“I didn’t bring a lot with me to London. It’s mostly just clothes. Everything can fit in one trunk.”
“Only one trunk?”
“Well, it is a large trunk.”
She chuckled, and he fully relaxed. Maybe things would be all right after all. Maybe she would learn to be happy with him in time. This was a start. A good one. She’d forgiven him. She’d even kissed him. Granted, it was too soon to do more, but at least there was the possibility of their being more in the future. He’d be lying if he didn’t say he was intrigued with the things mentioned in that book Ethan gave him. But he could wait. The important thing was, they had a chance.
He took his cup and glanced her way, happy to note her hand was no longer trembling as she sipped her tea. He drank his own then said, “If you don’t have lessons today, I thought it might be a nice day for a walk.”
“I didn’t schedule any lessons today,” she replied, “and I’d like to take a walk with you.”
Good. Then they could spend the day together as husband and wife. The prospect excited him. He hadn’t figured this aspect of having a wife up to now. He missed the close friendship he’d once shared with his brother. It’d be nice to have someone he could establish a bond with, and who better than a beautiful lady he could also hold and kiss? But of course, he wouldn’t hold and kiss her too soon.
He selected a tart and took a bite. Then, recalling how nervous he’d first been around her, he joked, “Remember when I was too afraid to eat in case I made a mess?”
She giggled. “Yes, I remember. You’ve come a long way since then.”
“I had a good teacher.”
“You ought to give yourself some credit, Camden. You’re not hopeless like Lord Toplyn claimed.”
“Did you think that at the time?” he asked.
“I knew if you were serious, you would do what I said, and my methods always work.”
“They do. The rumors about you are true. You’re a very intelligent person.”
She seemed pleased by his statement. “Is that what people say about me?”
“It is. They say you know exactly what to do in any situation. Both ladies and gentlemen can benefit from your advice.”
“Thank you. It helps that I love what I do.”
“Which is why you need to keep doing it.”
“Thank you,” she softly said. “Again.”
He finished his tart. “Aren’t you going to have one? They’re good.”
“Maybe later. I’m not that hungry.”
“We didn’t have a wedding breakfast.”
“I know, but I can’t eat anything right now. Maybe I’ll have an appetite when we return from our walk.”
“All right.”
She sipped the rest of her tea then asked, “When will you bring your things over?”
“Oh, well, I suppose maybe I should go to the townhouse, change for our walk, and arrange for the butler to bring the trunk over. I should go and change now. It shouldn’t take me longer than an hour to get everything ready.”
She nodded. “I’ll change into a dress more suitable for a walk while you’re gone.”
“What a shame.” She glanced at him, and he could feel the heat rise in his face as he fought the surge of shyness that swept over him. “You’re lovely in the one you’re wearing. I enjoy looking at you.” Wondering if he’d inadvertently said the wrong thing, he quickly amended, “Not that you aren’t beautiful anyway. You are. It’s just that…” Just that what?
“You needn’t explain, Camden. I understand. And I appreciate the compliment. No one’s called me beautiful before.”
No one? Not even her first husband?
She rose to her feet. “I should start changing now. It’s likely to take me longer than you to get ready, what with all the pearls my lady’s maid will need to take out of my hair.”
“I don’t mind waiting for you.” And he meant that in more ways than one, but he wasn’t sure if she caught his meaning.
Her lips curled up into a smile. “I’m looking forward to our walk.”
He watched her leave the drawing room then he headed for the carriage waiting for him outside.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Helena spent all night waiting for Camden to come to her bedchamber. But he never did. That morning when she woke up, she was alone in her bed.
She knew husbands and wives didn’t spend every night together, but after the pleasant day they’d shared yesterday, she thought for sure he’d come to her bed. She was awake for most of the night, waiting for him. She kept expecting him to knock on the door adjoining their rooms. But he didn’t. And she didn’t know what to do about it.
By the time it was morning, she was tired, but she was also too upset to sleep in. Perhaps he didn’t desire her the way gentlemen desired mistresses. Maybe he was fond of her, thought her pleasing to look at, but his feelings didn’t go any further than that. Much like her first husband. She was a good friend and nothing more.
But even if her first husband had thought that, he had come to her bed. At the time, she didn’t realize it was due to the newness of their intimacy, rather than a blossoming love. Neither had been with anyone else before their wedding. Naturally, the excitement of the physical activity led him to be with her.
Then in several months, he stopped coming to her as much. She assumed it was normal for such a thing to happen. It wasn’t until that night when she found out about his mistress that she learned the truth. All the times she assumed he’d spent out with gentlemen were probably spent with his mistress.
If Camden decided to take a mistress, there was nothing she could do to stop him. As her first husband had pointed out, it was common in London. So many titled gentlemen did it, no one thought anything of it. Except she had hoped her marriage might have been the exception, especially when she’d given her heart to both of the gentlemen she’d married. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she loved Camden. Yes, they hadn’t known each other long, but he was so different from Benjamin. It was a refreshing change to be with someone who was untainted by the world.
“Stop dwelling on things you can’t do anything about,” she muttered.
