by Lucy Harvey
“Well hello to you too bridezilla.” I chucked attempting to ease the tension and we met with a sarcastic mimicking laugh.
“If I remember rightly it was literally two days ago I went with you to check out invites.” I balanced my phone in the crook of my neck between my ear and shoulder as I tied my hair back and led down on my bed soaking into the plush covers.
“Okay Jeeh, is it such a crime I want things to be perfect?” As Harley let out a deep breathe I could hear some of the tension leave her. “Oh and I’m working on getting Albie to come, I was wondering if you are free today you would want to come visit with me? Peyton’s coming too, maybe even on the way back we can stop in ‘Temptations’ to confirm the final cake order? Brilliant, I’ll be at yours in half an hour. You are the best love you!” Harley hung up and I inwardly groaned.
After the last twenty four hours I needed time to sit and recuperate whilst I adjusted my mind to my current situation with Roman. Instead I thanked god I had already taken a shower. I slipped into high wasted denim jeans, a coral cropped blouse and tanned pumps. Instead of putting on makeup and doing my hair I opted for the messy bun and shades to hide my tired look. Breakfast was always a far greater importance in my world and when I say breakfast I meant coffee – LOTS of coffee.
“Shot gun and bagsy music guru.” Peyton shoved past me and headed for the front seat of Harleys Fiat 500 as I reminded myself we were still twelve years old.
“Sorry I forgot we were five.” I huffed as I climbed into the back seat of the pastel blue car, it was like a life size Barbie Mobil.
We started our twenty minute journey to go and see Albie. Normally these were the kind of trips I would dread but something seemed different about her lately, like she was almost inspired. I tried not to jump to assumptions because pushing her to come home would only resort in her retaliating against us – we knew that from experience.
“Hi we’re here to visit Albie, she’s expecting us.” I informed the lady at reception.
Stereotypes did not exist as far as I was concerned, it was not fair to judge someone by association but there seemed to be a repetitive flaw when it came to receptionists as though ‘I am a rude bitch’ was a familiar attribute listed on their CV’s. She unwillingly handed us visitor badges as though handing over her own organs and waited for us to sign in, then we made our way to find Albie.
The walk down the isolated white washed corridor was always an apprehensive one. We never knew what kind of state we would find her in, my mind raced with distorted images of crying, rocking or mediocre smiling. I prayed for the latter. To our surprise Albie appeared to be deeply lost in a phone call. Hunched in a chair with her exposed legs leaning over the arm, she looked relaxed and calmed. She was twirling a long strand of her strawberry blonde mane between her thumb and index finger and laughing. She was laughing. The welcoming sound lit up my soul, whoever was on that phone call was getting a major high-5.
Albie turned her stance and watched as we entered the communion room for patients and visitors. Part of me expected her happiness to fade when met with reminders of the real word but she bloomed, I was glad she was happy to see us.
We all took a seat around an isolated coffee table in the corner of the room away from everyone else. If we were to pretend hard enough we could convince ourselves we were just four normal girls grabbing coffee in our local café for a casual catch up. The racket surrounding us made it harder to become lost in that fantasy.
The room was a calming shade of green. I remember in my studies learning about how certain colors could emphasize different emotions and green was a color of calmness. In the corner of the room sat retro game machines and phones to use for social calls.
“So I would start off with the usual chit chat but I know you are here for a reason, spill.” Albie started.
“What makes you think that? Can we not visit our favorite girl without an ulterior motive?” Harley diverted.
“Come on, a casual visit yes but when my support worker calls me at two in the morning telling me I have to accept this meeting or else kind of raises alarm bells.” Albie giggled.
Who would have known?
“Okay, well you know how I’m getting married” I rolled my eyes to Albie, of course she knew, it was all we were allowed to talk about in Harleys presence. “Shadow is adamant that being a bridesmaid is just too cliché so has decided to be a flower girl, apparently she wants her own dress and that’s fine with me because there is no way I’m having some bratty five year old walking around instead ruining my wedding. Anyway, that only leaves me with two bridesmaid and you all know my obsession with numbers, long story short Albie I am begging would you please be a bridesmaid?” Harley laced her hands together representing the signal of prayer.
Peyton and I turned our heads to gage Albie’s reaction, there was no way she was going to say yes.
“Actually before I answer you there is something I need to tell you, well, all of you actually.” Albie tilted her head to avoid eye contact as though making sure she would not get talked out of what she was about to say. This was not a good sign.
“I’m coming home.”
My jaw dropped at the surprising bombshell and I was sure I heard gasps and curses from Harley and Peyton.
“The wheels have been in motion for a while now, I didn’t want to get any of your hopes up until I had an actual date but yeah I am finally coming home.” Albie reverted her gaze back to meet ours and she looked pleased and fulfilled.
“That’s literally the best news we could have wished for but what made you decide?” We queried. We had spent days, months even years trying to convince Albie of where she belonged so what caused the sudden change of heart?
