by Lucy Harvey
Later that month Mr. Matthews was charged for the murder of his unfaithful wife, the planned murder of his brother and the sexual assaults performed on over thirty children of all innocent ages including Albie Rose Parker my dear friend that pleaded for her own section.
14 years later
“Lily I’m not taking no for an answer I mean it. Harley said she can pick you up on the way to mine and we can all go together, please come please?” I had been on the phone for the last twenty minutes whilst Peyton pleaded me to go to the end of year party.
“Ugh, you are impossible you know that? Fine I shall come. Jeeh anyone would think you guys didn’t know how to party without me” I surrendered.
As always she was right, as much as it pained me to admit it. I had not been out in so long I knew I needed some kind of release. I was always met with some feeling of guilt that Albie was stuck in the past whilst we were all moving on living our lives, each day becoming a closer version to normal.
Harley’s boyfriend Dixon was hosting the infamous end of year party to celebrate the start of summer. The fact he was in the year above us and graduated last year puzzled me as to why he was holding it but then there was not much he would refrain from doing if it meant gifting his girl with a smile.
At previous years I had managed to acquire myself an unwanted reputation of the party girl. Amusing how the girl who spent the majority of her life relying on a concoction of anxiety and anti-depression pills always managed to laugh the loudest. Regrettably being known as the life of the party.
It was not the worst association to have but that was not the only legendry tales of my adolescence, I managed to take it a step too far by ending the night in a dirty embrace with someone whose name I couldn’t even remember by morning. But I had changed. I was no longer interested in unmeaning entanglements with guys that could not manifest the ability to hold a simple conversation. Before I used to convince myself that seeded passionate exchanges made me wanted, now I was wise enough to no longer let myself be used.
I strolled over to my closet and began rummaging through my collection of ‘only worn once cannot possibly wear it again’ dresses in search for something borderline comfortable as well as hot enough to wear. That was a bonus about being a recluse, when I finally decided to leave my pit of isolation I had given it enough time to wear something old and it be amendable. I am sure not all girls were so obsessed with the constant upkeep of their appearance but appearance was all I had. No one is interested in the ugliness that lies beneath.
Everything looks beautiful when peering into the calm blue but when you dive in deep the true beauty will captivate you. In my case - completely scare you.
I plugged in my mp3 and began to apply my makeup whilst Lana Del Rey serenaded me through my speakers.
“Wow girl, I kind of regret begging you to come, now I’ve managed to persuade someone to go whose gonna look hotter and steal all the pork.” Peyton stated strutting her way into my room.
“Pork? Really? You have serious issues.” I greeted her with a small hug.
“Don’t we all?” With a wink the long legged girl jumped onto my four poster bed and spread her gangly limbs along the plush comforter. I envied her ability to laugh at her demons whilst I clung to mine as the only constant in my life.
Harley trailed behind with her phone nested in her hand, she was captivated by some in depth conversation with Dixon I presume. Those two were the definition of inseparable and even when they were separated they still managed to occupy each other’s lives. I was just about done with applying the finishing touches to my mascara as I began to evaluate myself in the mirror. Evaluate being the key word.
My light blonde locks were curled into a tame trail leading down one side of my neck with the rest pinned back creating a more poignant effect with my dark smoky eyes. I opted for a figure hugging crimson wrap around dress and strappy heels with platforms that were sure to make me taller than half the guys going. Not as though I needed another excuse to look down on them, the guys in my year were definitely a special breed of predator; to say I was thankful I had finished my year and this would be the last occasion I would have to endure their childish play was a mild way to put it.
Peyton rocked a back strappy dress that cut off just below her knee, it had a detailed lace trim shaping the dress to expose her back. I was surprised she did not manage to put her cleavage on show as well. Harley flaunted her hour glass figure in the cutest two piece I had laid my eyes on (ever since her last one most likely). She perfected the art of looking as though she had just walked off the set of clueless. The pastel colors accentuating her natural tan making my own self crafted one appear dull in comparison.
Times like these were bittersweet. I was lucky to have the friends I did and to know how far we had all come but, that feeling of contentment was always laced with an underlying feeling of guilt when my mind wondered to how Albie would be spending her time.
It had been ten years since the tragic incident that haunted our childhood. At just eighteen I had been through enough counselling sessions to see me through the rest of my life. These were the easy times - when I could lose myself in a book or focus on getting into the schools I had applied to start this coming fall.
Harley, Peyton and I were all due to start courses at a university in the neighboring town renowned for its psychology course. After certain experiences shaped our future it seemed right to put our knowledge to use and do what we could to help the population of young suffering teens. We knew how it felt to constantly be under scrutiny making you feel a fraction less than normal than you already did.
Sometimes you just needed someone to say ‘screw it, you feel broken and that’s ok, it never lasts’ instead of ‘and how do you feel about this?’
The University of Plymouth had not been my original choice but the thought of venturing into the world on my own was too much to handle.
