“Middling height, salt-and-pepper hair, brown eyes, forgettable once you left her company,” Jeremy said.
“And yet you didn’t forget.” Aidan rubbed at a spot on his gray wool pants, his mouth pulled down in a frown.
Jeremy shrugged. “It had to do with Savannah. I wouldn’t forget.”
Aidan nodded, rising and moving toward the stove. He picked up the cracked spoon and began to dish out the stew, setting filled bowls on the table. “Let’s eat. Nothing is ever determined on an empty stomach.”
“I never imagined the woman I knew then would act this way toward you now, Savannah,” Florence said.
Jeremy sat with a distant look in his eyes. “She seemed to take an inordinate delight in talking about your family perishing. Didn’t seem to have the sense to know to be quiet.”
“Either didn’t have the sense or, in fact, relished causing you pain,” Richard growled. He stood, rocking baby Ian in his arms, allowing Florence a few moments to eat supper. He stroked Florence’s nape, soothing any grief wrought by his words.
“Why would she dislike me?” Florence played with her spoon, stirring the stew in her bowl.
“For some women, living such a life for so long leaves them bitter. As I imagine it would many men as well. If I hadn’t found you,” Aidan said as he glanced around the table, “I could easily imagine myself as bitter and angry at the world for being alone in it.”
“You are too understanding, Uncle,” Jeremy said. He reached for Savannah’s hand, as he tilted his head to one side, watching his uncle with deep curiosity.
“Would you mind if I approached her? I refuse to believe she would spurn such a profitable donation as one I could provide to the orphanage,” Aidan said as he rose and paced anew. He rubbed the back of his neck, his shoulders bunched tightly under his well-fitted white cotton shirt and gray waistcoat.
“Uncle, you can’t believe we expect you to always aid us in such a way. I—” Jeremy shook his head, unable to voice his concerns.
“Jeremy, I have more money than I will ever know how to spend. If I can help you in any way by using a small portion of it, then that pleases me. I know I would be as welcome here if I were poor and had nothing but my love to offer. That is the gift you have bestowed upon me.”
“As long as you understand, Uncle,” Richard said. He walked toward Aidan and handed Ian to him. “Why don’t you hold your great-nephew and allow me to eat? He needs time with you if you are soon to be off adventuring again out West.”
“When will you visit the orphanage, Aidan? I’m worried others will visit and see our little Melinda and want to adopt her,” Savannah said.
“I’ll go tomorrow, as soon as it is acceptable to call.” He nuzzled little Ian’s head, a contented sigh escaping him.
CHAPTER 19
AIDAN ENTERED THE ORPHANAGE, the heavy wooden door swinging shut behind him. He paused for a moment to allow his eyes to adjust to the dim hallway, glancing around to see if anyone would greet him before walking purposefully toward the office at the rear. He remembered Florence’s and Savannah’s descriptions of the orphanage. Pausing outside the partially opened door, he listened to a gentle humming. The contented sound harkened back to a long buried memory, and he paused, unable to recall it. He rapped on the door and pushed it open, coming to an abrupt halt as he saw the woman seated behind the desk.
“Delia?”
Mrs. Maidstone glanced up from her ledger, becoming as pale as Aidan’s starched shirt. “May I help you, sir?”
“Don’t act as though you don’t know me, Mrs. Maidstone,” Aidan said, recovering his composure as he stepped into her office, shutting the door firmly behind him. “I’d recognize you anywhere.”
“How dare you …” Mrs. Maidstone, Delia, half rose, her indignant blush fading as she beheld Aidan standing in front of her.
“I find I have business with you.”
“Why are you here after all these years? I assumed you had died, like Ian.”
“No, I kept my promise never to return. Until it became unavoidable due to business,” Aidan said, now seated in the wooden chair in front of her desk. He brushed out a crease from his black trousers, continuing to watch her with intense curiosity. “I can’t believe the woman I knew is acting in such a shameful way.”
“How dare you speak to me in such a manner?” Although her voice was angry and she held herself with rigid control, she continued to stare at him greedily, as though noting changes and comparing the man she saw in front of her to the man she remembered.