“You shall all find out eventually but for now all I can say is that you never really appreciate who is around you when you are living in the past or waiting for what is to come. Let’s just say I have realized and I have finally decided to live in the present. And Harley of course I will be a bridesmaid.” She concluded.
Each one of us lunged out of our seats to hug each other. This visit had gone better than I could have ever suspected. Life was finally feeling good. Roman was letting me in, my best friend was getting married and my other two lifelong friends were finally finding happiness. I mentally shook away the unwanted ‘what goes up must come down’ feeling and enjoyed the rest of our day together.
You know it will all go wrong don’t you Lily. Silly silly Lily.
That voice was back. The voice that reappeared in the taxi after being put to rest years ago. Shit I was supposed to call my doctor. I made a mental note to rectify this before they all came back.
When we said our final goodbyes and thanked god this would be the last time we would have to visit this place I stayed behind after Albie asked for a private word.
“Lily, I’ve checked with my parents and they completely understand why I obviously do not want to go back to live at there’s but I was wondering if there was any way I could stay with you until I sorted myself out?” She asked. “With Harley getting married and Peyton being well – being Peyton I felt like you were my only option, not to pressure you or insult you.”
“Albie I would love nothing more than to have my best girl come stay with me. It’s about time we started making up for the years we lost.” I pulled her in for one final embrace and kissed her on the side of her head before leaving.
As I exited the building my phone chimed three times once I finally regained signal.
Roman – Hope you are having a good day Angel.
I pulled the phone tight to my chest, he was thinking of me.
Roman – And every day I am learning about you the things that no one else see’s...
Hours later he had sent me lyrics to The xx – Angels. Our song. He was still thinking about me.
Dixon – Hey Lil, I owe you big time for taming my bridezilla today. Glad you and my bro have sorted things out. See you soon x
My heart was bursting with exci
tement and pride, I was on the up despite what the subconscious thoughts were trying to say.
Lily – And the end is unknown but I think I’m ready as long as you’re with me.
I knew when I messaged Lily lyrics it would brighten her day, there was something refreshing in finding this song, it was a way to express my feelings without having to find the words that were so alien to me.
My phone buzzed again, I opened it without reading the sender hoping it was Lily needing to see me. I had done a total one eighty on our arrangement but as long as I had her close for now I would do or say whatever she needed me too.
Odette – Tut tut tut, just how long did you think this would work.. JONAH..
What the fuck?
How the fuck?
I threw my phone against the wall and watched as it smashed into a million shattered pieces cascading along the living room floor. How did she know?
I punched my fist into the solid brick separating my front room and hallway. I punched and I pounded until blood was all I could see and the pain of my hand was all I could feel. After I had managed to leave my carnal imprint in various wooden furniture and the hallway mirror - I sunk into a huddle on the floor not worried about cutting my skin on the charades of glass coating the ground.
“Jonah is not your name, they only use Jonah when they are being horrible. I’m going to carry on calling you Roman, it can be your special name that only I know.”
I sat in the smashed pieces. I could not just sit here and wallow, operation Viktor was slipping through my fingers, it felt like the more time I spent with Lily the more I was forgetting about the world around me, about my purpose. Ava would hate me.
Heading for the kitchen I grabbed my work phone and punched in Odette’s number, this situation needed to be rectified before all of my hard work went to nothing.
“Get your ass here now.” I bellowed down the phone.
I pinched my nose as I heard Odette giggle. She was sick. This was all just a game to her and it was live or die for me. There were times I regretted using her in the middle of the crossfire but she deserved it, she was just as sick and twisted as her scum father. Hell if it was not for me she would have probably died years ago.
I opened the cupboard in the kitchen where the staff had kept all the cleaning utensils and made best to clean the mess of my out lash. I needed to busy myself before I made even more of a mess emotionally and physically as I waited for Odette to arrive.
A knock came from my back door preparing me for Odette’s arrival. I had left the door open from earlier and in she freely waltzed. The lightness of her step and excitement radiating from her presence alarmed me, she was here for ulterior purposes that were not going to coincide with mine.
Dressed in tedious leather pants and a black mesh blouse Odette trailed into my home circling around me. I knew her choice to wear an elusive red bra underneath her visibly see through top was one taken with great care. If she thought she was going to seduce me she was wrong.
“Tut tut tut, I knew you would be back Roman, or should I say Jonah?” Odette whispered into my ear as she edged her greedy hand towards the bulge in my charcoal slacks.
Taking her dainty arm in the grip of my fist I ripped her from her cocky stance so her arms were bound behind her back.
“Now you listen to me, you tell me everything you know, every single detail and then you name your price to forget all about this.” I commanded through gritted teeth.
There was a rage igniting in the depth of my soul, one that had started long before time but was now growing with vengeance, soon someone was going to get burned.
I poured myself a scotch waiting to hear the details I tried so desperately to keep sacred retold through the wrong mouth. My blood curdled and skin pimpled as I watched Odette take great pleasure spilling every gruesome detail, she knew she had one over on me, it was a position that made me feel vulnerable – one I had no desire being in. If I was to lose control now my entire world would disintegrate into nothing but failure.