Throwing the blanket off, she went to the basin and washed her face then examined her reflection in the mirror. Did she look like she’d been crying? She hated appearing weak. All it did was give someone power over her. Once a person knew they could bother someone, they often used it to their advantage, much like Lord Toplyn had done with Camden in posting the ridiculous wager.
A knock came at her door, and her heart stopped. Then she realized the person was knocking from the door in the hallway. Camden wouldn’t use that one. At least, she didn’t think he would. Clearing her throat, she called out for the person to enter.
Her lady’s maid entered the room, carrying a cup of green tea as she did every morning. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted this.”
“It’s fine, Cass.” Helena gestured for her to put it on the table by the vanity. “Thank you.”
“Are you ready to dress?”
Nodding, Helena slipped out of her shift. “I think I’ll wear the yellow dress this morning.”
“Very good, Your Grace.”
It took a moment for Helena to realize the lady meant her. She’d been used to being ‘my lady’. Being referred to as ‘Your Grace’ was going to take some getting used to.
As Cass pulled the dress out of the armoire, Helena finished washing up. Once done, Cass helped her dress, humming a happy tune as she did so. It wasn’t until Cass was brushing her hair that Helena got up the courage to ask her the question on her mind. Servants often knew things the master or mistress of the place didn’t. And she hoped the fact that Cass had been her lady’s maid from a young age would propel the lady to answer her.
“Do you know if His Grace spent the night here?” Helena forced out, turning her gaze to the lady’s reflection in the mirror.
The lady stopped brushing her hair and placed a warm hand
on her shoulder. “Yes, he’s been here the entire night.”
Cass resumed brushing her hair, once again humming. Helena, however, continued watching her. She must’ve known about Benjamin’s mistress long before she did. And, if she guessed right, Cass’ heart had ached on her behalf.
Helena chose not to press the lady for any more information. Instead, she sipped her tea. It was enough to know Camden had been in his bedchamber. She didn’t know how wives gave their bodies to their husbands knowing full well their husbands spent their time with someone else. She didn’t think she ever could. But now, if Camden came to her bed tonight, she’d be able to receive him without reservation.
Once Cass was finished, Helena thanked her and left the room. Her steps slowed as she passed Camden’s bedchamber. She couldn’t hear any noises coming from the other end, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t in there. For all she knew, he could still be sleeping. Not everyone got up early like she did, but then, she liked to spend her mornings preparing her lessons. Every lady had her strength and weakness, and it was Helena’s mission to cater her instruction for that particular lady.
Now that Miss Jasper would be marrying Lord Toplyn, Helena only had to instruct Miss Thomas and Miss Clarkson, and Miss Thomas was due today at two. She’d have her morning meal then plan out what she’d teach the young lady.
As she passed the drawing room, a male voice called out to her. Surprised, she paused and glanced in the room. Camden put down the book he’d been reading and came over to her.
“The butler said you wake up early,” he said. “I hope you don’t mind, but I wanted to eat with you.”
Why didn’t he just ask her when she ate in the morning? Why ask the butler? Instead of asking, she offered a polite smile. “I like to get an early start on the day. I do my best thinking in the morning.”
He fell into step beside her. “Did you sleep well?”
“Yes, I did.” She glanced at him, trying to gauge his reaction. “And you?”
He shrugged. “I never sleep well in a new place. But I’ll get used to it.”
Unsure of how to respond, she continued on in silence.
They selected the food they wanted then sat at a small table. She tried to think of something to say while they ate, but she couldn’t come right out and ask him why he spent the night in his bedchamber instead of with her. Not only was the butler nearby to serve them more to eat and drink if they wished, but it was much too personal of a topic. So she did the only thing she could. She ate in silence.
When they were almost finished, Camden asked, “Will you be giving any lessons today?”
“One,” she replied after she took a sip of her juice. “Miss Thomas will come with her mother at two. I originally had Miss Jasper scheduled in, but since Lord Toplyn kissed her at the same ball you kissed me at, she’s no longer in need of my services.”
His eyes widened. “Lord Toplyn created a scandal at Lord Roderick’s ball?”
“Yes. Apparently, he saw you kiss me and thought it was a good idea to do the same to Miss Jasper.”
“I talked to him that night. After I left here,” he quickly added before she could ask him when. “He was upset because he lost the wager he made on me. The gentlemen at White’s never thought to make the wager void if I married a lady because of a scandal.” He shrugged. “I don’t know how they worded it, to be honest. I think he kissed her because he had no other way to pay the winners their earnings.”
“If I didn’t like Miss Jasper, I’d say it serves him right for making the wager in the first place. But the poor thing is beside herself with grief. A worst fate couldn’t have befallen her.”
He ate the last of his eggs then took a drink of his milk. “Lord Toplyn can’t be that bad.”
“The gentleman placed a bet on you.” Glancing at the butler, she lowered her voice and leaned forward. “He thought you had no qualities that would make a lady want to marry you.”
“I didn’t say he was perfect. He has his faults, and yes, he annoys me to no end.”
“But?”
“Well, before you agreed to help me, he did try. He’s not as good as you, of course, but he made an effort. It’s hard to think completely ill of a gentleman who does that.”
