“Well.” He stood back up, snapping the towel and settling it across his shoulders, which somehow only emphasized how broad they were. “I was going to run out and deal with this, but then I didn’t want you waking up and thinking I left you here all alone. There’s like… no food.”
I was still trying to catch up with the fact that he’d been worried about me being frightened when I woke up and had been hanging around hungry - and shirtless - for hours rather than risk me waking up alone. So it took me a minute to process what he’d said. “Wait, there’s nothing for breakfast?”
He shrugged. “We probably should have stopped on the way here, but you were asleep then too, so…” His lip quirked up in a half-smile, the kind of teasing yet self-deprecating grin I’d started waking up every morning at the hospital hoping I’d see. And now I was seeing it atop his shirtlessness. It was like the cherry on top of a very tall, broad ice cream sundae.
“That seems to be a theme.” I was also smiling now. I couldn’t help it.
“I can run to town now.”
“You don’t have to go by yourself.”
“Why not?” He seemed genuinely confused. Until his blue eyes gleamed with mischief. “I won’t pick out crap. What’s the matter, you don’t trust me with the groceries?”
It seemed like an innocent question, except he’d landed heavily on the word “trust.” The way his mouth twisted gave him away. “Was that… an apology?”
“For what?” His eyes snapped again. “Would you accept it if it was?”
“Pretty shitty apology.”
“I’m not good at them.” He shrugged. “Haven’t had much practice since I’m never wrong.”
“You’re not wrong here either. I don’t trust you…” I lifted my chin and let the pause hit him before finishing. “With the groceries.”
He chuckled. “I deserved that.” He looked down. “I’ll go get changed.”
Please don’t, I didn’t say. Instead I looked down at my clothes. “I should too.”
“Yeah, uh, I was going to say something, but…” He curled a hand around the back of his neck. “Do you need a hand?”
“With what?” I hoped my innocent tone masked the fact that my whole body was suddenly on fire.
“I won’t look. I’ll keep my eyes closed.” Another one of those grins played about his mouth. “Right here is where I’d usually make a joke about how I can take a woman’s clothes off with my eyes closed but I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t appreciate it.”
“With your eyes closed, huh?” I licked my lips. “Can you do it one handed too?”
“No, that’s you.”
I burst out laughing. “You’re the worst, you know that?”
“Then why are you still wearing that ring, huh?”
I’d forgotten it completely, but now that the question had landed I felt the weight of it around my finger. It was a tiny sliver of metal, but it might as well have been a gold bar.
Cooper looked down and slipped his palm against mine, turning it over. I held my breath as he lifted my right hand to his lips, then let it out in a rush when he bent down and pressed a gentle kiss over my left hand. Over the ring. His lips were warm, and firm, and even though the kiss was gentle, there was no hesitation behind it. It was a kiss that was meant to start something.
Suddenly I wanted nothing more.
He let my hand go. I lifted my face to his and waited. His eyes swept across mine and then dropped to my lips, lingering there as I held my breath and waited for another one of his bruising kisses. This time I wouldn’t pull away. This time I would kiss him in return.
“Turn around,” he said.
My heart beat jaggedly against my ribs. Shame burned my cheeks as I realized he’d seen everything - my eagerness, the easy way I’d let go of my dignity - all in the hope that he’d kiss me again. All the cruel things he’d said to me, all of the terrible things he believed I’d done—I’d been willing to let it all slide.
Furious with myself, I did what he said. I hated that I needed his help. I hated that I had to be grateful.
And I hated that he was undressing me out of pity instead of desire.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Cooper
Thank fuck she was facing away from me. Thank fuck she kept her head down, eyes firmly on the floor as I gently lifted her T-shirt over her head. Thank fuck she didn’t seem to hear the sharp, indrawn breath I took once I caught sight of her in her bra. Thank fuck she wasn’t any closer to me, or else she would have seen the way my cock stirred to life in my sweats - fuck these pants that left nothing the the imagination.
