The girls followed along, each stomp harder as they became braver, their smiles growing wider.
“That’s it, just like that.”
None of them seemed to notice that they’d started moving forward a couple inches at a time and I sure as shit wasn’t saying a word. Let them be surprised.
I rolled backwards, keeping an eye on our pace out of the corner of my eye with every intention of steering them around the bend, keeping them going as long as I possibly could.
“Now, bend your knees just a little bit more. Like this. It’ll help you balance. That’s it, just like that.”
They immediately followed my lead and in minutes, their torsos more upright now, the confidence began to show in their bright eyes and big smiles. They even started letting go of their skate buddies with one hand while their heads bopped to the tempo.
“Look at you already. You’re doing it, girls; you’re really doing it!”
I kept their attention on me, exaggerating my movements, raising my knees almost to the point I practically marched in place. I’m sure I looked absolutely ridiculous, but I didn’t care because every minute brought more laughter. Little did they know, with their eyes on mine, they’d begun turning the corner.
Stomp, stomp, stomp.
For ten minutes we kept marching. When Addison started pushing her skate buddy ahead of her a few feet before catching up to it, I knew the time had come to ditch them altogether.
This was where they would fall.
Why the hell did it make my heart ache just thinking about it?
“Okay, how about it, girls? You ready to try without your skate buddies?”
Ellie and Addison squealed in unison while Rylee just smiled up at me, her flushed cheeks chasing away the pale fear.
I crouched down in front of her while the other two distracted themselves rolling their skates back and forth. “Remember what I said. You’re going to fall. What’s important is you get back up, okay?”
“Okay,” she said quietly, lacing her fingers with mine.
“Good.” I kissed her knuckles and stood. “Alright, here’s what we’re going to do. Knees bent, march it out to the beat, arms like mine.”
I kept them tucked into my sides to the elbow and then arched them out with my palms facing down.
“We’re going to look like we’re waddling like penguins, but we don’t care, do we?”
“Nooooo!” they called out.
“And when you feel like you’re going to fall, get low, your hands out like you’re driving a tiny car. Like this,” I said, getting into the position. “Now you show me.”
They mimicked my moves and made it a whole ten feet when Addison dropped onto her knee, but she popped right back up with a smile just like I said. Not that it was surprising she was the first; she was the most adventurous of the three with Ellie right behind her.
Ellie fell next, landing right on her butt. She winced, then scrambled to her hands and knees, crawling as she scurried back up.
We turned the corner, then the second and the third. The girls never even noticed they’d stopped stomping and had begun gliding.
I crouched low to stay eye level with them while I rolled along backwards. This was it, their real first time. They’d never be this again and I was the one here teaching them. I wanted to take pictures. I wanted to record them. I wanted to brag to everyone at The Shipwreck and then do it all over again at Banked Track over drinks. I wanted to fly around the rink in a victory lap; I wanted—Priest.
I spotted him over Addison’s shoulder where he leaned against the lockers in faded blue jeans, one leg bent, his thumbs hooked in the edge of his pockets. His black tank top showed powerful muscular arms. His face unreadable, his gaze never wavered from mine.
The man didn’t even blink.
“Oh…oh…oh no…Maaiiissssyyyyy!”
At the sound of Rylee’s frantic cry, my attention snapped back to the girl. She’d picked up speed, the frantic windmilling of her arms doing nothing to help her regain her balance. Terrified eyes locked on mine as I reached for her to slow her momentum, but it was too late. Before I could so much as stand upright, she crashed into me and we both went down.
Rylee’s elbow landed right in my stomach as she pushed herself up over me. My grunt turned into a laugh as I smoothed the wisps of hair out of Rylee’s worried face. I glanced at Ellie and Addison who stood bent over us. “See, girls. I can still fall.”
9
Mayhem lay under the heap, her head thrown back in laughter, her cheeks flushed, an open, sweet smile spread across her face.
I let go of the breath I’d been holding in a rush of air. Goosebumps prickled over my neck and my heart rate kicked up a notch.
No longer casually observing her for my own amusement, I voraciously studied her. Every last bit of her.
Her affectionate grin alone delivered a crippling blow to my gut. But that was just the warm-up for the uppercut coming right after when she slipped the errant strands of hair from the scared little girl’s forehead, tucked them behind her ears, and cupped her cheek.
The nurturing there punched right through my ribs into my chest and mercilessly rooted around for my heart.
Even drawn to her determination and drive—hell, even the slice of attitude—I’d managed to fortify my barriers. My armor hadn’t even taken a hit when I caught a glimpse of humor and vulnerability. I’d clutched on to my willpower and maintained distance, leaving her question hanging in the air between us at The Shipwreck, and walked away for what I thought would be the last time.
I held on to strength and common sense and reminded myself every time my mind had even flirted with the idea of wavering.
But the love written on her face right now was the kind of genuine caring I could never resist. Intimate gestures like those weren’t scripted; they were as much a part of who a person was as the veins threading through them. The instinctual comfort she offered came from a good heart. Seeing this side of her, when there was no one watching, no one to impress—fucking hell—it did shit to me on the inside I didn’t want to admit.
She compelled me to waver for the first real time since I made a silent promise to this town and the people I loved here to protect them from everything…even me.
>
The smallest of the three girls who’d taken Mayhem out, struggled to get up while the others yanked on her hands and arms to help. Once they made it onto their skates again, Mayhem bounded to her feet effortlessly, no pinch of pain flitting over her face.
Guess that rib felt a hell of a lot better.
So much better she guided them straight into another lap around the floor.
Anyone else would have had the kids take five after a spill like that, but not Mayhem.
Of course, not Mayhem.
If she didn’t sweep those little girls right into another lap, the one who fell may never go back out there again. Mayhem gave her the gift of faith. It would leave a mark.
Mayhem left her mark.
Apparently, she left indelible touches everywhere. Banked Track. The Shipwreck. Here.
Inside me.
She met my eyes, the startled confusion on her face just moments before now shrouded in curiosity.
I was pretty sure if I looked in a mirror, I’d find curiosity on my face too.
We stumbled into this tentative dance with one another, both of us shit at hiding our mutual dangerous interest.
One of us better learn how to put on the brakes. Mayhem didn’t look like she braked for anything—and despite years of discipline where I’d mastered caution, I didn’t want to either.
Shit.
When she turned her attention on the girls again, I let myself watch her despite the Guinness World Record list of reasons why I shouldn’t. Off the clock and off the track she had a softness in her and fuck if I could tear my eyes away.
Acid-washed jeans hugged round hips that moved along with the music pumping through the room. A new song because Jackson had mercy on our souls and dialed back that teenybopper pop playlist. This one, soft and catchy, had Mayhem's brood of beginners mimicking her movements, swaying more with their arms than hips, but their attention off their skates, the hero worship evident with their toothy grins.
The rips in the material stretched across her thighs gave a tantalizing glimpse of the tattoos running up her skin. Covered from the side of her neck, down her arms, over her fingers, and along her thigh made me wonder how many tattoos lay hidden in between.