“If that’s your reasoning, so be it.” She stood up and placed the cloth napkin on her plate. “I need to prepare for this afternoon’s lesson with Miss Thomas.”
To her surprise, he followed her out of the room. “What do you mean by ‘if that’s your reasoning, so be it’?”
“I only meant you are free to think whatever you want.”
He caught up to her as she headed for the drawing room. “No, you meant more than that.”
Why was he so insistent they dwell on this? “It’s only an expression.” Since he was staring at her, she sighed. Fine. So he was going to insist she explain it. “You’re a gentleman. Naturally, you’ll take another gentleman’s side.”
“I’m not taking Lord Toplyn’s side. I don’t even like him.”
She shook her head and entered the drawing room. “This discussion is pointless. But if we must have it, could you at least shut the doors so we don’t give the servants something else to gossip about?” Because there was no doubt, they were wondering why he hadn’t come to her bedchamber. Not when her lady’s maid knew he spent the whole night in his.
He shut the doors then turned to face her as she sat in the chair at her desk. “Shouldn’t we talk at the settee?”
“Why?” She pulled out the journal she made her notes in. “I do my best work at my desk.”
“It’s easier to talk to you if I can sit next to you. Also, it’d be pleasant if we held hands.”
She cocked an eyebrow, but she managed to hold her tongue. He didn’t mind spending an entire night away from her, and now he wanted to hold her hand? Unbelievable. She opened the journal and turned it to the entry for this day. Then she took the lid off her ink and dipped her quill into it.
“Helena?”
“What?”
“I’m trying to talk to you.”
“I can talk and write down my plans for Miss Thomas at the same time.” To demonstrate, she wrote down the time and added, “You’re a gentleman who thinks another gentleman won’t be the grievous husband my client knows he’ll be. I don’t agree with you, but you have the right to your opinion.”
As she began writing down things she thought would help Miss Thomas improve her chances of securing a betrothal, she could feel the weight of his stare as he watched her. Though her cheeks warmed, she refused to stop working. He’d already confounded her enough last night. She needed to focus on her plans for the day, no matter how distracting he was proving to be.
“Are we having a fight?” he finally asked.
She looked up at him then and saw the same apprehensive expression on his face he’d had when he came for his first lesson. “A fight?”
He shifted then approached her, his steps slow. “I don’t do well with fights. I’m not sure what I should do.”
She blinked. “Are you asking me to teach you how to argue with a lady?”
“I’d rather not argue, but if that’s what we should do, then it would help if I knew how to do it.”
Her quill scraped the paper, leaving a crooked line across her notes. She put the quill back in its stand then placed the lid back on the ink. Shutting the book, she let out what she hoped was an obvious sigh of exasperation and faced him. “I’m not going to teach you how to argue with me. That’s something you should know how to do already.”
“And if I don’t want to argue, can I get out of it?”
“Of all the questions you could be asking me, this is what you choose?”
“What others can I ask?”
By this point she was ready to scream. Granted, he hadn’t been married before. He hadn’t even had a serious relationship with a lady. But still… “If you think I’m going to teach you what you should do as a husband, it’s not going to happen.”
“No. Because…because…” Oh for heaven’s sakes! She was at a loss for words.
“Because you didn’t want to be married, and I ruined things for you.”
“Camden, no one needs to be told how to be a husband or wife. They just need to be who they are. If I were to tell you what to say and do, how will I know what you really feel for me? A wife wants her husband to be sincere, and I can’t teach you how to do that. You have to just do it.”
“But I don’t want to upset you.”
“Asking me to give you a list of things to say and do is going to upset me.”
“I can tell you don’t like what I’m doing, but I’m not sure how to change it so I can be better.”
“There are some things a gentleman should be able to do without being told to do it. Honestly, Camden, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Yesterday, after we came back here from the wedding, you told me out of all the ladies you’ve met, I was the one you wanted to marry. Then you called me beautiful and smart. You made me think you sincerely cared about me.”
“I do care about you. In fact, I love you.”
“Well, you have an odd way of showing it since you didn’t even bother coming to my bed last night.”
She gasped. Good heavens. Did she just say that aloud? She shut her mouth before she could say anything else.
“Is that what you thought?” Camden asked, his tone incredulous. “That I didn’t come to your bedchamber because I didn’t want to?”
Helena opened the journal back to the page she’d been writing in moments before. “We don’t need to have this conversation.” In fact, it’d be much better if they didn’t ever get back to it again.
But Camden wasn’t easy to dissuade. He pulled out her chair and spun it around so she had to face him. Then he knelt in front of her and reached for her hand. She thought to pull her hand back, but she couldn’t make herself do it. Even now, her body was betraying her. All night, she’d waited for him, had imagined what it’d be like to make love to a gentleman who wanted to be married her, had chosen her over the other ladies he could have had. She longed to know if it was better than the times she’d spent with her first husband, who’d married her out of duty. She’d wanted to be made love to as a desirable lady, not a good friend. But again, it wasn’t something she should have to tell Camden, and so, she remained silent.
Love Lessons with the Duke Page 19