I hunched over and stepped away from her, turning on my heel before she could see me, before I could see her bare skin again. “I’ll go get changed,” I grunted over my shoulder and booked into the bedroom. I shut the door behind me, too hard, then let my head fall back against the wall.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I chanted it like a prayer, but that didn’t help matters, so I switched to something, anything that would calm the raging storm inside of me. I thought about the football locker room at Crown Creek High, reeking with the soaked-in stench of sweaty gym clothes and stinking shoes. I thought about creek parties and the time all the guys ganged up on me and threw me into the shockingly cold creek. I thought about the wart on my fourth grade teacher’s chin.
Then I thought about my dad sneaking home after meeting one of his floozies, and I finally got myself under control. I went to the en suite bathroom and splashed water on my face and considered hopping under a freezing cold shower. But the crisis was over. Just the thought of my dad and his flagrant dalliances around town - no remorse, no shame – brought me back to reality.
It didn’t matter how badly I wanted her now. I knew the truth of her. What she’d done hadn’t changed, only my feeling about her had. She was still the same girl who had openly cheated on my best friend and had never apologized for it. Wanting her didn’t mean I could trust her.
My racing heart slowed. My frenzied mind calmed. I took a deep breath and finished dressing, feeling my hot blood cool back down again. By the time I opened the door to my bedroom, I was thinking rationally again. “You sure you want to come?” I called up the stairs. “I really can do this myself.”
“Hang on.” He voice was muffled. I heard a thump and then a soft yelp of pain. Then she appeared on the balcony above me, her face pinched but triumphant, wearing a new shirt.
She’d gotten herself dressed with a broken arm. Alone. While I was downstairs talking myself out of a boner, she was up there struggling. When I was supposed to be helping her.
It was so much easier to remember her faults when I wasn’t looking at her. “You good?” I wondered. “I can’t believe you did that by yourself.”
“Told you. I’m fine.” The haughty lift to her head was something I was used to seeing, but the way it affected me was not something I was used to feeling.
God I wish I could remember how to hate you. “Yeah. Guess you’re pretty fine.” I didn’t mean it the same way she did. She was wearing a plain T-shirt in this blush pink color that brought out the golden tones in her perfect skin and revealed hidden depths to her brown eyes. Her faded denim jeans should have been nothing special, but the way they hugged her petite frame and cupped her pert little ass so tenderly seemed tailor made to weaken my already fragile resolve. Why did Liam say he had to repay you? What don’t I know?
“Except…” she trailed off when she caught me staring at her and looked away.
“What is it?”
She was thinking. Weighing something. She darted that little pink tongue of hers along her bottom lip, and I had to resist tracing the path it made with my own. “My shoes,” she finally breathed.
Swallowing hard, I nodded and gestured for her to sit. She walked over and perched delicately at the very edge of the leather sectional that curved around the massive riverstone hearth. I grabbed her scuffed sneakers from where she’d kicked them off by the front entryway.
>
I went back to where she sat on the couch.
And knelt down.
Just like last night’s fantasy. The deja vu was so thick, I had to blink hard to stay in the present, had to be very conscious of taking slow, regular breaths as I cupped my hand around her calf. And was completely unsurprised that it fit perfectly in the curve of my palm. Just like I’d known it would.
Willa was watching me, and that made my fingers clumsy. I struggled to tie them and had to lean in further, which only brought me closer to the heat of her. If I moved my head a fraction of an inch, I could brush my cheek against the warmth of her thigh. If I tilted it down, I could press a kiss just above her knee. If I tilted it up, I could catch her startled lips with mine and press her back until she was lying flat underneath me.
So many choices, and I chose none of them. “There.” I leaped back from her, nearly toppling over in my haste to get away from her nearness. “All done.”
“Thanks.” If she was at all affected the way I’d been, she was far too good at hiding it. She pushed herself upright and walked to the door. “Ready?”