“And my price as you put it is you. I want you one last time in any way I like right now and then I want half the profits of my father’s company, I know you have no interest in it nor are you desperate for the income.” Odette had one leg crossed over the other and I concentrated on the flick of her foot dressed in spikey suede stilettos. There was a time I wanted those shoes digging into the flesh on my back, now I wanted the four inch heel implanted in her skull so she could never speak the words of my revelation again.
“Even knowing I will be taking down Viktor, your father, you won’t spill my plan?” I knew Odette had no real emotion towards her father but to so casually take him down puzzled me. I needed to make sure this was not about to back fire on me.
“You may think I’m nothing but a heartless slut but I am capable of emotions Roman. There were more like her you know, like Ava, hundreds of them. I cannot sit back and do nothing knowing all that.” She stood to meet my stance and placed her fingers under my chin shifting my gaze to hers.
“I just want a goodbye then I’ll leave you alone. That is of course if you still want me to.” She giggled as she licked her tongue from the crease of my neck to the start of my earlobe.
“How did you know about me? How I was involved? Why now after all this time?” I quizzed her.
“Before you were just a fuck. As soon as you shook hands with Viktor sealing the arrangements of your latest business deal that was when you became interest. I need to know every single detail about anyone involved in his life, it’s important to learn the collateral damage.” Before I had only ever witness Odette as an easy lay, she was making more sense than none and conversing like she was capable of a brain.
Mentally I began to scold myself for overlooking such crucial details. If someone like her had so easily revealed the unfindable truth then it was easier for others. Plans to contact my lawyer and bury my records even further would now be at the top of my plans.
In any other time or any other situation this deal would be my confirmation of revenge but everything had changed since I first set out on this personal endeavor. Lily. I rubbed at the ache in my chest, a place that had recently become swollen with emotions I had no familiarity with. There was no choice on whether I would or would not go through this.
This time Odette won.
This time I did not just lose to her but I was about to lose everything, even with what I was about to gain the thought of losing Lily crippled me.
“Let’s just get this over and done with.”
Odette spread out along the wooden floor and started strategically removing her clothes in attempt to turn me on. I unzipped my pants and shifted them down my thighs taking my time as they hit the floor freeing me of my boxers at the same time.
Kneeling before Odette both in our naked states I began to palm the length of my shaft, it was not working, I closed my eyes and pictured her. The shine of her hair as it masks her enchanting face whilst she loses herself in a book. The lullaby murmurs she’s unaware she makes in her sleep. The way she holds every ounce of power but every single time chooses to give it over for a chance to be with me. The way she needs me like I need her.
In no time at all I was hard in a bittersweet lustful state. I did not care if it was cliché because it was true – through every agonizing second of this I would think of Lily and only Lily. Bracing myself in front of Odette’s familiar entrance she pushed me back so I was resting on the heels of my feet.
“Uh uh Roman, I say how this goes.” Odette whimpered whilst tickling her fingers along her clit.
Every single detail about this rendezvous made me feel uneasy and sick. There was no doubt in my mind that Lily would learn about this, that was just my kind of sick luck. The thought of this being the straw that broke the camel’s back ignited my senses with rage to my dismay enabling me to pound Odette. Luckily it drew her to her finish even faster and I could finally withdraw myself from her physically and withdraw from my own self mentally.
What was Lily going to do once she heard about this? I swallowed the vomit in my mouth.
Getting up I pulled the skin of my already tamed dick to the end self-clearing of any evidence of Odette. I did not finish and for once I was beyond thankful for that. I buttoned up my trousers and wiped the guilty sweat lingering on my forehead. Hours of bathing my skin under scolding water was essential once I was alone, even that would not make me feel any cleaner.
Snap.
The sound of a picture being captured made me turn back around to Odette grinning at the phone responsible for the picture.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I questioned.
“I’m going to post this for everyone to see.” She smirked.
“And why the hell would you do that? You have got what you wanted there is no need to twist the knife Odette.” My fists were clenching beside me as I restrained myself from invading her personal space.
“I need Viktor to believe were actually in each other’s lives before he grows suspicious. I have been working on operation ‘defeat the monster’ long before you came back on the scene, I am not letting you screw it up.” She actually made sense. Odette snuggled in next to me capturing another photo then continued to tap away at her blackberry and my own work phone I was using in replacement chimed with a notification.
A picture of us.
A picture Lily would see.
Once again my demons were in force circling my undoing, obstructing my chance of happiness with nothing but dark connotations. I was trying to let Lily in, trying to work at this ‘thing’ she so desperately sought after and I was letting her get to know me but now I was backed into a corner where my only available route out involved taking her down in the process.
Placing my palm over my chest I silently prayed to my angel.
“Believe in me Lily.” I begged.
“If I buy one more thing my arm will drop off.” Peyton whined.