“I can admire your tenacity. Your ability to continue to hate me after all these years is commendable. However, to turn your venom onto innocent children is going too far, Delia.”
“How dare you!” she rasped, her cheeks regaining their color and blooming red with her anger. “You sit there in all your finery and attempt to convolute what happened that day into my fault? You left me. You abandoned me! When I needed you.”
“Much of what we yelled at each other was in anger. You must know I didn’t mean half of what I said.”
“Why did you say it at all?” She bit her lip, attempting to stop its trembling.
He sighed, his deep blue eyes haunted. “I’d arrived home, with a bag full of gifts for my nephews after my travels, exotic teas for their mum, coffee for my brother, a surprise gift for you, and, instead of finding a ready welcome, I was told my family was lost to me. Dead from that wretched fire. When last we spoke, my torment barely seemed to register with you. All you were concerned with was what I would be able to provide you. I’d just lost what remained of my family, and you were asking me to give up the only life I knew. Wanting me to find a job, become a landlubber sitting behind a desk, in this wretched city that had just taken my whole family from me. I couldn’t.”
“You wouldn’t. I didn’t mean enough to you,” she rasped, her hands gripped together on her lap.
“No, you meant … meant more than I knew. But I hated feeling forced into anything. If Ian gave me anything, he allowed me to live the life I wanted and never showed any disappointment at my desire to sail the seas. He gifted me with his love, understanding my need for freedom. I couldn’t lose that, along with my family, in a matter of days. I wasn’t strong enough.”
Tears flowed from her eyes. “Why did you say those words to me?”
Aidan winced and shook his head.
“Why did you say that you’d find another woman, just as good, just as meaningful, at every port of call? That you’d be more satisfied with your … doxy than you’d ever been with me?”
Aidan exhaled loudly and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked toward her, regret and shame shining in his blue eyes. “I was hurt and angry and frustrated. I wanted to hurt you too.” He flushed. “Until that moment, when I saw your love turn to hate in an instant, I’d never fully understood the power of words. In my need to lash out at the world, I lost you too.
“I never wanted to return to Boston, and you wouldn’t leave. It seemed hopeless to me. And yet, when I realized I had no reason to return, because even you hated me, I found myself wanting to come back.”
“You knew I couldn’t leave! My mother was sickly, and I had to care for her.” She sniffled into her handkerchief. “And I did hate you. I’ve hated you every day since you walked away from me. All you had to do was come back and tell me … tell me …” She stifled a sob.
“That I was a fool and that I was sorry,” Aidan whispered. “I’d hoped you’d marry. Have children. Live a full life.” After a moment, he said, “I hope Mr. Maidstone was good to you. Better than I was.”
“You have no right to ask me about him.” She shook her head. “I’ve been here for years. I’ll continue to be here until I’m no longer able to manage as I’d like.” She pierced him with an intense stare, her brown eyes bruised and haunted. “Did you have such a life? A life like you had hoped for me?”
Aidan flushed and nodded. “I married, yes. And we had two short years together. She died in childbirt
h. The baby died a few weeks later.”
“Oh, Aidan. I’m sorry,” she whispered, new tears falling.
“There’s the Delia I remember. The Delia who only showed me love and was always excited to have me home after my long journeys at sea. I’ve never understood why things were so damned different the last time I was in Boston. You were more concerned about yourself, about whether or not I’d provide the life you’d decided you wanted, than about the fact I’d lost my family.”
“I needed you to want me. To choose me. And you didn’t.” She glared at him before heaving out a sigh. “I know rehashing the past isn’t what brought you in today. We’ll never come to an understanding. You’re here about the Sullivan girl, aren’t you?”
“Yes, and the Montgomery baby. I’d never thought you’d stoop so low as to separate a mother from her child.” He blanched at the hatred in her eyes. “Delia …”
“Don’t you ever speak to me about what I would or wouldn’t do for mothers or their children. I’ve done everything in my power to help these children who have been forsaken by their parents, and I won’t be judged. Not by you, Aidan.”