Albie the smartest of us all had landed herself a scholarship for Cambridge majoring in law, doing her best to put away the dangers lurking in our world, only being a forty-five minute drive away we knew we would all remain as close as ever. Somehow this was her way of coming to terms with what happened, by preventing it happening to more innocent victims.
Everything that happened, everything that scared us and broke us hurt Albie more intensely than we could imagine possible. I was never able to remember the following accounts of that day or her heart splintering confessions of the monster that betrayed a child’s trust and as selfish as it sounds I was glad. They told me that the only words spoken by the animal when given the chance to defend himself was that it was all his wife’s fault. The sick bastard.
The last decade had been beyond difficult to say the least but finally things were going to be looking up, we were about to flee this town and fully rid ourselves of the constant reminder that stole our childhood.
Or so we thought.
“Lily I think you should sit down, your mother and I have some news.” My father began to hesitate as I walked into the kitchen.
My mother busied herself by cleaning nonexistent dust from kitchen items she had never used. Something was up. I studied each of my uneasy parents as my dad fidgeted his sweaty hands, his subconscious habit when trying not to convey something was up.
“Dad, I don’t know how many times I have got to tell you both but I am an adult you know. I’ll be fine this summer, we all will.” I replied, I knew they were apprehensive about us girls spending the entire summer in a foreign country before fleeing to Uni. I had lost count of the endless lectures about sex trafficking and drugs, my dad had watched Taken one time too many.
“Lily honey, it is not that. Your mother and I received a call today and there is no easy way to tell you this but I’m just going to go on and say it.” My dad’s lawyer attributes took charge, they always did when he struggled to deliver news as a doting father. “Lily, Mr. Matthews is going to be released. This month.”
With that single sentence my
body began to convulse.
“What? That isn’t possible? He killed someone, he raped innocent children, he’s a monster there is no way he can be released. You were both there you heard what the judge said?” I could see tears form in their already cried out eyes as they watched me frantically pace the open space of our expansive kitchen. Times like this I hated the expensiveness of our house hold objects, I wanted to brake everything in my path.
I hated the look plastered all over their faces. That same look everyone began to give us. When the neighborhood – mostly our relatives – learned of what happened they all adapted that very same look, helpless and full of unwanted pity.
“After he was arrested he transferred to a mental institution and apparently the justice system think that he has somehow miraculously been cured and is now deemed safe to walk the streets-” They carried on rambling but my mind refused to absorb anything else. Shocked was an understatement.
Deep down I always knew this day would come but I had never realized how soon it would be. I was scared but it was not myself I worried about with this news, nor Peyton, nor Harley. Albie. This was going to brake her. God forbid I was right but I was.
After hearing the news that shook us all Albie tried to race towards the tempting light by taking a cocktail of prescribed drugs in hope to end her life before she watched Mr. Matthews carry out each and every one of his morbid promises. I thank god every day she was found in time although sometimes I wonder if being sectioned was not a death sentence in itself.
Shortly after the release of the demon he committed suicide and the following year Albie was free to return but she would not leave. Peyton told us that was the very reason in itself why we should never waste time feeling guilty about going on and living our lives without her. If she could be selfish enough to shut us out then why should we waste time sacrificing our future when we had already lost so much of our past?
But Peyton didn’t visit Albie like Harley and I.
She didn’t witness how broken she was.
Every time I would see her I begged her to come home, to try get back into Cambridge and start fresh but she would always refuse.
“Lily, how can I possibly try living again when inside I have already died? In here I am safe, I don’t have to witness people I love fall apart around me, I don’t feel like I should have done more or that I should have been better. This is my perception of freedom.”
As the cab pulled up to the mansion that Dixon had the luxury of living in I shook away the torturing memories and put on my over worn brave face. We strutted our way through the crowd met by a sea of wolf whistles and sleazy hands. Drunken men took it in turns to steal inappropriate glances at our chosen attire.
“Girls I swear I don’t see anyone from Uni?” I inquired in search of our classmates.
As I peered around the crowd cautiously trying not to get eye contact and accidently luring over some asshole (in false hope that we would actually be interested in conversing with them) it became apparent not a single one of these guests were familiar.
“Well we wanted to tell you all together but seeing as you girls are my life I guess I should just tell you now, this isn’t exactly an end of year party.” Harley paused and began to rub her right index finger over her left knuckles. “Dixon proposed to me.”
As I scraped Peyton’s jaw from the floor I stared at Harley as she glowed and wore her ring with pride, wondering how I failed to notice the shiny piece of jewelry resting comfortably on her wedding finger. Wow that is a big rock.
“Umm, congratulations?” I stuttered in attempt to break the uncomfortable silence brewing between us growing more awkward as time passed.
Don’t get me wrong I was happy for Harley, finally something for us all to look forward too. Not only that but it was another form of proof that we were not all doomed for. Her news was hope. I pulled her in for a hug and kissed her soft pampered cheek as I whispered “It is about time one of us moved forward and I am so happy, bagsy bridesmaid.”