No. “Yeah.”
We drove in silence. She watched out the window, taking in the wild dark green of the woods that enveloped us. We twisted back down the mountain and I was grateful that the road took most of my attention. By the time it flattened out on the approach to the small scattering of buildings that made up the nearest thing to a town around here, I had convinced myself I was fully recovered again. As long as I didn’t look at her, didn’t breathe her scent, didn’t hear her voice, didn’t think about her poise, her grace, or the quiet beauty that seemed to unfurl like the bud of a flower the longer I spent with her, I could hold on to all the reasons I needed to stay clear of her. She’s Liam’s ex. She’s a cheater. You can’t trust her.
The small general store sold garden implements right next to the produce, bear repellent near the tiny deli section. I grabbed a few boxes of breakfast cereal and caught sight of Willa over by the meats, frowning at a pack of hamburgers. Quickly turning away from the sweet way her mouth turned down, I strode into the snack section and mindlessly shoved packages into my basket before turning the corner and again encountering Willa considering a dozen eggs. Desperate to get away from the need to brush up behind her and kiss that place where her curls brushed her shoulder, I wandered into the gardening section and found myself staring at a row of hedge trimmers like they contained the answers to everything.
“I’ll get this,” Willa called over her shoulder as she hefted her basket to the counter. It was filled with practical components for practical meal-making.
I looked down at my own basket and saw that I had filled it with five kinds of sugary breakfast cereal, some weird ass trail mix, a package of ant traps and some tomato seeds.
I was losing my shit.
I hid the ant traps and seeds on the way to the refrigerated case and replaced them with milk. She’s Liam’s ex. You can’t trust her. What had been the loudest possible voice in my head was now little more than a faint whisper. That grew even fainter when I approached the counter and she looked up at me and smiled. “You like cereal, huh?”
“It’s definitely my best recipe,” I deadpanned, handing over my debit card. “I’ve got this too,” I told the cashier, gesturing to Willa’s haul.
“Sounds good, honey.” Her nametag read Helen. “You two on vacation?”
“Something like that, Helen.” I grinned at Willa.
“I said I’d get it,” Willa protested with a hiss.
“And I didn’t listen. Are you surprised?”
She huffed and rolled her eyes. “You’re not carrying all those bags by yourself.”
“What are you going to do to stop me?” I teased her, snatching them all up.
“Dammit, Cooper, let me get the door at least.”
“Nope.” I shoved it open with my hip and gestured with my head for her to go first. She scowled and I grinned. She was so easy to rile up. When I refused to move, she let out a groan of frustration and stalked through the door. “Have a great day!” I called out to the staring cashier.
Out in the parking lot, I stopped short, nearly running into the back of her as she watched what looked like a leaf flutter across the ground. “Hang on,” she said.
"What?" I looked again as she bent carefully.
It wasn't a leaf. It was a twenty-dollar bill. And it had come from an envelope stuffed full of them that was sitting in the dirt half hidden by the shadow of the porch.
"Holy shit." She picked it up and rifled through the bills. "There’s three hundred dollars in here."
I winced as I watched her eyes shining. "Huh.”
She looked up at me. "This is probably someone's rent or something.”
"Sucks they lost it." I couldn't look at her. I didn't want to see her pocket it, no matter how much I knew that's exactly what she'd do. The girl who'd driven to Reckless Falls, sneaking around on my best friend. I couldn't expect her to be better than that. And yet I'd almost started to hope.
"I know.” She shook her head, setting her curls dancing. “Damn, that's a lot of money."
I kept my head down and walked past her towards the truck. With every step, I felt like something buoyant in my chest was deflating. This was what I’d been trying to remember. Here it was. I couldn’t bear to watch her pocket it. Instead I set the groceries in the back of the pickup and strapped them down with the net, giving her time to tuck the envelope away. Anger rose like bile in my throat, but I wasn’t going to fight her about this. There was no point. At least I’d gotten a reminder of who she was before I did anything stupid like fall in love with her.