“Delia …”
“I was advised by Mr. Montgomery that his wife was … unstable, and that, if the child returned to her care, there was a risk of maltreatment and the potential of an early death for the child. When I met her, she seemed stable enough, but I had already given my word to him and accepted a large donation to help our flagging accounts. The winter was very cold.” She gazed at her desk, staring at the ledger.
“Her baby is with a good family, one who will care for her well and raise her as their own.” She closed her eyes. “Although I know that is unacceptable to you and to her, for it means she remains separated from her child.”
“Why say such cruel things to Savannah?” Aidan asked.
“She is flaunting the rules the rest of us are forced to obey. It hardly is fair, although I know I was too harsh on her.” She met his implacable gaze. Finally she whispered, “And I was jealous.”
“Why?” Aidan cocked his head as he watched her.
“Do you know what it does to have you look at me like that? Like you used to?” She shook her head. “Because your nephew wants her enough he doesn’t care about the scandal. Because she’s brave enough to live the life she wants, one not dictated by society. And that made me jealous.”
“Don’t force her to suffer for my past transgressions, Delia,” Aidan implored. “She’s a good woman who has suffered greatly.”
Delia held up a newspaper, her index finger tapping at one of the morning’s headlines. “Socialite Flees Abusive Husband in Back Bay, Seeks Solace in Carpenter’s Arms. So it seems. Her husband appears to be the villain in this tale.”
“Never doubt it.” Aidan shifted in his chair and watched Delia. “What are we going to do about the children?”
She steepled her fingers as she thought. “We will need to fill out some paperwork, but you may leave today with Melinda. I must speak with the parents who fostered Mrs. Montgomery’s child. And I want a promise from you.” She pierced him with a fierce stare.
Aidan tensed as he awaited her words.
“I want you never to return here. Never to seek me out. Never to speak to me again. If we pass on the street, do not acknowledge me. Our association is at an end.”
“I can’t promise you that, Delia. You’ve suffered enough, and I refuse to now gift you with my indifference. You’ve lived with my callous disregard long enough.”
***
STOOPED OVER SO THAT their hands clasped, Aidan walked hand in hand with two-year-old Melinda. As their pace slowed to one where they barely made any forward progress, he glanced to see her stumbling on bricks. He bent down and picked her up, resting her weight on one of his hips. She held herself stiffly for a minute before resting her head on his shoulder and wrapping her small arms around his neck.
With one arm clasped around the back of her knees, the other at her upper back was able to caress her head. “Don’t worry, Melinda. I’m taking you to your cousins. Do you remember them? Clarissa and Colin’s cousins,” Aidan said in what he hoped was a reassuring voice. The child relaxed at her siblings’ names.
He entered the alley and knocked on his nephew’s door. Colin opened it and gave a whoop of joy as he beheld Aidan holding Melinda.
“You got her!” He reached forward and stroked a hand down Melinda’s back. “Melly, do you remember me? I’m your brother, Colin. I visited you with Clarissa a few months ago.”
Melinda raised her head and looked at Colin with wary eyes. She nodded once.
“Come here, precious girl,” Colin said, reaching out for her. Melinda was transferred from Aidan’s arms to Colin’s and hugged tightly. “Oh, how I’ve missed you, dear sister. We have so many games to play together. But first we need to fatten you up. You’re far too skinny.” He turned to carry her into the house.
“Look who’s here!” Colin called out as he entered. He shushed at Florence’s exasperated wave, baby Ian having just gone down for a nap. “Sorry. I’m just so excited. Little Melly, this is part of your family.” He turned her so she could see the group waiting for her.
“These are your cousins, Florence, Jeremy and Savannah. Lucas and Richard are at work.” He stroked a hand down her back and leaned in to listen as she whispered something into his ear.
“No, Clarissa isn’t here. She went home to be with her husband. She lives far away.” Colin moved to the couch and sat. He stroked a hand down her back until she was asleep in his arms. He eased her out of his arms until she was lying on the couch with a pillow under her head. Colin rose and joined the group around the table.