“Are you fucking deluded?” Harley’s happy tears and silent gratitude from my sincere approval was cut short by Peyton’s outburst.
“Peyton, don’t you dare do this here, I love you but you are not ruining this for me.” Harley glanced around her in hope no one could detect the tension. Pretending everything was perfect was something she had become accustomed too.
“Ruin this? It is already ruined Harley. You both know as well as I you are far too young and more broken than sin, we all are, this has disaster written all over it.” I shook my head from left to right trying to capture the expressions on their faces silently praying it would not escalate into a brawl.
“For god sake Peyton if you ever took a step out of you own self-centered world for longer than a minute you would actually see how some of us are mending.” Harley stepped closer as she softened her tone and took both mine and Peyton’s hand in hers. “Slowly but surely mending and Dixon is the one that got me here. Yeah I know I am young and it seems crazy but I am going to spend the rest of my life with him. You can both stand by my side and truly be happy that I managed to escape the constant gut wrenching whirlwind of our past or you get the hell out of my life.”
In that moment I was trying to decide what I was more shocked at – the news of the engagement of Harley’s fierce outburst. As I turned my attention to Peyton and watched a smile wash over her previously grim expression I knew she was not actually angry at Harley but merely making sure she knew what she was doing. Peyton pulled us both in for a hug and we were finally going to celebrate the good news.
“So if this is an engagement why don’t we know anybody here?” I quizzed turning my attention to the crowd.
“Well these are Dixons friends, you know the ego maniac billionaires he rolls with, this was the only chance we could get them all together and shadows lingering around here somewhere but we wanted you all to be the first to know, call it preparing back up for when we break the news to our parents?” Harley giggled although deep down she knew everyone would accept the engagement.
“Oh dear, you are most definitely insane, just make sure Dixon is wearing a bullet proof vest when you break the news to your daddy.” Peyton warned and headed to the table covered in alcoholic beverages.
Parties like this were not my cup of tea. Being in a confined space with people I had no interest in being associated with irritated me. I took refuge in the kitchen trying to avoid everything and everyone. With a bottle of Jack once again in the safe clutches of my hand I was counting down every second until I could leave.
The room was laced from wall to wall with trampy girls reeking of desperation and eagerness. Each one of their exposed bodies caged by some wealthy eligible bachelor looking for a good time, some even foolish enough to search for more.
Without needing confirmation I knew my brother probably had no idea of half of their identities. The men in the business world ceased to surprise me, they were greedy by nature in all aspects. These kinds of girls were the familiar shadows of wealthy men and the men would use that to their advantage.
God I wished that clock would move faster.
To my left just in ear shot I could hear Tristan putting his moves on some random chick, he appeared more invested in this lay than usual, to be fair her legs went on forever so I could see the appeal. Somewhat like me and completely unlike my young brother, he had no desire of becoming anything more than a casual fuck. He was clever.
Tristan was the indie type that easily drew girls in, his alternative fashion sense and passion for music had girls at his feet, fair play to him, whatever works I say. At just sixteen he decided college was not an option for him, he was too free spirited to be on a one track route so he helped out at his father’s recording studio and soon began to climb the ladder to success.
To me Tristan was a puzzler, when his father decided that he and his mother wanted to immigrate to the exotic Dubai, Tristan was able to buy him out. It was never my place to question but I wondered ho
w he got that money, I also came to wonder where he would spend every Sunday morning because lord knows he was not the religious type.
As I studied how his piercing eyes were locked on this chick he caught me in the corner of his eye.
“Roman, meet Peyton, now Peyton please repeat to Roman what you just told me.” His introduction was laced with excitement, it even had me intrigued by what she had to say.
“Oh hello Roman friend of Tristan, I was just saying to your friend here that he can keep his cheesy lines to himself, I am not interested in a love affair but there are plenty of girls around here who are. I could gladly introduce either of you.” The girl stated whilst she hung off Tristan with one arm draped around his neck as the other freely flung around a glass of wine spilling with every move. Woah, so that’s why he seemed smitten.
This girl was a rarity of female that did not need the fabricated idea of a possibility other than just being a lay. I could see the challenge written all over Tristan’s face. It was now apparent he had involved me to back him up.
“Sweetheart I assure you he is down for the same thing.” I interjected between their uncomfortable embrace. Comfortable for them but uncomfortable for me.
“You can call me Peyton.” She replied but her complete attention was still directed at Tristan.
With that Tristan was whisking her up the stairs and her squeamish giggles filled the air of her departure.
My brother was engaged and now our best friend was getting all googly eyed over some random chick. They say all things come in threes but there was no way in god’s earth I would be the additional member in that threesome of emotional attachment.
What is even going on with this music? As if the false love surrounding me was not enough to create an everlasting stench of nausea. I began to stride towards the CD player contemplating what sadistic tune to put on which would equally result in calming my anxiety, pissing off my brother and changing the cringey theme of this shindig I could not wait to flee from.