I went over and opened her door for her.
But she wasn't there.
I craned my neck over the cars and saw her walking slowly and deliberately back up the stairs to the front of the store.
I sprinted to catch back up to her. "What are you doing?"
"What do you think I'm doing?" She turned and smiled at Helen. ”Hey there. I just found this envelope in the front bushes. Do you have any idea who'd be carrying cash around like that?"
Helen’s eyes widened. "Oh no, I bet that's Sid's. Hang on a second. Joe? Joe where are you, you deaf old coot. Did Sid pick up his wages?"
A bent old man with hair the color of iron poked his head out from a doorway behind the counter. "He was here this morning, same as every Friday."
Helen turned back to Willa. “How much is in there, honey?"
"Three hundred even."
Helen nodded. “That's Sid's all right. He’s our stock-boy, though I really shouldn’t be calling him a boy on account of the fact that he has two grown boys of his own. He must be frantic!” She slid off her stool and headed to the back office where, Joe had already disappeared. “Let me ring him."
Willa turned and looked at me with a giant grin on her face. I was too shocked to do anything but grin back as we heard Helen yelling into the phone. She laughed and said “That’s right, honey. That’s right. A pretty young lady and her beau. Brought it right in. I always say there are still some good people in this world, don’t I?”
I had a lump in my throat and it tasted exactly like shame.
Helen bustled back out from the office with a big smile. “Sid was right in the middle of tearing apart his truck looking for it. Bless you for bringing it in.”
“Of course,” Willa said with a big, easy smile. “Tell Sid we said hello.” She turned to leave.
“You should stick around,” Helen called. “Sid said he wanted to give you a little reward, token of his thanks and all that.”
“That’s not necessary,” Willa said. “I would just hope someone would do the same for me, you know?” She lifted her good hand in farewell.
“She’s a good one, your girl,” Helen murmured to me. “You hold on to her, you hear?”
I nodded mutely, too overwhelmed to speak. Right now, there was nothing else I wanted to do than to hold on to Willa Harlow. Hold o
n to her and much… much more.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Cooper
All the way back to the cabin, I had to keep my fingers white-knuckled on the steering wheel to keep from reaching for her.
How do you even begin to tell someone how sorry you are for getting them so wrong? Hey, back there, when you returned that guy’s paycheck? That was cool. I definitely didn’t think you were that cool. But now that I know that you are, could I please put my face between your legs?
Yeah. That wasn’t going to work.
Giving Sid his money back seemed to have loosened Willa’s tongue. She smiled and happily chattered away, reading the names of shops and cemeteries we passed before we started climbing back up out of the valley. She pointed out little waterfalls and deeply carved gullies and wondered if the water was still snowmelt way up here. “I want to go wading, but I bet my feet would freeze off.”
“We can go wading,” I agreed quickly. Because I wanted to see her smile.
She did, although it was more surprised than pleased. “I doubt that’s a good idea,” she said, lifting her cast. “My balance sucks.”
“I’ll hold your hand.”
She looked down. Her lashes cast a dark shadow across her flushed cheek. Fuck, she was so pretty. “You won’t let go at a crucial moment just so you can laugh when I fall on my ass, will you?”
God, I hated the person I was that would make her think I might do that. “No,” I grunted. “As long as you don’t push me in and hold my head under water.”
She laughed. “Maybe if I had two hands.”
“But I’m safe for now?”
There was mischief in her eyes when she grinned at me. “For now.”
I nodded. “Then it’s settled. We’re going wading. I bet there’s a stream near Liam’s place. They seem to be everywhere.”
“Okay,” she said eagerly. And she sounded so over-the-top happy with the idea that I nearly pulled over just so we could do it right now.
Last Good Man: A Crown Creek Novel Page 13