Jeremy turned to study his uncle. “You seem out of sorts. What happened at the orphanage?” He clasped Savannah’s hand to bolster her spirits.
“Ah, Savannah. It is as you suspected. Mrs. Maidstone knows where your daughter is and will attempt to restore her to you,” Aidan said.
Savannah collapsed forward, burying her face in her skirts as she began to sob. Jeremy stroked her back, leaning over her, attempting to bring her comfort and kissing her nape. “When?” she croaked out. “When can I hold my baby?”
“I’m not certain but soon,” Aidan soothed, reaching out to clasp her offered hand.
“Thank you,” Savannah murmured.
“How did you convince her to tell you the truth?” Florence asked, swiping at her own eyes as she watched Savannah, overcome with emotion.
“It helped that the story about Savannah’s abuse at Jonah’s hands was the headline today. She was reading it and appeared distressed by it,” Aidan said.
“As she should be,” Jeremy said. At Aidan’s pronounced pause, he asked, “Uncle?”
“She and I were acquainted many years ago. It came as quite a shock to see her again.”
“Was this before she married Mr. Maidstone?” Florence asked.
“Yes. I imagine just before. I … acted in ways that shame me now, said unpardonable things to her and left in anger.” He turned to spear Colin and Jeremy with intense glances. “Never leave after saying what you believe is the unutterable. Always grovel. I was too …” He shook his head, his eyes filled with remorse as he stared sightlessly at the tabletop.
“What happened?” Florence asked.
“It was when I had returned home to find my family dead. As you know, I thought all of you had died in that fire, not just my brother and sister-in-law. Devastation doesn’t begin to describe what I felt. I was desolate and filled with an unbearable despair. And then Delia and I fought. And I was vicious, spewing all my anger and pain at the death of my family onto her. And, for my folly, losing her.”
“If you had apologized, she would have understood,” Florence said.
“Some things you can never take back, Florence. And I was foolish enough to hire on with a different crew, leaving Boston immediately. I never returned until I was compelled to for business a few years ago.”
; “Is this why she changed toward me, when she realized I was a McLeod?” Florence asked.
“She’d have known there was some connection when she saw who escorted you. Jeremy looks too much like me for her to think otherwise,” Aidan said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “To answer your question, yes. She’s nurtured her resentment against me and all my kin, as though needing it as sustenance to be able to survive.”
“Poor woman,” Colin said.
“I wouldn’t pity her. She separated me from my child, then took great joy in gloating about it. I have no sympathy for her,” Savannah snapped, smearing at the tears on her cheeks. She accepted the handkerchief from Aidan and scrubbed at her face.
“Delia,” Jeremy murmured. “I remember that name from when I was a little boy. I’d sneak out of bed and listen to you and Da talk late into the night. You spoke about her.”
“Yes. With greater frequency. She was the only woman I contemplated giving up seafaring for. After the fire, I couldn’t imagine any more changes in my life, not even for her.”
“But you did settle down, Uncle. You have a successful business in San Francisco,” Jeremy said with a frown.
“Only because I met another woman, six years later, who inspired a similar sentiment.” He half smiled with regret. “We had two good years together.”
“How did she die?” Colin asked.
“In childbirth. The babe died a few weeks later. Thus, Savannah, until I met Gabriel’s Clarissa at that fancy soiree in your house in the Back Bay two years ago, I’d thought I was truly alone in this world. I’d thought my nephews, and everyone I’d ever loved, were dead or lost to me.”
“But now you’ve found Delia again,” Florence said. “Along with your nephews.”
Aidan nodded absentmindedly, rose and grabbed his coat. “I’m glad Melinda is restored to you. I’m off for a ramble.” He donned his hat and moved toward the hallway.
Jeremy followed him. “I feel like our roles have reversed, Uncle, where I’m the one worried about you for a change.”
Aidan blew out a breath in a mirthless laugh.
Undaunted Love (PART TWO): Banished Saga, Book 3.5 Page 18
